or senility for me to forget this night.
I thought I understood how it was supposed to go, you know? Your mom told you it should be special and to wait for someone you loved. The romance books described the act in minute passionate detail. The horror stories of classmates made you fear everything that could go wrong.
None of that prepared me for the actual experience of spending hours in Jacob’s arms cocooned in the darkness. I didn’t know our breathing would sync. Couldn’t have imagined the connection of looking into his eyes while he came. The pleasant ache in muscles I’d never used in this manner before—not that I wanted to be sore, but from the knowledge of how I got that way. Our shared grins when our limbs were too noodle-y to go another round again.
We showered together, unwilling to part until we absolutely had to.
He wanted to help me wash parts, though, which led to naughty soapy touching and me having to tell him I was too sensitive for a quickie against the shower wall.
Guaranteed way of making your man pout, let me tell ya.
The sun was just starting to illuminate the city when he took me home on the bike.
He parked at the entrance of the property, not wanting to chance waking someone in the house with the engine noise. “Call me when you know the time of your flight.”
“Wait a few minutes. Your mom probably left the info on my bed.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Mmm…bed…”
“I know… I could sleep ‘til noon.”
“Wore you out, did I?” he asked, wearing a proud smirk.
“Hey, I’m not the one who had to slam a Red Bull to be able to drive.”
He laughed. “Fair enough. Come on.” He took my hand and led me through the gate.
Luckily, the front door and its lock were well-oiled. We entered with only the slightest sound.
“Wait here,” I whispered.
“Don’t trust me in your boudoir?” he teased.
“Hell no.”
Not with us both wanting to strip down and curl up in bed until tomorrow.
I took the stairs with gingerly steps, both to be quiet and because of my protesting thighs. Just as I thought, Vivian had scribbled the flight number, time, and gate on a notepad in neat cursive. I copied the info and went back down to him.
“Flight leaves at noon if it’s on time.”
“Too soon.”
A lump developed in my throat. “Don’t make this harder. I have to go.”
He sighed, and hugged me. “I know, love. Sorry for bein’ a selfish git. Your mum is a special lady and you should be with her to support her.”
“Thank you. Well…see you in a few hours?”
He pulled back enough to meet my eyes. “Count on it. I’m escorting you as far as they’ll let me.” I nodded, knowing if I tried to speak I’d cry. He cupped my face, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs, and softly kissed me. “Until later, sweetheart.”
“Later.” I appreciated that he didn’t say goodbye.
He slipped out the front door.
I watched him walk down the drive to the street, then went up to my room, the tears I’d been holding back no longer cooperating. Exhausted, I set the alarm, then changed into pajamas and brushed my teeth. I’d pack when I got up.
Once I stretched out in bed, though, the saying too tired to sleep came to mind. My fears started taking over—fear Mom wouldn’t be alright, worries about his feelings fading away once I was gone—and I couldn’t shut off my brain.
When the alarm buzzed, I’d just fallen asleep. It took a few minutes to get my body to follow the command to get up and shut it off.
Twelve hour flight. I could sleep on the plane.
Jacob came back shortly after I went down for food. He looked about the same as I felt—walking zombie.
“Coffee, dear?” his mother asked him.
“Please.” He walked over and kissed me on the cheek. “Hey.”
I looked up. “Hey. You have a show tonight, too, right?”
“Yep.” He dumped a generous helping of sugar in his mug. “Rumor has it a critic is gonna show up.”
“Pro review? Sweet. It was a good show last night.” Though I preferred the performance at his apartment.
He grinned, winking at me when his mother’s back was turned. “Thank you.”
He looked at my plate—two slices of melon and a piece of buttered toast—and added a scoop of scrambled eggs.
I glared at him and mouthed I’m not hungry. He shot me a look of disapproval and put two pieces of bacon on the plate, too.
“Stop that.”
“You need to eat,” he argued.
“I don’t like starting with a heavy stomach.”
“Ah, the bickering. No wonder I thought L.A. was so quiet,” Vivian said.
“Sorry,” we said in unison.
She shook her head, smiling. “Elizabeth, are you packed?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She nodded. “Very well. Jacob, help with her things and get her to the airport on time?”
“You’re not coming?”
“As much as I’d like to see you off, dear, I feel I would only be in the way.” She patted my hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll see you soon. The sale of the house still has to be overseen.”
“Oh.” On the one hand, I was glad to get one more moment alone with him.
On the other, it didn’t feel right leaving Vivian here.
“Jacob, could you give us a moment?” she asked.
“Sure.” He got up from the table and went outside.
She took my hand. “The truth is, I’m not good at goodbyes. You’ll need to be brave, Elizabeth, and my blubbering won’t help…because this isn’t goodbye.”
“Merely ‘see you later’.”
She smiled. “Exactly. If you need to talk when you get home—”
“I’ll pick up the phone. I, um… I can’t thank you enough for your hospitality. This trip was a big deal for me.”
She glanced at Jacob pacing outside. “Important for both of you, it seems. Well, give me a hug, and we’ll part with smiles.”
Gladly.
I lingered in the embrace as long as she let me.
Logic was usually my course, but intuition told me this trip had changed my life, that the path before me would be different, and not for the cliché reason of losing my virginity.
If there was another Beth out there facing her mother’s illness without these memories, experiences, she’d be much more alone.
Mrs. Lindsey left the kitchen and I tried to finish breakfast.
Jacob came in off the patio, sat down, and watched me eat. “You didn’t finish your toast.”
“It’s cold.”
“Microwave is over there.”
I stood with my plate and set it next to the sink. “Back off, okay? I’m too anxious to eat much and pushing food at me doesn’t help.”
“Sorry.” A chair slid on the tile. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” He wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.
I leaned back against his chest. “Know you’re only looking out for me.”
“You’re my Bethie.” For him, that said it all.
Still wanted to know what being his really meant, but I wasn’t going to ask. Not after one week. Not when I was going thousands of miles away.
We didn’t say much during the ride to the airport. He put a CD in of bouncy punk trying to lift our spirits and give us something else to focus on.
We parked. He carried my suitcase. I wished he could see me all the way to the gate.
“Everything I could say feels like statin’ the obvious,” he said when he could go no further. “Of course I’ll miss you.”
“Of course you want me to have a safe flight.”
“Of course I wish you could stay longer.” We leaned into each other, touching foreheads.
“Me, too.” I sighed. “Well, there’s Christmas…”
“Yeah…” His arms tightened around me. “I’ll send you a copy of the demo soon as we pick a cover shot.”
“Looking forward to it.” I tilted my face up and kissed him, hoping he would feel what I couldn’t say. Hoping it would help him not forget me.
He moaned and pressed me closer. The crowd, the airport, the take-off noise—it all fell away. We made out until someone tapped me on the shoulder.
The security guard stood there with a raised brow until we parted contact. I blushed. Jacob was unapologetic, staring right back.
“Move along,” the guard said, and continued on his rounds.
“I need—”
“To go. Yeah. Call me when you get home.”
“It’ll be late.”
“Beth, do you think I care?”
My cheeks reddened further. “No…”
He hugged me, then let go. “Go. Before I drag you home.”
I nodded and turned to the security line. As long as I didn’t look back, I could do this.