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MIKA WOKE UP SLOWLY, her eyes stickier than normal and her brain foggier. She was under the covers and she had no clue how that had happened. When she sat up the cold air hitting her naked skin did a lot to wake her. It also motivated her to get up and get dressed! She silently thanked Andrea as she grabbed a packet of aspirin, swallowing it down with the untouched water from last night.
She took her time finishing off the bottle as she was probably dehydrated. Mika vaguely wondered where Robert was, since everything but his coat was gone. As more of last night came back into focus, heat climbed into her cheeks. She loved when he took her from behind. The wildness of it, the depths he could hit! A wide smile overtook her face before slowly slipping off.
She had no memory of them using a condom. Most times he gave her the honor of donning him in latex, and when he didn’t she watched. All she remembered was one moment his head was in-between her legs, and the next he was inside of her. Had they not used a condom? Oh god, he had been as drunk as she was! She rushed over to the trashcan in the corner. It was empty, not even a random tissue was in it!
“Fuck!” She said out loud, just as the door opened.
“You’re actually up?” Robert teased flashing her a smile. “You okay?” He asked after seeing her expression.
“Did...did we forget to use a condom last night?”
“No, we’re good. What made you ask that?”
“Are you sure? I don’t remember you putting it on, or taking it off.”
“You didn’t see me putting it on and you wouldn’t remember the taking-off part either. You fell dead asleep as soon as we finished. I almost did too.” He walked forward perplexed by the entire conversation. “What is this about? I said we’re good.”
“Prove it to me. Where is it?”
“What the fuck is this inquisition?” Robert could feel his temper rising. Was she saying he was lying? “I don’t have to prove anything. Why in the hell would I lie?”
“I don’t know! Maybe because you don’t want to admit that you were too drunk to remember just like I was, or admit you made a mistake.” Hands on her hips, Mika started to pace.
“I never, ever forget a condom. I’ve told you that. And if I ever do I wouldn’t lie about it. I’m a grown-ass man. I’d take responsibility for my actions.”
“I know! But you were drunk. You might have—”
“Might have what? What does me being drunk last night have to do with me telling the truth this morning?” He couldn’t believe they were arguing about this. “What would be my motivation in possibly getting you pregnant? I don’t want your kid.”
Well damn, that snapped her head back at his tone of disgust.
“Good, because I don’t want you as my child's father either! Show me the condom if you not lying.”
Robert turned and walked out the room, Mika hot on his trail as he went into the kitchen.
“Just show me,” she continued, still trying to get visual proof.
“I’m not showing you shit. You got a lot of damn nerve. What do you think my plan was? To get the BAP pregnant as a come-up or something?” Both of their voices were raised.
“BAP,” Mika muttered, as it took her a moment to realize he was calling her a “Black American Princess”—a kind of insult against black females who grew up rich and privileged. “Oh, fuck you! Maybe you did. I know you only really care about making money. You wouldn’t be the first man trying to trap me for my family connections!”
“I don't give a shit about your money or your family connections!” Robert’s voice was hard as stone. “I’m pissed you think I wouldn’t protect us both. That I’d use you, and then lie about it all!”
Just then Cam and Andrea came down the stairs. They had heard the yelling from their bedroom.
“What’s going on down here?” Cam demanded.
Mika was actually shaking, so she jammed her hands into her jean pockets. “Nothing.”
“Didn’t sound like nothing.” Andrea put a hand on Mika’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Yes...no.” She shrugged jerkily. “I don’t know.”
“But I do. I told you everything was fine,” Robert snapped.
“That’s what you say, not what I know!” Mika shouted back.
“This is bullshit and you know it.” He was livid, moving forward and pointing his finger at her. “I would never do what you're accusing me of!”
Andrea stepped in front of Mika. “Let's all take a moment.” She looked between the two before telling Cam, “Cam, why don’t you and Robert go get us some breakfast from up the street. I’m sure this will be easier to figure out once we all get some food.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Cam said before either party could comment. Lips pressed thin he went over to Robert placing a hand on his shoulder. “Come on bro, go up to the Coney with me.”
Robert didn’t budge, just looking at Mika half-hidden behind Andrea. Finally he turned away. “Fine, I need to get out of here anyway.”
Once in the hall Cam grabbed his keys and coat. Tossing an extra Robert’s way, before they went out the door.
At the sound of the door closing, the air went out of both women. Andrea steered Mika to a seat. “Girl, what is this all about? You and that man looked like you wanted to tear each other apart—and not in the way you looked last night.”
“I don’t think he used a condom,” Mika said, sitting with her head in her hands.
“What? Why wouldn’t he? What did he say?”
“We were both drunk. I know I wasn’t checking for one.”
Remembering what Robert had been shouting Andrea asked, “But he said he used one right?”
“Yeah, but I think he’s lying. He wouldn’t prove it to me.”
“Prove it? How...I mean...what did he say exactly?” Andrea was trying to make sense of everything.
“Since it wasn’t in the room’s trash, I asked him to show me. He said he didn’t have to prove anything, that I should accept his word.”
“Is there a reason you wouldn’t?”
“I just can’t remember him actually putting one on.” Mika said sounding desperate.
“Okay, okay. Why don’t we check and then you’ll know. Did you check the bathroom?”
In her manic state she hadn’t thought to go searching all the trash cans in the house. She got up and ran to the guest bathroom. Pressing the lid of the small trash can in the corner and there it was. Very visible and very used, sitting right on top. Her body sagged with relief, overwhelming relief. Dread was close on the heels of that feeling, at the things she and Robert had said to each other. She stumbled out the bathroom past Andrea who had been behind her.
“Well?”
“It was there.” Her voice hoarse as she fought back tears. “Can you please take me home?”
“I can, but what about—”
“Please,” Mika pleaded, her head and heart pounding.
Andrea bit her lip, she didn’t think it was a good idea to run away while the man was out. Especially since he had been telling the truth. She hadn’t separated them so Mika could duck out, but so the two could cool down.
“I’ll get my stuff, but I am going to write Cam a note though.”
“Thank you!” Mika sighed with relief, before getting up to retrieve her things from the spare bedroom. She couldn’t deal with Robert right now. She needed some space and time to think.
––––––––
AS ROBERT ENTERED CAM’S house he was calmer. Cam had convinced him to just show her the condom in the trash and be done with the argument. They were just having a miscommunication, which if he put his ego aside he could easily clear up. They just needed to get back to her house and talk it out. While he was still pissed that she would think he had failed her, failed them—he tried to understand it was her knee-jerk reaction talking. His hopes of saving the morning in a civil manner was dashed when the women were no longer in the kitchen.
“Where’d they go?”
Cam shrugged. “Maybe Andrea jumped in the shower. Check your room for Mika.”
Robert set the bags and coffee down and did what Cam suggested. He didn’t find her nor any of her personal items. The room had been cleared, while his temper returned full force.
“She’s gone.” Robert announced coming back in the kitchen.
“I know, I just saw the message Andrea left. She said Mika asked to go home.”
“Fuck, what the hell is her problem?”
“Calm down, maybe this is a good thing. Apparently she hasn’t cooled off yet. Give her a little space.”
“Oh, no doubt. I’ll give her space alright.” Robert’s tone was hard and biting. “Do you have time to take me to my car, or do you want me to get a Lyft or something?”
Cam’s shoulders sagged, he knew that tone. Robert wasn’t open to being reasonable right now. “No no, I can do it,” Cam quickly said. No way did he want to inflict Robert’s current mood on some unsuspecting driver.
* * *
MIKA WANTED TO CURL up in a ball, but found herself pacing her bedroom instead. She knew leaving was only going to rile Robert up further, which had not been her intention. She just needed some space, some time to check her out-of-control emotions. Robert was a man and couldn’t understand the fear a woman might have over an unplanned pregnancy. Financially there were no worries, having family support wouldn’t be in question either. Though her mother would swear she did it on purpose just to buck her expectations.
It was the emotional part that terrified her.
Being responsible for one little human’s world, their every need. Having the sole responsibility of shaping them into a productive adult, and not an asshole to society. Not to mention even in this day and age, people assumed all women wanted kids. Well, she wasn’t sure if she did. Frankly, babies terrified her! She didn’t really want to be around kids until they were about three. Her cousin Michaelle had a two year old son, who Mika had just started interacting with.
If she had to be a parent she didn’t want to be a single one. For all that she complained about her family she loved them. She was lucky to have grown up with both parents who loved her. Even having extended family who annoyed her was a blessing. The few times she’d thought about kids, it had been having one in a family unit. Unfortunately, all the men she had “dated” would not be husband material, much less fit for fatherhood. They were barely fit to be temporary boyfriends. The thought of being connected to any of them for 18 years-to-life, sent dread to the pit of her stomach.
But Robert and a baby? She couldn’t put the two together in her head, especially with her as the mother. They’d both only talked about their upbringing in little slices of conversation. She knew he loved his family, but would he ever want a wife or children? She’d gotten the impression he wasn’t interested in either. She had no doubt he would and could monetarily provide for his child. That was only one aspect of being a parent. The day-to-day would end up all on her.
Not that she would expect a marriage just because a child came into the picture. That was weird and outdated thinking. No child needed to be raised in a home with two people pretending to care about each other, just so the “optics” would look right to society. She liked Robert and she honestly believed he liked her. In fact she liked him more than she had liked anyone in years. He was an intense man, he moved with purpose, figuratively and literally. She liked that about him. In other men it came off differently, as if it was all surface level. With Robert she had no doubt he’d earned every ounce of confidence he flaunted. How many times had he adamantly said he didn’t want kids? His paranoia of babies rivaled her own. Which is another reason she should have known he wouldn’t lie to her.
But it had been mere weeks since they decided to actually date. She could see them potentially having a real relationship, and that alone was scary. She didn’t need an unplanned pregnancy on top of it all. Besides at the first sign of a potential mistake, she’d lashed out at him. He could be thoughtful, sweet and fun, all without being a pushover or boring. He didn’t try to impress but to please her in ways that actually mattered. Other men failed to realize that since she grew up with money, she wasn’t interested so much in the flash of it all.
She would apologize to him later today when they both had time to settle down. She’d try to explain her whacked-out thought process. She sat down on the bed just when her phone pinged.
Robert: So you just left?
Mika: I’m sorry I just needed some space, time to think
Mika: I’m so sorry. I know you were telling the truth. I saw the condom in the bathroom
Robert: You shouldn’t have needed to see it, to believe me
Robert: You can have all the space you need from now on
Mika: What does that mean?
Robert: It means we don’t need anything else to do with each other
Mika: That’s not the kind of space I wanted, just a couple of hours to put things in perspective
Robert: I don’t want to deal with a woman who has such a low opinion of me
Robert: We can work on transferring your accounts before the week is out
Mika: What the fuck Robert?
But that was it, she didn’t get another text from him. The final straw to making her Sunday a complete failure.
* * *
MONDAY DAWNED OVERCAST and gray with snow clouds and it mirrored her mood. Nevertheless, she took a late lunch and made her way over to Robert’s office. She wasn’t going to blow up his phone like some teenager. She figured she’d try to talk to him face to face. A single yellow Chrysanthemum had been delivered to her office today. What the hell did that mean? Well, she was about to find out. Peeking through the glass into his office she saw he was alone and not on the phone, so she did a quick rap on the door before stepping inside.
“Hey, can we talk?”
As Robert turned towards her his mouth tightened. “Shut the door.”
She did. He stayed seated and she stayed standing.
“Now you want to talk? Thought you needed to run away and have your space,” Robert said scathingly.
“Don’t do that. Don’t be a hard-ass about this,” Mika implored, reminding herself to hold onto her own temper.
“You want to talk? Then do it quickly. I have nothing to say, and this is not the place to have this discussion.”
“Okay first I want to make it clear that I did not ask for, nor do I authorize my accounts to be moved. Unless you have suddenly become incompetent at your job, I insist that they remain with you. I trust you.”
Robert twisted his mouth. “With your money you do.”
“Robert please...” she said, already exhausted with his unbending attitude.
“I’ll keep your accounts. They require very little interaction except the yearly planning meeting.”
“I want to have interaction with you. My god I’m sorry for overreacting, for not trusting you in that moment.”
“You acted like I would purposely try to get you pregnant. While I do like your bank account, I’ve never tried to saddle a woman with a baby to get their money.”
“You could have handled it better yourself, instead of reacting like I accused you of stealing the good china.”
“Hell, that’s what it felt like. The disdain you felt at the possibility of having a child with someone lowly like me, was clear by how badly you freaked out.”
“Where in the world is all this coming from? Yes, I was horrified about the possibility of having anyone’s child. This never had anything to do with your worth.”
“It did to me!” Robert yelled pounding his desk with a fist. Only the nosy faces he saw openly looking into his office made him rein in his temper—but barely. Through gritted teeth and a lowered voice, he continued. “I told you I would always protect you—us—in that matter. I told you I had protected us that night and you looked me in the eye and said I was lying. Like I had no honor!”
“I freaked out! There I admit it. I’m a normal woman that sometimes has crazy emotions! Add in my PMS week and there you have it. I know, shocking that I’m more than just your fuck-buddy.”
He stood up so quickly his chair flew behind him. “Get out. I think we're done having this conversation in my office.” Robert was furious.
“I thought you believed in facing things head on?”
“You should leave before I have you shown out,” he said coldly, straightening his suit and tie before putting his hands in his pockets.
Mika felt the back of her eyes sting. She had never attacked a man before but she thought about it now, really thought about it. She wanted to do something extreme and trifling, like the trashy shows she sometimes watched. Instead she channeled her inner Beverly, giving him a look of dismissal that would have done her mother proud. Turning on her heels and without another word, she walked out his office...and out of his life.
