The next morning, I woke up with a splitting headache. As I eased myself upright, I reached for the glass of water on my bedside table and gulped gratefully at the cool liquid. I hadn’t been drinking much in the few days since Brad and I split up as I hadn’t wanted to feel maudlin. I also hadn’t wanted to risk drunk-dialling him, and calling him and Cara all the names under the sun.
Thankfully, I hadn’t done that. In fact, as I pulled on the fluffy robe Rachel and Lily had bought me for Christmas, I realised I hadn’t thought about Brad or Cara at all last night. I had been so focused on Lydia’s stories about her love life, I had thought about nothing else – clearly Lydia was proving a very positive distraction.
‘Morning!’ Lydia said, beaming at me with a very welcome pot of coffee in her hand as I walked into the kitchen.
‘You’re very cheerful.’ I smiled back at her as I pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. The April sunshine was out in full force this morning and I relaxed into the chair enjoying the feel of the warmth on my skin.
‘I know.’ Lydia set down a plate of toast, her eyes shining with delight. ‘I’m in a good mood this morning. We got a lot done last night.’
I sipped my coffee. ‘We definitely made some headway, but there’s so much to go through. A lot more than I expected.’
‘I know.’ Lydia sighed. ‘Harry was always full of surprises.’
‘Do you still want to try a fair this weekend? Have we got enough stuff?’ I asked, taking another sip of much needed coffee.
Lydia took a bite of her toast. ‘I think if we could sort out a bit more this week we should have enough to get started.’
‘Okay.’ I yawned, stretching my arms above my head to try and wake myself up. ‘I said I’d go over to Rachel’s tonight, so maybe tomorrow?’
Lydia looked disappointed. ‘Oh, I was hoping we could carry on tonight.’
‘Sorry.’ I smiled at her affectionately. ‘I’m free tomorrow night though.’
‘I suppose,’ she said, her tone flat.
A mixture of guilt and frustration gnawed away at me. I wanted to get on with rebuilding my life, but then, a new part of my life was Lydia. My reduced rent meant I had to help her get back on her feet and drive her about.
‘Why don’t you invite Rachel over here?’ Lydia asked suddenly. ‘I could cook supper.’
I looked at her doubtfully. ‘I don’t think Rachel can get here for five and I don’t think she’s going to want to clear out the attic either.’
Lydia rolled her eyes. ‘Of course she doesn’t. But she’s a good friend of yours and I would like to get to know her. As for eating at five, how about we eat at seven instead? What do you think?’
I hesitated. I had been looking forward to a night out with Rachel but instinct was telling me not to leave Lydia alone tonight.
‘Let me text her,’ I said, pulling my mobile out of my dressing gown pocket. Almost immediately after I pressed send, Rachel texted back with a thumb’s up emoji.
‘What on earth’s that mean?’ Lydia asked as I showed her the screen.
‘It means she thinks it’s a good idea.’ I smiled, texting Rachel back and telling her when to arrive.
‘Well, then why doesn’t she just say that?’ Lydia frowned. ‘Why is she using pictures instead of words.’
‘They’re not pictures, they’re emojis.’
‘Emo-what?’ Lydia asked, getting to her feet. ‘No forget it, I won’t understand and to be quite honest I don’t want to,’ she said, peering in the fridge. ‘Hmmm, does Rachel like roast chicken? I’ve all the ingredients here for a roast.’
‘That sounds perfect.’ I got to my feet. ‘I’ll give you a hand a bit later on. I thought that I would look at hiring a van for the weekend if you think we’ve got enough stuff.’
Lydia pulled her head out of the fridge and looked at me in alarm. ‘Will we need a van?’
‘We won’t fit a sideboard in the E-Type,’ I said.
‘But can you drive a van?’ Lydia looked concerned. ‘They’re rather large.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Yes, Lydia I can drive a van! I can do anything, and so can you!’
With that, I took a final sip of my coffee and ran back upstairs. Even though Lydia had been in a grump, I felt a bit worried about her. With Luke gone, the responsibility to look out for Lydia now fell on my shoulders and I wasn’t sure I was capable – after all, I hardly knew the woman. All right, I knew a little about what she was going through but my experiences were very different. The love of my life hadn’t died suddenly, he had just cheated on me. It was sweet of Lydia to say I had every right to grieve, but I didn’t feel as though I had the right to be as sad as Lydia – angry perhaps, but not grief-stricken.
I reached for my laptop and opened up a webpage, intending to start looking at van hire companies. Instead I found myself on Facebook hoping that one of Rachel’s daily pictures of Matilda doing something cute would ease my hangover. Although Rachel and Lily were young to become parents, they were adamant that a baby was what they wanted. Lily hadn’t been able to have children but Rachel had, and determined to make sure they had a baby that was the perfect mix of them both, they had asked Lily’s brother Jake to step in and become a sperm donor which he had happily agreed to do.
Since Rachel’s pregnancy, she and Lily frequently posted updates about Matilda and I loved seeing them.
Only, as I opened up Facebook, the first thing I saw wasn’t a sweet picture of my friend’s baby girl but an image of Cara and Brad. She was draped all over him at a party, while holding the camera in one hand. He was grinning and kissing her neck. The photo was simply captioned ‘true love’, and even though it had only been posted twenty minutes ago by Cara it had already got fifteen likes.
I felt sick. Of course I was angry with Brad for what he had done, but Cara’s betrayal hurt far more. This new post might not have been deliberate but it was thoughtless and selfish and it was then it hit me – that was what Cara had always been. Her parents might not have offered her much love but that didn’t give her the licence she thought it did to behave as she liked. In the past I had always forgiven her everything, simply because I felt sorry for her that her childhood had been fraught with so much pain, but not any more. People couldn’t just go around hurting whomever they liked. With a start I remembered how Cara had been dumped by a guy in sixth form who had slept with someone else behind her back. She had been in so much pain, that when she went out with a guy who already had a girlfriend, she said she couldn’t care less – the girlfriend wasn’t her problem. I had been shocked at her cavalier attitude, but forgiven her, because well, I always did. But not any more. This time I was all out of forgiveness.
Just then there was a knock at the door and before I had chance to shout, ‘come in’, Lydia poked her head around the door.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ she began hesitantly.
‘Sounds ominous,’ I said. ‘And please come in, you look like a weird floating head.’
‘Sorry,’ Lydia said walking into the room. ‘I was just thinking if you’re not doing anything now, we could always have another look in the attic.’
‘Now!’ My head was still banging and I felt so fired up with fury and upset I wasn’t sure I was capable of making polite conversation with anyone. But when I turned to look at Lydia, I couldn’t miss the flicker of excitement in her eyes. This was something she needed.
‘Let me throw on some jeans, and I’ll be right with you.’
‘Thank you.’ Lydia smiled gratefully. ‘I’ve got some chocolates, I’ll make all your hard work worth your while.’
I smiled politely, unable to say that actually it wasn’t chocolate I needed, it was a machete, to bury in my ex best friend’s head. Instead, I got to my feet, pulled on some clothes and slammed the lid of my laptop shut. It was time to forget all about Cara.