Was it possible to get jaw strain from talking so much? It had been over two hours since Jacob and Erin had left Jack and I to reacquaint ourselves and we had chatted non-stop. We had covered all of the usual things at first: jobs, home life and holidays. I learned that Jack and Liz had been together for forty-one years but when she died ten years ago Jack had chosen to live in Paris and make a fresh start. The two boys were old enough to look after themselves, he reasoned, and he felt that a new city where he knew nobody would be the perfect place to deal with his grief. It was something I understood and I had occasionally wondered myself in the long months since Harry’s death if I wouldn’t have liked to have done something similar. If it hadn’t been for the fact my darling husband had left me high and dry, who knew where I might have ended up – drinking cocktails in Aruba perhaps, waited on by scantily clad waiters! Well, everyone can fantasise.
‘Where have you gone?’ Jack’s voice interrupted my daydreams.
I smiled as I took the glass of wine he had offered me. ‘I’m sorry, I was miles away.’
‘Reminiscing about the past?’ Jack asked kindly as he took a seat next to me.
‘Something like that.’ I grinned, taking a sip of a delicious Burgundy. ‘So, what’s your life like here?’ I asked, setting the glass down. ‘I’ve heard about the past but what about the future?’
Jack guffawed. ‘What future? I’m eighty next year.’
‘Stop it immediately,’ I scolded. ‘Plenty of life in you yet, I mean look at you, you’re living in this wonderful apartment in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I should think you’ve got plenty of future ahead of you.’
‘You’re still doing that then, I see?’ He smiled softly, his blue eyes dancing with merriment.
‘What?’
‘Still giving everyone a good dollop of your common sense – whether they ask for it or not!’ He chuckled, topping up my wine from the bottle on the table.
I held out my glass appreciatively. ‘You’ve either got it or you haven’t, Jack Harrison.’
‘And you’ve always had it,’ Jack said tenderly.
‘Too true,’ I said, clinking my glass against his. It felt so good to just be in his company again, I had forgotten just how wonderful it felt when Jack shone his light on you. He always had this knack of making you feel as if you were the most interesting person he had ever spoken to and as his blue eyes bored into mine, I felt as if liquid sunshine were being poured into my soul.
‘So how have you adjusted to life as a widower, Jack?’
‘It was very difficult at first,’ he admitted. ‘Lizzie and I had enjoyed a wonderful marriage together, it was half the reason I felt I needed a fresh start. I knew things were never going to get any better for me than they had been; I needed something different.’
I nodded in understanding. ‘So Lizzie never visited Paris?’
Jack shook his head. ‘Funnily enough no, she always loved Italy, but never came to France. I had not been here before even though it’s so close to London – it just seemed like a natural place to come for a fresh start, besides I see plenty of the family.’
‘Do you get back to the UK often?
‘Oh yes, every couple of months and the boys visit often enough. Then of course, Jacob is over here all the time.’
‘He seems a lovely boy.’ I said admiringly.
Jack flushed with pride. ‘He is, he’s my favourite grandson.’
‘I thought you said he was your only grandson,’ I laughed.
‘I’d say it even if that wasn’t true,’ Jack replied good-naturedly. ‘He can’t do enough for me and the two of us are more like friends. He’s very calm, always good in a crisis and is someone I just enjoy spending time with. You know the best thing about him, Lydia?’
I listened, agog.
‘He doesn’t treat me like a bloody old person. To him I’m not an inconvenience, I’m just Jack and I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel.’
‘Erin is the same.’ I smiled. ‘Oh, she tells me off every now and again but she’s my best friend.’
‘You never used to really have female friends,’ Jack exclaimed. ‘Always too busy with work, your family or studies. Has all that changed now?’
I shook my head. ‘No, but it’s different with Erin. I never expected to find someone like her but I’ve discovered something wonderful since Harry’s death Jack – the sheer joy of having a best friend. It doesn’t matter that she’s young enough to be my granddaughter, the years between us have no bearing whatsoever.’
‘She’s a lovely girl,’ Jack said softly. ‘You were lucky to have found her when you did.’
‘Don’t I know it,’ I said resolutely, taking another sip of my wine. ‘If it hadn’t been for Luke of course, I would never have so I suppose I ought to be grateful for his bullying.’
Jack rolled his eyes. ‘I suppose we all should be grateful for our children’s bullying on occasion.’
‘But when they treat us like inconvenient burdens you feel like slapping them,’ I chuckled.
‘Couldn’t have put it better myself.’ Jack laughed, clinking his glass against mine. ‘Lydia, I have missed you.’
‘Me too,’ I said, startled by the confession. ‘I’m so very glad I found you again.’
‘I always hoped you would,’ Jack said softly. ‘I prayed in my heart every day that one day you would find me again.’
‘I just feel so terrible that you thought I had abandoned you,’ I said sadly. ‘You must have hated me for thinking I had ignored you.’
Jack looked at me stricken. ‘I never hated you Lyddie. Oh, my darling, I could never hate you, I understood entirely. When Harry came to see me and explained you were getting married and you were happy, of course I was furious, but I understood.’
My heart began to beat wildly at this sudden revelation. What meeting? When on earth had Harry and Jack met? ‘What do you mean when Harry came to see you?’
Jack looked at me in wide-eyed horror, as if realising his mistake. ‘Oh my God, I’m sorry Lydia. I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘You still haven’t answered my question,’ I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. ‘You said you and Harry met. When was that?’
There was a pause before Jack set his glass down and took hold of my hands. ‘When I wrote you that letter, Harry got in touch. He wrote to me at the address in London and suggested he and I meet.’
‘Why?’ I asked, my heart beating so loudly I could hardly hear Jack’s voice.
‘He told me that he suspected you still held a torch for me and that you believed I was dead. He felt it would be better for your future happiness if you still believed that. He said you had gone through so much to get past what you believed had happened to me and if I were to suddenly reappear, it would throw your life into turmoil. Harry told me you were settled, you no longer suffered from nightmares, you had a future to look forward to and I had no wish to upset any of that.’
I looked at him, those blue eyes that had just moments earlier seemed as familiar to me as my own now belonged to a stranger. I felt sick. I couldn’t believe that these two men, the men I had adored most in the world had conspired to keep the truth from me.
‘Didn’t you think, as a grown woman, I deserved the right to know so I could decide for myself?’ I said eventually. ‘I’m sorry, Jack, but for years I felt nothing but guilt at moving on. I thought it was terrible that I got to have a future while yours had been so cruelly snuffed out.’
Jack hung his head; he was clearly sorry but it cut no ice. ‘I thought I was doing the right thing. Harry was so persuasive. He seemed to love you so much, we both did, I just didn’t want to cause any more hurt. I was still grieving over the loss of my own mother; I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone else being in pain. I wanted you to have the world, Lydia, I thought this was the best way of doing that. I got it wrong, and I always regretted it.’
‘Did you?’ I couldn’t help asking.
‘Of course,’ Jack growled, lifting his head those stranger’s eyes meeting mine once again. ‘I have thought of you every day for the past fifty odd years. I had often wondered what had happened to you and I wanted to go back and change what had happened. I adored Lizzie, but I always felt I didn’t handle things the right way with you. I was so broken when I came back from the Army and discovered my mother had died and you had gone. I couldn’t face the idea of hurting you or me any more, so when Harry said you were happy and suggested we left things as the status quo it seemed like the best idea. When I grew stronger and as more time passed, I realised that had been the wrong thing to do. I’m truly, truly sorry Lydia, please forgive me.’
I closed my eyes, I felt as if I were spinning, it was all so much to take in. I got to my feet, the walls closing in on me, I was desperate for some fresh air and to think clearly.
‘I have to go,’ I blurted.
‘Lydia, no.’ Jack got to his feet and reached for my hand, but I shrugged it off.
‘Look, Jack, I’m not unsympathetic to what you’ve said,’ I said softly. ‘But you must understand that this has come as rather a shock and I need time to digest what you’ve said.’
‘But will I see you again? Please Lydia, I’ve dreamed of this day for so long, I can’t bear for it to end like this.’
To my horror I saw tears pool in Jack’s eyes. Confusion ebbed away at me, I was so angry with him, with Harry, but on the other hand I felt overwhelmed with affection for both of them. Both of these men in my life had misunderstood me, underestimated me, but they both seemed to have done so for the very best of reasons – love. I didn’t know what I felt, but I did know I just needed some time for me. ‘Oh Jack, of course we’ll see each other again,’ I said eventually. ‘I think that all this has just shocked me a bit, I need some time.’
‘I understand,’ Jack said. ‘But please let’s not leave it like this. Can we have dinner together on Sunday. The four of us?’
I nodded.
‘I’m so sorry, Lyddie. I should never have done it,’ Jack said with a watery smile.
‘You shouldn’t,’ I said sadly. ‘But what’s done is done. It’s in the past, but right now, it’s my present and I just need some time to think it all through.’
With that, I reached for my coat and walked past Jack. Pausing at the door, I turned to look at him then, doing his best to put on a front that he was fine. The sight of it shocked me; it was the same look he wore when I said goodbye to him at the train station as he went off to do his National Service – a lost, scared little boy dressed like a man.
‘I’ll see you on Sunday,’ I said, before opening the door.
Shutting it firmly behind me, I didn’t look back as I hurried down the hallway towards the lift.
Getting downstairs I asked the nice lady at reception if she would call me a taxi to take me to my hotel and then went outside. The cool night air was like a balm for my poor aching head and I rested it against the stone pillar, trying to make sense of the day.
Just then I felt my mobile beep. Pulling it from my pocket I saw it was a message from Rosie.
Hi Lydia,
Just a quick note to let you know Tom and I have made the Eurostar and are now in Paris. We’ll see you at the fair tomorrow and are so excited to see Erin again – and you, of course.
Love, Rosie
I shoved the phone back into my pocket and let out a shaky sigh of relief. At least that was one thing that was going to plan. All I could do now was hope that the second reunion of the weekend would go a lot better than the first.