posted by EditingEmma 08.44
Don’t Lend People Your Things. Ever.
‘Oh, Emma,’ said Steph, ‘I forgot. Here are your gloves.’
She started getting them out of her bag.
‘Oh, thanks,’ I said, reaching for them.
‘But, um…you might want to wash them.’
I paused. ‘Why?’ I said, slowly.
‘Errrr…’
‘Why, Steph?’
‘Errr…’
‘WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GLOVES?!’
‘Just trust me.’ She nodded.
‘On the contrary,’ I said, ‘I don’t think I’ll ever trust you, ever again.’
Now my hands are freezing because my lovely, warm, knitted blue-and-pink gloves with little roses sewn round the wrist, instead of being on my hands keeping them snug and toasty, are sitting at the bottom of my satchel, wrapped in a freezer bag like part of a crime scene.
Gracie asked why I wasn’t wearing my gloves and I foolishly told her. Now she’s more convinced than ever that Steph’s no longer a virgin.
‘I told you,’ she said.
‘Gracie, you only get to say I told you when the thing you told me has actually been proven.’
‘And it has been.’
‘It’s not like she gave me back the gloves with a used condom inside.’
‘Ew.’
‘Unless you’re suggesting the glove itself was the condom, because I don’t think that would be particularly comfortable.’
‘Ew, no. Look, all I’m saying is they’re getting saucy.’
‘Well, yes, but…’
‘I mean, what is it that you think they did with the glove?’
‘Given that these gloves were knitted for me by my now-dead grandmother, I’d really, really rather not think about it.’
posted by EditingEmma 15.25
I was passing Charlie in the hallway earlier, and he said, ‘Hey, have you seen how many people are coming now? It’s gonna be epic.’
I nodded curtly.
When we’d passed him, Steph said, ‘Have you lost the ability to speak?’
‘Huh?’ I asked.
‘Why did you just completely ignore that boy?’
‘He’s friends with You Know Who,’ I said.
I’m doing SUCH a good job with my pretending-Leon-doesn’t-exist resolution.