posted by EditingEmma 07.51
Had an actual dream about getting another notification.
Who am I?
posted by EditingEmma 16.05
No. Nonononono
I was just walking towards the gate with Gracie and Faith, when I looked up ahead and spotted something potentially terrifying. Now I’m lurking behind the gym, which is a bit awkward because I can see everyone inside doing their exercise. I’m pretty sure Willie Thomas thinks I’m checking out his physique.
posted by EditingEmma 16.38
Gracie and Faith finally clocked that they’d lost me (which took them a whole three minutes, by the way). They came back to where I was standing.
‘Emma, what are you doing?’
‘Oh well, thanks for noticing, guys, I could have been abducted, blindfolded, pushed into a van and heading towards the M25 by now.’
‘Come on,’ whined Gracie, ‘let’s go home.’
‘Look!’ I said, gesturing to the gate.
Gracie and Faith turned in the direction I was pointing.
‘What?’
‘See that person, leaning by the gate in black? Is that…is that Holly’s friend?’
Gracie’s eyes widened in fear.
‘Maybe.’ Faith squinted. ‘Hang on, let me go and investigate.’
Good old Faith. She walked up to the gate, stood around checking her phone as if she was waiting for someone who wasn’t there yet, sighed and turned around. She’s so collected. If that were me, I’d have been looking side to side all shifty, got my phone out and dropped it, then fallen over attempting to pick it up.
She circled back to us.
‘Yup, it’s him,’ she said.
‘WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?!’ I shouted.
Faith shrugged. ‘Waiting for Holly?’
‘Holly went to the post office to pick up her new abstract drumsticks.’
‘Oh God,’ said Gracie, ‘he’s waiting for you.’
‘What are abstract drumsticks?’ asked Faith.
‘I have no idea.’
‘GUYS,’ said Gracie, ‘hello?! Emma, what are you going to do?!’
‘I don’t know. Stay here until he leaves?’
‘How long will that take?!’
‘Um, let me just check my crystal ball.’
Gracie blinked at me three times.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘This is just a bit stressful. What would you suggest?’
Gracie sighed. ‘I guess there’s nothing else to do, is there?’
‘Right. We might as well set up camp, then.’
I put my blazer on the floor.
‘Uh, we?’ asked Faith.
‘You’re not leaving me?!’ I screeched.
‘It may come as a shock, Emma, but there’s actually quite a lot I’d rather be doing than hiding from some weird dude who has a crush on you. You’re the prisoner here. I’m free.’
‘I don’t believe this!’
‘Bye, see you tomorrow.’
She started walking off. I looked at Gracie.
‘And what about you?’ I asked.
Gracie looked wistfully after Faith, then sat down on my blazer.
‘All right,’ she said. ‘But please can you sit there and block out Willie Thomas doing squats.’
‘Deal,’ I said.
posted by EditingEmma 17.30
FREEDOM
I’ve escaped!! Finally!!! After ten minutes of sitting there, I could feel Gracie’s resolve was waning. She was getting all restless and whingey.
‘Ugh, he’s still there!!!’ she said, shifting on her bottom.
We both peered over at him, standing stock-still and staring into the distance. Everyone had gone home by now.
‘How about a game of Boggle?’ I said, in a last-ditch attempt to get her to stay with me.
‘I do love Boggle…’ She bit her lip.
‘Excellent,’ I said, opening it on my phone.
Then she shook her head.
‘No, I’m sorry, Emma,’ she said firmly, standing up. ‘I’ve got to get home. My dad’s making lasagne.’
I knew I’d lost her then. There’s no way I can reasonably compete with lasagne.
‘FINE. GO. I hope you’re happy and full!!’ I shouted.
‘Ughhhhh,’ she said. ‘I feel bad leaving you here.’
‘Don’t,’ I said. ‘Go on without me.’
Then Gracie came up with an ingeniously ingenious plan.
‘Unless…’ she said.
‘Unless?!’ I repeated, clutching at a feeble straw of hope.
‘You could maybe hide under my coat.’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Is that it?! Is that your big idea?! Hiding under your coat?’
Then she started walking off.
‘No, no! Wait, wait! Come back! Gracie!’
She carried on walking.
‘I just meant, he’ll probably notice you have four legs! Gracie! Come back!’
She paused reluctantly and sighed. ‘They’re just about to close the gym, so all these guys will come out. I thought we could slip by him in the crowd.’
At that point, I was willing to try anything. Five minutes later, I was shrouded in darkness, hidden under Gracie’s coat. We must have looked like one of those ludicrous fake horses in a play. Except even more ludicrous.
‘Emma,’ Gracie hissed, ‘stop hugging me from behind. You’re so weird.’
‘But it’s so cosy in here.’
‘Willie Thomas is on the move. There are a few other people trailing behind. Do you think five people is enough to mask us?’
‘It’ll have to do,’ I said.
‘What?’
‘It’ll have to do.’
‘You want a Frube?’
I stuck my head out of the coat. ‘I said, it will have to do. Why, do you have a Frube?’
‘Get back under!’
‘OK, OK. Let’s go.’
We began shuffling. It really was incredibly difficult and I kept accidentally kicking the back of Gracie’s feet. It also became increasingly hard to breathe down there.
‘Oh, um, hi, Willie,’ I heard Gracie say.
Making conversation with Willie Thomas on my behalf. Now that’s true friendship.
Eventually, we made it past and waited until we were a safe distance away, before breaking apart and doing a celebratory dance.
‘WE DID IT!’ I yelled.
‘Woop woop!’ Gracie laughed.
‘Shall we go back to yours for a game of Boggle?’
‘I’d like that,’ she said. And then, ‘Are you only asking because of the lasagne?’
posted by EditingEmma 19.51
Ideas v. Reality
I was at Gracie’s, letting her beat me at Boggle and eating tons of food, when suddenly she started babbling about this movie where this hot guy meets a woman in a coffee shop, decides he’s in love with her and waits at the same place at the same time every day to buy her mocha latte, until she agrees to go out with him.
‘It’s so romantic,’ she sighed. ‘That sort of stuff never happens in real life.’
I stared at her, stunned. Truly stunned.
‘You mean, like, someone meeting someone once, and then sending lots of over-the-top gifts to their house?’
‘Exactly,’ she sighed wistfully.
‘And when that person asks them to stop, waiting for them outside school?’
She registered my meaning.
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘I don’t think it’s really the same with Adam.’
‘Why is it not the same?’
She thought for a second.
‘Because…he’s weird.’
‘I agree. Completely. But…why is he any weirder than that man in the film?’
‘He just…is.’
‘No no,’ I said. ‘You’re going to have to give me a solid reason.’
She shrugged.
‘Is it because he’s less attractive?’ I asked.
‘Um, yeah maybe.’
‘But aren’t most people less attractive than film stars? I mean, is it one set of rules for super attractive people and another set for others? How is that fair?’
She kept thinking.
‘It’s not the attractive thing,’ she said. ‘Adam looks fine. I don’t know… He’s just…creepy.’
‘Based on what?’
‘The gifts.’
‘And if the guy in the film did it?’
‘… Different.’
‘IT SO ISN’T!’ I yelled.
‘It is.’ She nodded.
‘I think,’ I ventured, ‘that if some hot guy you met once actually started turning up every day trying to get you to go out with him, you’d be really put off.’
‘Not if he was the man of my dreams…’
‘But how would you know? How would you know whether he was the man of your dreams or not, until you actually went out with him? Before that, he’s just some guy.’
Then she got out her little list and waved it at me.
‘So let me get this straight. You’ll double-check the list with the stalker guy, and if he meets all the criteria his stalking is romantic, and if not, his stalking is just…stalking.’
‘Um…yes.’
Evidence: Our ideas of romance are SO backwards.