CHAPTER TWO

 

Gideon

Gideon brushed his hand against the freshly painted living room wall. He appreciated that the landlord hadn’t painted his new apartment a bone white that seemed to be standard in all buildings. Beth had looked at him funny when Gideon made the guy put it into the lease agreement. He told his girlfriend to trust him. The off-white color gave his new place a warmth and coziness even before the furniture had all been moved in. He breathed in the new paint smell and smiled to himself. It was only mid-September, right before classes started up again, but Gideon already knew junior year was going to be awesome.

Boxes lined the floor of his and Beth’s one-bedroom apartment. They had scored one of the best places to live in the city, thanks to Gideon charming the landlord and giving him some stock tips he’d picked up from past classes. The apartment sat above a barbershop in the heart of downtown Duncannon. It had hardwood floors, built-in shelving surrounding a brick fireplace, dishwasher, and in-unit washer and dryer—the last one being the holy grail of a college student apartment. It was slightly out of their price range, but Gideon would make it work.

Well, actually Beth’s parents would make it work. Step one was buying the couple brand new furniture and paying for movers.

Gideon opened a box and thought about trying to do some unpacking until the movers arrived. He was the type who wanted the apartment set up, down to the magazines on the coffee table, before they went to sleep the first night there.

He opened a box that had picture frames wrapped in towels and sweaters. Gideon held a frame with decorative menorahs at the corners. They had made it at the Hillel, Browerton’s Jewish student center, for Hanukkah sophomore year. He and Beth smiled and held up said picture frame in the shot. It was very meta.

Gideon didn’t expect to have a serious girlfriend in college. But then most of his friends began pairing off with serious girlfriends, and his mom kept asking about his dating life.

Beth seemed to come along at the right time. She was from a nice family, a few towns away from where Gideon grew up. They were both active in Hillel and had many mutual friends. Dating her was an easy transition. Not much in his life had to change. And his mother loved her. She loved telling her friends about Gideon and Beth.

He sat on the toilet, the only seat in the apartment, and texted his girlfriend. Where are the movers? Their 1-4 p.m. window is closing in twenty minutes.

Fifteen minutes passed, and still no movers. Gideon unpacked the box of kitchen supplies his mom had shipped. He filled up the wall unit with pictures and knickknacks they had accumulated over the ten months of their relationship. Gideon had unpacked as much as humanly possible without furniture.

Have you heard from the movers? Gideon texted his girlfriend.

He stared at his phone, waiting for a response. He realized Beth hadn’t responded to his earlier message.

“Gideon.” Beth stood at the doorway of their apartment.

A nervous pit dropped into his stomach, not too dissimilar from the one that dropped when his parents asked him to come into the living room so they could inform him his dad had cancer, years ago.

“I managed to do what I could,” he said, pointing to the wall unit and a pair of framed pictures hung on the wall. “Have you heard from the movers?”

“They’re not coming.” Beth could only look at him for a second before glancing away.

“What happened?” Even while asking this, Gideon had a feeling what the answer was.

“I can’t move in with you.” Her voice cracked. “It’s over, Gideon.”

Gideon needed to sit down. Too bad his only option was the toilet, which felt about right.

“I’m sorry I’m doing this now, like this. I’ve been thinking about it all summer.”

“Way to wait until the last minute.”

“There was never a good time.”

Gideon sat on the polished hardwood floor. The world around him went mute, all except for Beth, who remained standing.

“I’ve been wondering if this really was the best next step for us, moving in together. I felt nervous. At first, I thought it was because I was moving in with my boyfriend into my first apartment, and the natural butterflies that come with that.”

“Maybe it is. I’m nervous, too. We’ll adjust.”

“But I realized that I didn’t want to adjust. Something seemed off, Gideon. Between you and me.”

This was news to him.

“You never felt it?” She asked.

“What?”

“The distance.”

“You mean because your internship was in Midtown and mine was on Wall Street?”

Beth shook her head no, her hair flinging out to the side. “There’s always been this distance between us. No matter how close I thought we were, there was this wall. And it wasn’t just me. I saw it with your other girlfriends.”

That was the problem with dating a girl you had been friends with. She knew Gideon when he was dating around, so she thought she really knew him. He wasn’t in the mood to be psychoanalyzed.

“You would start dating a girl, then they’d want to get serious, and you would break up with them. You have a typical playboy pattern, one I thought I could break.

“But once I started dating you, I saw how much you refused any type of intimacy. We would have these long talks, but it would feel like chatting with a stranger. Or after sex, you wanted to jump into the shower right away. You never wanted to cuddle. I thought it was because of your OCD.”

“I don’t have OCD.”

“You had the cleanest dorm room of any guy I know.”

“Since we’re listing faults, can I start on you yet?”

“Don’t be petty, Gideon. I’m trying to be honest with you.”

“Great timing.” He thought about the plush armchair they had picked out, that he would never get to sit in now. “You waited ten months to lay this all on me.”

“I thought you would come around. I liked the challenge.”

“I’m not a project, Beth.”

“And I’m not a prop,” she said back, her voice thick. “I think that we wanted to look like the perfect couple rather than actually be a good couple.”

Gideon stood up. Therapy session over. “I already signed a lease.”

Beth hadn’t put her name on the lease, only him. Her end of the deal was getting the furniture. Gideon wondered how long this really had been on her mind.

“You can break it.”

“Not without forfeiting first month’s and security.”

“My parents can pay you back for first month’s rent. You can talk to the landlord in the meantime. I’m sure he’ll find somebody to fill this place in no time. He’ll let you break the lease.”

Gideon studied all the details of the apartment. The enclosed porch, the molding on the borders of the off-white walls. That dishwasher. Beth seemed to read his mind.

“If you don’t want to give up the apartment, you can try and find a roommate. I can ask around.”

The last thing he wanted was help from her. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

“I know you’re hurt, and again, I wish my timing was better.”

He didn’t feel hurt or heartbroken. He was angry. At her, and at himself. Because at this moment, a voice in his gut was saying he should’ve been the one to do this first.

Beth gave him a hug, which because he was a nice guy, he accepted. He breathed in her perfume one last time. She clicked the door shut, leaving Gideon alone with his fireplace, dishwasher, and in-unit washer and dryer.

Φ

A few hours later, Gideon’s best friend Seth came over with an air mattress and a pack of gluten-free beer. Seth didn’t follow the whole gluten-free craze to be cool. He had a gluten, tree nut, and peanut allergy. When they met as freshmen, he told Gideon that if he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he would die, which Gideon thought made him sound bad-ass.

Seth kneeled on the bedroom floor and inflated the air mattress.

“Women,” Gideon said. “They appear so soft and innocent, but they can destroy you.”

“Just like almonds,” Seth said. He was from Rye, a few towns over from Gideon, but managed to have a Brooklyn accent.

“It’s never enough. You want to have fun and see where things go; they want a committed relationship. You give them a committed relationship, but it’s not the right type of committed. It’s never enough.” Gideon gagged on the beer. Gluten was apparently the magic ingredient.

“Plenty of fish, Gid. Plenty of fish.” Seth disappeared behind the growing air mattress. “And plenty of dating apps, too.”

Gideon had done his fair share of swiping left and right before Beth, and he would go back to that well soon. But now, he just needed to vent.

“What kills me is that as she was breaking up with me, I kept thinking how I wanted to do it first. I wasn’t crazy about her, and I know things weren’t perfect.”

“Then why’d you keep dating her?” Silence took over the bedroom. It was a valid point, but Gideon waved it away.

“I was being the good boyfriend. I was giving her what she wanted.” Gideon flopped onto the air mattress. It was far more comfortable than he was expecting. “Are you sure you want to live in the dorms for another year?”

“I finally got a single! No more awkward conversations with roommates about not keeping crackers and trail mix in the room. I already installed my dehumidifer.”

“Fair enough.” Gideon smirked. Seth had no shame in being excited to install a dehumidifer.

“I’ll ask around my dorm and my other friends to see if anyone is looking for a last minute apartment.”

“Whoever moves in here would get half the living room as their bedroom. Not exactly the best deal.” Gideon didn’t want to give this apartment up. He doubted he could find a quality apartment at an affordable price this late in the game. His only other option was to go back to the dorms. No offense to Seth and his single, but to Gideon, that was like taking a giant step back.

“You never know. There are a lot of students on campus. Undergrads, grad students, transfer students, even new professors. Browerton is a big place.”

As he promised, Seth put the word out. And it just so happened that a kid in his dorm had a friend who was friends with someone who knew a Browerton student from his Intro to Classics course last year who was in desperate need of an apartment. The news passed back through the chain to Seth, who told Gideon the student would stop over Monday night, after the first day of classes of the new school year.

In that time, Gideon scrambled to find decent furniture from Goodwill and Craigslist. His apartment had the bare essentials of a living space when his buzzer rang. Seconds later, the prospective roommate knocked on his door. Gideon recognized the short brown hair, twinkling eyes, and wide smile in a heartbeat.

Only that smile quickly turned into a scowl.