posted by EditingEmma 13.04
Just got in the car to go home. As we were leaving, Dorothy came out to speak to the receptionist and our eyes locked for just a moment. I’m pretty sure I saw fear in them.
I can never, ever return to this hotel.
posted by EditingEmma 15.06
HOME
HOME. INTERNET. I’m pretty sure I just made up for my one hundred and twenty checks per day in the past half an hour.
Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking of this as a bad thing… Maybe…maybe all this tapping is actually building on important abilities? I mean, it must be training my hands, right? My manual dexterity is probably at the level of a brain surgeon’s.
Anyway, Mum’s been nagging me about putting our photos up so I’d better do it. I don’t know why she cares so much. She’s only got about three followers. And one of them is Uncle Ralph. I’d pay good money for Uncle Ralph to unfollow me.
Photos posted. In all seriousness, what I would usually do now is just sit and stare at the likes coming in. Is this where I’m going wrong?! Should I put my phone down and forget about it?
Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just to log off for a bit…relax… No big deal.
posted by EditingEmma 17.47
Number of Times I Checked My Own Various Profiles Since Deciding Not To
IIII IIII IIII
Ughhhhh. OH MY GOD. Fifteen times in twenty minutes?! If you include all the various platforms…THAT’S MORE THAN EVERY EIGHT MINUTES. That’s…EVERY FOUR!!!
I must stop this. I don’t know how, but…surely I’m getting old faster this way? Pouring all this time down an invisible time sink? Surely my wrinkles are going to grow all over my face without me even noticing?
Right. Phone going away. AWAY.
posted by EditingEmma 18.52
This is unbelievable. Bloody unbelievable. I just logged back on (after impressively waiting ONE WHOLE HOUR) and I had looaads of notifications!! I was thinking, I bet my funny moose impression next to the stuffed moose head went down a real treat. I clicked on them and thought, hmm, that’s strange, loads of people I don’t know have commented. Have people shared my moose impression?! (It was pretty funny.) Then I saw Heather had commented on something: ‘Oh Allie you look beautiful!’
And the penny dropped.
All the notifications were for Mum.
ALL the notifications. Were for MUM.
I mean…not all of them. Crazy Holly was a real fan of my moose photo. But seriously?! Why is everyone loving this photo of Mum just standing by a windowsill?! WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT STANDING. I can stand!!! I have been known to stand all over the place! But how many people can channel the soul of another species in a way that ‘makes one feel as if they were really a large ungulate, standing upon a Canadian mountain range, contemplating the ability to close one’s own nostrils’. (Holly Barnet). Aghhh. When did she get so many more followers?!
How does she know this many people???!
Thirty-one likes for the (stupid) windowsill picture and six for the moose. Not that I’m keeping score.
posted by Editing Emma 20.58
FORTY likes for the windowsill and still six for the moose. Oh this really leaves a sour taste.
posted by Editing Emma 21.01
Yes! Seven for the moose!
Oh, what? No. It’s the same notification I’ve already seen, but it came up on my phone as well as my laptop.
That’s so cruel.
Fifty-five likes for the windowsill, still six for the moose, and my humiliation is complete.
Thank you, and goodnight.