posted by EditingEmma 08.11
GloveGate
Mum just came into the kitchen.
‘I’m off, see you this evening!’ she said, waving.
And then I spotted them.
THE GLOVES.
Oh God. I’d left them out on the side in the hallway, to remind me to put them in the wash, and she must have picked them up!!
‘Mum,’ I said, panic rising. ‘Why are you wearing my gloves?’
‘Oh yeah, sorry, I’ve lost mine and I’ve got a lot of walking to do today. It’s freezing. You don’t mind, do you?’
‘Errrr. Well, yes. Yes, actually I do. Please can I have them back?’
She frowned. ‘Are you serious, Emma?’
‘Yes, Mum, it’s very important that I…’
‘I know you’re an only child, Emma, but really, I thought I raised you better than that. At least try and open your mind to the concept of sharing.’
Then she walked quickly out of the house.
OWCH.
‘Fine, walk around in Steph’s sex-germy gloves all day, see if I care!’ I called out to the empty hallway.
I can’t believe my mum is out there walking around in those gloves. Shudder. Another thing for the avoid-thinking-about-it pile, methinks. Like my aggressive, unrelenting horniness.
posted by EditingEmma 11.25
New Friends Update
Unbelievably, there is STILL nothing from Kayleigh. Should I go cruising for some other cats on my street this evening?? Get a whole litter of them in? Take a picture with so many cats covering me that you can just see my head peeking out?? Dress as a giant cat and start bringing her dead mice??!
WHAT WILL IT TAKE??!
posted by EditingEmma 13.19
Friend Fail: Take Three
I was just in the toilet when I heard a familiar voice from outside.
Maths Champion Kayleigh aka Cat Queen aka My New Best Friend.
I thought, This is my opportunity.
I rushed out of the loo and washed my hands. She was standing by the dryers, talking to another girl. I moved over to them.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘Just got to dry my hands.’
She smiled quickly at me and then carried on talking. I listened to their conversation for a moment, praying there was some way I could shoehorn cats into it.
‘So then my dad grounded me, it was so unfair…’
At least you got to stay in with your cat?
‘I know, you didn’t even get to wear your new dress…’
Could I say I design cat dresses?
‘What’s for lunch today?’
‘I think it’s turkey.’
TURKEY! YES!
‘My cat loves turkey,’ I said, turning to Kayleigh.
She looked briefly puzzled. ‘Oh right, yeah, mine too,’ she said. For a minute I thought she looked kind of…sad? But I ploughed on anyway.
‘Wanna see her?’ I asked. ‘She’s so adorable.’
Then I got out my phone. Kayleigh and her friend leaned in.
‘She looks kind of…afraid?’ said her friend. ‘Is she all right?’
‘Oh, she’s fine.’ I fake laughed. ‘It’s just a game we play…’
Then, suddenly, Kayleigh started squeaking. At first I thought she was cooing over the cat. I was all pleased with myself and started playing my inner triumph trumpet, when I realized she was actually crying.
I stood rooted to the spot in utter terror.
‘I’m sorry,’ she blubbered. ‘It’s…it’s…’
Kayleigh’s friend put her arms round her shoulders, and then nuzzled into her neck.
‘I’m sorry, Kay,’ she said.
Then Kayleigh started wailing. I mean really WAILING.
Kayleigh’s friend turned to me. ‘Her cat died,’ she half-whispered. ‘Two weeks ago. Tragic bus accident.’
Oh. My. God.
You. Are. Friggin’. Kidding. Me.
It all clicked into place. Of COURSE she hadn’t liked any of my cat pictures… She hadn’t been posting anything about cats recently either. Oh my God.
Kayleigh’s wails got louder.
‘Oh my,’ I started. ‘Oh dear. I’m so sorry. I…um…I don’t know what to say. Maybe I’ll just leave you to…’
Then Kayleigh flung her arms around me. She drew me into the hug and started sobbing on my chest. I was so close I could smell her shampoo. My face was sort of pressed against her friend’s face on the other side, and we both tried not to make direct eye contact.
‘Thank you,’ she said.‘Thank you for getting it. Not…’ She choked a little. ‘Not that many people get what it’s like to lose a pet you really love. I mean really get it.’
‘I…um. Yeah. I get it,’ I said.
Not technically a lie. I had a fish once. I think it’s name was Jimmy. Or was it Timmy?
‘I just can’t imagine it getting better,’ cried Kayleigh.
‘I know, I know,’ soothed her friend, and looked at me, as if urging me to say something comforting as well.
‘I, uh, can’t imagine how much it hurts,’ I added. I was INCREDIBLY uncomfortable at this point, and all my words were coming out very wooden and stilted.
Then Steph walked into the toilets. At first she barely took any notice of the huddle and went to wash her hands. Then, when she glanced in the mirror and noticed I was part of it, she did an actual double take. She turned round and gaped at me.
‘HELP,’ I mouthed silently over the top of their heads. But she just shrugged at me and carried on gawping. Good to know I can always count on her in a time of crisis. We all stood there for another thirty horrendously awkward seconds.
‘Oh, look at me.’ Kayleigh eventually let go.‘Pulling myself together now. Pulling myself together.’ She slapped her own cheek a couple of times. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘It’s OK,’ I said.
‘Sorry to put a downer on things. She’s really cute.’
She pointed at the fraudulent cat picture on my phone. I started to feel very, very guilty.
‘Er, thanks,’ I said, looking at Steph. ‘Is that the time? Oh God, Steph and I said we’d meet a friend, didn’t we, so…’
And then, THEN is when Steph decided to find her voice.
‘Whose cat is that?’ she asked and leaned in.
My heart plummeted. I felt it slipping down, down, down into my shoes.
‘Mine, Steph,’ I said in desperation.
‘Cat?!’ she snorted. ‘You don’t have a cat.’
And that was that. It was done. No going back. Kayleigh and her friend both looked at me, and I knew they could see the truth in my eyes.
Kayleigh gasped. Actually gasped. They both stared at me for a couple more seconds. Then her friend threw her arm back around her.
‘Come on, Kay,’ she said.
And they hurried out. Kayleigh was still looking at me like I’d killed her cat myself.
AGGGHHhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
‘Um, what just happened?’ asked Steph.
I sighed. It’s official. Game over.
I WILL NEVER HAVE NEW FRIENDS.
On the bright side, at least I got closer with her than the others. I was right about her. She is a very warm person.
On the downside, she now thinks I am a very cold, strange, sick and twisted person.
I don’t believe that in attempting to find friendship, I have made two girls cry.
ACTUAL CRY.
posted by EditingEmma 16.29
Friend Fail: Take Four
Now I think it’s my turn to cry. On top of failing to make new friends, I’m now failing to maintain my old ones. At lunch, Steph went running after some girl on her football team to tell her practice was cancelled. Gracie said, ‘See. A non-virgin run.’
I don’t know if it was the Kayleigh Spencer thing that had got me all worked up and upset, but I reacted badly. ‘OH MY GOD,’ I yelled, lunging for Steph’s phone, sticking out of her blazer pocket. ‘That’s it! YOU ARE DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.’ I put in her passcode and opened up her message thread with Andy.
‘I’ll show you,’ I said.
‘Ew, no!’ said Gracie, biting her lip. ‘I don’t want to see their saucy messages!’
‘Emma,’ interjected Faith. ‘What are you doing? Put it back.’
But I was a woman possessed. I scrolled further and further (unfortunately discovering that they call each other ‘chicken’ – does everyone’s head instantly turn to mush when they fall in love?) and then found what I was looking for.
‘AHA!’ I declared. ‘Look, they’re talking about how far they’ve been with other people, and neither of them have had sex. This is only from three days ago.’
‘Emma?’ I heard Steph’s voice from above me. ‘What are you doing?’
I looked up. She was standing over me.
‘Oh, I just had to prove something to Gracie.’
She took her phone out of my hands. ‘Were you reading my messages?’
She sounded really annoyed. I could feel my neck turning red.
‘Um, only to prove a point.’
‘What point?’
She stared me down. I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights.
‘We steal each other’s phones all the time,’ I said, genuinely confused. ‘Remember last term when you made me a fake dating profile?’
She shook her head. ‘I said sorry for that. And that was different, it was a joke. I mean, these are my private messages.’
‘OK…It’s not like I don’t already know EVERYTHING about you,’ I countered. ‘One time I saw you coming out of the bathroom naked doing a fart. You don’t get to know someone much better than that.’
She didn’t even smile. Really? Not even for the naked fart story?
‘Yeah, but what I say in private to my boyfriend is…personal.’
‘So-rry,’ I said.
And I was! I was actually sorry. But I also felt kind of hurt, even though technically I was the one in the wrong, and everything I was saying was coming out all sarcastic.
‘Look, I know stalking people is your thing—’ (OWCH) ‘—but I feel like maybe you’re normalizing it a bit too much. Everyone’s got to have some boundaries.’
I opened my mouth, genuinely taken aback. ‘I said I’m sorry!’ I yelped.
‘OK, well, I’ll just change my passcode and we can forget it.’
CHANGE HER PASSCODE?! Is she serious?! What the hell is she talking about? I felt a stab of betrayal. Even though it is her phone.
I sat quietly for the rest of the day with tears prickling my eyes. That was horrible. I’ve never had a disagreement with Steph before. I didn’t mean to get so defensive… I was just upset that she minded me going through her messages. Which is obviously stupid because they’re her messages. But…she’s never had ‘boundaries’ with me before!! What are these ‘boundaries’?!?! And how do I make them go away?!
posted by EditingEmma 20.58
Assessing the Day
I’ve had a chance to calm down now, and reflect on what has been a pretty catastrophic day. I am, and imagine always will be, completely MORTIFIED by what happened with Kayleigh. That’s it now. I’m out of options. I don’t have the energy to make a new list… The friend mission really is drawn to a close this time.
I still feel upset about the thing with Steph earlier, but I know it was my fault. I keep thinking about what Mum said, about how sometimes being a good friend doesn’t mean clinging on too tightly. Clearly, I’m not doing a good enough job of giving Steph space. I must give her even more space than I already am.
As it seems I’m genuinely incapable of making other friends I’m going to really, really try to be a good friend to the ones I’ve got, and if space is what she wants then, even though it makes me sad, space she will have.