thirty-five

Oberon had gone away with the other police, giving him a last look that said he knew Mallen wasn’t finished. Even with that, Oberon still left, asking once more for his rent check.

Mallen paced around the living room, unable to sleep. Beyond exhausted. Gato sat on the couch, watching him with tired eyes ringed in dark. Gato looked like he’d been thrown to the dogs and they’d thrown him back.

Gato spoke first. “Mallen? Where to now?”

Mallen nodded as he pulled out the piece of paper with the address. The address in Mendocino. The one Gregor had found in the codebook. That was all they had left.

Mallen showed it to Gato, who then got to his feet as he dug out his car keys … .

–––––

The rising sun cast a pale light along Highway 128 as they followed their way through wineries and redwood forests. Mallen remembered that Mendocino was the first place he thought he’d end up after he’d gotten clean and had solved Eric’s murder, putting it in the “finished business” column. The trees worked on his head, calming him … enveloping him. At the time, two suitcases were all he had with him: one filled with books, the other with clothes. No guns. No more Tenderloin. No more blood. He’d imagined himself showing up at Chris’s, picking up Anna, and bringing her back here to some house in the woods he would be renting. Nice and quiet, and mostly safe.

Well … not quite how it’d worked out, yeah?

They rode the 128 to where it meets Highway 1 and the Navarro River. Continued north. At Mendocino, they made a right onto Little Lake Road. Headed up into the woods. After about ten minutes they found the gated road mentioned in the codebook. Drove a little past. Parked and got out. Wasn’t the first time he’d snuck onto someone’s private property and made his way to the door. Mallen wondered what sort of response he would get when these people opened the door. How ugly would it get?

“Hey,” he said to Gato, “Let’s chill for a sec. Need a down moment.”

“Sure,” Gato replied, looking up at the trees, at how far they reached into the sky. A sort of wonder was there in his friend’s expression. As he watched Gato, Mallen felt he caught a glimpse of the ten-year-old inside the man.

Mallen smoked a cigarette before continuing. Had no goddamned idea at all what he was going to do. If there was no kid up there, he was definitely in the shit. It’d all blown up so fast for him, and so many bridges had come burning down, that he couldn’t count on any help from past friends now. Had he been at his best in this? The answer came back no, that he hadn’t been. He’d lost his edge. If he lived through this and didn’t end up in jail, or worse, he’d have to work to get that edge back. It was the only thing that kept him a step ahead of the fuckers he seemed to be destined to chase through the dark and dirty streets.

Well, it was what it was, he thought as he took one last drag and dropped the cigarette to the ground, putting it out with his boot. Looked up at the sky. It was going to be a beautiful, but grey, day. Turned suddenly to Gato. “Hey G,” he said quietly, “no matter how this whole thing falls out, thank you. I owe you more than you’ll ever know.”

Surprisingly, rather than blowing it off with a wave of his hand, his friend said simply, “It’s been my pleasure, dude.”

They then moved parallel to the long, winding driveway, keeping along the tree line. Their dark clothes worked well to keep them mostly covered. At the line where the trees stopped and the lawn began they paused. Noticed some children’s toys by the sliding door that led onto the porch. Toys for a very young child. Toddler age, or so. The sudden barking of a dog startled them. Shit. Asshole. Of course they’d have a fucking dog! More than one, most probably. They stood stock still as a large golden retriever bounded around the far corner of the house and headed straight for them. The dog stopped a few feet away, barking its head off. The sliding door opened and a man was there. 30s. Monied. Wire-rimmed glasses, hair already thinning. Had a revolver in his right hand, but that hand was down by his side. “You’re on private land,” he said loudly.

“I know,” Mallen replied, never taking his eyes off the dog. “I just want to talk with you. I’m Mark Mallen. Karachi is dead. Hendrix is dead. And I’m guessing you have a new addition to your family. I have Karachi’s … catalog. You want to talk to me, and I want to talk to you.”

“Keith?” a woman’s voice came from behind him and then there she was. Younger than her husband and dressed as well as he was. “What’s happening? Should I call the police?” she said to her husband.

Keith stood there, undecided. Seemed to know who Mark was. How he knew that, Mallen had no idea. Did he have that heavy a rep? Of course not. Someone must’ve told Keith about what he’d been up to. Wong? Karachi?

Mallen’s phone rang then, startling everyone, including the dog. The retriever took another step toward him, growling, ears going back. Keith nodded at Mallen, let him check his phone. It was Oberon. Sent it to voicemail.

Keith called the dog to him and the dog quieted down, going to sit near its master. “The cops?” Keith asked.

“No. Not yet. We need to talk, though.”

Keith put the gun in his waistband. Right out of a movie. Waved for Mallen and Gato to come inside. Lovely and rustic interior. Keith took them downstairs to his home office. Indicated for them to sit on the overstuffed leather couch. Keith sat in his office chair. Put the gun on the desk, but within reach. Mallen sat, but Gato stood by the door. He kept his eye on every move that Keith made. That seemed to make the man uncomfortable. After a moment of silence, Keith was about to say something when a child bounded into the room, full of energy. Mallen couldn’t believe it: it was Jessie. She climbed onto Keith’s lap. Put her thumb in her mouth as she looked up at him. Jesus fucking Christ … here she was.

Keith had kept his eyes on Mallen the entire time. “You know who this is. I’m correct in that?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, “I know her mother. She’s why I started this whole thing. I had to find her.”

“And now you have.”

“And now I have.” He looked at the little girl. She wore overalls and a yellow t-shirt. “Looks like you’ve taken care of her.”

Keith petted Jessie’s hair. “Jessie has so much love to give. She’s really incredible.” His hand slowly moved to the pistol on the desk. Gato made a move for his own but Keith shook his head. He lifted up the gun and held it out to Mallen, butt first. Mallen took it. Put it near him, on the side table.

“I did that,” Keith said, “so you’d understand what I’m going to say to you. So you’d know I’m being honest.”

“This is where you tell me she’s better off with you, rather than her mother, yeah?”

“Is that so hard to see? I’ve read the background on Ms. Marston. I’ve even seen photos of her. She’s a junkie. She’ll either be dead soon, or back on the street. And with a daughter? A little girl, just about preschool age?” He looked Mallen dead in the eyes then. “You know what I’m talking about. ”

“That’s beside the fucking point, man. Jessie deserves to be with her mother.”

“I have to hand it to you, Mallen. The fact that you first noticed how Jessie was doing says a lot about you. You could’ve started by playing the tough street guy, but you didn’t. Thank you for that.”

“I care about Jessie. Always have, ever since I got involved. Look, I know what she’s facing, but that doesn’t make it okay for you to buy her from some bunch of street assholes looking to make a buck.” Then he added quietly, “Street assholes that have all suddenly been killed. Someone is shutting it all down. Why? They’re scared. If news of your … purchase … gets out, you’ll lose her anyway.”

Keith got out of the chair, putting Jessie on her feet. “Jess?” he said, “go play with mommy, okay?” Jessie smiled at him and jogged out. There was a large picture window in the room that looked out over a lush, expansive back yard. Keith went and gazed out. Kept his back to the two men as he said, “Does it have to get out, Mallen? Can’t you just look the other way? I … I have enough to make you look away. We’ll sell the house. Move to another state.”

Silence reigned in the room for a moment. Mallen finally said, “I don’t get it. What made you do this? Get involved with such a fucked-up group of people? You were that desperate?”

A nod. Keith never stopped looking out the window. “Ginny, my wife,” he told them in a quiet voice, “developed cancer. They had to take so much of her. No way we’d ever have kids, and that was all we ever wanted.”

“But, man,” Gato suddenly broke in, saying as he looked around the room. “You have money. Usted es blanca y educada. Why weren’t you at the top of a bunch of adoption lists?”

Keith turned then from the window. “I have an arrest record. White collar. I paid for my crime. Three years in prison.” Looked over at his computer screen. The screensaver were rotating pictures of Jessie. Happy Jessie. Laughing Jessie. “That follows you the rest of your life.”

Mallen sat there a long time. There was a lot to what Keith said. He looked around the room, remembering how the house looked like from the outside, and the land. Even if these people picked up and moved, they’d be set up just like this somewhere else. That was a given.

That was the way the world worked. But …

… Jessie wasn’t their kid. He’d promised Trina.

Got to his feet. “I’m sorry, but she deserves to be with her mother, no matter what that might mean. Trina loves her daughter fiercely. She doesn’t abuse her. And she’s trying to make a life for the both of them. Trying hard. She needs to be with her mother. End of fucking story.”

Gato took a step forward. “Bro … ”

“I know,” Mallen told him, “but this is right. It is,” he added quietly. And suddenly, he wasn’t so sure.

Keith sighed. His eyes glanced over at his gun. Probably wished he hadn’t handed it over. Went to the doorway. Said loudly, “Ginny? Bring Jessie in here, please?” After a moment, Ginny came in with the little girl. Jessie looked scared now.

Mallen smiled at her. “Hi Jess. Remember me? Probably not, but I’m here to take you back to your mother.”

Ginny shot a glance at Keith. He only shook his head, face ashen and sad. “Let him take her.”

–––––

The drive back to the city was one that Mallen would remember up until the day he died. It was so surreal. Like a bad dream. He couldn’t begin to reason it all out. The way life turned out sometimes amazed him. He’d found Jessie, and here he was, taking her back to Trina. He should feel on top of the fucking world, but he didn’t. He felt empty and on edge. Maybe it was because of all that had gone on, but deep down he didn’t believe that. It was something else.

Jessie sat in the front seat between him and Gato. She looked sad, scared, and lost. He wondered what she was sad about. Leaving her new house? Going back to her old one? She was only about five. How much did kids really know at that age? Anna seemed to know everything when she was five, but she was special: an old soul in a young body.

“Jessie?” he said quietly, “I’m just taking you back to your mother. Trina. Your mother, okay?”

Nothing. She just stared at him. No way to make her see it, of course. Fuck, she was only a little kid. Very little. “Just trust me. Okay? Just … trust me.” He pulled out his phone then. Dialed the hospital. When the operator answered, he asked for Trina’s room.

“I’m sorry, but she’s been discharged.”

“Discharged,” he said.

“Yes, she checked herself out yesterday.”

–––––

They found parking not far from Trina’s building. As Mallen got out of the car, he looked up and down the street. People hanging out in doorways, or at the bus stop. People walking up and down the street, selling or buying. Even though it was daylight, they seemed like shadows moving in darkness. He looked up at the façades of the apartment buildings. They seemed like depressed ramparts, a failing wall against a tide that ebbed and flowed, a tide that seemed to climb higher every time it came in.

“Come on, honey,” he told Jessie as he scooped her up off the seat and put her on his hip, “your mommy’s very close now, waiting for you.”

Gato locked the car doors and followed behind as the three of them went down the street to the door of the building that Trina and Jessie called home. Mallen figured that at least, if nothing else, he’d done this. He’d gotten Jessie home. He’d done what he’d set out to do.

They entered the building. Mallen put Jessie on her feet and took her hand. Led her up the stairs. Reached their door and knocked.

“Trina?” he said. “It’s Mallen. I have a surprise for you.” No answer, so he knocked again. Then again. She’d just gotten out of the hospital. Was she already out, buying drugs? That thought made him try the doorknob.

It wasn’t locked and the door opened with a slight creak of the hinges. He glanced over at Gato, then down at Jessie. Gato came forward. Smiled at the little girl as he took her hand. “Tu vida será hermosa. Tan sólo ser fuerte, joven.”

The main room was dark. Very dark. Mallen saw that the bedroom door was half open. Motioned for Gato to stay where he was. His friend got it. Squatted down on one knee and began to whisper to Jessie about the beautiful things that existed in life. A blue sky. The clouds on a warm day. The wind in the trees. The sound of the ocean.

Mallen felt as he’d entered the apartment that there was someone there. Could just feel it. Made it to the bedroom doorway. Passed through and into the room. The air went out of him when he saw the figure on the bed. Trina. She had vomited it all out in her drugged sleep. Went over to her quietly. No pulse. Cold skin. Noticed a piece of paper and a pen near her hand. The paper was torn and crumpled, like the writer couldn’t decide whether to toss it away or not. He took it. Read it … .

“Jesus … ” he said to himself.

I sold my child. For money. For drugs. She deserves better than me. Sold her to a man named Karachi. A man named Hendrix got me in contact with him. Hendrix has protection. The police protect him. Fuck the police for protecting him. Fuck god for doing this to me. Fuck me, too … for selling my little Jessie for money. I didn’t know what else to do.

“Oh … oh, Trina … .” Mallen spoke in a whisper. Then it came to him. The code by her name. O.U.F.M. Offered Up For Money. Jesus … He looked around the room, like looking for an answer. Put the note back, knowing immediately what he had to do. There was Trina’s cell phone. He picked it up and dialed 911. When the operator came on he said, “A woman’s overdosed. She’s dead.” Gave the address and threw the phone across the room. Hurried out.

The way Gato looked at him let him know his friend got everything. “Mommy?” Jessie said, her voice small and brittle there in the hallway. He got down on one knee, and looked at her.

“Shhhh … ” he told her softly. “Your mommy’s very tired. She’s been sick. Look, Jessie … ” But he couldn’t continue. What the hell do you say? He wracked his brain frantically for an answer as he looked at her, into her innocent, uncomprehending eyes. What was the best thing to do now? Only a few minutes ago, he’d thought he knew the answer to that question. But now? Leave Jessie for them to find? That thought made his heart break and the paramedics would be here any fucking minute.

“Mallen?” Gato looked from him to Jessie, and then back at the apartment doorway. “I think moving on would be a good idea, bro.”

“Jess?” Mallen said to her quietly. “Where I found you? You like it there?”

Took a moment, but then there was a nod.

“Come on, then.”

–––––

The drive from the city was done in silence. Gato put on some music for Jessie to listen to. Classical music. Didn’t make a difference to her, but Mallen had to admit that it helped him.

Made it back to Keith’s house. This time they pulled to the gate.

Gato made a move to get out, but Mallen stopped him. “No, man. I’ll do this one. I know where your heart lies. Thank you.”

Mallen got out with Jessie, picking her up off the seat, carrying her to the intercom by the gate. She seemed totally wiped out by everything that had happened. As he pushed the call button, he realized he was very mad at Trina. Fuck yeah he was. But he could also understand. He knew desperation. Knew need. Knew the horror of not being able to feed that need. He also knew there were some things you just couldn’t live with, no matter how hard you tried. They were too big, too heavy, and all you could do was pay off that chit with your life, giving back to God the life he’d given you.

The speaker next to the button filled with ambient noise, and then there was Keith’s voice. “Yes?”

“It’s Mallen. Get out to your gate. Now.”

Silence. “Okay,” came the simple reply.

There was the sound of a door opening. Then Keith appeared, coming quickly down the driveway. Stopped when he saw Jessie. Opened the gate. Stood there, looking like a man not sure he was about to experience what he felt was about to happen. Mallen came over to him. Put Jessie in his arms. She barely registered the motion she was so emotionally exhausted. Maybe she’d end up thinking it was all a bad dream. Maybe she would only remember it during a session with her therapist. Who knew? The only thing that Mallen knew at that moment was that whatever Jessie ended up remembering, at least here in this home she had a chance. And a chance was all any of us wanted. Knowing there was a chance at something better was what made humans go on. He also knew that putting her into the foster care system was a crapshoot, with lousy odds. And he would never forget how Keith’s wife looked when Keith told her to hand Jessie over to him. She loved the kid.

Or, that’s what he hoped.

“Listen to me,” Mallen said to Keith as the man stood there, holding Jessie tightly, like he’d just been given back the key to the kingdom of heaven. “Her mother’s gone. And she won’t be back. I think this … you, are her best chance. But,” and here he pulled his gun and put the muzzle right in Keith’s face, “you do anything wrong to this child, I will hear about it. I’m going to follow the next fifteen years of her life, see? Until she’s a legal adult, see? I’ll find out everything you try to hide. I’ll hear about it if you’re arrested. I’ll hear about it if she runs away. I’ll hear about it if she gets a fuckin’ cold. You read me? If you ever make me regret this, I will leave you where I find you. I will burn your house down. I will shatter your body and your soul, then I’ll leave you for the dogs. I’m putting a huge amount of trust in you. More than I’ve ever given anyone. Ever. For your life, do not make me regret this.”

There was a rumble of thunder off in the distance. Keith looked up at the sky, then back at Mallen. “You won’t regret this. I swear.”

Mallen turned without another word and walked back to the car. The car door closing was the final exclamation point on it all.