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The faces are here again, spinning around and around me. Dad, and Dom, and Helen, and Mum. The faces whoosh around me and then one by one they disappear into the dark, until it’s me and Mummy and, like always, she’s just out of reach.
I open my eyes, and sit up in bed. I force the air into my lungs and tell myself that it’s only a dream. A dream can’t hurt me. I look at the clock. Quarter to six. I lie back down, flat on my back, eyes up to the ceiling. There’s another two hours before I need get up for work. I should close my eyes and go back to sleep, but I don’t. If I close my eyes the blackness will come back. Everyone will be beyond my reach, and I’ll be completely alone. If I was at Dom’s I’d wake him up. I’d lean across and whisper, ‘Dom, are you awake?’ and I’d keep asking a little bit louder and then a little bit louder, and a little bit louder, until he woke up. I’m not at Dom’s tonight. After he found out about his dad, he said he wanted to be on his own, which I respect, of course, even though, I don’t understand. Why would you ever want to be on your own?
Sleep isn’t going to happen, so I drag myself out of bed and pull my dressing gown on. I’ll get a cup of tea and put the TV on for company. I pad down the stairs, but stop in the hallway. There’s music playing in the living room. Not proper music, weird wind chime stuff like they play when you go for a day spa. I push the door open as quietly as I can and take a look. Tania. Of course. Bloody Tania, playing plinky-plonky music in the middle of the night. She’s wearing black lycra trousers and a pale green vest, and her hair’s all piled on the top of her head. I take the opportunity to peer at the hair at the back of her neck that’s normally hidden, but even there I can’t see any grey strands. She’s very well put together, is Tania. She’s standing at one end of the rug, with her hands pressed together in front of her chest like she’s praying. Then she lifts her arms and bends forwards from her hips reaching down to touch her toes, but she doesn’t just touch her toes. She puts her whole hands down flat on the floor. That’s bendy for somebody so old. I watch as she kicks her legs backwards and pushes her bum up towards the ceiling to make an upside-down V shape with her body. She looks ridiculous. I watch as she lifts one leg off the floor, so she’s balanced on one foot and her hands.
‘Morning Tania!’
She flinches as I come into the room and her elbow crumples under her sending her face-down into the rug.
I rush to her side. ‘Oh my God! Are you okay? I’m so sorry.’
She wriggles into a seated position. ‘I’m fine. I didn’t think anyone else was up.’
‘Couldn’t sleep.’ I haven’t quite decided what to do about Tania. She can’t marry Dad. She’s only known him five minutes. It’s been me and him my whole life. It’s my job to look after him, but if I look like I’m trying to split them up people will act like I’m the one being unreasonable. I need to find out a more about her. Friends close; enemies closer. That’s the approach.
I smile my sweetest smile. ‘I was going to make a cup of tea. Do you want one?’
Tania turns off the horrid music and follows me into the kitchen. ‘I’ll have a peppermint one. It’s much more energising, and less caffeine.’
‘And here’s me thinking it was the caffeine that gave you the energy.’
Tania shakes her head. ‘It’s terrible for you. You have no idea what caffeinated drinks do to your insides.’
She’s probably right. There are some horrible toxins in food. I’ll have to remember to Google what caffeine does to my insides later. Right now though, I don’t want to let her win. ‘Well, I’ll have a coffee.’
She doesn’t reply. I open the cupboard, but the coffee’s not there. There’s a neat little case of funny herbal tea bags with names like ‘Raspberry revitalize’ and ‘Citrus sooth’ but no coffee. I look back at Tania. ‘What have you done with the coffee?’
She leans past me and reaches up to the very back of the very top shelf, and pulls the jar down. ‘Out of sight, out of mind. You’ll be amazed how little you miss these things when they’re not staring you in the face.’
Sod the getting to know my enemy. Right now, I want to smash my enemy in the smug, freakishly line-free face with the coffee jar. I don’t. I’m biding my time. I put the kettle on and open the fridge to get the milk. I stop. What she’s done to the cupboard is nothing compared to what she’s done in the fridge. I scan the shelves. I did an online shop the day before Dad came back. There was bacon, two steaks, a pack of sausages. I look again. I definitely bought cheese, proper cheese not the low-fat cottage variety that’s there now and butter, proper old-fashioned butter, which is what Dad likes. ‘Where is everything?’
For the first time since she scraped her face off the rug, she looks a tiny bit uncertain. ‘I had a bit of a clear out. Theo said you wouldn’t mind.’
I lift the milk, semi-skimmed – one of the only things that seems to have survived the cull, from the back of the door, and force myself not to explode. I smile brightly. ‘It’s just that those were some of Dad’s favourites.’ I pat Tania sympathetically on the arm. ‘I guess you’ve not known him that long, have you?’
She steps away from my hand. ‘But he’s not getting any younger, is he? We’ve got to take care of his health, haven’t we?’
We’re both quiet for a second, standing opposite one another in the kitchen, both wearing cheek-achingly bright and cheerful smiles, neither one of us backing down. So that’s how it’s going to be, is it? I turn away and pour water over her sanctimonious mint teabag. Well, at least we both know where we stand.