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‘Are you having a nice evening?’ Helen doesn’t answer. It’s noisy in the ballroom. Maybe she hasn’t heard. ‘Are you having a nice time?’
She shrugs. ‘Fine.’
She doesn’t really like parties. I bet she’d rather be at home marking essays than all corseted up and forced to come out and socialise. I wonder if I should tell her about Tania, but after Dom’s reaction I’m not sure. I should have known he wouldn’t understand. He’s not close to his parents. Maybe he’s right about telling my dad though. A thoughts strikes. Perhaps there’s another option. I scan the room. Tania is still wrapped around my dad. If I’m going to do this another way, I need to get her on her own. That means waiting. I look at the clock. Quarter to nine. I can’t wait too long.
‘Did you get that stuff for me?’
She nods without looking at me. ‘It’s in my room. Someone must have taken my bags up.’
‘I need it.’
She rifles through her bag and pulls out a room key. ‘It’s on top of my case. Help yourself.’
I take the key. ‘Thanks.’ She doesn’t reply. ‘Are you okay?’ She’s scanning the crowded room in front of her.
Helen glances at me and then looks away.
‘Seriously, what’s up?
‘Nothing.’ She sighs. ‘I’m looking for someone.’
‘Who?’
‘Isabel Sutton. I need to tell her about Elizabeth Fry.’
‘Off the five pound notes?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘To make your dad jealous.’
I probably ought to ask her to explain that. I don’t. I’ve got other things on my mind. Too many other things. Tania’s still standing with my dad, so that one will have to wait. I pick one of the others at random. ‘There was something I wanted to ask you.’
‘Mmm?’
‘Will you be my bridesmaid?’
This is the bit where she’s supposed to squeal and hug me. Helen isn’t the squealing type but there should be hugging.
She folds her arms. She’s been quiet for a long time. Too long. Of course. Alex didn’t say anything to Dom, but he’ll have told Helen, won’t he? They’re practically family. I freeze. So that’s how he’s going to find out. Alex told Helen. Helen’s going to tell Dom, unless I can persuade her not to. ‘You know, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
I don’t reply. I can’t. My heart is rushing. I put my hand against the wall to stop the world moving around me. ‘It was ...’
‘It was what?’
Tears come quickly, running down my face. I take a big snotty gulp. ‘It was stupid. Really stupid.’
‘He’s my friend too.’
I don’t know for a second which ‘he’ she’s talking about. It doesn’t matter. Alex and Dom. By screwing Alex, I’ve screwed them both. ‘It’ll never happen again. It was a stupid mistake. It didn’t mean anything.’
All the things I can think of to say make me sound like a politician who’s been caught shagging his intern.
‘Is any of that true?’
I nod. At least some of it is absolutely true. It will never never happen again. It was definitely a stupid mistake, and I don’t want it to have meant anything. I wipe my eyes on the weird dangly sleeve bit of my costume. ‘Are you going to tell Dom?’
‘I don’t know.’
She can’t. She shouldn’t. Friends are supposed to come before any bloke. She should be on my side. ‘I wanted to tell you.’
She shakes her head. ‘I’m glad you didn’t. I wish Alex hadn’t.’
I remember her face when Dom told her we were engaged. ‘Is that why you weren’t happy about the engagement?’
She pauses. That momentary pause before she arranges her face is there again, but then she nods.
I can talk her round. I know I can. It’ll be like the time I threw up on a bouncer and then persuaded him I was still sober enough to get into the club. ‘It won’t ever happen again. I think I got a bit freaked out about how quickly things were going with Dom. I got scared and I did something stupid. That’s all.’
She’s still not making eye contact, but she hasn’t stormed off yet. ‘Don’t you think Dominic has a right to know?’
‘Probably, but what would the point be? It was before we were engaged.’ Admittedly only about five hours before we got engaged, but I’m not going to dwell on that. ‘And it would hurt him. What’s the point in hurting Dom so that we get something off our chests?’
‘Don’t say “we”.’
‘What?’
‘You said “so that we get it off our chests.” We’re not a “we.” You did this. I’m not part of it.’
‘I know.’ I don’t know what else to say. ‘Please don’t tell Dom.’
She sighs. ‘I’m still thinking about it.’
I open my mouth, but she puts her hand out.
‘Don’t. Don’t say any more.’ She walks away to the other side of the room, and I’m alone.