Chapter Thirty

BRYAN SAT IN THE DRIVEWAY of his parents’ house for he didn’t know how long. His head felt dull, his stomach knotted, his chest tight. Too much had happened. So much that he didn’t even know what had happened. For example, had he and Ana broken up? She’d asked for time, and he’d pushed the issue, feeling like she was giving him the polite brush-off. In the end, he’d just walked out, and he had no idea if he’d thrown away the person who was most important to him.

He pulled his keys from the ignition and trudged up the front steps, letting himself into his childhood home. Most of the lights were dimmed except for the kitchen, so he made his way through to the back of the house, where his dad was sitting at the island, doing something on his cell phone. Mitchell looked up when Bryan entered.

“Hey,” Bryan said.

“Hey.” Mitchell looked him up and down. “You look like you could use a drink.”

Bryan raked his hands through his hair. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

His dad got up and pulled two lowballs from the cabinet, dropped a couple of ice cubes in each, and then poured amber liquid from a decanter. Bourbon, Bryan thought. His dad had never been much of a Scotch man, thought it would make him seem pretentious. Mitchell shoved one glass over to him.

Bryan took a sip. He had been right about the bourbon at least. He waited for the beginning of the lecture that he knew was coming, knew he deserved.

“So, what now?” Mitchell lowered himself onto the barstool and looked at his son.

“That’s it?”

Mitchell shrugged. “You’re a grown man. I’m not going to treat you like a teenager who knocked up his girlfriend. What now?”

“I’ve got her settled in a hotel for now. Said I’d come by tomorrow and we’d discuss everything further. I need to think.”

“She willing to take a paternity test?”

Bryan took a gulp of the bourbon. “I didn’t ask her.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to be the guy who tries to weasel out of his responsibilities.”

Mitchell nodded and thought for a second. “Here’s the thing, though. This is a responsibility. Not just financial, but emotional and spiritual. I know you, Bryan. You aren’t the type to just send a check. You’ll want to be part of your child’s future.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“No, that’s not a bad thing at all. Obviously, it would be better for you to be married to his or her mom, but there are plenty of couples who successfully co-parent. But, Bryan, what if the baby isn’t yours? She was engaged to someone else at the time.”

“She says —”

“Right, she says.” Mitchell paused thoughtfully. “What if she’s wrong and it really is Luke’s baby? Don’t you think he has a right to know his own child? Trust me, Son, you want to know all the facts in this situation.”

“That’s pretty much what Ana said.”

“Ana’s a smart woman.”

“Yeah. Smart enough to see this mess and run as far from me as possible.”

Mitchell took a long, deep breath and then placed his hand on Bryan’s shoulder. “I know I’ve been hard on you. I know I haven’t been shy about showing my disapproval. But I believe you’re a good man who has made some bad decisions and now you’re trying to remedy them the best you can. Don’t let whatever image you have of yourself cloud your judgment now.”

“You mean just because I’ve done nothing but screw up until this point, don’t assume I screwed up this particular time?”

“I’m saying don’t be so quick to fix a situation that might not be yours to fix.”

His dad was making sense, but at the same time, questioning the baby’s paternity felt sordid and seedy. Like they were going to show up on the Maury Show to learn the results of the test and people were going to boo him for trying to get out of his child support.

And yet the way Vivian had come to him in Suesca, knowing full well that she was marrying another man, knowing full well that he would think they were getting back together, hadn’t exactly been honest. She’d been living for the past eight months with her fiancé, who had taken care of her while she recovered from her injuries. Bryan wanted to believe that the Vivian he’d loved couldn’t be capable of playing some complicated game, but that wasn’t true.

“You’re right,” Bryan said finally. “I’ll ask her tomorrow.”

Mitchell nodded and finished his drink, then slipped off the barstool. “Whatever happens, Bryan, your mom and I are here for you. I hope you know that.”

“Thanks.” He smiled at his dad, genuinely warmed by the gesture, but deep down he knew the truth. He had gotten himself into this mess, and he would have to get himself out.

* * *

The next morning, Bryan showed up at Vivian’s hotel room at nine thirty and rapped sharply on the door. After a bit of rustling inside, she opened the door, her expression surprised. “Bryan. Hi! I didn’t expect you so early.”

“Can we talk? I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“No, not really.” She held open the door for him and stepped back. “I was actually just looking for an obstetrician to transfer care. Understandably, a lot of doctors don’t want to take on a patient in her ninth month, even though I have all my records.”

He slipped past her and settled himself in the desk chair across from one of the double beds. The room smelled familiar to him, a combination of Vivian’s hand lotion and her herbal shampoo, unchanged after all these years. It struck an almost-indescribable yearning in him. Not for her, but for those days when he didn’t know any better than to be blindly in love with her. Had she told him she was pregnant back then, he would have been thrilled because it meant that he could hold on to her, pin her down long enough to marry him. Even now, as she lowered herself carefully to the bed, a part of him wondered why this couldn’t work. They could be a family, just the three of them. It wasn’t as if she were the only one who had made mistakes; he was more than culpable.

And yet the thought of being with her, sleeping next to her, spending the rest of his life with her, made him feel ill because he knew that once the sense of responsibility wore off, there would only be unhappiness. He and Vivian hadn’t been a match; he could see that now. Their relationship had been passionate, but it had also been volatile, a string of breakups and makeups. He’d never been sure if they’d be on or off. And while at times it had been exciting, it had been exhausting as well.

He felt no such reticence toward Ana.

Vivian was watching him, her hands clasped in her lap. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Well, just how this is going to work. Are you sure you don’t want to go back to California until the baby is born? You said you’re having problems finding a doctor. Wouldn’t you rather have your OB from home do the delivery?”

Vivian shrugged. “I don’t really like him all that much. But he was on my insurance.”

“Okay. In that case, do you still have insurance and does it cover treatment here?”

“I think so. It should.” She blinked. “I don’t really know. Regardless, I want to stay here with you.”

This was not the way he’d expected this conversation to go, and this was not the Vivian he remembered, forceful and decisive. “Viv, you need to know, if you stay here, I can’t pay your expenses. You’ll need to get an apartment of your own.”

She blinked again. “I thought . . .”

“I’m living with my parents right now. I’m starting a business. Pretty much every dime I have is sunk into it.”

“But your parents . . .”

“Are not responsible for either of us. I want you to know that I’m not going to try to shirk my duties to my child, but I’ll be making so little until the company gets on its feet, there’s not much to give you.” Now was the time to drop the real bomb on her. “And before we make any child support agreements, I want a paternity test.”

Now her entire demeanor changed. “You’re calling me a liar?”

“No. But you can’t blame me for questioning. You were engaged to another man at the time you say you got pregnant, and you went back to California and lived with him.”

“The doctors were pretty clear. They —”

“Get due dates wrong all the time. Genetics don’t lie. Viv, if it really is Luke’s baby, don’t you think he’d want to know? Would you really want him to miss out on his kid’s life?”

Vivian rose from the bed stiffly. “I’d like you to leave.”

Bryan nodded slowly. “If that’s what you want. You have the hotel room until Friday. Let me know what you’re going to do.”

He quietly left the room, feeling her furious gaze on his back, but his initial niggling disquiet had grown to a full-out cacophony. He waited until he got to his car, then pulled out his cell phone and found Luke’s number.

To his shock, Luke picked up on the first ring. “Bryan. I had a feeling I’d been hearing from you. Is Vivian with you? She’s not taking my calls.”

“Yeah, she’s in Denver.” Bryan took a deep breath. “I think there are a few things we need to discuss.”