Amanda felt the sun on her face before she opened her eyes. All the horror of her first ball rushed back in one heartless flood, and her first thoughts were of Molly, her maid. Amanda could not remember seeing her in the carriage ride home. She sat up quickly in her bed. “Molly!” And when Molly didn’t answer, she called again more urgently, “Molly!”
Hurrying from Amanda’s dressing room, the maid stood at the end of her bed with several garments in her hands. “What is it, my lady? Are you unwell?”
Relief filled Amanda. “Oh, Molly, thank you. I am so glad you are well. I wasn’t sure what had become of you last night. I think I fell asleep in the study. The carriage ride is hazy. I barely remember it.”
“That will be the laudanum they gave you, my lady.”
Amanda frowned. “I detest the stuff. How odd, to not remember the happenings of one’s own life. How is the rest of the staff? Thomas and Paul, and the other footmen who came with us?”
Molly came to sit at the edge of her bed and took Amanda’s hand in her own. “We are all well, my lady, and don’t you be worrying about us. It’s you with the scrapes and the bruises and who knows what else.”
“I feel perfectly well.” She smiled at her friend and squeezed her hand in gratitude. “Surely there is talk downstairs. What are they saying?”
Her maid stared at her for a few moments, her eyes showing her reluctance.
Amanda pleaded. “I’m no more a child than you. I have to know what’s going on. I was nearly abducted from my uncle’s home twice in one evening.”
Molly brought a hand to her face. “So it’s true? How did you survive it? I would have fainted dead away, I’m sure.” She ran a hand through Amanda’s hair. “The whole staff is talking about it, they are. We don’t know what we would’ve done had anything happened to you.” Molly’s voice caught, and she started to pull away, but Amanda pulled her back and into her arms.
“I’m so happy you and the others are well. Now, let’s begin our day, shall we?” She pulled the blankets back and moved to sit at her dressing table. The feel of the brush gently tugging through her hair calmed her mind.
Molly asked, “Is it true you were rescued by not one, but two of the handsomest lords of the Season?”
Amanda’s eyes widened and then she smiled as she remembered. “It is true, yes.”
Molly clasped her hands together, nearly dropping the brush. “Are they as handsome as everyone says?”
Amanda laughed. How nice to talk of something diverting and feel the tension leave her neck. “They were. Tall, both of them, and very pleasing to gaze upon.”
Molly said, “Hmm.”
“Hmm? Why do you say, ‘hmm’?”
“Pleasing to gaze upon? Surely Lord Nathaniel is more than simply pleasing to gaze upon. Why, I have heard he has caused many a young debutante to take to her room in fits of desperation, that one.”
“Has he now? Well, you will see no fits of desperation from me, I can assure you.”
Eyebrows raised, waiting, Molly said, “And?”
Amanda leaned back in her chair and turned toward her wonderful maid. “And nothing. He is distractingly handsome, but that is all I know about him. I will admit, I do have an irresistible curiosity to learn all there is to know about him, but for now, you have heard the whole of it.”
Molly nodded with a satisfied smile. She moved to pour water into a basin and then laid out clothes for Amanda to wear. Amanda watched her for a minute, not wanting to change the lovely tone of the conversation, but questions weighed heavily. Questions she knew would fester and torment her all day. She turned in her chair. “Why attack my uncle’s home? Can anyone make sense of why this happened?”
Molly thought for a minute and then replied, “Because your uncle’s a noble, isn’t he? Lots of folks just don’t like nobility anymore. But I heard some talk downstairs, and I don’t think it was anything personal against your uncle or you either for that matter. It seems this Bender person has been targeting many of the homes in the area. Although this is the largest attack anyone has seen.”
Amanda said, “But he knew my parents.”
“What?” Molly turned, shock showing on her face.
Amanda nodded. She and Molly shared a closeness over the last few years; Amanda trusted her. Molly knew when to keep things to herself, and she was a valuable resource of news from the servants.
“Well, that is something.” Molly tapped her chin with her finger. “There’s something else that’s curious, too.”
Amanda moved to the basin and splashed water on her face, gently rubbing it with her towel. “What’s curious?”
Molly gestured for her to return to the chair. She separated sections of Amanda’s thick auburn hair. Molly’s face scrunched up as she thought. “I cannot make heads or tails of it myself. But some of the footmen swear that not all of the men from the street were fighting against us. James claims he saw many of them fighting amongst themselves.”
“But half of them had too much to drink. Maybe once the fight started they became confused.”
Molly shook her head. “We talked about that, and Thomas and Paul both swear they saw street folk in there, deliberately fighting against the intruders.”
“You think some of them came to defend us?”
“That’s the feeling from downstairs, miss. They all feel we never could’ve made it out of there unharmed if not for those that came to our aid.”
Tears came immediately to Amanda’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “How incredibly kind.”
Molly smiled at her through the mirror and squeezed her shoulders in understanding. “Her Grace wishes to see you in her bedchamber when you’re ready. She said to tell you she hopes you’ll take breakfast with her.”
A burst of hope brought a smile. Maybe she would get some answers to all of her many questions. “I was about to pay her a visit anyway. I feel we have much to discuss.”
The duchess sat at her favorite chair by the window. She radiated beauty. Once, Amanda had heard the vicar talking about angels among them, helping, guiding, and serving; and she had immediately thought of her mother and the sweet watch-care she gave the Cumberland tenants. In that moment, with the sun shining through the stained glass, she had vowed to try to be as kind as the woman sitting next to her on their family pew.
When her mother noticed her in the doorway, she arose with hands outstretched. Amanda stepped into her embrace. “Oh, Mother, did that really happen yesterday?”
Her mother held her another moment and then sat her down in the chair opposite her next to the window. “England is changing, my dear.” The duchess sighed and squeezed her hands. “Unspeakable, harsh things happen in London all the time; even now, as we speak, someone out there in London is suffering.” Amanda felt the sorrow in her mother’s tone. Surely something could be done, could be fixed.
“That reality, though depressing, has weighed upon us for years. But never has it crossed the threshold into my, or your uncle’s, home as it did last night.” Amanda waited. She absently fingered the exquisite fabric of her morning dress.
How do the common, working people in England live? she wondered for the first time in her life. She thought of their tenants. They seemed happy enough, clean and fed. They received regular baskets from the estate and gifts around yuletide. If given a choice, would they want a different sort of life?
Her mother squeezed her hands again. “Do not despair, my flower. Never forget that amidst all the awful circumstances that you may see, if you look, you will always find the good. Where suffering shows its persistent face, heroes always rise.”
Amanda drew in a hopeful breath and nodded. “Even last night, people came to our aid: Lords Nathaniel and Needley, and others.”
“Yes, you see?” Her mother continued. “Now, I asked you to come this morning so I could tell you a story. And I hope when I tell it, you will not think too harshly of me, but learn from my mistakes.”
Amanda bit her lip and leaned forward in her chair.
“Oh, it’s not as bad as all that. My mistakes were those of a young girl, nothing too serious, but I fear much harm has come from it.
“When I was a child, the son of our steward was permitted to roam the estate freely. Father doted on him, and the servants loved him. I remember Cook saved biscuits for him in a tin that he indulged in often. He was very much like a member of the family, the entire estate’s family. Which is, I suppose, where the problem really started.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked, thinking of one Christmas when Charlie opened presents with her. She had been but five years old at the time. He had never done so again, but at the time she had thought it one of the best Christmases in her young life because they had played with all the toys together.
Her mother sighed. “The familiarity became his downfall. He grew to expect what was not rightfully his; this measure of entitlement tainted his expectations and created a dissatisfaction with his life and station. It also complicated our relationship.”
Amanda looked up in surprise. “You had a relationship?”
Her mother smiled sadly, her expression hesitant and regretful. “We were dear friends, he and I. We spent many hours playing outside together as children often do. But as we grew, our feelings naturally matured. I was irresponsible, I admit, in my actions toward him. I knew that he and I did not have a future, and I enjoyed what I thought was a harmless flirtation with a good friend. What I didn’t know, what I couldn’t possibly realize at my young age, was that he was developing much more than a harmless crush on the daughter of a duke. He had begun to make plans for our eventual life together.”
“Oh no.” Amanda raised her hands to her face. “What did you do?” A certain amount of gratitude filled her that she and Charlie had never progressed to this point.
“Father sent him to Eton with the boys, hoping to give Jack Bender the education he needed to one day be a barrister or clergyman. It was a wonderful gesture and a blessed opportunity for the son of a steward. But he had a difficult time at Eton. He never felt accepted by the boys, which is to be understood. Instead of seeking out those from his station, of which there were a few, he trailed behind sons of dukes and marquesses and other lords, hoping to be accepted as one of them.”
“Jack Bender.” The connection clicked in Amanda’s mind. “The man we saw last night was the steward’s son?”
Her mother nodded. “I remember one holiday they were all home. Your Uncle Andrew and his friends, including your father and Uncle Ethan, were spending a week of the holiday together at our estate; and of course Mr. Bender arrived home as well to visit his family.
“One afternoon, I was practicing my pianoforte, preparing for an upcoming concert. When I finished playing, I heard clapping behind me. Mr. Bender had always listened to me play as children, but I felt a new discomfort being alone in our front parlor with him.
“He approached me, and I stood up from my bench. I remember the conversation clearly. He said he had something he would ask of me, and I felt all the more uncomfortable for his saying so and for seeing the doors were closed.
“He said that he had been setting aside money and furthering his education in hopes that in two years’ time he could be employed as a barrister in London.
“He seemed so flustered, I was getting more worried each moment we were together; he looked different, agitated. His eyes were almost wild. As I’ve reviewed our conversation in my mind over the years, I wonder if those were not the first signs of the mental distress that he would show later. I took pity on him even in my discomfort and smiled.”
Amanda began absently playing with the ball of ribbons on her mother’s table.
“I suppose that smile gave him the courage he needed, because to my utter shock and dismay he went down on one knee and began a proposal of marriage right there in the parlor. And in the middle of his asking, my brother and his friends walked in; they saw it all.”
“No!” Amanda listened with rapt attention to all her mother was saying.
The duchess nodded sadly. “It only gets worse from there, I am afraid. At first the boys stood silent in shock at what they were witnessing and then, as one, they all burst into laughter.
“Mr. Bender looked up at them and then at me. He must’ve noticed my embarrassment, because he ran from the room. They teased him that holiday at home, and I suspect through all the rest of their years of education together.”
“Did he ever return and ask an answer of you?”
Her mother shook her head. “He was called into your grandfather’s office. They remained locked in there a long time with Mr. Bender’s father. When they finished, he walked out the front door without even looking at me or anyone else.
“I never really saw him again after that. And Father would never tell me what they discussed behind that closed door.”
“That is so sad for poor Mr. Bender.”
Her mother nodded. “I’m not proud of the way I treated him or the way I handled that situation years ago. I look back now and realize I was but seventeen and lacked experience, but I am afraid I may feel regret all my days.” She sighed and studied her hands. “I did not consider that a flirtation when we were young would have such consequences even now, many years later. I fear I broke his heart and with it, his courage and desire for success.”
“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.
“Well, he did finish his education, but he never went on to any form of employment that we heard of. He stopped coming home to see his father, probably in an effort to avoid me.”
“Surely it is not all your fault, Mother. My uncles and their teasing friends were more a problem than you were.”
“That is most likely true, but I do bear a large part of the blame. We must be very careful with the hearts of others. We do not always return the ardor, that is true, but we must guard the portion of their heart that is ours and try to return it whole.”
“So what’s become of him for all these years? Why was Jack Bender at Uncle Ethan’s house last night?”
Her mother paused before answering. “I am not sure, Amanda dear, but your father seems to think he is behind much of the trouble going on in London these days.”
“Could he really be bitter and angry after all this time?” Amanda could not believe it.
“I do not know what fuels the anger now, but I do believe its beginnings were kindled under my own roof, and that my brothers and I might have prevented it.”