Sitting in the little café in Bristol Harbourside, I tried to quell my rising nerves as I waited for Rosie to arrive. The moment we had agreed to meet, butterflies had begun fluttering in my stomach and now they had turned into a kaleidoscope. Anxiously I stirred my coffee, making little patterns on the froth of my cappuccino. I was regretting getting here early but I had been sending myself mad at home, waiting for the right time to leave so I thought I’d send myself mad in Bristol instead.
As the bell above the café door chimed, I glanced up, only to feel a flash of disappointment as a young woman stalked across the floor towards the counter. I’d lost count of the amount of times my head had snapped up like a jack-in-the-box whenever a customer had walked through the door, so worried was I at missing Rosie’s arrival.
I took another sip of my coffee and concentrated on the reason I was here: Erin. I hated lying to her and since agreeing to meet Rosie, I had felt even more wretched. All I could do was hope that once they were reunited all this subterfuge and deceit would be worth it. It didn’t help that guilt had been gnawing away at me for days now. To my surprise I had found myself sympathising with Harry. Had he felt as conflicted as I did, I wondered, acting for what I imagined he thought was the greater good? But then I recalled the moment I had discovered Jack’s letter and felt that familiar flash of anger. This betrayal was nothing like Harry’s.
‘Lydia?’ came a voice.
My head snapped up and I smiled at the woman standing in front of me. In the flesh she looked even more like her beautiful daughter. ‘You must be Rosie.’
‘Guilty as charged,’ she said, warmly before pulling out the chair opposite and making a face. ‘Sorry, solicitor humour. I’m so nervous.’
‘Me too,’ I said appreciating her honesty.
As she smiled back at me and studied the menu, I took a moment to drink in her appearance. Dressed simply in well-fitted jeans, white embroidered blouse and raincoat, I knew she was in her late fifties but she looked a lot younger than I had imagined her to be. She didn’t just have the same build, hair, eyes and nose as Erin, but there was something about her that told me she had her same sense of loyalty and determined spirit too. It was obviously far too early to be making those kinds of assumptions having only just met, but I got a vibe from her, as Luke always said, that reminded me of the way I had felt when I first got to know Erin.
‘You have a wonderful daughter,’ I blurted, before catching myself. ‘Sorry. I’m nervous too, but you’re so like Erin.’
Rosie shot me a genuine smile. ‘Thank you. And thank you for taking such good care of her at such a difficult time in her life.’
I waved her concerns away and watched in alarm as I saw tears pool at Rosie’s eyes. ‘Come on, there’s no need for all that,’ I said gently. ‘We’re here to sort this out.’
‘Yes of course, I’m sorry,’ she replied, wiping her tears away on a napkin.
I reached across the table and clasped her hand. ‘I think we both need to stop apologising and talk. Why don’t you order yourself a drink and we’ll start all over again and work out how we’re going to resolve things once and for all.’
Rosie nodded shyly and catching the attention of a young barista, ordered herself a latte and me another cappuccino.
‘Now that’s out of the way,’ I said, ‘shall we try again?’
‘Lovely idea,’ Rosie laughed. ‘So, Lydia, let me thank you again for all you’ve done for Erin.’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘I rather think we’ve covered that, and besides she’s helped me in a way I never could have imagined I needed when she moved in.’
‘Direct,’ Rosie chuckled. ‘I can imagine Erin likes that, she never did have time for anything fake.’
‘She still doesn’t,’ I said bitterly, thinking of how she had been so recently deceived by her best friend and fiancé.
‘How is she?’ Rosie asked quietly.
I paused for a moment as the barista set down our drinks before us. The truth was she was doing much better, but I knew she was still devastated at Brad and Cara’s latest news.
‘She’s well,’ I said eventually. ‘Erin is remarkably strong.’
‘Erin has always been strong,’ Rosie replied. ‘I remember as a child I sent her away on a school trip for a week expecting tears and tantrums as she had never been away from home before. Yet she simply accepted it, waved me goodbye as the bus set off and helped take care of Cara who I believe was crying her eyes out all week long at being apart from her mother.’
At the mention of Cara’s name, I grimaced. It still amazed me that one person could take so much from another person and apparently not feel an ounce of remorse.
‘From your messages I got the impression you weren’t that fond of Cara,’ I ventured.
Rosie wrinkled her nose as she sipped her drink. ‘I never took to her – selfish and rude, too busy blaming the fact her parents separated for the problems in her life rather than looking to herself. I hoped Erin would see the light one day, but she never did. When they went to separate universities, I hoped that they would drift apart then but of course they didn’t. Cara leeched from Erin just as she always did. I think she rather got used to playing one parent off against the other and learned very quickly how to manipulate others to get what she wanted.’
‘You never said any of this to Erin?’ I asked.
Rosie let out a snort of derision. ‘You know as well as I do, Lydia, you can’t tell your kids anything, so Tom and I let it be.’
‘So what was so different about the relationship with Brad?’ I asked bluntly. ‘Surely you could have let that relationship fizzle out too?’
‘It was a mistake,’ Rosie groaned, holding her head in her hands. ‘I just couldn’t stand the idea of that creep taking advantage of my daughter. When we said to Erin it was us or him, we didn’t expect it to ever get that far, Erin was always so level-headed.’
‘And you were never tempted to build bridges?’
Rosie looked thoughtful then as she gazed into the distance. ‘I was tempted every day to pick up that phone and say let’s forget it. The trouble was, with every passing day it got that much harder and I genuinely believed that the best way to force them apart was to withdraw our support. I had seen what had happened to my own sister, the last thing I wanted was for my daughter to go through something similar. And I suppose, rather selfishly, I couldn’t stand the idea of history repeating itself either.’
I took a sip of my cappuccino and regarded Rosie thoughtfully. ‘I can only imagine how hard it must have been on you both. But it’s time to look forward not back.’
‘That’s what I think too,’ she said with a small smile.
‘What does Tom think?’ I asked.
‘Tom doesn’t know about any of this,’ she said quietly. ‘He’s still recovering from surgery, he had a few complications and I don’t want to give him any unnecessary shocks.’
‘But surely if you all made up this would be a comfort,’ I said. ‘You know, give him strength.’
Rosie sighed. ‘It would, but I don’t know. He’s so closed off about Erin. He was heartbroken when we all fell out. The two of them were so close. Now what I want is for Tom to focus on his recovery, he can’t know about any of this.’
I frowned. Although Rosie had mentioned Tom’s surgery, she had also mentioned taking tentative steps towards a reconciliation. From what I could tell, more lies weren’t the best way of building bridges. ‘So what is it you propose?’
She leaned forwards in her chair. ‘I thought we could remain in touch, and you could update me on Erin’s progress, just as a go-between. I want to reconcile with Erin more than anything in this world but both Tom and I are hurting too over this, and I want to make sure this goes well. With Tom’s health the way it is, I’m not sure we’re quite ready to reunite with Erin properly just yet. It would be a tragedy if it went wrong, so we must be careful.’
I looked at her, aghast. ‘May I be blunt?’ I asked, without waiting for an answer. ‘In my experience, my dear, lies and betrayal only ever leads to more lies and betrayal, no matter how well intentioned. You say you want to wait until Tom is better, but what happens if Tom never gets better? What would happen if Tom had a heart attack tomorrow and he and Erin never got the chance to reunite? Take it from me, Rosie, I know what it’s like to be faced with the unexpected and I know what it’s like to have to clear up the unexpected mess that is invariably left behind. Take my advice and sort it out now.’
‘But it’s not the right time,’ Rosie wailed. ‘I can’t risk everything going wrong again, I can’t go through all that pain again. It took Tom and I a long time to live with the anguish of our estrangement from Erin, we even had therapy over it. I won’t be rushed over this, I just won’t, Lydia, we need to take this gently.’
‘There’s no such thing as the right time,’ I snapped. ‘You’re worried about the impact this reunion could have on your husband’s recovery, but what if it did him the power of good? And what about Erin? She’s been through hell and back. She needs her mother now more than ever and, as the mother and the one who instigated this ridiculous estrangement, I suggest you start making amends. You’re being selfish, Rosie. You have a chance to put everything right. Take it before it’s too late.’
As I drew my speech to a close, Rosie shrank back as if I had visibly struck her. I could tell my words had hit home. Meeting her eyes, I could see they were filled with fear, but I refused to apologise. I meant every word. This whole situation was ridiculous and to try and stagger a reunion with me as go-between was possibly the worst idea I had ever heard.
Glancing down at her cup, Rosie picked it up and drained the last of her coffee. Setting it back down on the saucer, she eyed me beadily before she got up and slid her arms into her coat. ‘I’m sorry, Lydia, I can’t do more at this moment.’
‘Can’t or won’t?’ I fired angrily.
‘Can’t,’ she replied firmly. ‘I really am sorry, Lydia, believe me, I want to make up with Erin more than anything in the world, but I won't be rushed into something until I’m sure the time is right. I’ll be in touch.’
With that, she got to her feet and stalked out of the door, never once looking back.