Tonney

 

Tonney Emery was a hard man; he’d been forged in the deserts of Iraq, the mountains of Afghanistan and the jungles of Mozambique. There was very little he had not seen or done during his tours of duty. Every time his country had called, he’d done above and beyond what was required of him. Not because he was a patriot, but rather because he despised the enemy, and an enemy in his mind was anyone that stood in the way of him and the completion of his mission. It mattered little if they were women, children, or American citizens; an obstacle was meant to be overcome, plain and simple.

He sat outside Arnie Bassenger’s office dressed in a three-piece suit, posing as a Mr. Pauling who was patiently awaiting his appointment. Arnie’s secretary Jen Carroll did all in her power to not look in his direction; something about the man stirred a deep-seated fear within her. He’d been amicable enough when she’d greeted him, but she’d felt like a gazelle looking into the mouth of a crocodile. His eyes had shown no warmth and his smile could freeze water.

“Jen, I’ll see Mr. Pauling now,” Arnie said over the phone.

“Thank God,” Jen breathed quietly. She turned to tell the man, but he had already arisen and was heading for the door.

“Hello, Mr. Pauling.” Arnie extended his hand across his desk. Tonney sat down without shaking the proffered appendage. “Straight to business. I like that,” Arnie said as he sat.

He was feeling much of what Jen and even Corporal Kables felt. It was like the man before him was wearing a disguise—as if a wolf were able to put on a human coat and blend in perfectly with society. He may look normal enough, but his mannerisms and demeanor would belie his true persona. He now wished that he had not pushed back his lunch to take on this man’s urgent request to see him in regards to something of the utmost importance.

“Who else knows about the Pulsinator?” Emery asked, opening up his briefcase and tossing the file onto Arnie’s desk.

“What? What is this about? Has Sam sought outside council?” Arnie grabbed the file. “Wait…this is the patent request. What are you doing with this? Is this corporate espionage? The courts don’t look favorably on this type of thing. I mean, I knew you vultures would be all over this idea once it was made public but beforehand? How could you possibly get your hands on a pending patent? That is a government regulated…wait you’re from the government.”

“Sit down,” Emery said with malice as Arnie began to rise. “Now, I asked you a question. And just so you will be more willing to comply, here is my court order.” Emery pulled out another set of papers these ones folded up in his suit pocket.

Arnie took a moment to go through the legalese. “Jesus, it’s just a bug zapper. You make it sound like it’s a terrorist threat.”

“Mr. Bassenger, do you think I’m here because Homeland Security believes this to be just a bug zapper? So I’m going to ask you again…who else besides you, and Sam and Julie Randolph know about this?”

“There are some investors, over at—”

“Okay, more specifically, who has seen these plans?”

“Just the three of us.”

“I’m going to need your files.”

“Now just hold on! I don’t see anywhere in this warrant about the confiscation of materials.”

Emery had been looking intently in Arnie’s eyes, when the lawyer spoke and Emery received the answer he was expecting, he pulled his silenced pistol from his briefcase.

“The files, Mr. Bassenger.”

“You…you can’t do this. Of all the people that know what their rights are, I think I’m at the top of that list. I’ll have your ass in jail by tonight.”

Emery pressed the elongated barrel above Arnie’s eye. “The files.”

Arnie put his hands up and stood slowly. He walked over to the corner of his office and moved a chair out of the way so he could get to a small floor safe. Within a minute he was back at as desk.

“Sit.” Emery motioned with his gun. He took a moment to look through the paperwork.

“Anything on your hard drive?”

“Too easily compromised.”

“Smart man. Dead…but smart.”

Arnie began to rise in alarm; the round caught him just under his left eye. The impact sent his wheeled chair rolling back on the hardwood floor.

“Thank you for your time,” Emery said as he grabbed all the paperwork and headed out.

Jen was happy to see him go. It was twenty-five minutes later when she discovered her boss. Her description to the police would have a man with a much larger nose and midsection, and whereas Emery was bald, the suspect the police would be looking for would be blonde.

 

***

 

“Hello, Mrs. Randolph, my name is Dan Modzik, Arnie Bassenger and I were just talking about a potential investment opportunity. With the kind of numbers he was throwing around, I thought it would be wise if we could arrange a meeting.”

“I’m sorry what was your name?” Julie asked over the phone line. “My husband is drilling something, I can barely hear.”

“Oh, that’s excellent, your husband is at home. I’m not too far away and would love to discuss this matter in more detail.”

“Arnie never said anything about—” And then the line was dead. “Well that was strange. Sam…hey, Sam!” she yelled louder.

“Yeah!” he shouted back even though he’d stopped with the power tool. “Oops…sorry.”

“Just got a call from a man who says he’s an investor and has been talking to Arnie. He wants to come over and meet us.”

“Yeah? Arnie never said anything. Guy sure moves fast though. Alright, let me go get cleaned up.”

“Naw, I’m sure he’ll have complete confidence in a guy covered in wood shavings.”

Sam headed into the bathroom to get the bigger pieces of debris off of him. When he was done he walked into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the wall. It was a few moments later when he turned to his wife, his face had blanched of all color.

“Sam, what’s the matter?” she asked, putting down the tomato she had been washing.

“Ar-Arnie’s dead.” He let the phone slip from his hand after missing the cradle.

“What? Are you sure? How can this be?”

“I just got off the phone with his receptionist.”

“Is Jen alright.”

“Shaken up. She says a guy came in, shot him, and left. She said she’d call later but the cops were all over the place.”

“Oh, my God.” Julie placed her hands up by her mouth.

Sam and Julie both turned as they heard a car coming up their long gravel driveway. Sam paled even more if that were possible.

“Julie, what did the man on the phone say again?” He went into the living room to look out the sheer curtains.

“He said something about investing in the Pulsinator.”

“Is that it?” he asked as the car was rapidly approaching.

“Wait…he said something about just talking to Arnie.”

“Julie, get my gun.”

“What? You don’t have a gun.”

“The shotgun over the mantle…and hurry!” he added as the car stopped.

She reached up and grabbed the antique. “Sam, we weren’t alive the last time this was fired and we don’t have shells.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that,” Sam replied as he grabbed the gun from her hands.

“You can’t just brandish a weapon, Sam.”

“Arnie…our friend…was just gunned down, and now some guy we’ve never heard from before is coming to our house. Is this a chance you want to take? Besides, I won’t point it at him unless I have to.” Sam opened up the front door. The man was halfway up the walkway. “That’s far enough.” Sam was holding the shotgun down by his side. The man hesitated his hand drifting close to the inside of his jacket.

He thought better of it as he plastered on a face only a crocodile would be fond of. Chills fingered up Sam’s spine as he witnessed the veneered smile forced on the stranger’s face.

“My name is Dan Modzik, Mr. Randolph. I just got off the phone with your wife, she said it would be alright to come and talk to you both.”

“Arnie give you my address?”

“That’s right.”

“And when did you talk to Arnie last?” Sam asked.

Emery realized his mistake the moment the words came out of his mouth. “I just left his office.”

“Thought so.” Sam brought the gun up to his shoulder. “Arnie’s dead, but I’m fairly certain you already knew that. Now I suggest you get in your car and get the hell out of here.”

“Let me get this straight so we’re clear,” Emery stated as he walked closer. “A family friend of yours was just murdered in his own office and you think it was me, but yet you’re just going to let me go? That doesn’t make too much sense unless that Remington Model 1889 double-barrel shotgun you are pointing at my chest is empty. I can see by the heavy sheen of dust that it’s most likely been hanging above your fireplace for a decade. Maybe you should hire a maid. Now get in the house.” He pulled out his pistol.

Sam let the shotgun fall down by his side.

“Good boy,” Emery said as he roughly spun Sam around and forced him over his own threshold.

“Maid my ass!” Julie said hotly as she placed the leads of her Taser against Emery’s neck and squeezed the trigger. He went completely rigid, his head smacking into Sam’s back as he fell face forward.

“Holy shit, Julie! When did you start carrying a Taser?” Sam asked incredulously.

“It’s for bears.”

“You just stunned him with a bear Taser?”

“Would you rather I let him shoot you? Did you see that smile? I thought death was grinning at me.”

“That’s as apt a description as any. Now what?”

“Take his gun, check his pockets. I’ve got zip ties in my shed. I’ll go get them.”

“We really need to talk about what goes on down in your garden,” Sam said when Julie came back with a fistful of ties.

“It’s to hold the plants up to the stakes. And last month, Betty down the street said she had a bear in her yard. I decided I didn’t want to be mistaken for berries or something and have him eat me.”

“Fair enough.”

Julie turned the man back over and pulled his hands behind his back. She used two ties and fastened it tight. She then rolled him over and did the same to his ankles. “CSI,” she told her husband when he looked at her with a questioning stare.

“When did you become a bad-ass?” Sam looked upon his wife with a newfound respect.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” He had his hands up. “I don’t want you Tasing me or doing judo or anything else I might not know about. Can you use Chinese throwing stars?”

“Now you’re just being silly. And they’re shuriken throwing blades for your information.”

“Okay, Wonder Woman, now what?”

“Well, it seems to me we caught Arnie’s killer. I say we call the cops.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Emery croaked out.

“Well we know you wouldn’t do that,” Sam told the man who was straining against his bonds. Sam dialed the numbers.

“Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?”

“Yes my name is—” There was an audible clicking through the line.

“Let me guess.” Emery struggled to sit up. “Your nine-one-one call was interrupted and then a female came on the line saying that help is on the way and to remain where you are…then the handset died. Is that the gist of it?”

“That’s exactly what happened,” Sam said, placing the phone down.

“So?” Julie replied, “Isn’t that exactly what the operator would say?”

“Would they also kill the line? Go ahead, check it. It’s as dead as you two should be.”

“He’s right.” Sam placed the phone to his ear.

“What’s going on?” Julie asked Emery.

“Well, I’ve just become expendable and we’re all burned. A clean-up crew is coming, most likely in a bug extermination van…which would be ironic. Don’t you think? Although it could be in an appliance repair van as well. There will be three shooters all dressed up in blue jumper uniforms that will conceal a silenced sub-machine quite well. The hacks will put about twenty rounds in each of us. It’s actually quite messy.”

“Why? What did we do?” Sam begged.

“Listen, I’m just a government hit man. Correction, was a government hit man. Now I’m a mark just like you two. Can’t believe I let a waif with a Taser end my career.” He was shaking his head from side to side. “As to the reasons why Homeland Security wants you dead, I’m not entirely sure, it has something to do with your recent patent application though.”

“What? Homeland Security wants me dead over a bug zapper? That makes no sense.” Sam was running his hand through his hair.

“Listen, we can figure this out later but right now A-1 Exterminators is on their way. They’ll most likely be here in less than five minutes, and if we’re here, we’re dead. They may be hacks, but they’re professional hacks with enough firepower to drop this house. You need to untie me and we need to go, now.”

“You said it yourself, you were going to kill us. Now you think we should just let you go? Even if we somehow believed your story, why wouldn’t we just get in our car and take off? Seems the exterminators will get rid of you and we can go to the police station,” Julie told him.

“You could do exactly that. What are you going to do though when Homeland Security comes and obtains custody of you from the police?”

“This still makes no sense, I made a bug killer.”

“Listen, Sam, you need to think really hard about this at another time,” Emery told him.

“What’s to say we let you go and then you finish the job and wave off the men?” Julie asked.

“You can’t seriously be thinking about letting him go?” Sam asked.

“Covering all my bases honey. I’ve heard about things like this.”

“On CSI?” Sam asked.

“I’m burned. I’m less than useless to them, and just because I’m a killer does not mean I want to be killed.”

“Sam, remember when we met?” Julie asked as she walked over towards Emery, producing a knife seemingly from thin air.

“How could I forget? Two of the best things happened within a week or so of each other. I met you and then got the job with the university collider program.”

Emery turned to look at Julie with more scrutiny. “You’re a clearing agent?”

Julie grabbed Emery’s bound hands and placed the blade of the knife up against the plastic. She leaned in towards Emery as she pulled upwards, severing the cords. “I was. You attempt to harm him in any way and I’ll stick my knife through your Adam’s apple and then I will twist it around so the flat of the blade restricts your airway even as blood is filling your lungs. It is a death unlike any other. Do you believe me?”

Emery nodded. “We just may have a chance.” He rubbed his wrists, trying to get feeling back into them.

“Our meeting was no chance,” Julie told Sam as she stood. “It was my job to access what kind of security liability you might have been.”

“What?”

“Honey, just know that with every fiber of my being I’m in love with you. When we first met it was just my job, two weeks later, when the risk assessment was done, I put in my notice. I’d fallen completely for you.”

“Aw…that’s so sweet. Can we get the fuck out of here now?” Emery asked. “Someone’s coming.”

“It’s an ice cream truck for Christ’s sake,” Sam said. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Must be new.” Emery stepped away from the window.

“So you’re trying to tell me three assassins are going to come out of an ice cream truck, that’s absurd!”

“Listen, Sam. We live twenty miles from the suburbs, this is as close to the wilderness as you can be without living in a tent. Our driveway is clearly marked as a private entrance not a roadway, what business at all would an ice cream truck have here?”

“Oh, I don’t know, selling a snow-fucking-cone maybe?”

“I get your concern and your questions. But for now we’re going to play it safe.”

“Weapons?” Emery asked.

“Nothing that would make this a fair firefight. We’re leaving.”

“We just going to drive on by?” Emery asked.

“Nope, let’s go.” Julie ushered her husband towards the back door.

“Let me just get my laptop.” He ran down the hallway; within a moment he exited his home office with the portable device.

“Where are we going to go on ATVs?” Sam asked as the stood in the shed.

“Where they can’t follow. Can you drive one of these?”

Emery nodded.

“Sam, get on,” Julie said as she started the machine.

They took an old logging trail that led away from the back of their home, within minutes they were a mile away.

“What now?” Sam asked his wife.

“We’ll go to my sister’s, borrow her car, hole up in a hotel, and figure out our next move.”

“No,” Emery objected. “The second they realized you weren’t in that house, everyone the both of you know will be under surveillance. You’ve got to get us close to town on these trails. I’ll boost a car and take us to a safe house.”

“You have a safe house?”

“I’ve seen enough agents get…umm…forcibly retired to make sure I have an alternate means of survival.”

“Who talks like this? What’s going on? Don’t you think perhaps that, if the possibility presented itself, your employer may one day wish you dead and that maybe you should seek other employment?” Sam asked sarcastically.

“Well, the dental plan is for shit, but once I finished you two off, I would have received a cool half mil, not bad for three hours of work.”

“Three lives for five hundred thousand dollars? This is who you have allied us with, Julie?”

“Right now, Sam, he’s our best chance. And for the time being at least, we share a common goal.”

“And when he cuts another deal?”

“Oh, I would imagine he’ll try and kill us.”

Emery nodded.

“This is insane. I made a fucking bug zapper. If it’s because the feds want it for themselves, they can have it. I don’t give a shit about the money.”

“It’s something else,” Emery said. “I don’t know what, but it’s not the money.”

They had just stopped on the outskirts of Boulder when Emery spoke.

“You hear that?”

It was difficult to hear anything after the heavy engine noise of the ATVs.

“Helicopter,” Julie said looking up.

“It’s the game warden’s. It’s alright.” Sam pointed at the large green and white logo.

“We’re the game.” Emery was quickly snapping off branches and placing them over the ATV. “I suggest you two do the same.”

Sam grabbed Julie and pulled her a few feet away from the cooling machines. “I think this is all going a little too far. There is not some huge government conspiracy to stop the extinction of bugs by killing me and you.”

“Are you already forgetting that Arnie is dead, Sam? And what about reptile-eye over there, less than ten minutes ago he was going to scramble our brains inside our heads. And I for one like exactly how my brains work…without alterations.”

“Did…did you have sex with me to see if I would spy or do espionage?” That seemed to be the thing that Sam was getting hung up on the most in their new reality. “You know my alarm bells went off when you came up to me at that bar. I should have known, you were just too damned gorgeous. Want to know what I thought at first? I thought my friends had paid you to do it.”

“No one paid me…well, that’s not quite true.” She smiled. “Listen, I told you how we met was planned, the rest was not. And no,” she punched him in the arm, “I did not sleep with you because I’m a spy. I’d already left the agency. I loved you then like I love you now.”

“Have you ever slept with anyone while you were what? Clearing them?’”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just ask that. Come on, let’s hide the ATV.”

Sam and Julie watched as Emery emerged from the woods. He’d told them to wait there while he ‘boosted’ a car and that he’d pick them up soon.

“What’s to say he doesn’t turn us in or just get a car and leave?” Sam asked.

“Ever heard of the phrase, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?” Julie replied without looking over towards him.

“That is one of the least comforting things I’ve heard in quite some time.”

Sam spun around when he heard the explosion. Julie merely bowed her head.

“What was that?”

“Our home,” Julie said sadly.

“Julie honey, what the hell is happening?”

“I don’t know, Sam, but here comes our ride.”

“Are you kidding me? He couldn’t pick anything a little less conspicuous like maybe a snow plow?”

“What would we need a snow plow for? There are no zombies,” Julie said seriously. She was walking towards the roadway less than a hundred yards away across a field.

“A Gulf Wing Recreational Vehicle…and top of the line no less. What’s the matter, were they out of fire trucks?” Sam asked as he boarded the large vehicle.

“We’ve got to move,” Emery said with a pinched expression. “They’re getting ready to cast a net.”

“What?” Sam asked as he was nearly flung into a seat.

“They’re going to shut the roads down and do vehicle searches,” Julie filled in.

“I still don’t see how that’s not a good thing. We’ve done nothing wrong, at least you and I haven’t, Julie. I hope he fries for killing Arnie. No offense,” Sam added that last bit when he looked up and realized Emery was peering at him through the rear view mirror. “You know, screw that, I do mean offense. I’ve been friends with Arnie since he negotiated a deal with the neighborhood bully so we could use the slide at the city park when we were both seven. So basically, Emery, you can go fuck yourself. My life was damn near perfect right up until the second I met you.”

“I didn’t put the hit out on you, Mr. Pocket Protector. You’ve apparently pissed someone off so severely that they felt the need to eliminate your ass. And now, thanks to Mrs. Super-Spy, I’m forced to play for the away team.”

“At least until such time as your former team desires your return,” Julie said.

“Or that,” Emery replied.

“Fuck this.” Sam moved away from the two and to the middle of the RV where he sat down at a small dining table.

Julie was looking over a map and telling Emery which the least likely observed routes may be. Sam opened up his lap top. “Fine, they fucking want my invention they can have it along with everyone else,” he murmured as he waited for his computer to find a satellite signal for an uplink. “Here goes nothing.” He pressed send.

“Sam, what are you doing?” Julie asked, looking back at her husband.

“I’m giving them what they want.”

“What exactly does that mean?” Emery asked.

“I uploaded the schematics for my invention to the net.”

“I don’t think that was such a good idea.” Emery was peering intently at the road. “What you do now affects us all, you maybe should have discussed it with us.”

“Like you would have discussed putting a nine millimeter round in our foreheads?”

“Good point, but I use 40s…much more reliable kill round.”

“Sam?” Julie asked, coming to sit by her husband.

“It’s gone. I sent it to everyone on my contact list which includes hundreds of tech bloggers around the globe. It’s out now and nothing less than an extinction event is going to bring it back. The feds can go fuck themselves.”

“Whereas I can sympathize with your sentiment, I don’t think that was the appropriate play here. And by the way, Julie, it looks like your skills have been lapsing.”

“What?” she asked, going back up to the front. “Roadblock, son of a bitch.” She was staring at the red and blue lights as were they all.

The RV didn’t have a chance to pull up to the front, a team of seven SWAT members descended on the large vehicle, weapons drawn.

“We pulling a Bonnie and Clyde or a Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid?” Emery asked in all seriousness.

“They all died,” Sam replied.

“Yeah, but in one of them they went out with guns blazing.” Emery was reaching down and checking the status of his pistol which was now firmly in Julie’s hand.

The side window of the RV was broken in and a flash grenade was tossed in. The effects of the released tear gas were compounded by the sonic boom. Within seconds, Sam and the rest of the traveling party had rifles pointed at the backs of their necks. Handcuffs were put on all of them and they were wrenched from the ground and ushered out the door.

“I don’t know what you guys did, but you are officially number one on Homeland Security’s most wanted list,” the captain of the SWAT team, Dillon Brewster, said. The trio were led into the back of a prisoner transport vehicle.

“My wife and I haven’t done anything wrong, Captain Brewster, this is all some sort of a misunderstanding. I work on a super-collider.”

“Maybe you figured out how to make a black hole. What do I know?” the captain said.

“You too?” Sam asked.

“Captain, sir, there’s someone on the radio says its urgent they talk to you,” one of the policemen said as he ran up.

“This is it, boys and girls, the order is in to just shoot us and be done with it.” Emery watched the captain talk animatedly into the cop’s car radio handset.

“They can’t just shoot us on the side of the road,” Sam said hopefully.

“Is he swearing?” Julie asked. “He sure looks pissed.”

The captain was storming back to them, an expression of pure anger flooding his features. “Listen, I don’t know what kind of bullshit you pulled or what is going on.” He turned Julie around and undid her handcuffs, followed immediately by Sam. “But you two are free to go. Seems there was some sort of misunderstanding like you said.”

“I told you!” Sam said happily. “These bastards blew up my house, though. Now what?”

“Well, this one is being handed over to Homeland Security for murder and grand theft. My suggestion to you two would be to get on the horn to your insurance company and get a claim going. I’m sorry about the flash grenade,” the captain said as he shoved Emery into the back of the van.

“What’s a little blindness and deafness among friends,” Sam said sarcastically.