It took almost thirty minutes to make her way down the pier, thanks to all the people who wanted to talk to her about the charity day, and a few snafus that required her attention. With every minute that passed, Autumn felt her anxiety increase, especially when Griff didn’t return the messages she quickly tapped out on her phone.
Was he really that angry about her getting drunk?
She weaved through the crowd, her head turning from side to side as she sought him out. It was infuriating – he should be easy to spot, but she couldn’t see him anywhere.
Then her gaze landed on his boat. The gangplank was down. She tried to remember if it had been that way earlier. Taking a deep breath, she walked onboard, feeling the gentle bob of the anchored boat as the waves lapped against it.
“Griff?” she called out, feeling a strange shiver snake down her spine. “Are you here?”
She was about to turn back when she heard a sound coming from the front of the boat. She walked past the cabin, and the ladder that led to the wheelroom. Her eyes landing on him sitting on a bench, a glass full of something amber held to his lips as he looked out to shore.
She could see the outline of his muscles through his thin t-shirt. Was it only this morning she was running her hands all over them?
“I’ve been looking for you,” she said softly.
He stood as soon as he heard her, the glass still in one hand. There was a blankness in his eyes. “I’ve been right here.” He lifted up a bottle that was resting on the bench beside him. “Did you know this whiskey’s been here since my dad ran the boat? He must have forgotten to take it with him when he left.” He shook his head. “About the only thing he’s ever given me. I kept meaning to throw it out, but maybe I knew it’d come in handy.” His words were slurred. Enough for her to know it wasn’t the first glass he was drinking.
“Can we talk about what just happened back there?” she asked. “Maybe go to my office?”
“Why? You want to sell me a pier?” The roughness of his voice sent shivers down her spine.
“No. I want to explain.”
He looked down at his glass. “There’s nothing to explain. If you want to sell the pier, that’s fine. It’s what you intended to do all along.” He lifted the whiskey to his lips and tipped his head back, emptying the glass before pouring himself another.
“Can you slow down?” she asked, shaking her head as he swallowed another mouthful. “This is supposed to be a happy day.”
“I’m just trying to see how it feels. How drunk do you have to get to buy a pier?” He shrugged, that steely glint still in his gaze. “Two drinks? Three? Five? How many until I become somebody completely different for a few weeks.”
“You’re making an idiot of yourself,” she hissed, grabbing his arm. “Can we please talk about this somewhere less open?”
“Why? You want to tell me about your ex? I didn’t know you’d invited him to the charity day.” He gave her a sour smile. “Maybe you should have warned me.”
“I didn’t know either.” She let out a sigh. “I’m sorry… I should have…” her voice trailed off. What should she have done? She had no idea. All she knew was she hated the way he was looking at her.
Like he was angry and hurt and every emotion in between.
She was acutely aware of how alcohol and boats didn’t mix. It made the hackles on her neck rise up. “Come on,” she said again, reaching for his arm. “Let’s go.”
“What is it with women and my arm,” he muttered, pulling away from her. “You chicks have a thing about it.”
“Chicks?” She straightened her spine. “Seriously?” Damn, he was aggravating. “Maybe it’s you who’s got the problem. If you just came with me when I asked, I wouldn’t have to drag you.”
“I’ve come with you enough.” His voice was low. “Every night for the past few weeks. Remember all the times I held you in my arms afterward? All those long conversations about my family and your divorce? I don’t remember you once mentioning you only bought the pier because you were drunk.”
“Why should I mention it? It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s big enough for your ex to know about it.”
She took a deep breath. “What did Josh say?”
Griff looked down at his drink, staring at it as though it had all the answers. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, then lifted the glass to his mouth.
“It obviously does,” she whispered as he swallowed another mouthful. “I know he told you about me buying the pier when I was drunk. What else?”
“There’s more?” Griff shook his head. “What, did you buy the Empire State Building, too? What else does Josh and your sister know that I don’t?”
“Nothing! And Lydia’s my family. Of course I’m going to tell her everything.”
“Because family’s more important than anything else, right? More important than me.” His words were becoming more slurred.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to.” He tipped his head back and finished the whiskey, slamming the glass on the bench. “I get it. Your family matters to you. More than I do.” He stood, and she was hyper aware of his height. He wasn’t steady on his feet like he usually was. One tumble and he could hurt himself. “Maybe that’s why Josh and your Dad have no idea I even exist. I’m nothing to you, am I? Less important than this damn pier.”
“You should go home,” she told him. “Sleep it off. Before you do something you regret.”
He looked her in the eye, and it made her heart jolt. There was nothing there. No kindness, no understanding. Just blankness, like he’d closed down the shutters and left his body to do the work.
“You want me to leave?” His voice was icy.
“Yes… no… I just don’t want us to be talking like this while you’re drunk. And on a boat, too. You know how dangerous the ocean can be.”
“Did you throw your dad off the pier?” he asked her. “How about Josh, is he gone?”
“No I didn’t. And I’ve no idea where Josh is.”
“I guess I know where I stand. Below your family, below your ex.” He gave her another sickly smile. “Sorry if I’m messing with your style, Miss Paxton.”
“I never said that.”
“Nope. But I can see it in your eyes. What was I, a distraction? A bit of rough for the rich girl?” He raked his hand through his hair, and it made him stumble to his left.
“Don’t bother answering,” he muttered. “I’m leaving.” He stepped forward, this time not meeting Autumn’s gaze.
“I’ll call you later,” she whispered.
“Don’t bother. You’ll be too busy with your family. And your ex, no doubt.” He blinked.
She tried to take a breath, but her chest felt too tight. “So what happens next?” she whispered.
He shrugged, his dark eyes finally meeting hers. “Nothing,” he whispered. “Nothing happens. I’ll go home, have another drink, and remember why I don’t do relationships. Because they fucking suck.”
He’d almost made it to the pier entrance before he let out a growl of anger. Every bit of him hurt. The healing bruises on his skin, the muscles he’d used to build the stage, but most of all his chest.
It felt like his heart might explode out of his ribcage.
There were people everywhere, brushing past him in their excitement to get on the pier. To eat funnel cake and ride the rollercoaster, or listen to the band whose music was echoing from the stage.
And yet he’d never felt so alone. Or like such an asshole. He wanted the pain to go away. Wanted to take her pain away, too, but it was impossible. He’d messed it up, the way he always did.
“Griff?” Ally called out from the Déjà Brew stall. “You okay?” The makeshift shop was surrounded by customers desperate for a caffeine fix.
He nodded. “I’m good.”
“Where you going?”
“Home.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but he turned and walked away. He didn’t want to talk to anybody. Not now. He had a feeling if he opened his mouth again he’d only hurt someone else.
He needed to get away and close the door on the world. Maybe then he could think about what he’d just done.
Because right now, it felt like he’d ruined everything.
“He didn’t mean it,” Lydia said, passing Autumn another tissue. “He was blindsided by Josh and Dad arriving, that’s all. It was his ego talking, and we all know that guys’ egos are full of bullshit. Give him a day to sober up and he’ll be begging you to take him back.”
“Maybe I don’t want him back,” Autumn said, shaking her head wearily. Every muscle in her body ached. It was like she’d spent the day climbing Everest rather than overseeing a charity event. The pier closed an hour ago, laughing visitors leaving after the final concert, as the fairground rides switched off one by one. And now the pier was empty, save for Autumn, Lydia, and Ally who’d snuck into her office with a bottle of wine and three glasses. Ally was pouring them out as Lydia helped mop up Autumn’s tears.
“Griff’s a complex guy,” Ally said, passing the wine out. “He’s like an iceberg. That top ten percent is calm and easy-going as hell. But it hides all the crap he’s been through in his life.” Her eyes caught Autumn’s. “And he’s been through a lot.”
“I know.” Autumn blew her nose loudly. “But he shouldn’t take it out on me.”
Ally smiled. “You’re one of the only ones he shows the ninety percent to. That means he trusts you.” She pulled out the chair next to Autumn’s. “But that doesn’t mean he should get away with it. You should definitely give him hell, nobody should talk to you like that. But maybe you can understand why he’s the way he is. He’s built up this armor to protect himself.”
“Then you stripped the armor away,” Lydia said, patting Autumn’s hand. “And he panicked, like a wild animal.”
“That’s a pretty good description of him,” Autumn muttered, remembering the hardness in his stare. “It was like he’d closed in on himself and was lashing out without thinking.” Another tear rolled down her cheek. “And it hurt.”
“Of course it did.” Lydia hugged her. “You poor thing.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Go home and go to bed, I guess.” Autumn looked at Lydia. “All your things are at Griff’s, but I don’t think I can go there. Can you go pick them up in the morning and bring them back to the cottage?”
“Of course. But you’ll have to face him yourself some time.”
“I can’t. Not yet.” Not without it hurting too much.
“What’ll you do if you two never make up?” Ally asked. “Would you still stay here?”
Autumn ran her finger around the top of her glass. She hadn’t touched a drop. The thought of it made her stomach tight. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But it would be difficult if I did. Griff’s a tenant and I’ll have to work with him every day.”
Her mouth was dry at the thought. Could she deal with seeing him every day knowing she couldn’t touch him, go home with him, laugh with him? So much of her time in Angel Sands had been spent with him, first as friends, then as friends with benefits, and now as…
Nothing.
The blankness made her heart ache. And the tears started to pour all over again.
“I’m sorry, just ignore me,” Ally said quickly. “You don’t have to worry about any of that now.”
“Of course she doesn’t.” Lydia checked her watch. “Hey, when was the last time you ate anything?”
“I think I had some funnel cake late this morning,” Autumn croaked.
“You should eat. You must be starving.”
“I’m not hungry.” Autumn shook her head. “I think I’ll just go home and sleep. What time is dad’s plane home?” Her dad and Josh had beaten a hasty retreat to their hotel rooms at the Silver Sands Resort when it was clear Autumn didn’t want to talk to them. Mr. Carlsson was already on his way back to L.A.
“At lunchtime tomorrow.” Lydia shrugged. “I’m supposed to fly out in the evening, but I can change it.”
“No need to change anything,” Autumn told her. “I’ll be fine. And you’ve done enough for me already.”
“Yeah, because all of this is my fault.” Lydia gave her a sad smile.
Autumn smiled tenderly at her. “No it isn’t. We all know you can’t keep a secret. You’re an open book, and that’s part of who you are. It’s not as though it was some terrible thing, anyway. I got drunk, made a mistake, and then tried to fix it.” She shrugged.
“I love you,” Lydia said, her own eyes watering. “So much. And if Griff has any sense, he’ll realize how much he loves you, too, and come crawling on his knees to beg you to take him back.”
Autumn almost laughed at the image of Griff crawling anywhere. Only almost, though, because her heart was so bruised it hurt to do anything other than breathe.
It was time to go to bed and sleep, because she had no idea what else to do. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
His head was pounding like somebody had taken a pick axe to it from the inside out and was determined to make a tunnel to the outside. It was only made worse by the shrill ring of his cell phone. A glance at the screen told him it was Jackson. He refused the call and tapped out a quick message that he was fine and he’d call him in the morning.
Jackson’s reply flashed in front of his eyes. Fine. Hah. Whatever you say, pal. But yeah, call me tomorrow.
After he’d left the pier, Griff had headed straight home, and moped the evening away on his couch, staring out of the window of his apartment at the ocean as though it held all the answers.
If he’d been sober, he’d have climbed into his truck and driven out of town. Far enough that the sound of the people on the pier didn’t pierce his ears wherever he went. But he wasn’t sober, and his friends were all busy with their families, so instead he’d stood in the shower until his skin puckered up, trying not to look at the pretty bag of toiletries Autumn had left propped on his bathroom counter.
Okay, so he looked. And in his inebriated state he might have unscrewed her shampoo and breathed it in, the smell of her hitting him viscerally as he thought about those words he’d said.
Cruel words.
Words that had made her eyes water and her lips tremble.
Words he could never take back if he wanted to.
And now here he was, nursing a hangover from day drinking and wondering how the hell things went wrong so quickly.
From the moment he’d seen Autumn’s father and ex, he’d felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. In their fancy, New York suits, their hair perfectly styled and gelled, they were the opposite to him. It made him feel lacking, and he hated that. As though he wasn’t good enough for her.
Yeah, well he’d proven that from the way he’d treated her.
Truth be told, he wasn’t good enough. He’d spent a childhood learning all about that. Not good enough to earn his father’s attention. Not good enough to feel his mother’s love. He was an irritation who occasionally came in useful.
He looked at himself in the bedroom mirror, leaning his brow on the cool glass, and hating the reflection staring back at him. His heart physically ached, like it was going through some kind of major crisis. If he wasn’t so damn healthy and fit, he’d be worried he was having a heart attack.
There was a loud banging at the door of his apartment, and his sore heart leapt a little. Was it her? Had she realized what a damn idiot he was? His breath caught in his throat as he raked his hair back from his face and strode out of the bedroom into the hallway. He didn’t bother to check the peephole, too desperate to get the door open.
“Lucas,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment when he saw his friend standing there. “Everything okay?”
“That’s what I’ve come to ask you. We’ve just finished at the pier and I realized I hadn’t seen you for hours. What’s up, man?”
Griff stood to the side so Lucas could walk in, before he closed the door behind him.
“You know what happened between me and Autumn?”
Lucas gave him a short smile as they walked into the living room. “It’s a small town and everybody has a loud mouth. So yeah, I have some kind of idea.”
Griff collapsed onto the sofa, and Lucas took the chair opposite. “I messed up.”
“So I hear.” Lucas blew out a mouthful of air. “What were you thinking?”
He wasn’t. That was the problem. His lizard mind had taken over, whispering in his ear with a hissing voice that it was inevitable that she’d leave. He wasn’t good enough for her, the same way he’d never been good enough for his parents.
This was why he didn’t do relationships. He always messed things up and got hurt. Even worse, he ended up hurting other people.
Autumn. Carla. He had a whole list of them.
“She bought the pier when she was drunk.”
“So? We all do stupid things when we’re drunk.” He gave Griff a pointed look. “What does that matter?”
His heart was throbbing again. “It means she didn’t decide to come out here. It was a mistake.” His voice cracked. “That’s what she told her sister.”
“So? People are allowed to change their minds.” Lucas’s voice was thick with incredulity. “Autumn loves you. You only have to see the way she looks at you to know that. Like you’re some kind of giant knight riding on a dragon to save her.”
“A dragon?”
Lucas shrugged. “I figure you’d squash a normal size horse.”
Griff would have laughed if he was capable, but the sound was trapped in his throat. “Did you see her ex? And her dad? They’re both here to help her sell the pier so she can go back to New York.”
“And does she want that?”
Griff blinked. “Why wouldn’t she have told me about it if she didn’t?”
“I don’t know. This is all stuff you need to ask her, not me. But none of it makes any sense.”
Griff dropped his head into his hands, his hair falling over his fingers. “She won’t talk to me. Not after the things I said.”
“What did you say?” Lucas asked, folding his arms across his chest.
“I told her to go back to New York and forget me.”
“You really are an idiot, you know that?”
“Thanks for reminding me.” Griff gave him a humorless smile. “And even if she wasn’t going back before, she will now after I’ve been such a douche.”
“The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know? And for the record, her dad and her ex are flying back to New York tomorrow. Without her.”
Griff lifted his head. “She’s staying?”
“That’s what I said, numbnuts.” Lucas pressed his lips together in a firm line. “I suggest you crawl over to her place first thing tomorrow and start begging for her forgiveness. Because I’ve never seen you as happy as you’ve been in the past few weeks. Or so at ease with yourself. The two of you work.” He cleared his throat. “Or you did, until you went and fucked it up.”
“She’ll never forgive me.”
“She won’t if you don’t ask.”
He slumped against the sofa. “Yeah, well maybe she shouldn’t. She deserves somebody better than me.”
“Who the hell is better than you? Jackson?” Lucas laughed. “Or the asshole she divorced before she came out here? You want to see her with one of them?”
“No!” The thought of it made Griff want to hit something. Or someone. Preferably the smug asshole who broke Autumn’s heart.
“Then go and talk to her. Tell her why you pushed her away. Apologize for it, make some damn amends. And if she still wants nothing to do with you?” Lucas shrugged. “At least you tried.”
Griff exhaled. “Yeah. You’re right.” There was one thing he was sure of, he couldn’t let her go. It hurt too damn much. He needed her like he needed air.
Lucas looked like he was going to say something more, but then his cell rang. Griff recognized the tone – the same one Lucas got whenever the station put out an emergency call to all of its firefighters.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, Lucas glanced at the screen, frowning as his eyes scanned the message. Lucas slowly brought his gaze back to Griff, the expression making the pit of Griff’s stomach churn.
“There’s a fire,” Lucas said, his voice strained. “At the pier.”
And just like that, the bottom fell out of Griff’s world.