‘Lou. Please.’
It was her dad, speaking slowly, softly, but with a note of terror in his voice that Lou had never heard before. She didn’t turn; her fingers had frozen around the metal railing as she looked down. This hadn’t been her intention, this wasn’t how it was meant to turn out. She wanted them to leave her alone; with every step her dad and Nadia took towards her, she felt herself leaning closer to the rails. They were forcing her into this. She just wanted them to go. They were making it worse, not better.
‘Louise. Come here. Please.’ His voice broke into a sob.
Lou shook her head, left to right, left to right, again and again. ‘Just leave me, Dad, please.’
‘I can’t.’
Her hands shook, and she gripped tighter to steady them. Her knuckles ached. She saw the green moss on the concrete wall below her, the smooth curve of it, and her stomach lurched.
‘Louise.’ It was Nadia this time. Lou turned her head. Her dad had let Nadia step in front of him, though she could tell by the way he leaned forward that he was ready to sprint, to leap. Lou had started something that she couldn’t stop. It wasn’t meant to be like this.
‘Please, come here, come away from there,’ Nadia said.
Lou felt the light touch of Nadia’s hand on her shoulder. Nadia did no more, just left her hand there. Lou wanted to shove her away, to scream at her to leave her alone, but the touch felt so familiar, so right, and as she stood there sobbing, a warmth passed through her upper arm, her forearm, to her fingers; finally, as her tears subsided, Lou’s grip relaxed and her hand fell. Nadia moved a step closer and put her arm around Lou’s shoulders. Lou started to shake as Nadia led her back along the path, towards her dad. As they neared him, he held his arms open, and Lou felt Nadia’s arm fall away. She took a step forward, leaned into him and held on tight.
She thought of her mum – Zoe – at home, how she’d be sitting at the kitchen with her shoulders hunched, staring at a cold cup of tea, trying to face once again the fear that she would lose her. Their dog would be lying at her feet, his head resting on his front paws. Lou wished she was at home with her now, sitting at that table with them, sipping on a hot drink.
Lou breathed deeply and turned around in her dad’s arms. Nadia was watching her, ashen. They didn’t say anything; they didn’t need to. They gazed at each other, and Lou saw herself mirrored in Nadia’s eyes.
At that moment, there, at the weir, in the silence, she heard it: the echo of a memory.
I see you, and I know you know I see you.
Lou opened the front door and slowly walked inside, her legs scarcely able to take her weight. She heard a chair scrape across the floor, and when she reached the threshold of the kitchen, her mum was standing, one hand on the back of the chair, the other open, pressed against her chest. She wore faded jeans and a white t-shirt, and her feet were bare. Her dark hair was loose, wavy. Her cheeks were blotchy, and her eyes were puffy, with no make-up. She and Lou looked at each other, silent.
Lou’s dad came up behind her, and she saw her mum’s eyes flicker towards him for a moment, communicating without words.
‘We’re home,’ he said.
Zoe nodded, looking back at Lou. ‘Louise. Are you OK?’
Lou’s cheeks began to burn. She managed to nod, then her chin quivered and she ran into her mother’s arms, to the space just in front of her heart, where they fitted together perfectly.