Chapter 6

Carson

Mama makes us gather round the tree this year for a picture. It’s been years since we did that. And I can’t help but notice that the minute we’re done, Hawk takes off. He just can’t stand the sight of me. Not sure if it’s his guilt or the fact that I still make his skin crawl. But it hurts mama a lot, even though she doesn’t show it. I wrote a letter to Missy, just like I told Kerry-Ann I would. And she wrote back. We seemed to get a lot of things out in the open, and it really helped, I think. Mama is having none of me staying in a hotel, and I was stupid about it, too, seeing as I booked a room at a place where mama knows the owner. She canceled it and made the lady put the money back on my credit card.

Grayson looks like hell. He’s pasty and tired-looking, and he’s lost a lot of weight. And he wastes no time after mama snaps the shot, going back to his drink. Kurt watches him like a hawk, though, and I wonder how long he’s going to hold out, before giving Grayson the here to. It’s like having an elephant in the room. Grayson stinks like a bar but nobody says anything, because we all know that he’s hurting.

I consider having Missy over, seeing as it’s Christmas and all, but with the way that Hawk is acting, it’s probably best not to. It’s bad enough that mama has to witness the awkwardness and tension, but adding Missy to the mix, is only going to make things worse. We’re getting the place tidied up for dinner, and I go one way while Hawk comes in my direction, and I try to move out of his path in time, but we end up bumping arms, and he glares at me, like I did it on purpose. “Sorry, man.” I say.

“Sure.” He says under his breath.

“What’s that, partner?” I’ve been over to see Missy briefly this morning, but her folks were there, so it was tense to say the least. I’m already feeling a little pissed off since then, so Hawk’s behavior is more irritating than it should be.

“Nothing, man, it’s cool.” He says, but his tone and his expression say that it’s not.

“You got something to say to me, man, just say it.”

Hawk lifts a hand. “I’ve got nothing to say.”

Grayson walks out of the room, tipping his head back, finishing off his beer, while Kurt is in his wake, like a goddamn puppy dog.

I feel my hackles rise. “Come on, man. Out with it.”

“Look, man, I’ve got nothing to say. You yinged when I yinged and we bumped uglies, that’s all. Whatever problem you’ve got is your own. What, did you have a shitty time over at Missy’s this morning or something? Taking it out on me? That the way it still works, man?”

“Jesus Christ. I’m in Afghanistan twenty-two weeks of the year, and you’ve still got it in for me. What the fuck is your problem.” I seethe.

“I haven’t got a problem, Carson.” He says pointedly. “It’s you.”

“What’s the matter, man. You haven’t seen my girlfriend in well over a year and a half, and yet you still have a beef with her?” I taunt.

“I don’t think it’s me who has the beef with her anymore, Carson.” He says, and my fist balls up. I hit him straight in the face, without realizing my own strength. After basic training and all the physical stuff I do overseas, I forgot how much my body has changed. Not that I was a little pipsqueak before, but I have more skills than a did once upon a time. He loses his balance, but he doesn’t drop, and his fist immediately goes up, as he punches me back in the face.

Luke and Mitch are there, and they work quick to break it up. By the time the fight is settled, we both have swollen lips, and we’re both bleeding from the face in a few places. Mama comes out, and her hand goes to her hip. “Well, I hope you boys finally got it out of your systems, and now we can enjoy Christmas.”

“Fat chance with this asshole, mama.” I say, feeling like I could still pounce on Hawk. He glares at me, like he’s thinking the same thing.

“Why don’t you go on over to Missy’s house. Maybe you’ll make a better impression with a fat lip, jerkwad.” Hawk sneers at me. “Or does her family like you as much as your family likes her. Or maybe you’ve finally caught on that she’s a two-bit whore, and not some goody-goody little Catholic girl, like you make her out to be.”

I lunge at him. “What the fuck are you talking about?!” I shout. Luke intervenes, while Mitch grabs me from behind, pulling me away from Hawk, before I do some real damage.

“Your little Missy’s been hanging with that dude you see all over Dallas on billboards and shit. He’s some hotshot realtor, but I’m sure you know all about that, don’t you. Seeing as she’s so honest with you and all.” Hawk says snidely.

“I know she’s friends with the guy, but he’s engaged, idiot.”

Hawk scoffs. “Doesn’t look like that’s stopping him.”

“How in the hell do you know this? What are you doing? Following her around in Dallas?”

Luke interjects. “One of our new suppliers is in Dallas. We’ve seen her over there a few times. He’s right. We saw her in the newspaper, too. Right cozy with him.”

“Bull…shit.” I bark in denial.

“I’m serious, Carson.” Luke scoffs as Hawk walks away. “You don’t want to believe me, go take a drive into Dallas. Look it up on the internet. It’s like they’re business partners with a sick twist.”

“He’s engaged. There’s nothing going on, man. It’s…probably just a sales tactic.”

“Believe what you want, man. Whatever gets you through the night.” He shrugs, walking away.

 

***

 

It’s my last day at home, and I feel like I don’t want to leave without making things right with Missy. We’ve hardly had any time together since I’ve been home, because she’s been working and I’ve been helping out at the ranch, and I want to see her. See if I get that same vibe with her as I did the last time I was home. But when I get there, her folks are still over. “Hi, Carson.” Her daddy says, shaking my hand.

“Mister Black.” I say politely. Mama taught me to use good manners, even if the company doesn’t like you much.

“Oh, hi, Carson.” Missy says, coming over to greet me. I’m dying to kiss her, but I wouldn’t dare do that in front of her folks. “Did you enjoy the day with your family?”

“Yeah.” I lie. “I just thought I’d come on over, since I’m heading out tomorrow and all.”

“We just finished dinner. Did you eat?” her mama asks.

“Oh, yes, ma’am.”

“Dessert?” her mama offers.

“No, thank you, ma’am. I’m right full.” I say, placing a hand on my stomach.

“Well, come in, Carson.” Missy says, and suddenly, I feel like a guest. I was hoping that Missy and I could spend some time alone together, and I feel like this was planned. Missy has no more interest in being alone with me than she did the last time I was here. I thought that with the letter, that our problems had been settled, but maybe I was wrong.

And then he walks in, and I realize just how wrong I really was. “Carson. How nice to see you again.” Garrett says, holding his hand out for me to shake. And it’s like Missy’s folks are all over him. I’m old news. Never mind that I’m serving our country. Never mind that I’ve put over three years into their daughter. Never mind that Garrett is engaged to someone else. No.

I find myself blurting. “So, when’s the wedding?”

The room goes silent.

Garrett stares at his hands like I hit a nerve. I exchange a look with Missy, wondering what I said wrong, and I realize that I’ve missed the latest news. “Err…the wedding is off, Carson. I thought I told you in the letter.”

Oh, no, I’m certain that you didn’t. Pretty sure I’d remember if you mentioned that your partner in crime was open for business again. “Oh, really.” I murmur to him coldly. “Sorry to hear that, man.”

“Garrett’s heart has been so broken.” Missy’s mama says, and I get it. He’s the new news. They’d love nothing more than for Missy to hook up with him. He looks much better on paper, that’s for sure. Me, I’m just a rancher, out exploring himself in Afghanistan. And not a marrying man. This Garrett dude, he’s all about marriage, evidently.

“Can I talk to you, Missy? In the other room?” I say, cutting her mama off. I can’t stand it any longer.

“S…sure.” She stammers, giving Garrett a look that makes my skin crawl. It’s like she’s looking at him for a hidden message. Like he’s got the notes to my expected conversation written on his hand. And what’s worse, he gives her a look like he’s giving her fucking permission to go talk to me. It takes everything in me not to drive my fucking fist down his throat. And I’d do it if Missy’s folks weren’t here.

She takes me into her bedroom, surprising me, and she closes the door, surprising me even more. “What’s…going on, Carson?” she asks, fumbling on her words.

“I just want to know one thing...” I lift both hands in the air, drawing in a deep breath, closing my eyes, hoping like hell that I can tamp down my anger long enough to get the fucking truth for a change. “Have you slept with Garrett?”

Missy swallows, and my heart sinks. She lifts a hand. “It’s not what you think. It happened a long time ago. Before we met. I just…never told you. But that’s the last time it happened, I swear.”

My jaws are working. My heart is pounding. My fist is balled up, ready to punch a hole in her wall, but I stop myself. I’m shaking my head, so angry I can’t even speak. This whole time. This whole fucking time. Lies. All lies. I knew it. Something deep in the pit of my stomach knew it. Even my fucking brother Hawk knew it, and he hates the ground that I walk on. I’m such an idiot. Such a fucking idiot. Kerry-Ann tried to warn me. Hawk tried to warn me. Hell, everyone in my bunker tried to warn me. All the signs were there. I was just too fucking stupid to see them.

I’m too angry to speak. Anything I say will be seething, impolite, and for some reason, I don’t want it to go down in history that I lost my shit right before heading back overseas. Truthfully, I want to say so many things to her, but I can’t think of which one to say first. I wasted all these years. Every fucking day of my life. Living a lie. And the more that I think about it, the more it makes sense. She just wanted to hold out for something better. Better is sitting in the living room with her folks. Well, he can have her. Every inch of her lying, deceitful, manipulative being. They deserve each other.

I don’t say a word. I can’t even look at her. I simply walk out the door and head through the living room, out the front door. Her folks are so enthralled with Garrett’s conversation that they don’t even fucking notice me. Oh, but Garrett does. Through the corner of his eye, he watches me, with Missy’s folks’ backs turned so they can’t see me, and it’s symbolic. This whole time I’ve been away, they’ve all been doing slimy shit behind my back, and now I’m walking out on theirs. They can all burn in hell. Rot in hell for all I care.

My bags are already packed. I simply tell Luke that I’m heading to the airport early, and he gives me a ride.

…Neither one of us says a word on the way to the airport.

 

***

 

Chase claps a hand on my back. “Dude, what gives, man? Your face has been dragging on the ground for a month.”

I’m working on a project for a contract I accepted to come up with plans for a piece of a new machine gun that the military is designing. It’s not a paying job, but it’s so interesting and perfectly distracting, that I took it. It’s been sucking up all my time, leaving me just enough for school and sleep. This project is my new best friend. “I’m just busy, man.”

“It’s more than that.” He says. “You wouldn’t even come to the bar last week. What happened to your little friend at the bar? You don’t speak with her anymore?”

I don’t speak with anyone anymore, but especially her. I feel like an idiot. Anyone who was right about my relationship with Missy I can’t face. And I haven’t put in any time for leave. The last thing I want to do is go home and face my family, who will laugh at me for being such an ass, especially Hawk. Sure, he’ll be relieved as hell that it’s over between us, but he’ll be all righteous and shit, and that’s the last thing I need.

“I’m going off base tonight to this new place. You want to come?”

I wave. “Na, I’ve got a lot of work to do, man. But thanks anyway.”

“It’ll be my treat.” He takes a seat next to me and says under his breath. “I can get you a stripper. Word is they’ll do anything to you if the pay is right.”

I set down my laptop and look at him. “Look, I appreciate it. But that’s not my thing, see. You go on and have some fun. Tell me all about it.”

He gives me a ‘level with me’ look. “Dude, what happened? You need to get that shit out. It’s not healthy. Your dick’s going to shrivel up, man.” He says it seriously, like he’s actually really concerned, and that he’s heard it’s true, that my dick will shrivel up if I don’t get any action. If that were true, it would be a raisin right now, it’s been so long.

I decide to cut him some slack. It’s the first time in a while that anyone’s shown genuine concern for me other than my mama. “It’s over with me and Missy.”

“I had a feeling.” He claps me on the back. “I’m sorry, man. I know how much you missed her.”

“Thanks.”

“Look, I’m serious. You’ll feel a lot better if you get laid. Get all that tension and shit out. Take a step away and let go. What do you say?”

He’s more sincere than a goddamn priest. “I’ll come out if that suits you, but man, I’m not into that paid sex shit at all. Gives me the willies.”

“Fair enough. I can respect that. I’m not into it, either. I just offered for your sake.” He says, and I believe him.

I joke. “Sure.”

That gets a smile, and it makes me wonder if I’m here to make him feel better, or if it’s the other way around.

 

***

 

I’m on my third beer, and the guys are trying to talk me into a fourth, and I’m giving them a hard time. Turns out, these chicks are not strippers, they’re belly dancers, which is oddly sexy, but that could be the beer talking. They’ve got most of their faces covered, and my eyes are all over this blonde girl, who keeps looking over at me, too. The guys are sliding bills into the bottom half of their outfits, and Chase hands me another beer. “You’re not wasted enough.” He says.

“I’ll decide that, thanks.” I say, chuckling. He means well, and I’m pleasantly numb.

I make sure to steer clear of the bar, in case I end up talking up the bartender, but I think that it’s a dude, so it’s not a worry. The last thing I need is to run into Kerry-Ann. I need a break from women for a while. Well, these girls are an exception. And as they finish their gig on stage, they come down onto the floor, making their way around the tables, and the blonde one that I was checking out earlier, makes her way to me.

She unclips the gauzy fabric on her face, letting it hang, so I can see her. “Hey, soldier, how are you doing?” she asks, her voice sultry, as she shimmies her way around me. The boys are whistling and wooting, encouraging her.

I just smile but don’t answer verbally. Her breasts are amazing, and she’s wiggling them right at my nose. I’m not looking away. I’m so drunk I want to reach up and give them a squeeze, but I don’t think that’s allowed. Give me another drink and I won’t care too much about rules. The boys must read my mind, because they order a round of shots.

The smile on my face evidently encourages her, because she keeps wiggling her body all over me, and I’m feeling things I haven’t felt in a while. “You’re right, Chase. This does feel better.” I say, as I’m handed a shot. Of what, I don’t know, but I drink it down without a thought.

He laughs, and the other guys are laughing, too. I realize that by me being single again, I’ve allowed myself to fuck around like this again, and it’s fun.

“Go ahead and give her a kiss.” Chase says, gesturing to her breasts.

“That allowed?” I ask aloud.

“It’s allowed if I say it is, honey.” She says, sliding a hand through my hair, giving me a wink.

The boys are hooting and hollering, egging me on to kiss her breasts, so I do. I give them each a sweet kiss as she giggles, and her breasts jiggle a bit. “What else is allowed?” I ask, feeling brave.

“What did you want, sweetheart?” she asks, only loud enough for me to hear, staring at me like she wants to do lots to me, but again, it could be the beer. Part of me is saying ‘fuck this, run’, and the other part of me is beating that part of me over the head with a stick. But I’m not hot on the idea of paying for sex, or anything sexual, for that matter, so I decline. “It’s okay, darlin’. This is fucking awesome.” I say, surprising myself.

“It’s on me.” Chase shouts. “Go get whatever you want to, man.”

I’m about to refute, and she takes my hand, leading me to a second floor. I don’t say anything, because it’s too damn loud in here, and also because I can’t stop staring at her ass. The fourth beer is taking effect nicely, so is whatever the shot was, and I’m not caring about anything other than the fine ass ahead of me. I’d never have done anything like this a couple of months ago, even just one month ago, but now…now, I just don’t fucking give a damn.

We’re in this room that she locks, and as she turns on the light, I realize that it’s an office. A really fancy office, with a shiny, tufted leather couch, a wet bar, and a big screen television. At first, I figured we would hit some kind of V.I.P. room, and maybe this is that, but it looks more like an office, except that there’s no computer, just a desk and a tufted leather chair, matching the couch. She pulls her garb off, peeling the gauzy fabric from her body, and under it is just a bra and panties.

She’s gorgeous. Like…model hot. And I find myself staring her up and down, not really caring how ungentlemanly I’m being. “So, your friends tell me you had your heart broken, baby.” She says, her long lashes eying me up and down, as she guides me onto the couch, making me sit.

“That’s right. But I don’t want to talk about that right now, darlin’.” I say softly, as she comes towards me, and my hands are on her waist.

“Neither do I.” she says, tracing a line with her finger, from my temple, down to my lips. Her finger leaves my lips and her eyes go to them. My eyes are on her lips, too, and I’m not sure what the deal is. Are we having sex? Are we talking? What exactly did Chase pay for, here? And what if I don’t stay within the lines? I’m suddenly nervous, and she can sense it. “Now, just relax, baby. I’ll take good care of you.”

“I’ve never…done anything like this before, darlin’. I’m not sure what the protocol is.” I say softly as she kisses down my neck, and my eyes involuntarily roll back into the sockets.

“You just sit back and relax, baby. I’ll do the rest.” She says, pulling my shirt up, kissing my chest, as my zipper bulges happily, remembering how long it’s been since my dick has had any sort of attention other than from my right hand.

Her lips are sucking my chest and abs as she undoes my belt and unzips my zipper. I’m not fighting her. I’m too drunk and horny to refute. I watch her head lean into my crotch, as she pulls my underwear down, revealing me fully. She looks up at me, impressed by my girth, and then she goes class A on me, making my head rear back, making me suck in air tightly, making my chest heave. It’s so sexy I can’t watch, or I’ll blow my wad in under a minute, as she stuffs my entire dick into her mouth in one pass.

One hand on my balls, the other hand pumping me at the hilt, and her mouth doing wicked things to me, I find myself lost, enjoying the first blow job I’ve had since before Missy. It’s so fucking good I laugh out loud breathlessly, as she does wonderful things to me, making me climb so goddamn fast, I have to quickly think about something else less sexy, so I won’t embarrass myself. When she looks up at me, giving me this ultra-sexy glance, I give up, and let go, letting her suck the seed right out of me, until I cry out, grunting loudly, coming like I haven’t come in years.

It’s like I have an endless supply as the orgasm keeps on, and I wonder where she’s putting it, but as she lifts her head when I’m done, I understand. With a satisfied smile, she licks the tip one final time, giving it a kiss, and then she winks at me, like I was the one who did her the favor. “You are dickalicious, baby.” She says. “Any time you want to come back for more, you know where I am.”

“Thank you, darlin’.” I say, and I want to add. “I needed that.” But I don’t, not sure of what the proper lingo is here. The grin on my face is unavoidable as I walk back to our table.

Chase claps me on the back. “Well, that looks much better on you.”

“What does?”

“The smile.”

But the smile doesn’t last long, as I receive word from back home a few days later.

 

***

 

“So, rehab, huh.” I say flatly, as Luke lays it out for me.

“Yeah. Kurt found him passed out on the floor in his office. He said that was the last straw.”

“He’s lucky he didn’t get caught by a patient or something.”

“Yeah. That’s what Kurt said. Although, Grayson’s given up. He’s through with the practice. Says he’s lost everything, anyhow, including his patients’ trust.”

“You think he’ll pull out of it?”

He sighs. “Not sure. He’s been in a pretty bad way for a long time, man. You haven’t seen the half of it.”

“Yeah.” I add, regretfully.

“How are you doing.” He says. “You left here so quiet. We’ve not heard a peep out of you in months. You just laying low on account of you and Hawk?”

“Kind of, yeah.” I scratch my nose, wondering if I should tell him over the phone about me and Missy breaking up, and then I decide against it.

“I saw Missy a couple of weeks ago.”

“Yeah.” I say, not asking anything further.

“I’m hoping you ended it with her, man, or else I’ve got something really bad to tell you.”

“I don’t even want to know, man.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure she’s with him, and I don’t really give a shit.”

“I figured.”

“Look, man, I’m not coming home for a while.”

“I figured that, too. It’s pretty tense around here.”

“Yeah. Keep in touch though, okay. And give Grayson my best.”

“I will, brother. Take care.”

 

***

 

I got accepted into a program at another base, and it’s brilliant. No more worrying about running into anyone I know here, including the girl who gave me a treat months ago, and it’s like another fresh start. I give Luke a call to give him the number to where I’m staying, for emergencies, because I mostly use my cell phone for calls, and he blows me off my chair. “Grayson WHAT?”

“Moved.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Yep. He’s working on this ranch way the hell out in this small town called Huttonville. Took Kurt with him, too. I’m a sitting duck out here with Hawk. He’s been on a rampage since they left.”

“And how’s Grayson doing?”

“Fine from what I can tell. He’s met this girl Laura, the girl who runs the ranch where he and Kurt are working now. It’s so fucking twisted, man, it would make your head spin.”

“God, I can’t…I can’t believe this. This is unreal. Mama must be out of her mind.”

“She was…until she found out about Laura. Now she’s tickled. But it’s crazy out here, man. Mitch and I are fighting like cats and dogs, Hawk’s like working for a Nazi, and mama’s a cross between happy and worried. It’s like being caught in the twilight zone.”

“I’ll bet.”

“How are you doing out there, man?”

“I’m good. Working like a dog but loving it. It’s a great escape. And shit, don’t tell mama, but I’m going into combat for a while. Y’all won’t hear from me for at least a couple of months, but just tell her that I’m busy as sin, okay? I don’t want her worrying any more than necessary.”

“Are you sure? Shoot, that’s a tough lie to tell, Carson.”

“You can handle it.”

“Well, what if you like…die, or something?”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m a trained soldier. I just…I want to go on this mission. I have to do this, man. I feel like a sellout being here all these years and never going into combat.”

“Man, I can’t even imagine. All this time it was sort of a safety net for all of this, just thinking that you’re over there, relatively safe, doing schooling and working and stuff, and now you’re actually going into battle.”

“Like I said, man, I’m a trained soldier. And I…I’ve got to do this, Luke.”

“Okay, man. Just…don’t get killed…or anything.”

 

***

 

“Grayson?” I ask, hearing my oldest brother’s voice on the phone for the first time in years.

“Hey, brother. How the hell are you?”

“I’m good. I just…called to say congratulations.”

“Aw, thanks, man. I’m sorry y’all couldn’t get out to come to the wedding.”

“Yeah, sorry, man. The mission’s not over yet.” I speak over a Jeep passing by my tent. “Nobody told mama that I’m out here yet, right?”

“She figured it out, Carson. She’s a mama, not an idiot.”

“Yeah. I was afraid of that.”

“Hey, just make sure y’all get back here soon. I want my kid to grow up knowing his Uncle Carson, you know.”

“Y’all having a baby, too?” I smile, so happy for him.

“That’s right. Laura’s expecting in about six months. Been a long haul but it’s worth it. She and I…this could be the last chance we have on account of our age.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“Think you’ll ever come back here, man? Or are you loving it too much out there now, that there’s no turning back?”

“Well, Grayson, I love it out here. It’s just…too hard back at home, you know? Hawk and I…we haven’t seen eye-to-eye in a long time, man. You know how it is.”

“Well, y’all don’t have to live with him, man. Why do y’all think I moved out?” he jokes. We both know why he did.

“Anyway, tell Laura I said congratulations. I’ll be home soon.”

“I will. Take care, man.”

“Yeah. Take care.”

 

***

 

“Holy shit, man, are you kidding me?” I shout, guffawing, laughing at my brother Kurt. “Now you’re getting married? And having a kid, too?”

“That’s right. Both Laura and Lisa are pregnant together. It’s hog heaven over here, man.”

I laugh out loud. “Holy shit!” I repeat. “Well, geez, this has probably smoothed things over with mama about me being out here then. God…damn.” I’m still laughing.

“Sure has. She’s just tickled. On cloud nine as a matter of fact.”

“How’s things at the ranch? You like it out there in Huttonville?”

“Oh, I love it out here. Beautiful place. And the atmosphere out here is a lot better than out in El Paso, man. You’d love it here.”

“I bet I would. But then, anywhere where Hawk isn’t is great to me.”

“Hey, man, a lot of time has passed. He’s working hard and keeping things straight for mama, man. Give him some credit.”

“Yeah. You’re right. I haven’t been home in so long he’s probably forgotten all about me and what happened by now.”

“I don’t think so, Carson. But everyone can forgive and move on. Some day you can, too.”

“Maybe so. Well, I should go, man. I just…it’s great to hear from you. I’m so happy for you all. I hope I can get back home some day soon so I can catch up and see all these babies.”

“Yeah. We all hope so, too. Stay alive, man.”

“I’ll try. Take care.”

“You too.”

 

***

 

“Well, here’s a voice I haven’t heard in a while.” I smile. “How’s it going, sis?”

“It’s going great, Carson. I miss you so much.”

“Yeah. You, too. How’s all the hoopla back home? Any other weddings or babies to tell me about?”

She snorts a laugh. “Yeah. Me.”

I guffaw. “Yeah, right. You? Never.” A pause. “What, did Hawk put you up to this? No, wait, it was Luke, wasn’t it.”

She laughs. “I’m serious, Carson. I’m pregnant and getting married. The date is set and mama’s already out altering my dress and making a goddamn christening gown, too.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. You?” I chuckle. “I never figured you the type.”

“I’m not. I just…met the right man and everything else fell into place.”

“No kidding.” I say, still in shock. “Well, good for you, Rachel. I wish I was home to see it all.”

“Why don’t you apply for leave? Shoot, Laura’s had her baby, and Lisa’s about to pop any day now. You’ve missed both those weddings, too. You ought to come home for a while, Carson. It’s been years.”

“I know it.” I pause. “But this mission’s not over yet, and I can’t apply for leave, on account of me still having to finish up this project. I promise you I’ll come home just as soon as I can.”

“Okay, but, we all miss you. You haven’t seen any of us in so long, Carson. And now our family is growing and you’re missing out.”

“Well, I’ve seen all the photos on social media and that, so it’s not so bad.”

“It’s not the same and you know it.”

“I know. I get it. Look, when this is over, I promise I’ll come home for a while.”

“How about forever?” she sniffs. “I miss you, Carson.”

“Aw, that’s just the hormones talking, darlin’. Y’all don’t miss me that much.”

“I do. You and I, we were different once upon a time. I want you around when this baby comes, Carson. Luke and Mitch and Hawk, they’re not the same as you. You’re going to make a great uncle and I know that Chad will adore you. You’d get along great with him. He’s a lawyer, too, and he’s so smart. I get it that that’s why you and Hawk didn’t get along much. Different brains. But I, you and I, we always got along.”

“We did, didn’t we.” I say, remembering. Rachel and I always had a special bond. “I’ll make it up to you some day, I promise.”

“You better.”

“I should go. Duty calls, sis.” I say, listening to a siren calling from afar.

“Okay. I love you, little brother.”

“Hey, I’m not that much littler than you, sis. Remember that. And I love you, too.”

“Bye.”

“Bye for now.”