Jules thrust the shutters open and looked out at the plaza below, busy with people returning from a day of work or sightseeing, and now looking for a place to eat. She couldn’t believe she’d slept the day away due to jetlag – why hadn’t anyone woken her? They had so few days as it was with her having to figure this all out by midnight on Valentine’s Eve – talk about cutting it close! Why couldn’t she have found the journal a year ago?
Although, Violetta hadn’t seemed terribly worried about losing another day when she’d checked on her an hour ago. She’d said they couldn’t find the exact place the curse was cast down in the Forum until after all the tourists were back in their hotels and pensiones for the night.
Well, her grandmama might not be worried, but she was. It was now the fifth, which meant she only had a week to find where the curse was cast and figure out the bits that were missing from Esta’s journal so that they’d be successful on the night. The young Vestal witch had been so traumatised that there were parts of what Clodia had done that she didn’t remember, like how the High Priestess had managed to bind and hold a demi-god and a witch with the powers of a Goddess.
Jules was certain those were some important bits of information they’d need to discover if they wanted to break the curse. Not to mention what had happened to the demi-god who was supposed to be her soulmate and forever love and where they could find him.
Pain stabbed her through the eye and she clutched her head.
“You can’t think about him.”
“Really?” It still blew her mind to think the voice she’d heard all her life was an ancient part of her reincarnated soul. “Anything else you want to tell me?”
“I’m trying. But the curse doesn’t allow me to tell you much.”
“Well, if you can’t help me, how am I meant to discover any of what I need to know?”
Silence greeted her question.
“This is going to be such a disaster,” she said out loud.
The shouts of the vendors in the marketplace a few streets away lifted to her. The musical Italian echoed off the cobblestones and ancient brick walls, mingling with the honking horns and the distant roar of cars, trucks, buses and whizzing mopeds. Normally, it would have called to her, making her smile at the incongruity of the ancient mixed with the new, but she was too worried to be charmed.
Although, maybe a walk and a little explore before she was needed tonight would be a good way to work through her thoughts – and work out the kinks she’d gained from the horror that had been the almost 50-hour flight here. Multiple delays and four stopovers – really, she’d have to make certain she booked the home-leg. Violetta had booked her flights while Jules read the journal, grappling with the fact she was the reincarnation of Lianna Stevius and was cursed.
Of course, her grandmama had no idea about booking plane travel given she always used her magic to transport herself places – like she’d transported herself and Bastien here after dropping Jules at the airport. Another reason to hate her non-magical status. Something that would hopefully be fixed once she had vanquished the curse. Perhaps wandering around the ancient city might jog some memories or enable the voice to tell her more.
Thankfully, she was free to do so. Tomaso had smoothed things here with the Roman Coven and there were no restrictions to where they could go or what they could do. He’d also organised accommodation and so on after Violetta had called him to tell him about what they had discovered. Jules had been surprised to hear Violetta had shared so much with him, but then again, he was one of her grandparents’ oldest friends. Apparently, she’d met him when she was little, but she couldn’t remember. She was looking forward to meeting him now, though, but he had been off talking to contacts, trying to get some older maps of the Forum to help them find the exact spot the curse was cast. And now, according to Violetta, he was at the Forum scoping out where the security guards were, as well as trying a few different cloaking spells they could use that wouldn’t affect Jules. They really couldn’t let anyone see what they were doing down there.
Violetta had gone down to the Forum by herself every night since arriving here to jog memories of her life as Esta.
Maybe she should do the same.
“You already know what you need to know.”
“Do I?”
“You know the players and the words of the curse. Work backwards from there. Remember all you’ve seen.”
“My nightmares and dreams? You know I can’t access them.”
“Try.”
She closed her eyes and tried to think back to the horror of images she’d woken from a few hours ago, but they remained as elusive as always. “I can’t do it. Why do you expect me to do what Bastien and Violetta are failing to do?” Bastien couldn’t talk about that night – every time he tried, he suffered horrible pain that caused his nose to bleed, and bruises to bloom all over his body. And Violetta also seemed blocked from a great deal of Esta’s memories.
“At least she’s trying.”
“That’s not fair. I’m trying too.”
“Not enough. Don’t you want to free yourself? Free Bastien?”
“You know I do.” She would do anything for him.
He had to be freed of the curse. Nobody but the ancient Gods would think he deserved to go on being punished for helping Lianna be with her lover. He deserved everything good. He certainly deserved more than to be locked to her friendship and service. He deserved to be lo—
Pain spiked behind her eye and she let out a hiss, pressing her finger against the orb.
The door opened behind her and she turned, hand still to her eye. “Bastien,” she said, a smile widening on her face. He’d just showered after his change, his short black hair still a bit damp with comb marks in it. He’d dressed in a favourite soft blue t-shirt – had it always highlighted the breadth of his shoulders, the muscles in his arms and chest like that? – and a worn pair of jeans that sat low on his hips and looked a little looser than they had when she’d seen him wearing them before she’d left to catch her flight. Had he not been eating enough? His change always used up so much energy. She’d have to make certain he took better care of himself now she was here. “I was wondering where you were. I expected you to come back right after you changed.”
“Sorry, I was held up.” A strange expression crossed his face. Come to think of it, he looked a little grey.
“Are you okay?”
“Absolutely. I’m a little hungry though. Do you want to come down to the kitchen while I get something to eat?”
“Sure.” She moved away from the window. “Is Grandmama or Tomaso back yet? I want to ask them if they’ve found any more information about Lianna’s lov— Ow!” She grabbed her head, staggered, then sat with a plop on the bed.
“You really need to get a hang of these curse-rules.”
“You think?”
“Jules!” Bastien raced across the room to her. “Are you okay?”
She dropped her hand and forced a smile. “I’m fine. See. I obviously can’t think about either of us deserving lo—” It hit her so hard this time she was flung backwards, the bed thankfully making a soft landing. “Ow. Damn it to hell and back.”
“How are we supposed to do this if we can’t even think about what we can’t think about?”
“Don’t ask me. I’ve never been able to figure it out. Ow. That hurts!”
* * *
Bastien sat on the bed beside Jules, not quite knowing what to do. She hated anyone fussing over her but Gods, how he hated seeing her in such distress. He touched her arm. “Jules?” When that didn’t get a response, he tangled his fingers in hers, pulling her hand away from her face then stroked her forehead until the tension he could feel there softened.
She let out a little sigh, tilting her head into his caress. “What would I do without you, Bastien?”
He wished he could tell her that she’d never have to find out.
She sat up slowly and sighed. “You’ve endured this for almost 2,000 years. How have you stayed sane? I’ve only known about my curse for three days and I feel like I’m going to lose my shit any second.”
“You’re stronger than you think.”
She sighed, the sound full of unsaid things that made him wish once again that he could drag Clodia to Tartarus and hand her over to his great uncle to receive the reward she so richly deserved for doing this to them. He wanted to tell Jules how special she was. That he was certain she would be the one to discover how to break the curse. It wasn’t just that she shared her full name – Julianna – with his Lianna – all the reincarnations were named Julianna, a strange twist of the curse. It was everything else, including the fact she had preferred to be called Jules, stamping her difference from the moment she could talk.
Keenly intelligent with a thirst for knowledge that shaped everything she did, she was far lonelier than any version who’d come before because she seemed to be far more aware of all that was missing in her life. It was like she could feel the power trapped deep inside her – asking her parents and Violetta from the age of four why she couldn’t use her power and not being content with their answers. She’d researched and researched and researched – to no avail, of course. Nothing was written about the curse she was under and the curse itself made it difficult for her to think of other things that might tip her off as to what the issue was.
But even the fact she questioned had given him hope.
Then there were her dreams and nightmares. She could never talk about them, but he knew they were memories from things she said while in the grip of them. None of the others had ever had any kind of access to their past lives’ memories.
Also, she looked eerily like Lianna in a way none of the others ever had, right down to the heart-shaped face, the auburn hair with the white streak and the green flecks in her topaz eyes. And there was the fact that none of the other incarnations had ever responded to him like she did. He’d only ever been a guard or sentinel with the others. But with Jules, from her earliest years, he was a companion, teaching, guarding, listening. Then, as she’d moved into adulthood, he’d become her friend. Her best friend.
Her only friend.
But for him, she was so much more than just a friend.
He loved her so much. So deeply. More deeply than he’d ever thought he could. It was a living hell not to be able to tell her.
Jules sighed again, the sound full of a deep sadness that made his heart ache.
He would be happy to ride out this torment if only he could comfort her properly. If only he could make her sadness fade away and fill the space with happiness, fulfilment and the love she deserved. The love she’d had within her grasp and would still have but for the wickedness of a witch who’d grasped for power that wasn’t hers and had lashed out with a curse in an act of possessive revenge.
Jules knew of the curse now, knew of Lianna’s demi-god lover – but until the curse was broken, she would never see that he was the lover and that he treasured her more than he’d treasured anything in his long life. That she had never been, and would never be, alone.
He squeezed her hand in the absence of the words he longed to say, the words she longed to hear. She sniffed and moved her hand to rub at her face.
She was crying?
“Jules? Why are you crying? You know you can do this, don’t you? I believe in you. We all do.”
She sniffed again, then leaned against him, her head on his shoulder. “I know. It’s not that so much as …” She took in a deep, shuddering breath. “This is going to sound so selfish and horrible, but I just realised that if I do succeed, you won’t be with me like this anymore. What am I going to do without you?”
What? He pulled back to look at her aura – it was a bit muddy and thin, as if she was pulling it into herself in protection. What was going on in that intricate mind of hers? “What are you talking about?”
She stroked her finger down the side of his face. “You were bound to my family – to me—” She coughed. “Because of the curse. But once it’s gone, you’ll be free. You can go and live your life however you choose.” She turned and cupped his face. “And I want you to go. I want you to be free to live the life that was taken from you all those years ago. To have everything you lost. And I promise, I will make sure you have everything you need to do whatever you want to do. You deserve far more out of life than to be tied to me and my family for a moment longer. It’s just, I’m going to miss not having you as a friend anymore. Not like this anyway.”
What the ever-loving-fuck? She thought he’d leave her? But before he could disabuse her of that notion, she barrelled on.
“I’m sure it will be a relief not to be tied to me anymore. And you don’t need to worry about me – if you are – because if my magic is freed as you all think it will be, then I’ll need to learn how to use it. Bit pathetic to go back to school at almost 30, but beggars can’t be choosers, right? At least, on the bright side, I’ll be able to start to date within the magical community. Maybe fall in love and have that love returned.” She winced. “That’d be nice, right?”
What? She wanted to fall in love with someone else? Had she forgotten about her demi-god lover – him – and that they’d finally have a chance to be together?
But of course, that was just his wishful thinking. Despite the fact Jules was so like Lianna in looks and, in some degree, temperament, she was very different from her in other ways. She was a modern woman in a modern world. She wanted love, but she also wanted many other things – Lianna had been perfectly happy to think only of their life together, the children they would have, the home and family they would build. Jules had her work and it was very important to her. And with her magical powers in her control, she’d naturally want to explore what she could do within her career path without being encumbered by someone her soul had loved in some distant past.
He’d always thought she would just want what Lianna wanted. But that wasn’t true.
She might not choose him at all.
The thought sliced through him, hard enough, painful enough to make him jerk back.
“Bastien? Are you okay?” She steadied him. “I knew you lied to me last night when I arrived. The changes are getting worse, aren’t they? It’s why you took so long after your change to come in here, isn’t it?”
“It’s fine. I—”
A knock at the door pulled him from his depressing thoughts.
Power sang to him from the other side of the door.
Tamuel.
“That must be Grandmama.” Jules jumped up from the bed before he could stop her – couldn’t she feel the difference in power between the cupid and Violetta?
“I’m ready, Grandmama—” The words died on her lips as she opened the door, stumbling back a few steps. “Who are you?” she asked, her voice tight, pained.
“Tamuel! Mind your power,” Bastien said through their cupid mind-speak.
The cupid bowed, his aura pulsing then pulling back towards him. “I’m sorry. They told me you were sensitive but I didn’t realise how much. Forgive me?”