Chapter 4

New York City, December

New Year’s Eve

Killian leaned on the bathroom vanity and stared in the mirror. His hair was black, and his square jaw held a hint of scruff. Blue eyes, black lashes and slanted brows he’d been told had a life of their own. Externally, he looked the same. But on the inside, he was different.

Dylan’s question, ‘Did you ever think maybe Violet saw something in you no one else could see?’ had sent him searching for answers.

His undercover persona, Ian Jones, was a low-life involved with drugs and guns. Killian’s job had been to infiltrate the Callandra gang, with the hope of bringing them down. But once inside, there was something about the case that tore at him, threatening his existence in ways he couldn’t understand. Violet and Beatrice Morris had reminded him of whom he was, often surprising him.

He’d first met Violet when, as Ian Jones, he’d stepped between the child and a group of punks. After that day, it had become a habit to keep an eye on her and her grandmother. The little girl made him laugh and Mama B, as she ordered him to call her, made ‘melt-in-your-mouth’ muffins. When he was with them, he didn’t feel like the low-life he was pretending to be. And little by little, he allowed them to meet Killian Reade: someone very few knew.

Maybe if you can find the man Violet knew you could be, Emma wouldn’t be so busy.

His quest led him to spend time with Mama B, something he should have done right after Violet’s death. But he hadn’t been ready. Instead, his guilt had sent him running. He’d not grieved, nor had he taken the time to be there for an older woman who’d lost more than her share. It took many visits until he felt he was finally on his way to closure. The time spent talking about the little girl had been cathartic, allowing him to remember things about himself he’d forgotten.

… I don’t have to be different. I just have to be me …

Since before Thanksgiving, Killian had spent more time in New York with Liam than in Swan Harbor. He’d been fortunate his brother had been patient, but he knew the time was coming for them to talk.

“Let’s just get through tonight,” he murmured softy as he tied his black bowtie.

Liam had been given instructions to make an appearance at a New Year’s party and was pulling Killian along. Except with no date on his arm, it was going to be a challenge to not fall back into old habits and hide. Was he ready? flashed through his mind when he entered the front room to see his brother pacing in front of the door.

“It’s about time,” Liam groused.

“Bugger off.” Killian shot right back. “I’m ready, aren’t I?”

“Not quite.” Liam held up a black scarf. “You forgot this.”

Killian’s eyebrow automatically arched as he eyed the silky scrap. “Bloody hell, no!”

“Sorry, little brother,” Liam confessed, his lips lifting slightly. “It’s a masquerade ball. Masks on until the countdown begins.”

As Killian took the cloth and crammed it into his pocket, his lips twisted at the irony of the situation. He’d spent much of the past few weeks shedding layers, searching for the man beneath. Was it possible that once the mask was removed at midnight, the new year would begin with the rebirth of the man Violet thought he could be?

New York City, New Year’s Eve

Emma had surprised herself by jumping into the Swan Harbor holiday festivities with both feet. There’d been caroling through town, ostentatious decorating, and more parties than she’d imagined. But she’d made it through often without her protective shields.

Except then she’d gotten a little too comfortable with her newfound freedom. A cookie exchange and an overheard conversation about Killian had pushed her too far from her ‘at-ease’ zone and she’d latched back onto her protective shell. If only she hadn’t been so nosy ….

“Have you seen Killian lately?” Voice one asked.

“Not since before Thanksgiving,” Voice two answered. “But after what happened with Belle, I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“What happened?” Voice one fired back.

“You didn’t hear?” Voice two hesitated a beat before continuing. “Dylan let Belle into Killian’s apartment and she cooked him a nice dinner. And sometime afterward, he called her Emma.”

“What?!” shrieked Voice one. “I bet Belle was upset.”

The sound of someone coming had sent Emma scurrying for safety, but their words stayed with her. And not being able to let it go, she’d gone searching for the man himself. But when he was nowhere to be found, she’d reread her goals, tightened her protective armor and had taken the train to see Elsa.

They had spent an enjoyable week, and she’d once again felt centered. But then she’d learned where Elsa was taking her for New Year’s Eve. With her friend working at a King Hospital, there was the risk of recognition. Should she come clean about her past or continue to pretend? Had living in Swan Harbor given her strength to do what she must?

While Emma got ready, all the what ifs rushed through her mind. But by the time she’d zipped up her simple black dress and pulled her hair into a messy bun, she hadn’t decided.

Even after fastening her gold chain, diamond earrings, and adding a slash of coral lipstick, her nerves were still pinging. “You can do this,” she chanted several times on her way out of the bedroom.

“Why is it we have to go to this masquerade affair?” Emma asked again.

Elsa grinned, “Because …”

“Your boss strongly suggested you show up,” Emma finished with the answer she’d been given every other time she’d asked.

“So, if you know the answer …”

Emma thought about sticking her tongue out. But since it wouldn’t do any good, took the proffered black wrap and slipped it around her shoulders.

“Besides,” Elsa continued, her blue eyes twinkling, “I just might see …”

“Oh, now,” Emma smirked, “finally the real reason comes out. Who might you see?”

“A man.” Elsa pretended to study her nails for several seconds before an impish grin crossed her face. “He’s just so darn good looking.”

Emma glanced at her friend, who usually wasn’t so exuberant about meeting men, especially the last few years. Was he ‘that’ special to cause such a change in her friend?

“That’s why you didn’t ask questions when I told you Tyler lived in Swan Harbor.” Elsa’s eyes flared with something, but she was hesitant to push any farther. “You can tell me all about this new man in the car.”

“There’s not much to tell,” Elsa confessed softly as they rode the elevator to the lobby. “I’ve just seen him in the hospital a few times. He’s a paramedic.”

Nothing else was said as they exited Elsa’s apartment building and climbed into the limousine. While the driver dealt with traffic, taking them from the Upper West side to the Four Seasons Midtown, Emma prodded for more information. “Tell me, is he tall or short? Dark or light?”

Elsa grinned mischievously. “He’s tall, has expressive blue eyes, and the most delicious accent.”

Blue eyes that said more than you expected floated through Emma’s mind. “But wait a minute, you said it’s a masquerade party until the countdown starts, right?”

Elsa hummed in agreement and just the tone of the hum said several things about her feelings for the man.

“Then how will your paramedic even recognize you?”

“I told him what color dress I was wearing.”

“That’s cheating.”

Elsa shrugged one slim shoulder, “So … sue me.” And then she gave a very un-Elsa like giggle as she handed over a scrap of fabric.

Emma tied the slim scarf around her friend’s head and then turned her back for the favor to be reciprocated. “Someone’s going to have a little more fun than I am,” she muttered, as she stepped from the car.

Elsa grabbed her elbow in excitement as they entered the gorgeous hotel with its Christmas decorations still magnificently displayed. “Maybe not. He told me he has a brother.”

“Great,” Emma murmured for Elsa’s ears only. “Just what I need.”

“Oh, hush,” Elsa scolded. “Love might be waiting for you tonight.”

Emma glanced around the room with its low lighting and soft music and thought about making a snide comment. Except, there was something about the words that touched her. Could she let go of control long enough to explore her options?

New York City Four Seasons, New Year’s Eve 8:00 p.m.

Killian leaned on the high-top table, waiting, and watching for one of the colorful lasses to catch his attention. Several had asked him to dance and although he’d accepted a few times, his mind and his heart hadn’t been engaged enough to stay for a second song. It had been too easy to fall back into the cocky SOB who was interested in padding his black books. Flirting without affecting an air of pretense was his hope. Was it possible?

“There she is.” Killian heard Liam murmur.

“Where?” He looked toward the door where several were entering the ballroom at once.

“There,” Liam indicted, “the vision in peach.”

Killian glanced across the room, his eyes locking on the woman standing next to Liam’s date. “Emma.” Her name rushed out before he even had a moment to wonder how he could know that.

As if hearing someone call her name, Emma’s head lifted, and she stared across the room. Was she conjuring up the image of the man who unsettled her?

“No, Elsa,” Liam corrected. “Come on.”

Killian followed his brother through the crowd, his heart beating harder with every step.

It’s him! Emma’s heart raced. His hair was shorter, and he was wearing a mask, but the way he moved had stuck in her head. Oh, my gawd. What do I do now?

Will she recognize me? Killian wondered, his mouth feeling like cotton. He was the same man … on the outside anyway. Will Emma stay or run?

What should I do? ran through Emma’s mind.

Her perfume reached out, wrapping around him, don’t say anything untoward, he silently chanted.

Emma heard Elsa’s laugh and tore her gaze away from Killian.

What would it feel like to have Emma smile at him like that? Killian couldn’t help but think when he saw the smile Elsa bestowed on his brother.

Out of the corner of his eye, Killian studied Emma. The full impact of a dressed-up Doctor Foster hadn’t been something he knew how to handle. Had it only been a few months since she’d captured his attention?

“Good evening,” he heard Liam say to Elsa. “You look lovely.”

Her response was much the same and Killian had to bite his lip to keep the smirk off his face. His brother was completely gobsmacked, a different look than had been expected.

“This is my brother …” Liam cleared his throat, sending Killian a mischievous grin. “Zorro.”

What could have been a soft snort came from Killian’s left and taking a deep breath, he finally allowed his eyes to meet Emma’s. He bowed, nodding his head slightly, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Emma’s lips twitched as several thoughts flew through her head at once and she had no difficulty seeing him as the dashing vigilante. “Well, Zorro,” her right brow arched with challenge, “should I ask where you’re hiding your sword?”

Killian’s mouth dropped open before he could catch it. “My sword?” He blinked several times behind the scarf, thinking perhaps he was dreaming. But when she didn’t disappear, he couldn’t stop his grin and lifted his jacket, as if looking for a scabbard. “I must have left it at home.”

She took a step closer and pushed, wondering if she could push him into revealing more than he’d planned, “And where is that?”

What are you doing, Emma? Are you flirting?

“Now that would be cheating, wouldn’t it?” he teased. “Dance?”

Emma studied him, trying to figure out what was going on between them. She knew the type of man he was, didn’t she? He was a quintessential flirt. A man who had a different woman on his arm every night … just like her father.

But if that were the case, why was it your name he called when he was with someone else?

She didn’t know, and she’d hadn’t liked how out of control she’d felt when unable to find him in Swan Harbor.

Then don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out the truth?

“Please?” His quiet question broke through her inner dialogue and touched a place deep inside.

“Okay,” she forced past the lump in her throat, placing her hand in his.

His palm tingled where their hands touched as he led her to the dance floor. When he pulled her close, it amazed him at how fragile she felt in his arms. She worked with animals that were much larger yet handled them with ease. Who was this woman who could take on a two-thousand-pound horse one minute and a kitten weighing less than a pound the next?

Emma felt alive … almost as if someone had plugged her in. Was it him? The scientist in her wanted to form a hypothesis, but the woman just wanted to enjoy. That was a new admission for her and something she wasn’t sure how to handle. Give her a difficult man, and she knew what to do. But give her one who was holding her as if she were porcelain, and she was lost.

“Are you a true Zorro?” She cocked her head, and a corner of her mouth lifted. “Do you defend the poor and the victimized?”

He swung her around in time with the music. If only she knew, ran through his mind as that was exactly what he’d been when he lived in New York City … a modern-day Zorro.

“Not these days, Lass.” His smile grew. “I left my rapier and bullwhip behind for a simpler way of life almost a year ago.”

She found she wanted to know more about what he meant, but there was something telling her not to push. “A simpler way of life you say,” she hesitated a few seconds, “would that be like Jimmy Buffett living in Margaritaville?”

Her laughter caused Killian’s heart to speed up, making him think he would give anything to hear that sound every day.

Whoa, Reade, you’re getting ahead of yourself.

“I can’t say I live a Jimmy Buffett life,” he admitted, “but I have been known to exercise at the beach a time or two.”

“And listen to Margaritaville?”

He chuckled, surprised, but pleased by her flirting. “How about you, Lass? My brother whisked away your friend before you were introduced.” There had been a few times where he’d almost called her Emma, and he didn’t believe either of them was ready for that … yet.

Would they be by midnight?

Emma glanced around but couldn’t see Elsa or her paramedic. “They had eyes only for each other, didn’t they?” And Elsa looked besotted, which made her smile, but also a little envious.

“Aye,” Killian answered absently. “I’m happy for Liam. But …”

He led her in a few intricate dance steps before responding, “That doesn’t tell me what I should call you.”

“Cinderella?” she suggested, surprised a fake name hadn’t easily rolled off her tongue. Which was rather odd since she was usually pretending to be someone else.

Not someone else … just a different Emma.

Their eyes met, both hidden behind scarves and while he wanted to say more, he finally teased, “Does that mean at midnight your dress will become rags and your friend will turn into a rat?”

Her laughter was light and airy, “No,” Emma denied, “she’s definitely not a rat.”

“Good. I’d hate for my brother to get his heart broken.”

He could see Liam and his Elsa over Emma’s shoulder. “They look smitten with each other.”

When he swung her around so she could see them, tears immediately filled her eyes. The way Elsa and Liam seemed to be in their own little world belied the comment about just seeing the paramedic a few times. Except she wasn’t going to argue as Elsa deserved happiness. And if Killian’s brother was the man to make her friend happy, then he had her blessing. In fact, it would be nothing less than Elsa would ho—

Emma’s breath caught at where her thoughts had traveled. She glanced up to see Killian watching her. Was he the predator to her prey?

That description certainly would have fit the man who offered to ‘tune her engine’ at Sally’s in September. But not the man in front of her. He hadn’t said anything to make her push him into that category since they’d started dancing.

“Hope,” popped out of her mouth, before she could call it back. After all, it had been the direction her thoughts had been traveling.

“Hope?”

“Yes, Hope,” she repeated, this time with more confidence. “It’s part of my New Year’s resolution.”

“Hope.” The word rolled off his tongue. “I like it.”

Hope, he thought, a feeling he’d become familiar with recently. Hope the woman he was holding would get to know the man without his cape. Unconsciously he tightened his arms, bringing her closer.

Emma felt safe tucked against him, so safe, she couldn’t stop from leaning her head against his chest. She had goals and for years had believed her goals had to be accomplished, one at a time, and in chronological order. But was it possible to focus on more than one goal at a time?

Hope.

Her resolution, but what was she hoping for? Was it a happy ending? And if so, did those begin with hope? Once again, her gaze traveled to Elsa and her paramedic. What would it be like to have a man want her like that?

Killian’s warm breath feathered across her temple. “You’re quiet. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Just enjoying the music.”

And being in your arms.

The words to the song reminded her of Elsa’s comment as they walked into the ballroom, love might be waiting for you tonight. Was it possible?

Killian lost track of how long they danced. One song blended into another, but by the time the last song was cued, she had ruined him for others. She was the one he wanted, but was the reverse true?

The words to the song floated around them, wrapping them in a sensuous cocoon. Were they building something? Or once the masks came off, would she regret spending the time with him?

As the countdown started, Killian dropped his arms and reached behind his head to untie his scarf.

9

8

When Emma smiled up at him, the butterflies in his stomach seemed to take flight, causing his heart to race.

5

4

Her scarf loosened on one side, but before the other side dropped, her attention was pulled away from him.

3

Emma’s mouth dropped open, and her face lost all color. She raced toward the door, the word, “No!” hanging in the air.

1

“Emma!”

Her white scarf fluttered to the ground at his feet.