As far as I knew, Caramella and Oscar didn’t know about my three-day tragic adventure to Albury, and since I was back in time for Acrobrat training there was no reason to tell them – except that I felt I had to. Otherwise, I’d be hiding something from them (not a little thing but a rather huge thing), and it would be like trying to build a house together while not telling them that some of the floorboards had holes. Let’s face it, if there are holes, everyone who’s in the room should know where they are.
So, before training I meet up with Caramella. We sit in the gutter outside her house. She has a new top on. It’s a pale blue sleeveless T-shirt with a purple swirly drawing of Janis Joplin on it. I’ve never seen Caramella wear anything kind of rock’n’roll before, let alone without sleeves, so I can’t help commenting.
‘Hey, nice top.’
She smiles shyly. ‘Thanks. It was a present. But I chose it.’
‘A present, who from?’
‘Just Mum and Dad. For my birthday.’
‘It was your birthday? On the weekend?’
‘Yeah. I rang you to see if you wanted to come to the city with us. We went to the gallery. But you were away.’ She drops her face and sticks her hands under the T-shirt.
Oh boy, I think. What kind of friend am I?
‘Caramella, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I wanted to tell you I was going, but I was scared you’d think I was deserting you because I went up to Albury to audition for the Flying Fruit Flies. It was something I felt I had to do – ’ Caramella interrupts me. ‘Don’t worry about it. I understand. Your Aunt Squeezy explained to me when I rang up. You know, if some great drawing school asked me to apply, I would too, no matter what was going on. So don’t feel bad.’
I feel a great rush of relief, which makes me look up at the heavens and breathe out, then I turn to Caramella.
‘You know Caramella, you’re the best.’
She laughs and draws her knees in close under her chin.
‘And you look great in that T-shirt.’ I really mean that, because all of a sudden she looks more comfortable; more as if she’s sitting in her own skin, as if it’s a good place to be.
And in the end that’s what makes something good, the way you can like it or love it or accept it and wear it. She rocks back and forth, mouth on her knee, large eyes peeping over the little fleshy mountains of leg as if they’re half hiding and half venturing out.
‘You don’t think I look fat?’ she says, taking her mouth off her knee.
‘Nope. You look sexy.’
‘Really?’
‘For sure.’
She smiles her famously sweet, beaming smile and I feel myself beaming back because that’s what happens when Caramella beams; you can’t help getting all warmed up by it. I think to myself, This is great, this is really great. Who would have thought I could feel so great just one day after my glorious failure?
As we make our way to training I tell her about how I didn’t get selected; how I almost did, but I didn’t.
She doesn’t seem concerned. ‘But you’ll get in. You’ll get in next time.’ And she just grins like it’s no big deal.
‘Yeah,’ I say, and I kind of go along with her and act just as if it is no big deal, and the funny thing is I almost believe it myself. Because when I look around, the neighbourhood looks okay: houses are sitting as they should, all higgledy-piggledy and solid and old, the sun is out and everything is beaming beneath it, and I’m walking along with Caramella, who’s my best friend. So I puff myself up with the gleaming goodness of the day and I say, ‘I kissed Kite.’
She opens her eyes wide and grins. ‘I knew it! I knew you would.’
‘It was a real kiss. Went for ages. On the steps.’
‘So, you in love?’
‘I guess so. I’m not sure if he is, though.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, for one thing, there’s this other girl called Lola and they seem pretty close. I don’t even know if something’s going on or not. Also, I haven’t heard from him since I found out I didn’t get in.’
‘That was only yesterday.’
‘Still.’
‘Why don’t you just ask him? I mean about Lola. Ring him up and ask.’
‘Yeah. Maybe.’ I sigh. That would really be giving the game away. But then again, isn’t that what I decided I wanted – to just talk straight?
When we get to the Network, Caramella goes and talks to Mohammed, who is sitting at a computer. I see her give him something. He doesn’t smile, he just nods approvingly and looks at her with a serious, shy look, then pins it on the wall next to his picture of some Bollywood movie star. It’s the drawing of him that she did.
In the hall, Inisiya and Nidal are already practising a bluebird. I can hear their shrieks and giggles before I even enter the room, and it makes me feel happy. Despite myself I feel happy to see them falling out of balance and laughing their heads off.