posted by EditingEmma 15.08
Mum came into my room.
‘I suppose you’re just going to keep staring at yourself online today?’
I shrugged. ‘I’m not just staring at myself. I’m staring at other people too and comparing myself to them. Look at Faith’s girlfriend. She’s a writer, feminist campaigner and illustrator. She actually makes money from her designs. Look!’
Mum raised her eyebrow. ‘I’m more interested in what you’re doing. What about all your resolutions, hmm? Stop moping online? Spending time with your friends?’
‘Ha, yeah. It’s a little hard when your friends don’t want to spend time with you. And when you’re incapable of making new ones.’
Mum frowned. ‘I thought you had made a friend. What’s his name? That boy doing the show with you?’
Then I frowned. ‘Huh? Who?’ I said, dimly.
‘Oh, now what’s his name… Charles?’
‘Do you mean Charlie?’ I scoffed.
‘That’s the one,’ she said. ‘Isn’t he on the design team with you? You mentioned him a few times. I just assumed.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Well, yeah, he is. But…’
Suddenly, I felt another light-bulb moment coming on. Only this one didn’t make me feel like I was on the brink of a great discovery. It made me feel like I’d been a huge, gigantic idiot.
… Had I really been ignoring an actual potential friend?!
I started thinking about it. Who did I meet this term who I actually had something in common with, rather than trying to force a conversation with? Charlie. Who had been supportive of everything I’d been doing? Charlie. Who found my mishaps entertaining, instead of cringeworthy? Charlie. Who noticed when I was upset and asked me if I was OK?
Charlie.
AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
How can I have been so UTTERLY STUPID?!
All this time… All this time I’ve been trying to make friends with bloody Anika Khatri because she was loud and…and… Hannah Condom, because her last name was Condom! All this time I’ve been abducting cats and…and…drinking with strange boys who wear Matrix coats because I was lonely… through all that, I had an actual friend just waiting there?! All this time, I’ve been ignoring that actual friend purely on the basis that he knows Leon?!?! Leon who I said WASN’T GOING TO AFFECT ME?!
I can’t believe it. I can’t believe in trying not to let Leon impact my life, I’ve actually let him impact it more.
The friend mission is BACK ON!!!
posted by EditingEmma 19.30
New Day, New Friends
I’ve been feeling so down and defeated, but I’m starting to see a ray of hope. It’s time to ‘get back on the horse’, as it were. I am capable of making friends…I made one without even realising!!! Welcome to OPERATION: BEFRIEND CHARLIE.
Step 1: My New Maths Buddy.
The plan: Charlie’s in my Maths class where, conveniently, I currently have no one to sit with. So, my devious scheme is to start talking to him about something urgent when I come into the classroom. We’ll get so distracted and caught up in our wonderful, engaging conversation that when Mr Crispin comes in, I’ll just have to sit down next to him.
Ingenious.
I’ll say that I was in the design room, admiring the beginnings of his new jacket, when a button came off in my hand (which, obviously, I ripped off). I’ll apologize profusely and say I have no idea how it came off, and then offer to sew it back on for him so he thinks I’m super nice.
The jacket will be fixed, and we’ll be on track on our journey to Friend Land. It’s win-win.