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‘They’re over there.’ Dom points across the room to where Helen and Alex are standing. Alex. I feel sick.
‘They’re probably busy.’
Dom looks at me. ‘It’s a party. How would they be busy?’
I shrug. It was a stupid thing to say, but we can’t go over there. In my imagination I think I thought I could somehow not see Alex all night.
‘Come on.’ Dom starts across the room.
I scramble to catch up. ‘Do you want another drink?’
He shakes his head.
‘I wonder what’s outside,’ I say.
‘What?’
‘Tania wanted a trapeze.’ I point towards the exit. He’s staring at me. He can tell, can’t he? My face must be burning red. My hands are sweating.
He shrugs. ‘I thought you’d want to tell Helen.’
‘I do.’
‘Well now’s as good a time as any.’ He pauses. ‘I guess she’ll be your bridesmaid.’
Bridesmaid? Well it makes sense doesn’t it? We’re engaged, so of course we’d be thinking about our wedding. And weddings have bridesmaids, don’t they? I nod. ‘I guess so.’
‘Come on then.’
He grabs my hand and I have no choice but to follow in his wake across the party, buffeting maidens and woodland folk out of the way as we go. Alex is still there. We can’t tell them. I have to think of something. I have to do something.
Dom comes to a halt. ‘Hello again.’
I stand next to him, keeping hold of his hand. My fiancé’s hand. I’m aware that I’m looking at the floor. I need to stop that. I raise my eyes. There he is. Alex. Stupid, impulsive, skinny, unreliable Alex. Our eyes meet, and that feeling comes rushing back – the drowning feeling where I’m cut adrift with nothing to hold onto at all. I try to tell him something with my eyes, but I’m not sure what. Sorry? Don’t say anything? I can explain? It’s too much to put into a look, and I’m not sure it’s all true anyway. I definitely am sorry, but I have no idea how I’d even start to explain. I break away and try to tune into Helen and Dom’s conversation. It seems to be about Elizabeth Fry. I try to concentrate. Helen leans towards him. ‘And have you seen some of the costumes?’
Dom laughs. ‘I know.’ He gestures at his own outfit and then Alex’s. ‘King Arthur and Robin Hood. I mean we’re not even a consistent set of made up people.’
She laughs too. ‘That’s what I thought.’
I look around the room. I think people look nice.
‘Anyway we have news.’ Dom smiles in my direction. ‘You might have already noticed, but ...’ He tails off. ‘Do you want to tell them?’
I shake my head, trying to keep smiling. I’m not sure I trust myself to speak.
I feel Dominic’s grip on my hand tighten. ‘Emily and I are engaged. We’re going to get married.’
There’s a second before anyone says anything. It must only be a second but it feels like more. I can’t look at Alex, so I keep my eyes on Helen. Just for this one second her face seems to seize up. It’s like she shuts down completely and then reboots into happy mode, but there’s a gap. It’s not a gap where she looks sad, or shocked, or angry, or excited. It’s not a gap where she looks anything at all, but for a second she stopped, and then she remembered that she was happy and she carried on. I wonder if my face looks like that at the moment. I push the corners of my lips up higher and harder. I’m happy. So very happy.
‘Congratulations!’ Helen wraps her arms around Dom in slightly awkward hug and then comes and wraps her arms round me. ‘Congratulations! You must be overjoyed.’
I nod, because what else am I going to do? As she releases me from the hug I allow myself a tiny glance at Alex. He’s looking away. Please don’t let him say anything. He has to understand. This is what I have to do. Dom can give me what I need.
Alex breaks into a grin. ‘Another single guy bites the dust, then?’ He shakes Dom’s hand. ‘I won’t complain. That’s one less shark in the water for the rest of us.’
Dom smiles but doesn’t laugh. I’m not sure he would ever really have been considered a shark in the water.
Alex is still grinning. ‘So we’re celebrating? We should probably raise a glass then.’
‘I don’t want to drink too much.’ Helen tries to excuse herself from the round.
‘Don’t be daft. I’ll get some more punch. You heard the girl. It’s mainly fruit.’
I suspect it’s mainly fruit in the same way that vodka is mainly potato, but I don’t say anything. I could use a drink. Alex flags down a passing waiter and starts handing cups of punch around. My fingertips brush his hand as I take a cup. If he notices he doesn’t show it. He turns back towards us. ‘To the happy couple.’
Helen nods. ‘The happy couple.’
I chink my cup against Dom’s and take a sip of punch.
Alex swigs most of his cup down in one go. ‘Well we better not keep you. I’m sure you’ve got lots of people you want to share your news with.’
Helen nods. ‘Yeah, and we’ve got to ...’ She gestures towards the doors but doesn’t finish the sentence.
‘Wait.’ I remember the other thing, the thing that this time yesterday was the most important thing in the world. I take a step after her and grab her arm to slow her down. ‘Did you get the thing I asked you to collect?’
She stops and stares at me. ‘What?’
‘The thing from the library.’
‘Right. It’s in my bag. Do you need it now?’
Of course I need it now. It’s vital to the plan. Then I remember that Helen has no idea about the plan. I force myself to smile. ‘Please.’
She nods. ‘I’ll catch up with Alex and then I’ll get it for you.’
‘Thank you.’ I try to keep my voice calm, but this is it. I’ve got the evidence. I’ve got Tania exactly where I want her. I scan the room. She’s standing by the bar with her arm linked through Dad’s. He’s smiling, a big beaming smile. I remind myself that none of this is my fault. Tania’s the one who’s in the wrong. If he’s upset it’ll be her fault. I’m bringing the truth to light. I’m doing a good thing. I’m doing the right thing.