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I took one look at his outstretched hand, waiting for my own to fill it and hated that I couldn’t give him what he wished for. Hell, but it was what I wished for too, as I wanted nothing more right in that moment than to step through this damn thing and cry in his arms. To prove my commitment to him and back up my words with actions. But I knew that if I did that, then he would never let me go. He would never let me do what I knew was needed to save not only his race but also his life. And well, after everything I’d just learned, then it wasn’t only my mother’s life that was linked to his but mine as well.
All I could hope for was that I could get Lucius to understand this and that started with telling him the thing he hated the most...
No.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that, Lucius.” He fisted his hand and let it drop before snapping,
“Why the fuck not!?” I released a sigh knowing just how difficult this conversation was going to be.
“Lucius, please, I can’t do that right now, you know I can’t.”
“Yes, you fucking can! Look, just reach for my hand and take it, I will have enough power to pull you through, I am certain,” Lucius said raising his hand to me once more and I found my own fisting at my side so I wouldn’t be tempted to just reach out and try it.
So instead I looked behind me and asked,
“Is he right, could he pull me through?” The Keepers of Three all nodded and then said,
“As the Souls’ Keeper he has that power.”
“But not the power to save us all.” At this, Lucius roared in anger before the mumbler had a chance to try and speak. Then he ordered,
“Silence! She is coming with me!”
“What if what they say is true, what if I am the only one who can...?” I started to say but again Lucius wasn’t having any of it.
“NO! No, Amelia, no fucking way am I going to let that happen! Now you listen to me, we will figure this out, but we will do it together once you have first given me your hand,” he snapped, getting angry and I looked back at the glowing portal that obviously led into Hell.
“Hey, hey...come now, look at me, don’t look over there, just look at me,” he said bringing my attention back to him and I was met with a serious gaze.
“We will figure it out together,” he stated firmly once more.
“But how?” I asked, curious to see what he would say and to see if I was right in how I thought Lucius would act.
“I will go in there and I will fix it, but you have to stay safe.”
“You won’t take me with you?!” I asked, clearly annoyed and upset that I had been right. He released a deep sigh before telling me,
“It is too dangerous for you...” I opened my mouth to protest making him snap at me,
“Gods, Amelia, this is Hell we are talking about, not a fucking hot vacation!” This pissed me off, so I snapped back,
“Yeah, I got that, thanks!”
“Yes, well then, you should also know that you could fucking die there and if that happens, then it will be the permanent kind! So no, you will not be fucking going there, as mark my words, Amelia, it is not something I will ever allow to happen!” he growled, whilst holding himself tense as if he was holding back on his demon from making an appearance and adding more rage to this order.
“And what if I am the only one who can set this right, what then?” I asked after folding my arms.
“Then we find another way,” he stated without hesitation.
“And if there isn’t one...what then?” I asked making his features harden into an anger he was trying to control before he gritted his teeth and said,
“We. Will. Find. A. Way.” So, I thought to make my point and turned to face the Keepers.
“Is there another way?” I asked making Lucius growl angrily, losing his cool now.
“Don’t say another fucking word!” he snapped, ordering them to be silent. So instead they each shook their heads telling me no.
“Can they lie?” I asked and Lucius calmed enough to tell me,
“They don’t know everything.”
“That is not what I asked, and you know it,” I said now looking back at him, knowing all too well from past experiences how he had been the master at wording things. This without breaking promises made but getting what he wanted, nonetheless. Which was why Lucius snarled the truth,
“No, they can’t fucking lie!”
“Then they speak the truth, I am the only way,” I stated making Lucius argue back,
“Yes, and like I said, they don’t know fucking everything!” I stared at Lucius as he stared back whilst we were both caught in a moment of silence. He, no doubt trying to think of a way to stop me from doing something he deemed too dangerous and me thinking of a way I could convince him to let me.
Needless to say, we were at a standstill, both staring at a crossroads. He wanted to take my hand and lead me down the safe path, one where the end of the journey was uncertain, and I wanted to run headfirst into the one I believed would save us all. Which was why I broke the silence first and said,
“I am sorry, Lucius, but it is not as if we can take that chance.” His reaction was instantaneous as he started shouting at me,
“No! Amelia no, I will not let you do this!” But I simply made a point of looking all around the shimmering barrier between us and said,
“It is also not as if you can stop me.” He growled low and menacingly at this. He then pulled back a clenched fist looking ready to try and punch his way through it, when I stopped him,
“If you do that then it might knock you unconscious again.” Lucius listened to me and instead turned at the last second and embedded his fist into the already crumbling wall.
“RAHH!” he roared making me wince, knowing I was the cause of his anger.
“I don’t understand,” he said after a few moments of trying to rein in the fury by panting through his rage. Then he pulled it calmly from the wall as I asked,
“What don’t you understand?”
“How you could tell me how foolish you were for running from me and yet here you are telling me that you’re about to do it again, only this time you are running to a place you have no idea how to survive in!” he shouted, holding his arms out to the sides as if that world he spoke of was all around us.
“This time it’s different,” I told him, hating that on some level he was right...but really, what choice did I have?
“Yeah, how is that, Amelia?!” he snapped,
“Because this time I am not running from you!” I shouted back, trying to make him understand.
“No, you are just running to certain death!” he threw back, and I winced before feigning the hurt in my response.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said dryly making him roar at me,
“This is not a fucking joke, Amelia! What you’re talking about is fucking suicide!”
“Then if that were true, why does this whole thing seem fated...why would I be the only one able to stop this if me getting there wasn’t even possible!” I pointed out and this was when he made what I knew he would consider his mistake.
“Gods, you’re as stubborn as your fucking mother, for she too believed she could take on Hell to save your father!”
“What?” I hissed and the second I did, Lucius flinched as he knew he had just let something major slip.
“No, no, no do not even think of going there, my girl, for it is not the same fucking thing!” he snapped.
“Why, was she a Vampire when she did this?” I asked in return, honestly wanting to know and when he looked as though he didn’t want to answer me, I said his name again,
“Lucius?” He released a frustrated sound and a second later I was questioning what his reply would have been had he been given the chance to answer. Would he have lied to save me yet again or would he have trusted me with the truth? Like I said, I never got to find out as the answer came from behind me,
“No, just the blood of a King, but nothing more.”
“For she was human when she walked through Hell’s door.”
“Mmanbknne.”
Lucius released a threatening growl at the Keepers of Three when they told me what he should have.
“Then how did she survive?” I asked Lucius, with my arms folded.
“Dumb fucking luck!” he snapped, but I had heard enough. My mother had done what was needed to save my father and she had done this whilst still being human, with only my father’s essence inside her. How would that make what I was about to do any different?
I mean, did I want to go into Hell to save an entire Vampire race from dying out, no, not particularly...in fact, fuck the pun here, but that was more like a Hell no, I really didn’t!
But, what choice did we have? Because I knew that if I let Lucius convince me not to do this and instead, I gave him my hand so he could pull me back through the barrier, then he would never allow me to do this. He would never have allowed me to go into Hell, not even if it was to help save his life and that of my mother’s.
No, he would most likely send me on my way to be safe with my family as had been his original plan when taking me there the first time and well, we all knew how that had ended!
Which meant that I couldn’t chance it. I couldn’t chance giving Lucius the power to stop me, doing so because he valued my life over his own and that of his people. Because all Lucius ever wanted was to ensure my safety and had gone as far as to keep away from me all these years believing this course of action would achieve it. But we had come too far for that now and Lucius had crossed the point of no return even for himself, as it was clear he couldn’t walk away from me now and I felt blessed knowing this. Despite what I knew my next actions could potentially do to our relationship, one that might not last as long as I wanted it to, should I fail in stopping this curse.
But I felt sure that he wouldn’t leave me. Because, if there was anything other than the truth I had got from his lifetime of memories, then it was that he was too deep in his obsession to walk away now, just as I was. Which meant that, unfortunately, this only left me with one choice and as for Lucius, well he was not going to like it...
Not. At. All.
And he knew it. He could see it all playing out in the emotions on my face. He knew what I was planning. It was why, instead of shouting at me again, he tried a different tactic.
“Just give me your hand and at least let us discuss this together without this fucking barrier between us!” Lucius asked in a tense tone that told me exactly what would happen the moment I did that. And if I were honest, then by the Gods how I wanted to! How I wanted nothing more than to just give him my hand and let him pull me into his arms. How I wanted my apology for running from him to be sealed with a kiss. How I just wanted him to hold me and allow myself the time to process all I had seen of his long life and for us to focus on moving forward now that I knew everything. Because it was not knowing that was sometimes worse. It was the things you convinced yourself that could be. The nightmare hiding in the shadows playing with you like a toy box filled with insecurities. When all that was needed to burn it to ashes was for the light to cast its truth back into your reality.
And it had turned to ash...it truly had.
But now I faced a new nightmare and this time no amount of light was capable of casting it aside into a forgotten realm. Because this was no longer a matter of the heart.
No, for this was a matter of the soul.
Because that was what faced me when I walked through that doorway...that portal into Hell. And Lucius knew. He knew with just one look back towards the tree what I planned to do, and it now fed his desperation.
“Think about your parents, Amelia. Gods, girl, just think about what this would do to them!” Lucius said making me tense as I lowered my gaze from the tree and down to the floor. Then I thought about my parents, who would be heartbroken if they knew. Lucius was right, I had so many people who cared about me and if I didn’t walk away from this alive, then the hurt and pain I would cause would be...immeasurable.
Gods, just thinking about my poor mother who I had foolishly believed capable of kissing Lucius. Who I had wrongly accused of not only being the cause of my broken heart but also of cheating on my father! A man she adored and loved more than any other in all the world. It made me ashamed to think of all I had put my parents through and now this. Something I was still putting them through. The guilt I felt caused tears to cloud my vision before they fell from my eyes and to the ground. But then the moment I saw the effect they had on the roots once more, it brought my mind back to what I felt I had no choice to do. I had to try and save my mother!
Oh yes, his desperation would make him try everything, but he was soon to discover that it had backfired.
“I love my mum and dad,” I said, mainly to myself as I needed to hear it spoken aloud.
“I know you do, my Khuba,” Lucius replied in a tender tone, but then I wiped my tears away and looked at him, taking a few silent moments before I spoke. Because I wanted to just look at him with the anger and tried not to focus too much on the hope I saw in his stunning, steel blue eyes. A hope I killed the moment I told him,
“I am thinking about them, as it’s not just your soul I intend on saving, Lucius.” Then I turned away from him before I went back on my decision and I was forced to witness the catastrophic mistake that might curse our future.
“NO! Fuck, no Amelia, just look at me!” he shouted making me tense, balling my hands into fists as I sniffed back my tears.
“I lost you once, don’t make me lose you again, Amelia, please don’t fucking do that to me.” His plea made me suck back a sob, holding myself rigid as I closed my eyes against the pain that I knew I had no choice but to continue to cause him. But right now, I couldn’t look back at him and I knew that it made me a coward. Because after all I had unknowingly put him through, he deserved to have his decision granted. He deserved to have my hand in his.
But what he deserved and what I had to do quickly became two vastly different things. Because I knew that my father would never have let my mother go to Hell and back for him, but she had done it. Just like I knew that Lucius would never allow me to take the same risks.
So, without looking at him I told him,
“I love you so much, Lucius, by the Gods, I do.”
“Amelia, sweetheart, then prove it, prove it by just giving me your hand, that is all I ask.” I shook my head and started walking towards the tree, knowing that if I looked back at him, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. That my steps would falter to the point of stopping completely. The tears that continued to fall told me that.
“NO! COME BACK HERE!” Lucius roared but I ignored him and continued telling him,
“I love you so much, that I would go to Hell and back for you.” But he wasn’t listening, despite how each word I said managed to somehow give me the strength I needed to keep going. But Lucius didn’t hear me, for he was losing himself to his rage.
“I DEMAND YOU FUCKING LET ME INSIDE NOW!” Lucius bellowed at the Keepers of Three for them to grant him access so he could stop me. But one look at them all shaking their heads and I wasn’t sure whether or not they would survive when he finally did make it through. And even though I knew my words wouldn’t help the matter, or even ease his pain, I couldn’t help but tell him,
“I am so sorry, Lucius, I hope one day you will forgive me.”
“NO! No... no I will not! Do you hear me, Amelia! If you do this, I will never fucking forgive you!” he shouted and I felt that reply freeze my whole body with the pain of his words, a declaration I was hoping was only fuelled by his rage and nothing more. That it was something that didn’t have the power to stick, and when he calmed down, he would then find it in him to forgive me.
“I’m sorry,” I said again just after I braved a look up at the tree and seeing more than just a whole world of souls. I saw his council, people I had come to know and love. I saw Pip and Adam, who had unknowingly been my guardians my whole life. I saw my beautiful sweet mother who I had treated wrongly. Then I saw my own soul. That of a crimson rose I so wanted to see entwined with the roots of Lucius’ soul for all eternity. Something that was unlikely to happen should the Tree be left to die.
So, as a single leaf fell it became symbolic. It became just one more sign from the Fates of why I should do this. So, when it turned to black as it fluttered to the ground, floating away to ash before it could make the journey, I knew I was making the right decision.
“AMELIA, WAIT!” he thundered, just as I was about to take my first step inside, making me pause and finally look over my shoulder at him. As I knew that if all of this went wrong and death was all that met me on the other side, that I couldn’t just leave without looking at him one last time. It pained me to think that I was the one who brought such anguish to his features as he looked like a man desperate not to lose his soul.
“You said you wouldn’t run again,” he said in a tone that spoke only of his desolation at the events. So, I took a deep breath and told him,
“This isn’t me running, Lucius.”
“But don’t you see, it is! It fucking is, Amelia, and you know it!” he tried gripping to the sides of the tunnel and I could see the stone he held cracking under the force of his pain.
So, I told him,
“No, this me choosing to save our world.”
He shook his head and I could see from here the angry tears he held back, with his gloved fist ready to cause no end of destruction.
“Amelia, I fucking swear to every Gods be damned being out there, that if you do this...”
“But I don’t plan on doing this alone,” I interrupted quickly and then before he could issue another threat or finish the first, I told him,
“Don’t worry, if this all goes to plan, then the second I step through this portal, the barrier will drop and it won’t be goodbye for long, Handsome...” He growled low and I added just before slipping through the portal,
“As I will see you on the other side.”
Then I simply stepped...
Straight into Hell.