I had three missed calls from both Emily and Anabel on my phone, but I didn’t call or text them back. I was too tired from hitting up employment agencies all day. I hadn’t realized that I’d have to take typing tests as well as Word and Excel proficiency tests just to register to be an assistant. The day had gone disastrously, and I had a bad feeling that none of the recruiters had been impressed with my skills. I hurried back to my apartment building feeling glum.
As soon as I got inside, I was going to run a bath and make myself a grilled cheese sandwich. That would make me feel better. Then I’d text the girls to see what they had to say. Hopefully, they’d had a better day at work than I had. We’d stayed out way too late and gotten way too drunk the previous evening, but it had been fun. I smiled as I thought back to the handsome Italian guy I’d spent most of the night dancing with. He’d even wanted to come home with me, but I hadn’t let him. He was on a plane back to Milan in the next couple of days and as much as I wanted to get laid, I didn’t want to have a one-night stand with a man I would never see again. I stifled a yawn as I made my way to the apartment building and hurried through the door.
“Excuse me, are you Charlotte Johnson?”
The deep voice came from behind me and I jumped out of fright as I walked into my apartment building.
“Yes?” I turned around cautiously, looking at the man behind me. He had a New York Yankees baseball cap on and dark sunglasses. I stared at him for a few seconds trying to recognize him, but he was covered up so well that I could barely make out his face. “Can I help you?”
“I’m with the New York Post, and I wanted to ask you some questions.”
“Questions?” I blinked and swallowed hard. Oh, shit! “Questions about what?”
“About your relationship with Max Parker,” his voice quiet and confident. “Do you mind if I interview you?”
“Um, yes, I mind.” I tried to think quickly. “Unfortunately, I’m not in a position to talk to the press at this time.”
“Oh?” He cocked his head to the side. I wished that he would take his glasses off so I could see his eyes.
“Yes, he’s a very private man and our um, relationship is so new that he, uh, doesn’t want us to ruin it by talking to the press.”
“So, you’re confirming that you are dating him?”
“Well, I don’t like to say anything.” I bit down on my lower lip. “How do you know I’m dating him?”
“Didn’t you see the article today?” He held up a newspaper for me to see and my heart stopped as my eyes took in the bold black words on the cream page.
“What article?”
“The article about you and Max Parker . . .” He paused for a few seconds. “And the fact that you’re on the way to an engagement.”
“What?” My jaw dropped. This had really gotten out of control.
“I wanted to know if this was a shotgun wedding?”
“Shotgun?” My heart was racing now.
“Are you getting married because you’re pregnant?”
“Pregnant?” I tried not to laugh. No, I’m not pregnant, I’ve never even met the guy! I wanted to shout at the man in front of me, but I didn’t dare say anything.
“Is it true that he has a ten-inch cock?”
“Excuse me?” Had he just said cock? What sort of reporter asked these sorts of questions?
“I said is it true that he has a—”
“That is enough.” I raised my voice and held my hand up. “You should watch how you’re talking to me.” The man lifted one eyebrow and smirked as I spoke. “My boyfriend, Max Parker, won’t be happy to hear that you’ve been so rude to me.”
“Your boyfriend or your fiancé?” The man took off his sunglasses and his eyes pierced into mine. “Why don’t you call him now and see what he has to say?” His bright blue eyes seemed to be mocking me as he stared at me. As if he knew that there was no way for me to call Max Parker. And it was then that I recognized him from the club I’d been at the night before.
“You.” I pointed my finger at the man that had been so rude to me the night before. “It’s you.”
“Yes.” His lips curled up and his eyes mocked me. “It’s me.”
“Are you following me?” I tried to ignore the heat that had suddenly overtaken my body. I was not going to be attracted to this reporter, no matter how hot he was.
“Am I following you?” He angled his head to the side. “I just want to get the story of the decade.”
“Story of the decade?” I rolled my eyes. “I hardly think my love life is the story of the decade.”
“No one cares about your love life.” He shook his head and smirked. “The real story here is how you trapped the Max Parker.”
“That asshole deserves to be trapped,” I muttered under my breath. “Preferably under a ten-ton elephant.”
“Sorry, what?” The man leaned forward. “I didn’t hear that.”
“Nothing,” I muttered and hurried toward the elevator.
“Are you as kinky as he is?” He looked me over consideringly. “I heard he’s into some really dirty stuff.” He licked his lips slowly and deliberately, and I shivered slightly.
“Excuse me, I’m not talking to you anymore.” I was getting angry as I prayed for the elevator to hurry up. “Why don’t you just leave me alone? I’m not interested in talking to the media!”
“Yes, I’m sure you’re not,” he said, his voice sarcastic as he stood next to me. “I’ll bid you adieu, Charlotte Johnson.” He nodded his head and then grinned at me. “Until we meet again.”
“I sure hope that that’s never.” I lifted my nose up in the air and gave him my dirtiest look.
“Really?” He looked at me and grinned. “I have a feeling that we’ll meet again.” He gave me a once-over and winked. “And you be sure to tell Max Parker that he owes you a spanking for being a naughty girl.”
“Excuse me?” I said, and then he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips, his mouth pressing into mine in a possessing way. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back and I could feel my body melting into him as his fingers played with my hair. When he pulled away from me, I was breathing hard.
He chuckled. “I said I think you better tell your boyfriend, Max Parker, you’ve been a very naughty girl.” He winked again. “I don’t think he would like to find out that you’ve been kissing strangers and giving them hard-ons.”
He chuckled again at my shocked expression and then walked away without another word. The elevator arrived with a loud ding, and I couldn’t move.
I stood there, completely speechless.
The bath was forgotten as soon as I got into the elevator. I immediately started a group chat with the girls and tried not to panic. I was in deep shit if journalists were showing up at my apartment and showing me newspaper articles. How the hell was there a newspaper article out about the relationship? Why me?
Charlotte: Oh shit, guys. You will not believe what happened to me!!!!
Anabel: I bet I will.
Emily: What happened?
Anabel: Emily, don’t pretend like you don’t know.
Charlotte: You guys know?
Anabel: I told you that this would catch up with you.
Emily: We’ve been calling and texting you all day, hon.
Charlotte: I was looking for a job. How bad is it?
Anabel: What do you know?
Emily: It’s not soo bad.
Charlotte: It IS so bad. A reporter. Well, I think he’s a reporter. He was waiting for me by my apartment today. He had a newspaper and the newspaper had an article about me and Max dating . . . UGH. Kill me now!
Anabel: I’ve seen five articles today stating you and Max are not only dating but also engaged.
Emily: Did you get engaged and not tell us? Sorry, not sorry. HAHAHA.
Charlotte: NOT FUNNY! Omg! What am I going to do?
Anabel: Immediately stop telling people you’re dating Max. The only good thing is that there are no photos of you or Max Parker in any of the articles, so hopefully, it will just die down.
Emily: I kinda wanna know how the newspapers even know about you? And your existence.
Charlotte: I think it was this asshole reporter that I met at the club last night. He was asking me questions and then today he was asking me more questions.
Anabel: Please tell me that you didn’t say anything to him.
Charlotte: . . .
Emily: . . . ????
Charlotte: Oh shit!
Anabel: Charlotte! What did you say?
Charlotte: I might have said something about our sex life being great or something.
Anabel: Oh lawd.
Emily: And here I thought you hadn’t gotten laid in ages.
Charlotte: Emily! :P The reporter guy also asked me if I was pregnant or something.
Anabel: What did you say?
Emily: Oh shit, are you Mary #2? Is that blasphemous to say that?
Charlotte: I don’t think I said anything. He kissed me before I could say anything really.
Anabel: WHAT?
Emily: WHOA! Shut the front door!!! The reporter kissed you?
Charlotte: Yes! It was weird. He’s cute but creepy. It’s all very strange.
Anabel: Charlotte, this sounds like a hot mess. You just need to deny deny deny. Okay??
Charlotte: I’ll just say that there was some confusion if asked again. I went on a few dates with a man named Max Parker, but it’s not the same person?
Emily: That could work!
Anabel: No. Stop the lies. Your only comment from here on out is NO COMMENT. You hear me????
Charlotte: Yes.
Emily: The lawyer has spoken.
Anabel: This is serious, guys.
Charlotte: OH SHIT!!! OH SHIT!!
Anabel: What?
Charlotte: . . .
Emily: What is it, Charlotte??
Charlotte: . . .
Anabel: Are you okay?
Charlotte: Max Parker just emailed me . . . I’m so dead.
Emily: OH MY GOD. You’re dead.
Anabel: Worst-case scenario. What did he say?
Charlotte: Hold on, let me copy and paste it. I need you guys to help me formulate a response. Or maybe I should just jump off the bridge. :(
I put my phone next to me on the couch and sat back as I stared at the screen on my laptop. I wasn’t sure why I’d decided to check my email while I was on the phone with the girls. Actually, that wasn’t true. I was hoping that I’d have some sort of job offer. I didn’t expect to see an email from Max Parker. I chewed on my lower lip and read the email again.
To: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
From: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
Subject: We Need To Talk
Dear Ms. Johnson,
It has come to my attention that you are spreading rumors about me. In fact, I would go so far as to say the lies you are spewing are libelous and could give me reason to sue. We are not in a relationship, no matter what you might be wishing. We are not engaged. We are not having a baby. And we have never had sex. No matter how badly you may wish it were so.
To remedy this situation, I require you to make a full retraction to the press and to pay me $10,000 in fines. The lady I am actually seeing was not too happy to see my name in the paper today.
Awaiting your response,
Max Parker (Not your boyfriend)
I quickly opened the email on my phone and copied it into the group text and tried not to hyperventilate.
Charlotte: Okay, how bad is this?
Emily: You’re so screwed. WOW.
Charlotte: Thanks, Emily.
Anabel: I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Emily is right. He can ask you to give a retraction. Legally, you don’t have to pay him anything right now, but if he were to sue you, he could get more in damages.
Charlotte: More? I don’t have ten grand. I don’t even have one grand.
Emily: Oh boy! What are you going to do?
Charlotte: Let me apologize and say it was all a mistake and see what he says.
Anabel: I suppose it can’t hurt.
To: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
From: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Mr. Parker,
I am so sorry that you became involved in this unfortunate situation. I believe I was misheard. I didn’t mean that I was dating you. Feel free to let your girlfriend see this email. And I hope all is well.
Charlotte Johnson
To: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
From: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Ms. Johnson,
I don’t believe you were misheard. I have it on good authority that you clarified who you were supposedly dating many times. And you claimed the man was me. Please stop lying.
Or are you suffering from an illness that makes you incapable of telling the truth?
Max Parker
To: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
From: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Max Pecker,
Why would I lie about dating an insufferable, rude prick such as yourself? I can have any man I want. In fact, I was kissing a hottie just tonight.
Charlotte Johnson
To: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
From: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Charlatan Johnson,
You were kissing a hottie tonight and yet you’re still in bed alone? Guess you couldn’t seal the deal? Or maybe that kiss was also a figment of your imagination, just like our relationship?
Max Parker, CEO (Not your boyfriend)
To: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
From: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Small Pecker,
I’m in bed alone because I’m not a ho. It takes more than money and good looks to get into my pants. I guess you’re alone because your money doesn’t impress anyone.
Charlotte Johnson, Graphic Designer
To: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
From: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Loose Lips,
It impressed you.
Max Parker, CEO
To: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
From: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Can’t Get it Up,
Stop emailing me. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone I’m dating you again.
Can’t Touch This.
To: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
From: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Don’t Want to Touch That,
Maybe you should do some better research next time you decide to lie. Maybe then you’ll know what your supposed boyfriend looks like. Or what a passionate kiss feels like.
Max Parker (The man you cannot have)
To: MaxParkerCEO@Parkercorporation.com
From: ArtyCharlotteJohnson@Gmail.com
Re: We Need To Talk
Dear Asshole,
GOODBYE
Charlotte Johnson
I pressed send and closed my eyes. That had gone disastrously, but it really hadn’t been my fault, had it? I looked back at the group chat and saw that Anabel and Emily had proceeded to give me better advice on what to email, but of course, I’d been impetuous and just gone ahead and emailed without thinking.
Charlotte: Hey guys, can we talk tomorrow? I need to go to bed. I’m exhausted. :(
I sent the text quickly and then turned my phone off and shut down my laptop. I didn’t want to think about it anymore tonight. I wanted to take a hot bath, soak in some Epsom salts, and listen to John Legend.
I hurried to the bathroom and lit some candles as I ran the water. My thoughts drifted away from Max Parker and his emails and went to the mystery reporter who had kissed me. What he had done had been a total violation, but I had loved it. Absolutely loved it. The feel of his lips against mine had been warm and firm, and I’d felt a thrill in my belly that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was a pity he was such an asshole. Otherwise, I might have enjoyed spending a night getting lost in his big, beautiful blue eyes.