posted by EditingEmma 08.29
Just got into school. I’m even a little bit early. Feeling so nervous about seeing Steph that I turned around and started walking home several times. But I’m here now.
Right.
I’ve got her tickets in my pocket. The plan when she gets here is… I’ll say I’m sorry I got so drunk and explain about being upset, I’ll give them to her, and then she’ll say sorry for not waking me up and taking Andy, and everything will be wonderful and rosy and yes. Everything will be fine.
It’s going to be painful to talk about it but ultimately friendship strengthening, I bet. I’m almost excited for all the emotions we’re going to share. We’ll probably both cry.
posted by EditingEmma 08.44
Steph came in and my heart started POUNDING. She glanced at me as she was walking over, and you know when it becomes like there’s only you and one other person in the room? Well, I had that. Whatever Gracie was babbling about next to me got completely tuned out. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for our dramatic make up.
Then, in the middle of my preparations, she sat down…and started talking to Gracie!!! (Who, as it turned out, was talking about the proper way to care for koi carp.)
Is that IT?!
… Do I mean nothing to her?! Was I right? Was she was totally fine this whole time, whilst I sat in darkness pining over pictures of us from when we still thought wearing matching hats was a really cool thing to do?
OK, then… I guess she doesn’t need my apology. She can just take Andy to everything from now on. Which is clearly what she wants to do anyway.
I don’t believe I’ve spent all this time trying to give her space and be a good friend, and being so upset about our argument… and it seems like she hasn’t been thinking about me at all.
posted by EditingEmma 14.01
Salt In My Wound
I don’t believe it. When I came into Maths, Steph wasn’t sitting in her usual place, i.e. next to me. She was sitting next to… wait for it…
Boring Susan.
BORING SUSAN.
I kid you not. I’ve legitimately been abandoned by my best friend, for Boring bloody Susan. I think if someone had stolen from me or…poisoned me…I’d still rather sit next to them than Susan.
‘Hey?’ I said, questioningly.
‘Oh hey.’ She looked up from her book. ‘Mr Crispin asked me to sit here today, because Susan missed the first few days. She needs to copy my notes.’
‘I was in Wales,’ said Susan. It really is amazing how anyone could get their voice so monotone. Quite a skill.
‘OK,’ I said.
Steph went back to her book and I walked away. If sitting next to Boring Susan instead of me isn’t a sign she doesn’t care any more, then I don’t know what is.
Now I’m sitting next to Gracie. I just caught Steph’s eye (was bound to happen at some point, given how all I’m doing is staring at her). Damnit!! I won’t give her the satisfaction of thinking I’m pining for her!
Who cares about Steph anyway? Because I have Gracie. My new Maths buddy. And we’re going to have tons of fun.
TONS. OF. FUN.
Every time Gracie says something I laugh really, really loudly.
‘What’s so funny?’ Gracie asked.
‘Er, what you just said…’ I said, craning my neck to see Steph and Boring Susan.
‘Move the decimal point?’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘Hilarious. You should do stand-up.’
Then she sighed. What’s wrong with her? Does she not realize we’re supposed to be having tons of fun?
This Is Going To Be Harder Than I Thought
After about ten minutes, Gracie slammed down her pen and said, ‘Emma. Please stop talking.’
‘I…what?’ I stuttered.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, biting her lip.‘I know you and Steph mess around during lessons… And I’m sorry she’s sitting with Susan.’
‘Oh, really?’ I said. ‘I hadn’t noticed.’
She rolled her eyes.
‘But, I’m not Steph. I don’t want to mess around. I…well… if I’m going to get into Cambridge to do engineering, I have to do well in Maths.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘I understand.’
Gracie looked quite relieved and went back to her books.
Right. I’m clearly going to have to readjust here. Somehow I’m going to have to have to make it appear to Steph as if we are having tons of fun, without actually interacting with Gracie at all.
posted by EditingEmma 15.04
BRILLIANT. I’ve definitely cracked it. What can I say? Some can solve Maths problems, some can solve life problems. So every time Gracie works out a new fraction or something, I peer at her book all wide-eyed and scandalized, like she’s written me a really hilarious, secret note. Then I do a fake, silent laugh, which Steph won’t know is silent because she’s on the other side of the room and couldn’t hear me anyway. And, because the laugh is silent, it won’t disturb Gracie either.
Ingenious!!
Or not. After five minutes of fake-scandalized-laughing, Gracie turned round to me and said,‘Emma. Please stop peering over my shoulder and fake laughing. It’s really off-putting.’
‘What?! I’m just, um, intrigued by your mathematical methods.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re trying to make Steph jealous. A) It’s not working and B) I’ve only been sitting next to you for one lesson, and I’m already lagging behind.’
‘All right, all right, I’ll stop. Sorry.’
Translation: I clearly have to be more subtle. Now, what else to do…
posted by EditingEmma 15.20
I was halfway through making us matching graph paper hats when Gracie said, ‘That’s IT. I’m sorry, Emma, I’m moving seats!!’
‘What?!?!’ I yelped. ‘I wasn’t peering at you!’
‘No, you were trying to put a hat on my head.’
‘Very, very slowly, so you wouldn’t notice.’
She bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.’
Then she GOT UP AND LEFT.
SHE LEFT ME!!!!
I can’t believe I have been abandoned by not one, but TWO best friends.
Evidence: In trying to focus on my friends, I’ve somehow driven away all my friends. How did that happen?
Back home now. And I am mad. I am really, really mad. I just spent the last two days of my life pining over someone who’d rather sit next to Boring Susan in Maths than me. Screw stalking Steph! Why should I sit here moping over her, when she doesn’t even care about me any more?
You know who will always care about me? Me. Through the good times and the bad, me and me are always mighty good friends. Back to my ME resolution, i.e. staring mindlessly at my own various social media profiles.
Yes. This is brilliant. Who needs other people when you can entertain yourself by looking back through your old posts and making yourself laugh? They were so long ago that you’ve forgotten what you wrote, and it’s like having a friend with the EXACT same sense of humour as you.
Evidence: The friendship mission is solved. I AM MY OWN NEW FRIEND.