ITEMS THAT DON’T MIX

In nature, as in life, there are certain things that just don’t go well together. This is less of a problem in nature because natural enemies don’t stay together for long. In life, incompatibility isn’t always so obvious. So to help in that regard, here’s a list of things that should never be together:

• bright lights and toupees
• laxatives and tuba solos
• alcohol and nuclear devices
• nude beaches and binoculars
• weddings and former fiancées
• riding mowers and gravel driveways
• topless dancers and pogo sticks
• Christmas dinners and belt buckles
• the stock market and your money
• firecrackers and nearsighted cigar smokers
• a suit of armour and lightning
• dog biscuits in your pants pocket and a dachshund
• wedding nights and video cameras
• greenhouses and golf balls
• Viagra and solitary confinement