The Fairyland Murders

I’d assumed the first murder, Arnold Davis’s murder, was personal for the killer. More personal than I first imagined by the look of Penelopee’s too perfect albeit fake teeth. The very same fake teeth she’d worn since Izzy’s father had exacted his revenge for threatening the fairies with a lawsuit by removing every single one of her real teeth over twenty years ago.

It had to be hard being the only eight-year-old with a full set of dentures.

I almost felt sorry for the murderous princess.

Until she answered my polite question about the pony by shoving a pair of pliers down my throat. She latched onto my back molar, ripping the tooth free along with what felt like a million nerve endings. I hate to admit it, but I screamed and continued to scream for what felt like a full hour. The pain radiated from the top of my head to the soles of my feet and back again.

My body jerked with electricity, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t conjure the slightest bolt. Penelopee grinned, again flashing her dentures. “Plastic grips on the pliers. I’ve learned a lot since meeting you, dear Blue.”

She held up my bloody molar to the light, frowned slightly, and then dropped it into a silver bowl.

I swallowed back a wave of blood and bile, but it didn’t stay down long. Not when she moved the pliers to the tooth next to the gaping hole where my molar once sat. “Whhhaaa . . . thhhhhheee . . . ooooo?” I asked over the large metal tool.

She pulled it free, tilting her head. “Sorry, lover, I didn’t quite catch that.”

I spit a glob of blood and saliva at her feet. “I asked, why all the other fairies? Killing them, I mean.” I paused, searching her face. “I get killing Arnold. He’d ruined your ability to devour a steak.” And what batshit crazy princess didn’t love a good charbroiled steak? “But why the others?”

Her head swung back and forth, as if I’d missed the point completely. “This isn’t about Arnold. I mean, it was once.” Her expression took on a faraway glow, as if reliving Arnold’s bloody murder. She shook her head, returning from wherever her crazy had gone. “I plotted my revenge against Arnold for years, but in the end his death was a beginning for my true mission. A calling, if you will.” She smiled again, and for the first time I saw the tiny cracks in her veneers. Cracks I should’ve noticed days ago.

“You want teeth.” I gave a bitter laugh. “Real ones.”

“Not real, Blue. Perfect.” She tapped the pliers on my forehead, not hard enough to hurt but more of an atta boy. I didn’t like it one bit better. “I’m filthy rich,” she said. “I can buy anything or,” her eyes met mine, “anyone I want.”

Hard to argue that when I still had twenty-seven bucks of her money in my wallet. I should’ve charged her double. Not that she’d actually hired me for a real case. Nope, I was a dupe, a means to track the fairies.

What was it with women using me?

At least with Izzy it had only cost a bit of pride, not a molar.

Penelopee wasn’t finished with her tirade. “Every year, until last year, I’d bought a brand-new set of teeth. Teeth plated in gold. Teeth made of the strongest steel. Teeth promised to be perfect. Teeth guaranteed to last forever.” She shook her head. “But they never did. When Arnold had his little ‘accident’ . . .” She gave a small laugh.

My eyebrow arched. “Little” didn’t quite describe forty-five busted bones and internal organ damage, but I let her have her way. For now.

“I saw an opportunity and I grabbed it.”

I snorted. “You ripped out his teeth.”

“Yes, like I said, opportunity.” She blew out a long breath. “Please pay attention, Blue. I expect better from my employees.”

“I don’t work for . . .”

Her own eyebrow arched.

“Forget it.”

“As I was saying, Arnold’s ‘accident’ was like a gift from the tooth gods.” A smile lifted the corner of her lips. “I pulled his teeth and had my dentist fit them into a new pair of dentures.”

“But he was a fairy,” I said. At her puzzled look, I added, “Small teeth.”

“Right.” She tapped a finger to her temple. “His teeth were much too small. That’s why I had to try again.”

I rolled my eyes. “With another Tooth Fairy?”

Apparently, the princess wasn’t all that bright either. She smiled, nodding. “I knew you’d understand. But no matter how many times I tried, the fairies’ teeth were always too small.”

“Go figure.” I looked into her eyes. “That wasn’t the only reason you went after Tooth Fairies, was it? You wanted revenge for what Arnold did. For what the Fairy Council let him do. This isn’t about teeth. It’s about destroying all fairies.”

She ignored my comment, acting as if I hadn’t spoken. “Then there was Barry. I had to kill him after I lost a piece of my disguise. I couldn’t have him tell you the names of everyone who’d bought green wings, now could I?”

Before I could answer, she rushed on. “He had such a nice smile.... I just couldn’t help myself. . . . Sadly, his were a little too big; made me look like a horse. . . .”

“A shame. Really.”

Her eyes locked on my mouth. “Fear not, Blue, my next pair will fit just right.”