DON’T PLAY TOO MUCH SOLITAIRE

As I’ve mentioned elsewhere in this book, many men have a natural tendency to want to do things on their own. Left unchecked, some of these men will ultimately be spending over 80 per cent of their time alone. Some of you who are reading this are thinking, “I don’t see a problem.” But that is the problem. The deterioration that comes from being alone too much is subtle, yet severe. Don’t let it happen to you. Here are a few of the warning signals that you should watch for to make you’re not spending too much time on your own.

• Lack of conflicting opinions has convinced you that you are pretty much right about everything.
• You think THAT shirt goes fine with THOSE pants.
• You consider yourself an above-average singer.
• You are totally convinced that function overrules form, even with your haircut.
• You reminisce about uncomfortable conversations from your past and then say what you should have said. Out loud.
• People have stopped coming to the garage to see if you’re all right.
• You watch television seventeen hours a day, even though you’re only awake for twelve of them.
• You catch a mouse in your pantry and make a concerted effort to befriend him.
• You take your pants off when gardening.
• You believe that everything good that’s happened to you has been from your superior intelligence and skill, while everything bad has just been rotten luck.
• You hide from the mailman in case he accidentally says something annoying—like “Good morning.”
• You record JEOPARDY! and keep watching it until you get all the answers—in the form of a question—right.
• You have several plaques and trophies that you made for yourself.
• You’ve decided that you have nothing to apologize for, and even if you did, it would be too late now.
• You know all of the things that are wrong with the world and none of them can be traced back to you.
• If it turns out your wife was right all these years, you’re going to be really, really upset.