Law was doing a pretty good job of keeping So’la entertained. I turned the box again, hoping to find inspiration. I wondered if I could overload the spells and burn them out. I doubted it. It was too easy, and I was willing to bet So’la’s master had planned for that kind of theft. I needed to finesse it.
“I don’t suppose any of you have ideas?” I asked my ghosts.
A collective murmur of “No” was my reply.
“I didn’t think so. Come on, think, Mallory. How do you open a sealed box?” An idea struck me. “Or maybe I don’t. Maybe I don’t open it at all. Maybe I get the treasure out another way.”
I thought maybe I could do it. I’d turned myself mostly invisible once, which was slightly similar to making myself somewhat insubstantial. Except even if I could reach inside, I’d be too insubstantial to take the contents.
“Can any of you reach inside and grab them? Whatever they are? Maybe take a look inside and tell me what’s there?” I asked the ghosts. Once again the answer was negative.
Before I could go any further, Edna appeared outside the circle. Damn. She couldn’t cross to safety.
“The sorcerer asks if you are well.”
“For now. Ask him if he has any ideas for getting into the box. If I can get a hold of whatever controls the demon, I can put an end to this.”
Edna frowned then nodded and vanished.
I looked at the box again, trying to see it in a new light. Breaking it was out of the question. Offering it a sacrifice was at the bottom of the list. I didn’t have the power to overload the spells. I didn’t have the knowledge to unwind them. So what did that leave me?
I stroked the top of the box again. Once again, I felt malevolence and hunger. Somehow, I needed to satisfy it without killing myself.
An idea ran through me. A very bad idea. A very bad, very possible, very painful idea.
“Tabitha,” I called. “I need your help. I want you to give me your memories of that night again.” My stomach lurched at the thought of reliving them, but it might be enough to appease the box.
Tabitha’s ghost shimmered into view in front of me. She looked down at me. She no longer looked scared. Her expression was troubled. I wanted to ask her why, but she wasn’t going to answer and I didn’t read minds.
“Can you do it?” I asked. “Will you?”
She frowned, her brows furrowing together, her mouth pursing. I didn’t need to hear the question to understand what she was asking. Why?
“It might satisfy the spells on the box. They want a sacrifice of some kind, likely with some violence and gore on top. Your experience is still so vivid, it might work. Once I get the box open, I can use what’s inside to banish the demon.”
“The sorcerer says you must not.” Edna had reappeared and she looked flustered. “The sorcerer says to wait for him. He will come soon. Stay safe.”
Anger sizzled through me, followed by betrayed hurt. He still didn’t think I could handle my business. I was crippled by my unwillingness to kill. Well, the box didn’t need killing. Besides, I’d survived just fine for six years without him, and I’d faced tougher creatures than So’la.
And nearly died, a traitorous voice whispered inside. That might be so, I told that voice, but I didn’t and I won’t this time either.
“It’s okay, Edna. I got this.” I turned my attention back to Tabitha. “Will do you it?”
She gave an uncertain nod, clearly unhappy.
“Okay. I’m going to cut myself and dribble some blood on the box. Then I want you to hit me with your memories. Okay?” I waited for her nod. I was still wearing my slinky dress with nothing under it but thong underwear. Cutting myself wasn’t going to be so simple. I remembered I still had the amulet around my neck. I pulled it off. Using the edge of the box, I pried the pointy top of the emerald out of its setting. I turned it and cut a gash into the heel of my thumb. Blood welled.
I glanced once more at So’la, who remained locked in battle with Law. Orange lightning crackled over his skin, and his body glowed red. He was fighting back hard.
I looked at Tabitha. Now or never. I turned my hand over and dripped blood over the top of the box. In that same moment, the door of the ritual space flew off its hinges and across the room. Law stormed in, wrapped in a whirling haze of magic. That’s all I saw before Tabitha’s memories crashed into me again.
I slumped to the floor, reliving each dreadful moment, feeling it as if it were all happening to me. I clutched the box, feeling its spells wake and drink of my pain and suffering. A wet sponginess slid up my hand and over my arm. It sucked on my skin like a mouth. It climbed higher. Immersed in Tabitha’s memories, I couldn’t fight it.
White cold washed down my shoulder. The wetness hardened and drew back, only to return. Again the cold struck at it. Again it pulled away and returned. Over and over the two sensations dueled.
I remembered my skin peeling away. The tongue licking my exposed flesh. The claws scraping the insides of my ribs. Pain racked me. I sobbed and screamed. Law called my name. Flashes of blue light strobed nearby.
I died. Again. My heart in a demon’s mouth.
I slumped, gasping, as the remembered pain of Tabitha’s death seeped away. My body shuddered and shook. Feverish heat wrapped me. My lips were cracked and my tongue felt like leather. The first time I’d experienced Tabitha’s memories had been awful. I hadn’t thought it could feel worse. God, but I didn’t know if I’d ever sleep through the night again.
“Mal! Are you all right? God damn you! You were supposed to wait for me!”
I was curled into a fetal position around the box. Its corners dug into my chest and stomach. I felt like I’d been through a wood chipper. Law continued to harangue me. I pushed myself up. The box tipped on its side. The lid clattered to the floor. Holy crap. It had worked.
I glanced up at Law with an exhausted but gleeful smile. I’d done it!
“Drop your damned wards,” he ordered, his face graven and gray. His eyes were bloodshot, and one had a splotch of red in the corner where a blood vessel had burst. His clothes hung singed and torn. He punched the invisible walls of my circle, and blue magic flashed. I felt the jolt of his magic run through it.
Taking a breath, I eased onto my knees. I looked around for So’la. The demon writhed in a cocoon of orange magic. Taking a breath, I touched the edge of my inner circle and chanted. One by one, the chalk markings evaporated in smoke.
I could feel Law’s impatience. I didn’t hurry. Neither of us would like the results if I lost concentration. It was serious magic. Even Law hadn’t been able to break through it.
Finally the outer circle burned away. Law snatched my shoulders and lifted me to my feet. He looked me over from head to toe and back up again. I imagine I was quite a sight. My eyes were gritty and swollen from crying. My lips were chapped and cracked. The dress was a rag, and my palm still bled from where I’d gashed it with the emerald.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Law does this thing when he starts feeling too much. He hates losing control, so he goes in the opposite direction, all frigid and hard. So cold you’d think he was made of arctic ice. This wasn’t one of those times. Now he was volcanic. His fingers dug into my flesh. I’d have bruises later. I’d hoped he’d cared more. Kinda sad, really. Understatement of my life, but I didn’t want to think about it.
He opened his mouth to say something; then his lips snapped shut. He swallowed hard and shook his head as if to clear it.
“I’m upright and breathing,” I said. “So I’m fine.”
He grimaced. “Right. Why did I bother asking?”
I looked past him at the trussed demon. “How long can you hold him?”
“I have the power of the auberge back. It won’t go anywhere until I let it go.”
“He,” I said absently. Then, “Good.” I wondered why I felt a flicker of pity for the demon.
I pulled out of Law’s punishing grip. “Guess I didn’t need to go to all the trouble to open the box, then. You didn’t need me at all.” Saying the words hurt. That’s when I realized how much I’d missed being his partner. Working together. Maybe I’d thought showing off the skills I’d learned in the last six years would impress him. And maybe I’d had a tiny little sliver of wishful hoping that he’d see that he needed me. Maybe have some big Disney moment where he told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him and yadda yadda yadda. Talk about stupid.
I stepped back. He didn’t need me. He had the power of the auberge and that was more than enough.
I didn’t want him to see how miserable I felt. I looked down at the box. The top lay separate on the floor. Inside the bottom was a polished stone about the size of my fist. It was pearly gray with two bumps near the top. A single ring of small runes circled its waist. I was so lost in my own pain that I didn’t think. Before Law could stop me, I bent and picked up the stone in my wounded hand.
A nuclear bomb hit me. My hand burst into flame. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Filaments of power knotted themselves into my flesh and bone. They snapped tight, tugging me from within. Feelings assaulted me. Pain, hate, anger, helplessness—so much more. I couldn’t sort through it all. Tugging, drawing me like a rip current. I stood still. I followed them. Tracing them back to their source.
So’la.
The stone I held linked us. I told my fingers to let it fall. One by one, I uncurled them. The stone clattered on the floor and rolled away. I waited for the filaments connecting me to the demon to dissolve.
Nothing.
A wave of mindless fury crashed into me, driving up through the connection. So’la battered at me. He was insane with the agony of his bonds and the heartbreak of once again being bound. I called up my shields. They didn’t work. The link between us was too intimate. I could no more block him than I could block myself.
I hated what I did next. “So’la, stop attacking me. Calm down.”
He yanked away from me, forced by my command. My stomach lurched and I swallowed. That’s when I realized that Law was yelling at me again. He was also shaking me.
I made myself focus on him. “I’m okay.”
“The fuck you are,” he growled. “You’ve gone white as a sheet and you’re bleeding.”
My nose again. I don’t usually get nosebleeds. I dashed at the warm trickle with the back of my hand and frowned at the smear of blood. I wasn’t so much bleeding as someone seemed to have left the faucet in my head running.
Law shrugged out of his coat and yanked his shirt over his head. I couldn’t help noticing the way his muscles rippled across his stomach and chest. I was truly pathetic with lousy priorities. I knotted my hand on the cloth as he handed his shirt to me. I pressed it to my nose, breathing deeply of his spicy scent. It brought back too many memories. I pushed it harder against my nose, breathing through my mouth so I wouldn’t have to think about the old days. It didn’t really help.
“Tell me what exactly happened when you touched the command stone,” he ordered. Then, “What the hell were you thinking, Mal? You know better than that. This is probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”
I ignored the last because the only real reply was to tell him he was right and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
“We’re linked. The ties are deep. Essential. You can let him go, by the way. He’s in pain and can’t do anything to hurt us now.”
Law actually rolled his eyes then scowled at me. “What do you mean—essential?”
I tried to find the words to explain what I felt. “The demon is tied to me, flesh and bone and breath. I can’t even shield from him.” I bit my lip. “How do we separate us?”
“We?” Law laughed harshly. “Now it’s we? I thought you were all about doing it yourself. You don’t want anything to do with me.”
“Actually, you’ve got that turned around,” I said. “You’re the one who thinks I’m crippled. You don’t trust me to handle anything without you.”
“Damned straight. If you’d waited for me, you wouldn’t be demonbound right now.”
“I’m not demonbound,” I retorted. “He can’t command me. Besides, you were standing right here when I picked up the stone.”
“Just like a baby playing with a grenade,” he taunted. “Whatever you want to call it, you and that fucking demon are bound together, and if you’d thought for a single second, you wouldn’t be.”
“Fine. I was stupid. Really stupid. You are totally right and I’m totally wrong. I’m unable to function on my own. Are you happy now? If you’re going to keep playing the part of my daddy, then go away, because I don’t need one of those. Plus, I have work to do.”
He speared his fingers through his hair and visibly collected himself. His expression remained taut, grooves cutting deeply around his mouth.
He started to say something else, but I didn’t hear it. All of a sudden, I felt weak. My legs turned to syrup. I sagged. Vaguely I was aware of Law catching me. He laid me on the ground. My head spun and my heart stuttered. All of me felt thin, transparent.
“Mallory?” Law’s voice had gentled. “Can you hear me? Talk to me. Tell me what’s happening.”
I wanted to answer. I couldn’t. What was happening?
“The demon drains you.” The voice was young. A girl. Tabitha? It sounded inside my head. “It draws on your strength to save itself. You must tell it not to.”
Don’t . . .
I sent the silent message, hoping So’la could hear. The pull on my energy stopped. I hadn’t noticed it before. How strange. My head still spun. Wait—Tabitha was talking to me?
I wanted to ask her why. I tried to open my eyes. When had they shut? They were too heavy. Vaguely I heard Law talking to me, his hand wrapping mine. I was still sinking.
“She and the demon are tied now. Should one die, so will the other.”
The words danced together in my brain, making no sense. I let them go. I should do something. I should . . .
Fog rolled through my head. Voices whispered nonsense. Bodies pressed against me, arms clasping me. All around. Healing green washed through me. For a moment my mind cleared. The ghosts surrounded me. They held me in the center of a group hug. I wanted to laugh. That was funny. Wasn’t it?
I felt their energies tattering as they poured healing into me. That wasn’t right. No. I shoved at them. No. They tightened around me. I struggled against their sacrifice. Too much sacrifice. Not for me. I didn’t want people dying for me. Not even dead people. They’d saved me this way from the lich, only they were now trying to save both So’la and me together. It was too much for them.
I gathered my magic and shoved. They barely moved. It was enough. I invoked my shields, sealing the ghosts out.
Now I was alone.
Silence pressed against me. I drifted on a cloud of gray. I felt myself dwindling. It wasn’t like I thought dying would be. This was softer, easier. No pain. I didn’t feel much of anything at all. I wasn’t cold. Comfortably numb. Ha. That was funny. I wondered who’d I’d be seeing on the dark side of the moon.
All at once, a jolt of something lanced through me. Somewhere in the distance, my body arced off the floor. The tendons of my neck tented, and my eyes went wide.
Another jolt.
Live.
I didn’t recognize the voice. It was low and gravelly. Like Johnny Cash after a bottle of Jack.
I’m not actually trying to die.
Then live . . . Master.
Such bitterness in that word.
Electric energy buzzed through me. I soaked it up, feeling myself becoming whole again. I don’t want to be your master. Go away.
Is that an order, Master?
You’re damned— I stopped. I needed to think before I said or did something else stupid. I didn’t know the rules of the link between us.
Truly I am damned.
I sighed. Pity party much? Look, all I want to do is cut us apart and send you back to Demonville where you belong. Tell me how.
You cannot.
Funny. Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. Now tell me how. Aren’t you supposed to obey me?
I am. You cannot.
So’la was serious. Maybe you should explain this to me. Use small words.
To the sorcerer too. It will be easier.
You mean you won’t have to explain twice.
That too. Release your shields. Wake up, Master.
Call me that again, and I’ll kick you in the balls. Do you have balls?
So’la laughed. Huge balls, Mistress. And a cock to stir your dreams.
TMI. Curiosity got the better of me. For being as big as you claim, they were sure microscopic when I was looking. Besides, you were pretending to be a girl. So are you a drag queen on your days off?
Demons are wise enough to protect our sexual organs. Pause. Interesting that you were looking.
No matter what the species, men were men and they liked it when people looked at their junk.
Hard not to look when you’re that ugly.
I can be beautiful for you.
Why bother? Anyway, I’m not into girls.
Seductive laughter. Have no fear. I can be the man of your dreams.
I thought of Law. No, you can’t.
I let go of my shields and blinked my eyes. Fluttered them, actually. Blinking was a lot of work. My lips were sandpaper; my tongue, leather. The rest of me might just as well be dead for all I could feel it.
“Mallory? Talk to me. Please.”
Law’s voice sounded desperate. He held my face in his hands, and moisture dripped onto my forehead and cheeks. Was he crying? The idea was so incredible that I had to see for myself. I forced my eyes open. He looked at me upside down. His face was haggard and white. He held me between his knees as he knelt on the floor. I wasn’t sure but it seemed his hands shook.
“Mallory? Can you hear me?”
I probably looked like a zombie. I sure as hell felt like one. Then I got another little jolt of power from So’la. It frizzled painfully across my skin and sank inward. Thank you, Mr. Passive Aggressive. Before he’d healed me gently. Now I guess I deserved only pain. I twitched and gasped, my hands knotting into fists.
“I’m—” I got that far before I started coughing. I rolled onto my side as deep, wrenching barks tore through my body. Law soothed his hands over my back as the frenzy continued. I’m not sure how long I did that before I quieted. Law pulled me up to sit against him and pressed a glass to my lips. I sipped. Half of it dribbled over my chin and down my neck, and a little wet my parched lips and tongue. I grabbed the glass around Law’s hand and drank greedily. When I was finished, he pulled it away.
“For God’s sake, talk to me, Mal. Are you okay?”
There was a wealth of fear in that question. Was I still me? Was I still mentally intact? Was I brain damaged? Was I infected by a demon? The last question was still up for debate, but I had a bad feeling about the answer. Speaking of which, “Where’s So’la?” I rasped.
“Fuck the demon. How are you, Mal?”
“I’m as crisp as a French fry and feeling like I’ve been pulverized inside a cement mixer. Otherwise, I’m just snazzy,” I said, trying not to feel the heat of him penetrating my skin or the way he snugged me close.
I pushed away from him. Rather, I tried. His arms tightened into iron bars. He was still bare chested and most of my back and arms were equally naked. I was hot and sweat gleamed on my skin. Wherever we touched, explosions of frustrated desire scattered over my nerves. I wanted to lean into him, to revel in having him hold me. Our time together upstairs had been too fast. I hadn’t had time to savor his touch and scent. I wanted it now. I didn’t think I’d have it again after we dealt with So’la. I didn’t have the strength to be with Law, knowing how he felt about me. Or maybe it was knowing how he didn’t feel about me that was the problem. Maybe both. No, as soon as this was over, I’d be out the door of the auberge and on my way home. I just wished that didn’t hurt so damned much.
“You need to let me go, Law,” I said in a weary voice.
His arms tightened. His lips moved against my jaw. “No.”
“We can’t sit here forever, and So’la has to explain what’s going on. He says he and I are bound and there’s no way to untie us. Adding spice to the dish is that if I die, so does he, and vice versa.”
“He’s lying,” Law growled. “He’s afraid. He will say anything, do anything, to keep us from sending him back to hell where he belongs.”
Us. How I wished. “Help me up.”
His arms loosened slowly, and he rose to his feet. He bent and put his arms around me, lifting me so I could stand. I held on to him as dizziness swirled through my head. The ghosts had retreated from me, I realized. They made a loose circle around us more than a dozen feet away. I felt a chill anger from them. Of course they’d be mad. My stupidity had nearly got myself killed, and if I died, they’d have to find someone else to call home, which would be nearly impossible, if Law didn’t exterminate them first. I’m a one-of-a-kind idiot.
So’la still lay on the floor, wrapped in Law’s spell. I could feel his pain pulsing through to me, but he remained still, almost stoic.
“Let him go.”
Law eyed me. “I don’t think so.”
I let out a sigh. “I can command him.” The four words made me want to wash my mouth out with hot sauce. I never wanted to command anybody. My stomach clenched and flipped over. I swallowed to keep from throwing up. “Besides, he won’t hurt me. That just hurts him back.”
My lie was met with a little wire of hot energy slashing through me. I clamped my lips to keep from moaning, but I couldn’t stop myself from flinching and clutching my hands tightly on Law’s arm. Apparently the demon didn’t mind a little pain if he could hurt me too.
“What’s wrong?” Law demanded, spinning to pull me close against him again.
I didn’t want to tell him. I don’t know why I wanted to protect So’la. Maybe it was myself I was protecting. I didn’t really want to hear yet another round of ‘I told you so,’ or worse, having Law give me that pitying look because I’d fallen so far from whom he wanted me to be.
I didn’t tell the demon to stop hurting me either. I deserved to hurt. After all, stupidity should have consequences, right? I remember that was something my grandmother used to say: “If you’re going to be stupid, you’d better be tough.” I didn’t feel tough, though. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me. I wanted to go somewhere where I could lick my wounds without an audience.
I made myself pull back from Law. He didn’t let me. I raised my gaze to meet his. The look in his green eyes made my knees quiver. Hostility and rage and fear and more. The intensity struck me like a blow. I jerked back. His scowl deepened.
“Did he hurt you?”
I forced myself to give him a smile. My lips bent like wire. I must have looked like one of those possessed dolls come to life in a horror flick. “Like you said, this is my own damned fault. I’d like to find out how bad it is. Best let him go.”
I put my hands on his chest to push him away. Only I had no strength. Instead we just stood there, looking at each other. My gaze slipped from his in a few seconds. I couldn’t stand it anymore, the questions, the demands. The hot silk of his skin made me want to run my hands all over him. I kept them still with the little self-control I had left. I examined his hard-carved face, the cleft in his chin, the angles of his cheeks and jaw, the seductive lines of his lips. God, he was beautiful. I’d missed him so damned much. Now here he was, holding me, and what had seemed impossible between us before I was bound to So’la now seemed totally hopeless. I bit my lips.
“Mal,” he said in an insistent voice, his hands sliding down my bare back. “We need to talk.”
Did we? Despite myself, I looked at him. What he read in my eyes didn’t reassure him. His hands slid up my arms and tightened, his fingers digging hard into my flesh. I just stood there, limp as a rag. I hadn’t known I was going to see him when I came to Effrayant. Staying away from Law all those years had let me nurse a hope deep down inside that maybe one day we could be together. I didn’t have any reality to challenge my secret fantasy. Seeing him, confessing my love, having mind-blowing sex—they’d fed that hope. But now, with So’la, because of the So’la, because of the ghosts, and because I couldn’t stomach killing anymore, I felt that fragile bubble of hope collapse in on itself and just die.
“We should hear what the demon has to say,” I said, my voice hollow and distant. This time when I backed away, he let me go, his expression turning dark and bitter as six-day-old coffee.
He stepped ahead of me, putting himself between me and So’la. Inwardly I sighed. I knew part of it was just protective instinct, but I knew that Law also didn’t think I could handle the demon. Or maybe that I wouldn’t. Either way, he wasn’t planning to give me the chance. That . . . hurt.
Six years ago, I’d wanted him to love me, but I could have lived without it. I couldn’t live without his respect and trust. I still couldn’t. Even if I didn’t make the choices he wanted me to or expected me to, I needed him to trust that I could manage myself and my life. I didn’t see that happening ever. I just wished he weren’t shirtless. I had a crazy urge to run my fingers over the muscles in his back. I stepped out of reach. Not a good idea, and definitely not now.
With a flick of Law’s fingers, the magic surrounding the demon melted. Instantly the creature leaped to his feet, propelled by powerful legs and the sharp downsweep of his outstretched wings.
He faced us. The shine on his skin had faded along with the layer of lubricant goo. His eyes had gone black with small holes of orange in the centers, just as they’d looked in Tabitha’s memory. He swayed as if intending to pounce, wings upraised, his bony fingers curling, talons clacking together.
“Will you explain now?” I asked.
So’la sneered, the orange in his eyes contracting even smaller. He looked insane. “Is that your command, my Mistress?” His tongue slithered out of his mouth on the last.
“If it has to be,” I said, wishing all of a sudden for a soft bed and a bottle of rum. I doubted I’d see either for a long time yet. “But since I only want to separate us, I’d think you’d want to tell us what’s going on.”
“It’s easy enough. You and I are bound together for eternity, or until one of us should die, in which case, both of us will die.”
“How do I unbind us?”
“You can’t.”
“Bullshit,” Law said. “You’re lying.”
I thought So’la would get all puffed up an angry. Instead the demon’s wings clamped down against his back, and his shoulders drooped in unsettling defeat.
“Would that I was.”
I believed him. I could tell Law did too. His face turned to stone.
“Explain,” he rasped.
“I was summoned by a monk in service to Pope Clement the Seventh.”
“A monk?” I repeated. “What would a monk want with a demon?”
“To save his master, the pope.”
“With a demon?” I said skeptically. The story sounded too ridiculous to be true. “What did the pope need saving from?”
“If you are patient a moment, you will understand,” So’la said. He snorted and blue-green smoke curled from his nostrils.
I looked at Law, folding my arms over my stomach. He ignored me, his attention fixed on So’la.
“In 1527, Pope Clement gave his support to the French against the Holy Roman Empire, which was not ruled by Rome as you might think, but by Emperor Charles the Fifth, who was both emperor and the king of Spain at that time. Clement wished to free the Papal States from dependence on the powerful Holy Roman Empire. However, his gambit failed when the French were defeated. There were no funds to pay the emperor’s troops, so they mutinied and turned toward Rome.
“Anselm was a loyal servant of Clement, and a powerful sorcerer as well. When news came of the coming scourge, he summoned me.”
The demon paused as if remembering. His body tensed and his teeth gnashing. The sound made me shudder and the primitive part of my psyche told me to run like hell. The only reason I didn’t was because no matter how far I ran, I couldn’t escape, any more than I could escape my own shadow. Abruptly So’la continued.
“The monk cut off my pinion crown.”
My gaze rose to the uneven protrusions from the top fold of his wings. That must have hurt. More, the monk must have had massive power to incapacitate the demon in order to remove it.
“With it, he constructed the spell. It was to tie my life force to the person invoking it, while at the same time enslaving me to him.”
“Why?” I asked. “Seems stupidly risky to tie your life forces together. It would be an easy way for the person to die.”
“It also lets him . . . or her,” he said, his tongue slithering out of his mouth again, “live far longer. I am immortal.”
“I—” I had nothing else. Immortal. I was going to live forever. I blinked, unable to wrap my brain around the idea.
“What happened? Why didn’t the spell trigger for Clement?” Law asked, his words cutting like daggers.
“Anselm put the control bone in the box then locked it with an extraordinary weaving of magic. After working such spells, he wasn’t well enough to carry it to Clement himself, so he sent an apprentice. Unfortunately for Anselm, Matteo was not to be trusted. He stole the box and was killed for his efforts.”
“By whom?”
“Me.”
“Then what?” Law prodded. “That was almost five hundred years ago. Clearly you’ve had masters in that time. How is it none of them activated the binding spell until now?”
“Merely having possession of the box with the crown bone inside was enough to command me. Few had the knowledge or skill to open the box. Those who did I encouraged not to want to. Most decided the risk wasn’t worth it.” He smiled and it was ghastly.
“Most?”
“One or two refused to take the hint.”
Which meant he’d killed them. Probably with a great deal of pain and suffering on their part. I wasn’t sure I was all that sympathetic. His victims had been consorting with a demon, after all, which undoubtedly meant they were up to no good. The world was probably a better place without them.
“So you wanted me to open the box without touching the stone. Did you think for a single second that that might be worth mentioning?”
“It was too risky to tell you.”
“Because I might decide I wanted to tie my life to yours? Please.”
“You have the ability to command me,” he said, as if that were enough of a reason. “And you are now immortal.”
“Unless you die. Plus, you can torture me right back and oh, by the way, I don’t want you.”
“Torture you back?” Law inserted suddenly.
I’d almost forgotten he was there. So’la ignored him. I decided to join in.
“One must get one’s pound of flesh while one can,” So’la said. “Merely order me not to, and I will never do it again.”
“Fuck you,” I said.
He smiled in what might have been a lewd way but mostly made him look both insane and hungry. More insane and more hungry, that is. “Is that a command, Mistress?”
“No, and it’s not an invitation either,” I snapped. “So what’s the bottom line? How do we cut you and me apart?”
“If there was a way, it was lost with Anselm.” The demon hunched, closing his wings around himself almost as if cold.
“Oh, please. You planned for Law to unwind the spell, didn’t you?”
“Doing so now that it’s active would kill us both.”
“How do you know?” Law demanded.
He was seething. He glared at me and So’la with equal fury for both of us. I looked away, my cheeks coloring. Once again I’d fucked up, and he felt the need to rescue me. Well, I could damned well save myself, thank you very much, and I’d do it on my terms.
“Because Anselm told me so,” So’la said simply.
Both Law and I just stared.
“You believed him?” I asked. “Just like that? Why wouldn’t he tell you there’s no point in fighting? You’d keep yourself prisoner that way, and his magic wouldn’t have to do the work.” My voice rose as I spoke until I was practically yelling. My chest heaved as I planted my hands on my hips. Everything in me wanted to hit the damned demon, but I’d do more damage to myself than him, and at this point, I was barely keeping my feet.
“He would not lie,” So’la said without the least bit of irony.
“You are dumber than I thought if you believe that,” Law said. Took the words right out of my mouth.
So’la moved faster than I could see. Suddenly he had a claw around Law’s neck and was whirling to throw him across the room.
“Stop!” I shouted.
The demon froze in place. Law’s feet swung a good foot from the floor.
“Put him down,” I said, cold and terror for Law turning my voice to iron. “Gently.”
So’la did as ordered. Law crumpled to one knee, catching himself on his hands before he fell all the way to the floor. He coughed raggedly.
“Never, ever, hurt Law again,” I told So’la. “Do you understand me?”
The demon gave a slow flourishing bow. “As you wish, Mistress.” The last word was an accusation, an indictment.
“Fuck you,” I said. Then I spun around and got sick on the floor. Relief for Law gave way almost instantly to a feeling of horror. Suddenly I felt like had six years ago. Dirty. Tainted. Like I could never be clean again. Like I’d crossed a line into a vileness that I could never return from. I didn’t have a choice, I told myself, and that was true. I couldn’t let Law be killed. All the same, I’d used a power that I shouldn’t even have to save him. Wrongs didn’t make rights and enslaving someone, even accidentally, was wrong. Worse was actively stepping into the shoes of the slave master.
So’la hunched up beside me. “Dearest Mistress, you’re unwell! How can I serve you? What can I do to make your life better?”
“Give it a rest,” I muttered.
“Is that a command, Mistress?”
I wanted to say yes. I wanted to tell him stick his head up his ass and get on his way back to hell. I didn’t get the chance.
Magic blistered the air, and a sizzling bolt of energy struck So’la. It drove him back against the wall. He keened and struggled. His pain seeped through our connection. I gasped. Lightning netted my body. I swayed and sagged. It took all my concentration to firm my legs and keep me standing.
I was ready to walk out and leave them to it, but I realized I couldn’t. So’la couldn’t fight back. I’d told him he couldn’t hurt Law, and that didn’t leave him much by way of a defense. On the other hand, letting Law kill the demon would certainly solve a lot of problems.
I hesitated. I’m not proud to say it, but part of me was thinking how easy it would be to just quit. Let Law have his way. So’la would be off this earth, and I would be out of my misery. Six years of being apart hadn’t made my life happy, and it hadn’t made me hurt any less for loving him and not being loved back. It was exhausting hurting all the time. That and being alone. The ghosts didn’t count. They weren’t friends and they weren’t family. I didn’t really mean anything to them. They needed me to survive, and their protection of me was symbiotic; help me, and I keep helping them.
But I was lonely. I never felt like a belonged anywhere. I never felt like anybody would care if I survived a job or not. Sure, the boss would be sorry to have to replace me. I made him a fair bit of money, after all. There was no one else. I didn’t have pets. I was never home long enough to take care of them. Hell, home was just a place for me to keep my clothes and sometimes crash until my next job. I didn’t even have pictures on the walls.
Exhaustion weighed on me, and I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes and curled my fingers into my scalp. God. I was such a whiner. I needed to pull my shit together and get over myself. I wasn’t really alone. I still had my aunt and cousins. Besides, I was lucky. I got to go see interesting places and have adventures. Every kid’s dream. Nothing tying me down. Footloose and fancy free. Anyhow, family and friends were way overrated. They were just emotional minefields waiting to blow a person to bits. I was better off alone.
So why did I feel like I’d just as soon lie down and give up?
Maybe I should just let things play out. If there really was a God and he had some kind of plan for me, maybe I just needed to wait and find out what it was. Maybe I should just wait for fate to happen.
That sounded really smart in my head. I staggered over to the wall and leaned back against it. More pain leaked through the connection between me and the demon. It rippled down my nerves, lighting them on fire. I moaned and slid to the floor, putting my arms around my legs and burying my face in my knees.
God was clearly pissed at me. Law needed to hurry up and get this over with. I could use a rest.
“Don’t give up.” Tabitha. Her voice sounded shaky and frightened. “Don’t die. Don’t leave us.”
I made myself lift my head. It wobbled and I tipped it back against the wall as I opened my eyes. Only halfway. My eyelids were too heavy. The ghost-girl stood in front of me, her hands clenched together. Her eyes were wide, and her chin trembled.
“Maybe I won’t,” I said, barely a whisper. “Maybe I’ll become a ghost like you.”
Edna appeared just behind the girl, putting her hands on Tabitha’s shoulders. “That’s not funny. You need to get up off the floor. Stop this now.” She gestured toward the battle, sounding more angry than I’d ever heard her. In fact, I don’t know that I’d ever heard her get mad before.
I rocked my head back and forth in a negative shake. “It’s fine. Whatever happens happens for a reason, right? Isn’t that what everybody says? I just have to let fate take its course. God’s will be done. He’s got a plan for me, right?”
“Horsefeathers. You don’t believe in fate,” Edna said. “What’s wrong with you?”
I wanted to tell her the truth. I was just too damned tired and too sick of myself to fight back. I had really fucked up picking up the command stone. I’d bound myself to a demon. Technically I’d enslaved him. That by itself made me a monster. On top of that, even though right off I’d declared I wouldn’t order him around, I wouldn’t be a slave master, within minutes I’d done just that. I knew I’d do it again and explain it away with all sorts of good reasons. Except there was never a good enough reason and deep deep down where I couldn’t lie to myself, I knew it.
It was too humiliating to confess.
“This isn’t you. You’re not a coward,” Edna said when I didn’t answer. “You’re a fighter. Why aren’t you trying?”
I gave a wobbly smile and said the truest thing I knew. “Because I might win.”
There was the big pink elephant in my life. What if I did win? What would I be left with then? If I stopped the fight, if I lived, then I’d have to leave Law again. Six years and nothing had changed between us. Not for the better, anyhow. The crazy thing was I loved him more than ever. The idea of walking away again hurt far more than anything I’d endured this night. I barely survived the last time. I didn’t think I could do it again. I’d rather have a clean, quick end and not have to feel that endless torture of loss.
Edna was wrong. I totally was a coward.