I had always wanted to drive but everyone I knew said I wasn’t cut out for it. I’d had lessons when I was young, but given I panicked every time another car came near me, both my father and Harry felt it was best if I left the driving to someone else. An arrangement I had been perfectly happy with until of course my darling husband had died, suddenly leaving me not only bereft but without my freedom as well.
That morning after Erin had left I had gone back upstairs, only for the bright red car to catch my eye. For a moment I stared at it, imagining what it would be like to take that car out for a drive.
April was now very nearly May, and with lighter mornings and longer days ahead, I could think of nothing lovelier than driving along the open road, the wind in my hair. It had been something Harry and I loved to do when we retired and with a start I wondered if it was something Jack would have liked to do too? I realised I had no idea, but what was worse was I had no idea if this was something I liked doing. This was yet another example of how I had let other people have far too much say in my life. What if I was actually good at driving and just learned in a different way? Too easily, I had been written off by men who, though full of love and concern, thought they knew best. I felt a flash of irritation then that many possibilities in life that had been taken from me. Or rather, I thought sadly, I had allowed them to be snatched from me. Well, no more. I wanted to give driving another try and while I knew many might think it strange I wanted to suddenly start learning at my age, I knew I would regret it if I didn’t.
Despite the ache in every one of my limbs from yesterday’s training session I powered up the stairs with renewed enthusiasm. After a quick shower I washed and dressed, then made another cup of tea before settling myself at Harry’s computer.
As the old machine rumbled into life, I brought up the search engine and resisted the urge to look at an email Luke had sent until later. Quickly I typed in ‘DVLA’, ‘old people’ and ‘first driving licence’. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for but I knew that at seventy-eight I was no spring chicken and there may be certain restrictions. I scanned the website and found to my delight that there were no upper age limits. Gleefully, I discovered that as long as I was of sound mind and body then there was no reason at all why I couldn’t learn to drive. As someone over seventy, it was my responsibility to make sure my eyesight was fine, and every three years declare I was well enough to drive but apart from that there was no reason at all why I couldn’t learn. I thought for a moment – my optician had said my eyesight was rapidly declining when I saw him for a check-up last month but it wasn’t as though I was blind. I stared again at the screen and decided this statement must apply to the really old duffers that were stupid enough to try driving on the road when they could barely see a hand in front of their face.
I drummed my fingers against the desk. Was I really considering this? My eyes fell to a photo of Harry and I in a frame next to the monitor. Taken shortly after our wedding, we were leaning into each other in the way newly-wed couples do when they are so in love. I smiled at it fondly, remembering only too well the day it had been taken. We had been out for lunch with my father in Bristol and he had insisted on taking the snap on his old Box Brownie.
‘Come on, shuffle up,’ Dad had called as Harry and I posed on College Green, arm in arm.
‘Yes, come on,’ Harry had said, smiling down at me, as he pulled me in tighter. ‘We want this photo to show our grandchildren that we were young once.’
I’d beamed happily up at him. ‘And very much in love.’
‘Very much,’ Harry had whispered tenderly, bending down to kiss me lightly on the lips.
At the touch of his lips against mine, I had felt a flush of happiness like no other. I had felt safe, loved and wanted and knew I was the luckiest woman in the world to have married a man as wonderful as Harry Harper.
Only now, as I picked up the frame and peered into Harry’s eyes I couldn’t help wondering what he was hiding from me as he smiled into the camera lens. Did he know then he would lie to me throughout our marriage or did that come later? Placing the photo back on the desk, I came back to the same question that had been reverberating around my mind for days since discovering Jack’s letter. Just who would I have become if Harry hadn’t seemingly hidden a myriad of secrets from me?
In that moment I felt a surge of determination – I was going to do this. With just a few clicks I had somehow managed to order my provisional driving licence. I sank back in my chair feeling rather pleased with myself, and wanted to share my good news with Erin.
Quickly, I typed a short text message to Erin asking if she could recommend any driving instructors but no reply came. I knew it was silly but I felt deflated until I remembered there was a message from Luke. Tapping into my email, I felt tears pool at my eyes as I read my boy’s scant but loving message.
Hi Mum,
Just wanted to say hello and see how you and Erin are. How was the antiques fair? Things are all good here. Hannah is getting bigger by the second and we found out the other day we’re going to have a little boy, Mum! Can you believe it? Baby boy Harper will be running about the place at the end of September – is the world ready? I’m not sure I am!
Speak to you soon Mum and take care – maybe lay off the exercise sessions, eh? I’m not sure we want you in hospital with a broken hip thanks to one too many enthusiastic burpees.
Lots of love,
Luke
I clapped my hands together in delight. A baby boy! At the thought of my first grandchild I felt a rush of emotion. I was about to tap out a quick reply when I saw a message flash up from Facebook. Frowning I clicked onto it and froze – Rosie Matthews had sent me a message.
My heart banged against my chest. This was now a reality, whatever it was Rosie Matthews had to tell me. I knew there was no going back. I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t meddled in Erin’s affairs, and whatever the outcome I would have to deal with the consequences as Phil had so wisely pointed out the other day.
Dear Lydia,
Many thanks for your message. I must admit your note came rather out of the blue and both Tom and I were rather shocked to hear from anyone connected with Erin’s world and we needed a bit of time to think, I hope you understand.
First of all, let me thank you for letting me know about Erin’s situation. I am sure she is devastated and as a mother yourself, I know you must understand what I mean when I say no parent wants to see their child in pain. When Tom and I told Erin we would have nothing to do with her while she was with that man, we truly believed we were acting in her best interests, and that by keeping our distance Erin would see what we saw the moment we met Brad. We were blessed that Erin was always so open and honest with us. She told us everything about Brad, how he grew up in Cheltenham, how he was twenty years older than her and how his first marriage to Cassandra had ended the night she cheated on him. I’m afraid the moment Erin told me about her new man, Tom and I became rather narrow-minded – well, me perhaps more than Tom. My own sister was treated in a very callous way by someone who had a similar history to Brad and I’m afraid all I could see was history repeating itself. I hoped that by shutting Erin out she would realise how devastating this relationship would be for her future. I am only sorry she had to find out the truth so brutally. If I’m honest, Lydia, I never liked Cara. I always thought she was a manipulative and rather selfish girl. She relied far too much on the excuse that she came from a broken home, and used it to get out of homework and detention, as well as to help herself to whatever she wanted from my daughter, whether it be toys, clothes and now boyfriends it seems.
Let me thank you, Lydia, from the very bottom of my heart, for giving my daughter a home and salvation when she needed it most. For that, I shall forever be indebted to you. Erin has always been a clever, intelligent and wise girl. It’s why Tom and I were so stunned when she fell for Brad and seemed unable to see what he truly was. I never stopped caring and loving my daughter, Lydia, I do so hope you know that. In hindsight, we perhaps handled things badly and I regret that now. In truth it’s something I have regretted for a long time and there’s nothing I long for more than to pick up the phone and be with my daughter again, but I know that a lot of time has passed – we aren’t the same people we were, but I would so like to reconcile. Do you think now this would be possible, and if so would you help us?
If you have the time I would like very much to meet you so we could perhaps discuss this further. I appreciate discretion is key and so I will await your reply eagerly whenever you have time.
However, before I sign off, allow me to thank you again, for being a friend to my daughter when I couldn’t. That is a kindness I shall never forget.
Yours with gratitude,
Rosie Matthews
I read and reread the note three times more, scanning the it for any clues or any other piece of valuable information I may have missed but could find none.
My heart went out to Rosie. I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but this was more than I could have hoped. Here was a very real possibility that I could reunite Erin with her parents – and I felt wonderful.
The only trouble was meeting Rosie. Obviously it would be easier and far more discreet to go to Bristol as I didn’t want Erin to find us. She had been betrayed enough in her life already, and I could only imagine what she would say if she caught me in cahoots with her mother, no matter how honourable my intentions.
No, this would require some thinking about, and it wasn’t a decision to be rushed into. With a sigh, I got to my feet, closed down the computer and drained the last of my tea. Right now, I had a driving instructor to find and a speed dating evening to prepare for.
Turning back to face the photo of Harry and I so in love, I ran my fingers over the glass and smiled. What on earth would my darling husband say if he could see me now?