Kathrine is a vision in her wedding dress. The cream-colored material covers her from her wrists to halfway up her neck, and the bell-shaped skirt flows down past her feet. Shimmering gold thread with small pearl beads in strategic places adds a soft touch. On her head, sits a crown of white rosebuds holding the veil in place.
The amount of material used in the dress, combined with the extravagance of this wedding, is a sign of the Morgan’s wealth. The money the Morgan’s spent on parties, food, and drink over the last month is beyond anything I've ever heard of in Littlemire. I wonder how much of it had been funded by Alaric.
But why go to such lengths? He could have easily married her off to someone of lesser status.
Kathrine stands before everyone with Abraham, their hands clasped as the officiant speaks.
The ceremony, once it begins, is short. Soon they race down the isle and through the halls. I hurry through the doors leading outside and run around to the front where their carriage waits for them.
Kathrine waves when she sees me and rushes over, leaving her new husband. She gathers me up into a hug. She will be gone for a week.
“I’m so glad you are back,” she says. She places a kiss on each of my cheeks then leans in close to whisper in my ear, “Perhaps uncle Steward will find you an equally suitable match.” She looks over her shoulder then laughs and adds, “I am sure he can find someone almost as good.”
I don’t want your life. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them back down.
“I am happy for you,” I say. “Go, enjoy your trip.”
Kathrine hurries to the carriage and, with her husband’s help, climbs in. I stand there and wave alongside everyone else until the carriage disappears down the road.
Nothing about this life fits who I am, though I’m not entirely sure what does anymore. Even if Mr. Steward was our uncle, I wouldn’t want this.
With the newlyweds gone, the guests leave. Abraham’s mother, Mina, squeezes my shoulder and gives me a tight-lipped smile before following her husband and remaining sons into the house. I linger a minute longer before heading inside and going to my room.
Once the bedroom door is shut tight behind me, I strip off the uncomfortable lacy dress that Kathrine had picked out, changing into fitted trousers and a loose blouse. I grab my worn and tattered book and plop down on the bed to read.
The Morgan’s have opened their library to me, but tonight I want to find comfort in something familiar.
I suck in a sharp breath and blink into the darkness. My book slips from my chest to the bed, thunking closed.
I wait for my eyes to adjust. The window to my right is small, the room itself is smaller than I remember… then as my hazy mind wakens fully, it comes back to me. I am in Littlemire.
A branch scrapes against my window. I slump back onto my pillows. Not a demon.
Picking up my book, I set it on the bedside table, then roll to my side and close my eyes.
Several minutes later, my eyes snap open again, unable to fall back to sleep. My pulse races, pounding with the speed of my restless thoughts.
Since returning to Littlemire, the only time I've been happy were those rare moments I spent alone with Kitty.
Kathrine will be back in seven days, and she will expect me to be here—which I assume is the only reason why the Morgan’s didn’t ask me to leave with everyone else. For the time being, I’ve accepted the hospitality of people I can’t relate to.
But eventually, I will need to go somewhere.
I have no desire to check in on Father, let alone return to that shack that holds nothing but bad memories. I’d be more at home in the forest being possessed by a particularly nasty demon. What will I do tomorrow? Or next week, or the week after that?
Kathrine is safe with a secure life ahead of her.
What was it that Lawrence said?
“If you could go anywhere, be anywhere, without obligation, where would you choose?”
His words echo in my mind. Without obligation…
I find myself in the situation he described a month ago, and I’m at a loss.
Kathrine will be taken care of, no matter what happens to me. And Xander? He and I were never going to end up together. I realize now that we were too young and naïve when we began making plans. We'd spent our childhood lying to each other and ourselves.
I'm sure that with the Morgan’s influence, I could find a match that would leave Kathrine ecstatic, but I don’t want that life.
It’s strange and freeing and terrifying all at once. I don’t know who I am without those obligations. But I can’t stay here, not in this house, and not in Littlemire.
I am on my own. Maybe I always have been and just never realized it.
I roll over to my other side and face the window. The drapes are pulled back, revealing the pure midnight sky, dotted with stars made brighter by the fact that there's no moon. In the distance, demons howl. They are quieter here, their cries echoing like a mournful song.
I want more than this life, more than the shallow dreams of a future I once worked for. Comfort isn't enough anymore.
Now that I'm no longer indebted to Alaric, I am free to go anywhere I wish, be anyone I want to be…
I feel a tug deep inside me, calling me to something else, something far from here. For weeks, my thoughts have drifted to a face I should forget.
Should, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t.
Darkness has wrapped itself around my heart and won’t let go. I want to surround myself with it until it becomes part of my very being.
No one in their right mind would entertain such thoughts.
But I do.
I bolt upright and swing my legs off the bed, my fingers digging into the mattress. My breaths come short and quick as if I’d been running for miles.
The realization strikes me hard and swift. There is nothing left for me here, nothing left of the girl I used to be. If I force myself to stay and pretend I belong, I would be miserable.
I will find a place far away to start over with a new name, where no one knows who I am or that I’ve been claimed.
I push off the bed, my legs weak with anticipation. Striking a match, I light the tallow candle beside the bed and kneel in front of my mostly empty trunk. I reach in and pull out the crumpled letter Alaric sent with the night-forged dagger, and smooth it out.
Keep this with you at all times.
I don’t understand why Alaric released me, but it still stings. He took the time to write this and wrap the dagger as some kind of parting gift, yet never bothered to say goodbye.
I clench the letter until my fingernails pierce the paper. Alaric lied to my face. When Kathrine’s letter arrived, he’d feigned surprise.
I push back the sudden sting of tears. I am an idiot.
I thought, despite everything, we were past lying to each other.
Holding the letter over the candle, I wait for it to catch. The edge glows red and turns black as the fire consumes it until each word of the single sentence is gone. I shake what's left of the paper, extinguishing the flame until only embers smolder. I let go, watching it flutter to the bottom of the trunk where nothing but a few flakes of black ash remain.
The faint lightening of the sky that precedes dawn edges the horizon.
I blow out the candle then cross to the armoire, pulling out a single outfit. My fingers shake with anticipation as I unfold the dark, doeskin trousers and matching blouse. I waste no time changing into them, then slip into my boots. Once I’m dressed, I slide the night-forged dagger into the side of the right one.
I look around the room. There is nothing here I care about, nothing I want, except for my book.
I grab the satchel that held my food on the way here and set my book on the bottom. Next, I go to the desk where a tray of bread and cheese with dried meats sits. One of the servants must have brought it up when I was sleeping. I wrap those in the cloth napkin then place them in the bag.
I don’t care about the necklaces and earrings Alaric had sent with me, but I pack those too—they will come in handy for trading for food and lodging. With that, I’m ready.
I stand with my hand hovering over the doorknob. I still don’t have more than a vague idea of what I’m going to do, or where I want to go, besides away from Littlemire. I could go west, or south… or east, toward Windbury.
Biting down on my lip, I cringe. I am free, and still, I think about returning to Alaric even though he'd ordered me to never return.
But anger slices again and again at my heart over his deception, clouding my judgment. I know it does, and I don’t care. I grab onto it, using it as an excuse.
I will give him a piece of my mind, then I will draw blood with this dagger—truly earning my freedom. This is what I want. It is. So why does it feel like I am trying to convince myself?
I push away the thoughts that threaten to distract me… the thoughts full of doubt.
Once I have earned closure with Alaric, I could head south, to Stormvale or north to Sangate.
It is a two, or three, day ride from here to Windbury. Kathrine will be upset if I leave before she gets back. I will never see my sister again. That thought hurts, but it can’t be helped.
I should leave a letter for her, but if I don’t leave now, I’m afraid I might find some excuse to put it off. I will already be taking one of the horses.
Stealing in the past has never bothered me before, but now it will look bad for Kathrine. Who wants to be known for having a thief in the family?
When I stop for the night, I’ll write a letter then send someone to deliver it and the horse.
It’s not a good plan, but it’s all I have. It’s brash and risky, but my mind will never be at peace if I don’t confront him. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
The room lightens as the sun climbs higher.
I pull open the door and stride out, moving fast and quiet through the halls until I’m outside, greeted by the first rays of morning light peeking over the horizon and the smell of frost on the air.
The wailing of demons lessens, retreating along with the shadows they are bound to.
Desperation crawls over my skin as I jog toward the stables, still keeping as silent as possible. They will wake soon, and I have to be gone before that happens.
I move through the stables. A few horses peek their heads out of their stalls as I pass, but I ignore them all and head for the one mare I know. I’m not an experienced rider, but the two of us are familiar with each other from spending the past month together.
I fumble with the saddle, the cold numbing my fingers, made worse by the sense of urgency building. Eventually, I manage to get the tack on the mare. I lead her out of her stall and to the open door of the stable before mounting.
Once seated, I take a deep breath and go over my plan one more time. I will confront Alaric for his deception, demand answers to my questions, thank him for what he’s done for Kathrine, and then… then I will go wherever my feet take me.
The rooster cries, causing my heart to jump into my throat. I nudge the mare into a trot, leading her down the drive and toward the main road.
As we leave Littlemire behind, I look back and send a silent hope to the fates that Kathrine will live a long, happy life with her new husband.
I face forward once more and ask the mare to run.