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COLIN WAS SHAKING. Barely able to breathe while corrosive rage, shame and sorrow swirled in his chest. Every one of her sobs was like a dagger stab to his heart. Of all the things, all the reasons he had imagined for her reserve, he had never considered this.
He should have. He had plenty of experience with bullies. And yet had failed to imagine this. Still had trouble understanding how someone could do something like that. He almost wished the bastard was alive so he could kill him with his bare hands. Slowly and painfully. Everything suddenly started falling into place with startling clarity. The flashes of desire, followed by relentless restraint.
A memory, a minor detail that he had paid no mind to at the time, suddenly jumped to the forefront of his consciousness and gained sinister significance. That terrible night before the kidnapping, when she had placed her hand on his arm, he had shaken it off. She had flinched and covered her face. Dear God. Had she thought he was going to strike her? The idea made him sick. She must know he would never...
But how could she know? He had been acting like a jealous jackass for weeks now. And that day at the park he had exploded in violence, apparently over jealousy too. She didn’t know his history with these bullies. She must have thought it was all because of her.
He wrapped his body around hers, gathering her against his chest. Crooning to her in his most tender tones.
“Don’t cry darling. I love you. Look at me.” He waited until she lifted her flooded eyes to his.
“There are three things I want you to understand. First, your first husband was a bully. It was not your fault. You did not deserve that. Even if you had been unfaithful, which I know you were not, what he did still would have been unacceptable. There’s nothing that could justify that sort of behavior. Nothing.” He brushed a tear from her cheek.
“Second, I know I’ve been acting like a jealous fool. I am so sorry. But please believe that I could never hurt you. The mere idea is so repugnant to me. I would rather die than hit you, or any woman. And third, there’s no shame in pleasure. I cherish your passion, your honest responses. It could never disgust me. Quite the opposite. I want all of you. Please don’t cry.”
“I thought I already disgusted you.” She said in a small voice choked by tears. “That’s why you have barely come to my bed since that day when I lost control. I thought that was why you didn’t want to touch me again and were planning to set me aside.”
“No. Nothing further from the truth. I thought it was the right thing to do. According to our agreement, now that you are pregnant, there is no reason for me to bed you.”
“No reason?” She pulled out of his embrace and sat on the bed. “You mean you only made love to me in order to impregnate me? As if I were just a broodmare, being mated to a stallion for breeding purposes?”
He softly caressed her cheek, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. “No. That was not the reason. I should say that was the excuse. The lie I told myself to justify having the audacity to touch you. Claim you as mine. Because I know otherwise, I wouldn’t have dared to reach for you.”
“Why not, Colin? Why did you have to come up with excuses and lies? Couldn’t you have simply courted me?”
He snorted. “No, I couldn’t. I knew I wouldn’t have a damn chance. So I snatched you up before someone else could. I realize it was selfish of me, but I wanted you too much to play fair.”
“I don’t understand what you are talking about. Who was going to snatch me? In case you hadn't noticed, I didn’t have suitors lining up for my hand. I was living as a poor companion to an invalid widow. Removed from society. Without a penny to my name. Afraid to even get close to a man. Let alone...” she trailed off as he lifted her off the bed, her weight a reassuring burden as he carried her a few feet to a mirror in the corner.
He softly stood her in front of it, then moved behind her. Her heat seeped into his hands as he caressed her shoulders.
“Look at us, sweetheart. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Bright as a ray of sunshine. Sweet as a cream puff.” He turned his head to punctuate his words with a kiss to her neck. She heard him inhale her fragrance. “You smell like the most delicious flower.”
***
SHE MELTED AGAINST him, having no defenses against his sensuality. She was like softened butter in his hands. Her head tilted to the side to give him better access. Craving his touch.
He groaned. A sound so needful and raw it pulled at her insides. She wanted him to continue doing what he was doing. Her interest in the conversation waning as a tide of desire took over. But he took his lips away to stare at her eyes in the mirror.
“And look at me. I’m just a misshapen freak. A beast to your beauty. Sometimes I’m appalled I had the audacity to reach as high as you. To put my paws all over you, defile you with my body. Even put a babe in you. I just hope the poor baby takes after you and not me.”
Her eyes rounded and her heart squeezed painfully at hearing all this self hatred from a man that was just so beautiful both inside and out.
She suddenly realized she was not the only one nursing painful wounds. The way he had cut straight to the heart of her fears with a few well-chosen words. He could not have known all the right things to say unless he had suffered abuse, rejection, and shame.
How could she make him understand, vanquish his demons the way he had with hers? While she scrambled for the words, he continued talking.
“But I did, because from the moment I returned, you were all I wanted.”
She turned around then to face him. To look into his eyes directly and not through the mirror. Cupping his beloved face in her hands, she rose on tiptoes and kissed him softly. He let her, but did not respond. So she kissed him again, and his breathing fractured, while his hands tightened on her waist.
“Abigail, I want to love you until you forget the past.”
There were so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to find the exact words to tell him how she saw him. How precious he was to her.
But maybe it was better to show him.
She twined her arms around his neck, plastering her body to his. Kissing him frantically. Letting all her passion fly free. Testing this gift he had given her.
He was kissing her now. With need and hunger and even a bit of wonder. She could taste all his emotions in his kiss. She brought a leg up, wrapping it around his thigh, trying to get as close to him as possible. Closer still. She wanted him inside her. Now.
At last, he seemed to understand. He picked her up and brought her back to the bed. After laying her down on it, he started removing her clothes. Starting with the sleeping gown, then her chemise. Kissing her breasts as he exposed them to his eyes.
“Damn. You are so beautiful. My heart aches just looking at you.”
He lingered there. Twirling his tongue around one nipple while he tormented the other with his clever fingers. Then he switched to the other breast until she was arching off the bed and moaning with desire.
“Yes. Moan for me. I want you to fly free in my arms. I want you wild with passion. Can you do that for me?”
Her fingers sank into his glorious hair, massaging his scalp, then scratching and pulling when the pleasure became too intense to bear.
“Y-yes.”
When she couldn’t possibly stand it a second more, he slowly kissed down her stomach. Dipped his tongue in her navel, dragging it in languorous circles, driving her insane with need. Then his touch changed. Became tender. His big hands covered her belly, and he deposited the sweetest kiss in the space between his hands. It was a kiss for the baby. A show of love for the tiny life they had created. A vow of protection.
Her heart melted along with her core.
The moment lasted a few seconds before he went on, lower, lower. To the place of aching need, his breath fluttered over flesh that was already wet and throbbing for him.
He looked up, searching her eyes. “May I?”
“Please.”
His tongue slid between her folds, searching, claiming. Her legs parted wider of their own accord, needing more of this. More of him.
His thumbs entered her, surprising a gasp from her. Then circled, opening her, while his tongue tormented the little bud where all sensation coalesced. She was frantic. Her head thrashing from side to side. Strung as tight as a bowstring, needing the tension released. Afraid to snap. She wanted to retreat. Crawl back to the safety of restrain.
Then two longer fingers replaced his thumbs, reaching deep in her, bending to stroke a place of exquisite pleasure. All the while, his wicked mouth sucked at her over-sensitized nub.
“Let go Abigail.” He muttered against her flesh. “You are so beautiful when you come. I love watching you soar.”
It was too much. She exploded like a million fireworks. She heard guttural cries that didn’t seem human, but knew they were coming from her throat. The spasms went on and on until she had no more strength. Until she collapsed back with a dazed expression and buzzing ears.
Placing one last soft kiss on her mound, he withdrew. His fingers slid from her heated depths while he stood up from the bed.
No! This is what he always did. He drove her frantic with desire. Touched her and possessed her in every way. Then he would take his pleasure quickly, at the last moment, without even undressing, and leave her immediately afterward.
She was tired of it. Now she understood it was his self loathing that was behind his actions, and not her behavior. And she knew exactly what she had to do.
She grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to her. He resisted for a moment, but then gave in, still shaking his head.
“Yes. Come to me. Take me. Let me take you.”
“No, you need to rest. That’s enough for today. This is enough for me–”
“I’ve had plenty of rest. What I need is this.” She pulled him to her with a hand at his nape and captured his mouth with hers. She felt the firm muscles of his neck tensing. Tasted herself on his lips. Their mingled flavor caused an ache of desire low in her womb. She moaned into his mouth. Entangled her tongue with his. Seeking more.
Her hands moved to slide into his hair, dislodging the thin ribbon that held his mane. How she loved his hair. Long and silky. Wild and unconventional. Just like him. Her nails scratched his scalp softly, making him groan with pleasure, and getting her drunk with his desire.
For once, she wanted to be the one to drive him crazy. To drive his desire the way he drove hers. To make him lose control. He still tried to fight it.
When her hands slid to his chest and she started undoing his necktie, he protested. When she moved them down to undo the buttons of his shirt, she captured them and removed them.
“I want you naked. Skin to skin on top of me.”
He shook his head, stepping away from the bed. “I shouldn’t have started this. You're still convalescing.”
“I feel fine, and I want to see you. You have seen, touched and claimed every inch of me. But I have never even seen you.”
“Yes, you have. You got an eyeful that day at the stream.” His tone was halfway between teasing and accusing.
Her eyes rounded with surprise and embarrassment. “You knew?!”
“Hell yes. I could feel your stare burning my flesh up.”
“Oh God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. The path around the stream is one of my favorite places to stroll. It is usually so peaceful. And the sound of the waterfall is soothing. I didn’t know you would be there swimming. Naked.”
“But you didn’t leave once you saw me. You stayed. I swam and swam that day. More than I intended. Trying to distract myself from your scrutiny. Hoping you would leave so that I could get out. But you stayed. I had to come out or I would have frozen to death.”
“I’m so sorry.” She knew her face was red because it was burning. She covered it with her hands. “I didn’t mean to ogle you, or make you uncomfortable. I just... couldn’t look away. Your body was so powerful and beautiful. I remember thinking you looked like Poseidon. I was mesmerized.”
He scoffed. “Hardly beautiful. I’m just one great hulking brute. All twisted and deformed. Like an old gnarly tree.”
Her mouth fell open as she stared at him. “Is that how you see yourself? Is that why you won’t undress in front of me or let me touch you?”
He looked away. Avoiding her eyes. “It is how the world sees me. It is how I am, sweetheart.”
“Do you really not know how attractive you are?”
He didn’t respond. Just kept staring mulishly away. His silence was answer enough. He did not know.
“Colin, I love your body. It is the reason I couldn’t look away that day. You seemed so strong. So masculine. Surely, you must know I’m attracted to you.”
“No, I’m not used to inspiring female admiration.”
She frowned. “But you must have had lovers before.”
“Considering that all the women I have ever been intimate with before you were prostitutes, I don’t think their opinion is valid. They would have lain with anyone who paid. My appearance would be of no import.”
“You have never been with a woman you didn’t have to pay for?”
“No.” he said simply. Looking straight at her. “Even you, I had to bribe.”
She gasped at the implied insult. At the unfairness of his accusation. His face twisted with regret.
“I’m sorry Abby. I didn’t mean it like that.” He ran his hands through his hair, pacing in front of her.
“What did you mean, then? Do you think I’m only with you because you offered financial security?”
His eyes held a world of pain when he looked at her. “Wasn’t that the bargain?”
“To hell with you and your bargain!” She had had enough of his foolishness. Bolting from the bed completely naked, she bent to retrieve her nightgown. She would be damned if she would stand here naked with him still dressed and insulting her. She felt at a distinct disadvantage. He wouldn’t let her have even this small dignity, though.
Holding her from behind, he brought her naked body against his clothed one. His powerful arms crossed over her torso, holding her to him. She went rigid with outrage and unwanted desire.
“Let me go.” She said tightly.
“No. I like you like this.” He nuzzled her neck. “Let's keep talking.”
“I can’t talk when you do that. And you know it, damn you!”
One of his hands crawled down from her waist to cup her mound, long fingers intruding in her private folds, making her squirm and gasp.
“Then let your body do the talking.” His finger strummed over her bud, and she moaned and thrust her ass back against his rock solid shaft. “Yes, baby. Moan for me. Grind yourself against me.”
His voice, low and gravelly, was pure sin. She knew what he was doing. What he always did. Distract and overwhelm her with pleasure so that she could not focus on him. She wouldn’t let him do it this time, though. Struggling to remain in control under his masterful seduction, she moaned again and reached back to cup him through his trousers.
His rod was hot and rigid. Straining against the confinement of his trousers. She squeezed, and he growled, pushing into her hand. She smiled. Two could play this game. Turning, she slowly slithered down his body until she was kneeling in front of him. Positioning herself right in front of his mighty erection. When his hands reached down to pull her up, she swatted them away and leaned forward to press a kiss to his straining rod through the fabric of his trousers. He gasped and before he could prevent her; she started unbuttoning his trousers, pushing them down, ensuring they were fully off so he could no longer hide behind them.
“Do you want my passion, Colin? Then you must surrender to it.”
He seemed to have lost the battle to resist her, for he ceased trying to stop her. His hands fisted at his sides, his posture rigid. She pushed his pants and smalls down and his erection sprang free.
And there it was, right in front of her.
His magnificent cock that she had glimpsed from afar that day at the lake. That she had felt in her, pleasuring her, so many times since, but had never been allowed to see up close.
It stood ruddy and proud. Long and thick. Veined and scorching to the touch. A bead of fluid wept from the slit at the crown.
Her mouth watered. Opening her mouth, she closed it over the thick head and lapped up that teasing droplet. He growled like a wild animal and half fell backward onto the bed. Holding his cock, she positioned it against her mouth again and took him in.
She took her time exploring him. Familiarizing herself with his texture, flavor, and shape. His hands had come up to cradle her head, but he wasn’t pushing her away anymore. He was guiding her gently, coaxing her to take a bit more of him every time.
She didn’t need coaxing. She wanted to swallow him whole. But she mustn't forget her goal. Looking up at him, she popped his cock out of her mouth and slid her hands down his legs, caressing the corded thick muscles of his thighs and taught calves.
He was completely bare from the waist down, and still wore his coat, waistcoat and shirt on top. It should have looked ridiculous, but it didn’t. He looked like a sex god of mythology. His proud rod sticking out promising pleasure to his woman.
She kneaded his rock hard thighs, lightly dusted with golden hair. Exploring, her hands slid up his flat abdomen and over the silky fabric of his waistcoat. There she undid the buttons deliberately. One by one. His cock was bobbing right in front of her face, and that was a temptation she couldn’t resist. She gave it a lavish lick, and he groaned, falling back onto the bed in surrender. Her mouth kept playing with him, while her eyes focused on her task.
She threw a quick glance at his face, but he seemed to be in a sensual trance. She could have sucked and finished him just like this, but this was a golden opportunity to crack his defenses. Sliding her hands up under his shirt, she caressed his taut stomach and muscular chest. When her fingers pinched his flat nipples, he jolted and brought his fingers to tighten over her skull.
Empowered by his intense reaction, she grasped the edges of his shirt from inside and pulled, snapping the buttons one by one. The shirt and waistcoat gaped, revealing a magnificent torso of hard sinew and defined muscles. She ran her hands over it. Hungry for the feel of him under her palms.
She was on a high, fed by his responses, by the way his hips undulated beneath her mouth, and he seemed unable to resist her. Her hands roamed back down over his legs, splayed wide on either side of her, then slid back up the inside of his thighs to meet at the apex where his sex protruded proudly and swollen.
Delicately cupping his sack in her left hand, she grabbed the base of his shaft with the right and squeezed it. Her mouth came down until his cock was hitting the back of her throat, making her gag reflexively. But she still wanted more. It seemed impossible to fit his extraordinary size into her mouth, but she wanted to take it all. Consciously relaxing her throat, she slid down on him and hummed. The vibration of her throat drew a breathless gasp from him and his fingers once more tightened in her hair, this time trying to pull her out.
“Abigail, I can’t hold it.” a fractured breath. “I’m so close. If you don’t want me to come in your mouth, let go now.”
Don't want it? It was all she wanted. He seemed to be in exquisite agony, and his pleasure amplified hers. She hummed her assent, nodding her head yes. The movement and the vibration of her throat seemed to do him in. With a helpless groan that seemed torn from the depths of his chest, she felt hot seed spurting against the back of her throat, while his cock throbbed in her mouth. It was so erotic. She swallowed while she continued to suck and caress him until his spasms subsided and his hands fell away from her head. He cupped her face, pulling her to him.
Releasing his cock and licking her lips, she stood from the floor and laid down next to him. He immediately gathered her against his side and hugged her to his chest.
“Damn, my love. You have slayed me.”
She played her fingers over his chest and hid a smile of pure female power.