EVERYTHING’S EVENTUAL: 14 DARK TALES
(2002)
King’s first collection of the new millennium gathered together work from three primary sources, his 1997 collection Six Stories (“Autopsy Room Four,” “The Man in the Black Suit,” “Lunch at the Gotham Café,” “L. T.’s Theory of Pets,” and “Luckey Quarter”), his audio book Blood and Smoke (“In the Deathroom” and “1408”), and The New Yorker (“All That You Love Will Be Carried Away,” “The Death of Jack Hamilton,” “That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is In French”). “Riding the Bullet” was originally offered via the Web. The remainder came from The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction (“Everything’s Eventual”), and the anthologies Legends (“The Little Sisters of Eluria”) and 999 (“The Road Virus Heads North”).
In the table of contents, King tells his Constant Readers that he used a deck of cards to select the order in which the stories appeared; based on our reading, the choices were uniformly excellent.
[NOTE: “Autopsy Room Four” and “The Road Virus Heads North” are discussed in the section concerning Derry, and “The Man in the Black Suit” is discussed in the section on Castle Rock. “The Little Sisters of Eluria” and “Everything’s Eventual” are covered in the section on the Dark Tower. “Riding the Bullet” is discussed in the section concerning Jerusalem’s Lot and King’s
Maine. “The Death of Jack Hamilton” and “In the Deathroom” are discussed in the Richard Bachman section.]
“All That You Love Will Be Carried Away”
Alfie Zimmer, a traveling salesman, and thus constantly on the road, writes down interesting bathroom graffiti he’s seen in rest stops all over the United States. As the story begins, Alfie is checking into a Motel 6 on I-80 just west of Lincoln, Nebraska. Alfie, sadly, is contemplating suicide. At the end of the story, Alfie is seen standing on the edge of a farmer’s field, still undecided about doing himself in.
“L. T.’s Theory of Pets”
“L. T.’s Theory of Pets” deals with the broken marriage of dog lover Lulu DeWitt and cat lover L. T. DeWitt. Lulu DeWitt abruptly leaves her husband, and is never heard from again. Some folks think she has been slaughtered by the serial killer known as the Axe Man, others think L. T. might have had something to do with it. L. T.’s devotion to Lulu and his sadness at his abandonment is poignant, almost pitiful, but never maudlin. King keeps this sad, gently humorous tale on track without making L. T. the object of ridicule he is to his peers. This story of pet ownership and failed marriages is either sad or macabre, depending on your thoughts about L. T.’s possible involvement in his wife’s death.
And what is L. T.’s Theory of Pets? Simply this: “If your dog and cat are getting along better than you and your wife, you better expect to come home some night and find a Dear John note on your refrigerator door.”
“L. T.’S THEORY OF PETS”: PRIMARY SUBJECTS
L. T. DEWITT: L.T., an employee of the W.S. Epperton Processed Meats Plant of Ames, Iowa, is happy to tell his tale of woe to anyone who will listen. The breakup of his marriage begins shortly after his wife, Lulubelle, buys him a dog, a Jack Russell terrier that he names Frank. Instead of being man’s best friend, however, Frank takes to Lulubelle in a big way.
Lulu responds to his affections, and the two form a deep bond that makes L. T. jealous. Hoping to put a wedge between the two, L. T. buys Lulu a kitten. Since turnabout is fair play, the kitten, named Lucy (LuLu calls her “Screwlucy”), develops a crush on L. T.
Shaky to begin with, the DeWitts’ marriage is further strained by the presence of the jealous pets. One day L. T. returns home to discover a Dear John letter on his refrigerator door—LuLu has left, taking Frank with her. L. T. respects her request for privacy, and never attempts to follow her. He remains at the meat packing plant, trotting out his sad story every time a new recruit comes to work at the factory. L. T. DeWitt still resides in Ames, Iowa.
LULUBELLE DeWITT: Lulu, the wife of L. T. DeWitt, disappears for good the day she leaves L. T. Her car is found splattered with animal blood, which turns out to belong to her dog, Frank. Police discover Frank’s body near the scene, but Lulu is still missing. Some suspect she is the sixth victim of the serial killer known to authorities as “the Axe Man.”
“Lunch at the Gotham Café”
First and foremost, this is a tale about smoking, a companion piece to King classics like “Quitters Inc.” and “The Ten O’Clock People.” It is also a story about perceptions: Steven’s and Diane’s differing viewpoints about the state of their marriage, Steven’s change in outlook after giving up cigarettes, and the maitre d’s warped concept of reality.
“LUNCH AT THE GOTHAM CAFÉ”: PRIMARY SUBJECTS
STEVEN DAVIS: Steven returns home one evening to discover that his wife has abandoned him. Painfully aware that his marriage is troubled, Davis is nevertheless stunned by this development. He sleepwalks through the next few weeks, clinging to the hope that he and his wife might reconcile. During this troubled time, he manages to give up cigarettes, which can be viewed as either an act of penance or as Steve’s attempt to gain control over at least one aspect of his life. His hopes for reconciliation are dashed by a call from his wife’s attorney, requesting a luncheon meeting at Manhattan’s
Gotham Café to discuss the terms of their divorce. Davis reluctantly agrees, and attends despite feelings of disorientation (primarily due to nicotine withdrawal) and the fact that his lawyer isn’t available to accompany him.
Arriving at the restaurant, Davis is greeted by a high-strung maitre d’, who, while showing the patron to his table, keeps muttering about Davis’s umbrella, which he apparently mistakes for a small dog. The conference, which quickly turns bitter, is interrupted by the maitre d’, who attacks and kills lawyer Humboldt with a huge butcher knife. He then turns to Davis, who, accompanied by his wife, flees to the kitchen. The maitre d’ follows him in, ranting, and kills the chef. Davis manages to subdue the maitre d’, who is taken away on a stretcher, still raving.
Steven Davis is presumably alive and well, at large in the Stephen King Universe.
DIANE DAVIS: It is obvious that Diane feels that Steven has greatly wronged her. Even after Steven saves her from the maitre d’, Diane still hates her spouse. Diane Davis is presumably alive and well, at large in the Stephen King Universe.
WILLIAM HUMBOLDT: Diane’s divorce attorney, this tough customer is eliminated by the Gotham Café’s mad maitre d’. Humboldt’s last word is “boot.”
GUY (THE MAITRE D’ FROM HELL): Little is known about the madman who is maitre d’ at the Gotham Café. His first name is Guy. Apparently in the grip of potent hallucinations, Guy stabs William Humboldt in the head, then guts a co-worker in the kitchen. Steven Davis manages to disable him before he can kill again. When last seen, Guy is being taken away on a stretcher by paramedics. He is presumably still alive, but certainly not well. His whereabouts are unknown, but one would hope he is incarcerated in a place where he can do no further harm.
“That Feeling, You Can Only Say What It Is In French”
First appearing in the June 22, 1999, Summer Fiction Issue of The New Yorker, this is a tale concerning marriage and déjà vu. King does a great job
of depicting how good and bad memories bind a couple together, and also conveys feelings of déjà vu to his readers, repeating sequences from different angles throughout the story.
On a second honeymoon to celebrate her silver anniversary with her husband, Bill, Carol Shelton reflects on their life together during the flight. On their way to their honeymoon hideaway, Carol experiences vague feelings that she’s been in this situation before, even though that’s not possible. At times she’s able to predict exactly what’s around the bend; but just as often, her guesses are inexact or outright wrong. Throughout, she wonders where she heard the name Floyd before, and why she associates it with disaster. Floyd, she finally discovers, is the pilot of the plane she’s on.
And readers are left to wonder if some of the terrifying visions she’s had throughout the story are about to occur, or whether they are merely flights of fancy.
“1408”
This is the second of three recent tales read aloud by the author in Blood and Smoke, and it is truly one of King’s creepiest.
“1408” is the number of one of the most infamous haunted hotel rooms in the world, located in an otherwise ordinary establishment, somewhere off Fifth Avenue in New York City; at the least, it’s probably unlucky (just add the digits in the room number and see what you get). Skeptic Mike Enslin has demanded to spend the night in that room, despite the hotel manager’s extreme reluctance. He is not afraid to tell Mike that the room is truly haunted and that perhaps thirty people have mysteriously died or disappeared in that room since the hotel opened in 1910. But that is precisely why Mike has to have the room for the night.
Mike, you see, is the author of three New York Times bestsellers: Ten Nights in Ten Haunted Houses, Ten Nights in Ten Haunted Graveyards, and Ten Nights in Ten Haunted Castles. His current work in progress is no doubt going to be published as Ten Nights in Ten Haunted Hotels. The brash writer is finally allowed into the room—a room he truly believes cannot be haunted. For in spite of his chosen subject matter, the author has never seen a real ghost, nor does he believe in their existence. But very shortly the incredible supernatural events that occur in Room 1408 will change Mike’s views on the subject of haunts and evil spirits forever.
“1408”: PRIMARY SUBJECTS
MIKE ENSLIN: A cynical writer of “true” ghost stories, Mike writes the books because he knows he can make a good living from them, not because he believes in the supernatural. But after spending only seventy minutes in Room 1408, Mike nearly loses his life after being assaulted by the evil presence that inhabits the suite. Completely shattered by the experience, he gives up his writing career completely, and lives in constant fear of being assaulted again by dark forces.
MR. OWEN: A short, round man, Mr. Owen tries to talk Mike out of staying in Room 1408. He tells Mike of the room’s grim history, but this doesn’t dissuade the writer. Since Mike has reminded the hotel manager that he cannot, by state and federal law, prevent him from renting any specific room in a hotel that is not currently occupied, the man reluctantly allows the writer to have the room. It is presumed that Mr. Owen is still working at the hotel in spite of the legacy of Room 1408.
RUFUS DEARBORN: The sewing machine salesman who saves Mike’s life by dousing him with the contents of an ice bucket after he observes the author making a mad dash from Room 1408 with his upper torso ablaze.
“The Luckey Quarter”
“The Luckey Quarter” unravels the account of Darlene Pullman, a woman who lives off the tips she earns as a maid at the seedy Rancher’s Hotel. One morning, Darlene finds an unimpressive quarter in the gratuity envelope she left in Room 322. The tip is accompanied by a note that reads, “This is a Luckey quarter! Its true! Luckey you!” A practical woman, Darlene is nevertheless taken with the possibility that the coin may indeed be a good luck piece, as demonstrated by a gripping fantasy sequence in which she beats the odds at a local casino. Darlene ultimately realizes that she is already blessed with outrageous luck, and gives the quarter to her son.