“My strength is lesser here,” Rafe had said. I was about to test that theory. First, we had a mission, which was why I lay on my belly on the ground, still warm from the sun, and used Angelo’s binoculars to scan the station from a distance.
“I see faint movement at the windows.”
“I can nip inside and look around?” Rafe lay beside me, his chin propped on his hands. He still wore his Average face, just in case Angelo’s people spotted us. I’d decided this version of him was more dangerous than the winged and horned version. Average Rafe was a trap that made me think him normal and harmless. But I knew his game and refused to let his normalcy lull me into a false sense of security.
“You said you almost lost your tail last time.”
“It could have gone worse.”
He was in good spirits this evening. I’d need that for what was to come. “No, I still see them in there.”
“Is my jar in there too?”
“Yeah…”
He made a small noise, like a growling huff. “And I suppose you’re the only one who can find it?”
“That’s what you wanted.”
“I didn’t envisage an army of ghouls getting in the way.”
“Rafe, what is in the jar?”
He sighed, rested his head on his hands, and looked up at me, his eyes big in the waning light. “Nothing. Just answers, freedom, a life.”
“Oh well, if that’s all, it doesn’t matter then.”
His eyes flared before he caught my wry smile. “You’re not amusing, Lynher Aris.”
“Aren’t I?” I shoved from our hiding place. “Come, my dark knight, before the darkness descends upon us and the monsters come again.”
Sparks bloomed in front of me, delivering Rafe into my path. “Okay. Stop. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Your smiles are more unnerving than all the creatures out here with us.”
“There are creatures out here?”
“Small ones. Don’t change the subject.”
“Huh…” I jogged around the overgrown tumbles of rocks and bricks and down onto the old streets back to the hotel.
He hung back when we reached the front door. His instincts were on to something. He could sense my emotions, and they made him nervous.
We walked through the hotel, smiling at those we passed. Rafe stopped a few times to chat with some while in his Average suit, but the moment he stepped through the bedroom door, he shed that skin in favor of his usual attire and appearance, leaving the wings hidden.
“Lock the door,” I told him.
The lock snicked.
I draped my borrowed coat over a chair, rolled up my sleeves, and turned to find him a few feet away, staring intently.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Sit.” I sat, showing him it was perfectly safe, and patted the covers beside me.
“Hell no.”
Damn his instincts. “I don’t bite.”
“I’m certain that’s a lie.”
“Raphael… we need to talk.”
“We do?”
“When did you get your soul back?”
He blinked, going still, and then his internal shutters came down and his face turned neutral again, his body fluid as he ventured closer. But I’d seen the slip. Kensey was right, and if Kensey was right, the demon coming closer to stand over me was my friend again.
He’d stood in a similar position with Lilith on her knees, but this Rafe was different. This one was different from the one who had paced inside a summoning circle and spoken to me like I was filth he’d rather wash away than look at. That Rafe had been soulless and cold and vicious. This Rafe wasn’t like that and hadn’t been for a long time.
Kensey always saw the best in people… and in demons, apparently.
His wings slowly appeared, their arched glory revealed inch by inch, and the dual colors of his eyes shone with otherworldly magic that flowed in his veins. He’d hardly changed in all the years I’d known him. He’d only been different without his soul. He was capable of pretending—he did it all the time—but some things couldn’t be faked, like the way he looked at me now like I was the only thing that mattered. I’d ignored it before, brushed it off as Rafe being Rafe, but I saw it now.
His warm fingers caught my chin, keeping me looking up. “What makes you think I have my soul back?” He skipped his fingers from my chin and skimmed them lightly across my lips.
“Everything.”
“Then you’d be wrong.”
I wasn’t. The more I thought back, the more I was sure. He’d been afraid for me on the platform when I’d walked out of the dark with Jack and Caine fighting behind me. He’d feared for my well-being after I’d returned, demanding I eat. But it was more than those little things. His touch when I’d thought he’d been about to commence our deal hadn’t been the claiming touch of an incubus about to feast, but a reverent one, as though he’d been afraid to touch me. And no incubi feared touch, unless it meant more to them. And it could only mean more if he had a soul.
But I had to know for certain.
He leaned down, hovering his mouth close to mine. I waited, every muscle aching to close the distance between us, to kiss him hard and drag him down with me.
“This feels like a trap.” His words brushed my lips, so close I couldn’t tell if his mouth touched mine or if my imagination was filling in the blanks.
He straightened and stepped back, then pointed a finger at my face and chuckled. “I know you. What were you going to do, hmm?”
“Kiss you?”
His eyes narrowed. “No, that wasn’t it.” He looked around the room and settled on the pillows, then rushed in and lifted both, exposing the coil of rope I’d hidden beneath.
“Kinky…” he said. “I like it, but no.” He threw a pillow at my face. By the time I’d batted it aside, he’d lifted the rope and was running its length through his grip. “If you want to tie an incubus, you’ll need a hell of a lot more than frayed old rope, darling.”
He tossed the rope at me as well. I ducked, and it sailed over my head, hitting the wall and then the floor with heavy thumps.
Rafe folded his arms. The tip of his tail struck the boards, counting down the seconds. “After everything I’ve told you, you were going to tie me up?”
All right, I’d hit an incubus sore spot. “You haven’t said anything, just vague suggestions about things that might have happened.”
He was in front of me, moving too fast for me to defend against. A blink and I refocused on his too damn pretty face. “No,” he said. “You haven’t been listening.”
A few dainty knocks sounded on the door. Rafe crossed the floor, tucking his demon self into Average skin just in time to unlock the door and fling it open, startling the scrawny woman standing in the corridor. “Yes?”
“Oh,” a young woman squeaked. “I… I heard arguing. I just thought…”
I had no idea who she was, but she seemed harmless, and she’d heard every word, plus the thumps of thrown objects.
“We’re fine.” Rafe smiled, laying on a light touch of charm. Luckily for her, he only had a little charm to play with. “Thank you for your neighborly concern.”
“Okay. You might want to… discuss your issues more quietly?”
“We’ll take that under advisement. Thank you.” He closed the door on her face, pressed his palms to the wood, and bumped his forehead against the door.
His wings popped out, like he’d been struggling to hold them in. If that happened around Angelo—
He whirled and crossed the floor in three strides, coming at me like he was about to attack. I stood, if only to hold my ground, and then his hot mouth was on mine, his tongue thrusting in. Whatever feelings we’d been fighting exploded between us, lighting me up. He growled into me. Or maybe I growled into him. Madness drove my hands to stroke over the abs beneath his waistcoat, seeking hot skin, and that insanity had nothing to do with his magic and everything to do with me wanting to rip the waistcoat off, pin him down, and lick every inch of him. He rocked from my assault and pushed back, trying to reclaim control. I glimpsed his tail lashing, knew he was as furious as I was, and didn’t care. He’d damn well brought this on himself.
He’d lied about his soul. He’d lied a lot.
I clutched his waistcoat in my fists, yanked and twisted, switching positions, and shoved him hard onto the bed. His grin dazzled, and somehow that pissed me off more.
The waistcoat buttons popped apart under my grip. I closed my mouth and tongue around a nipple and sucked. His hand shot to my hair and locked, trembling.
He pushed. “I can’t,” he gasped, but then his shove eased.
I flicked my tongue over his nipple again and sank my free hand down, past his navel. My plan had been to distract him with the idea of sex, his one weakness, and then tie him up and demand answers. But I hadn’t expected to have him at my mercy, and it felt so damn good.
“We can’t!” He snatched my hand, stopping its path before it could get to its prize.
I nipped at his chin and purred low, “Mm… we can.”
“Lynher, dammit… stop.”
“Why!” I lifted my head and peered into his bright, wide eyes. “Why? Because you care? Because your soul won’t allow you? Because for all your flirting and games, you’d never hurt me, and you can’t trust this, the same as I can’t trust it? Because I’m human and you’re demon, and this could go so very wrong? We both know it. We know it because we care for each other. Isn’t that right, Raphael?”
Defeat and surprise wrung all the heat right out of him. He dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. “Yes.”
“Yes to what?”
“To all of it, damn you.”
“Your soul?”
“I hate you sometimes, Lynher Aris. I hate how you twist the weakness of others around your little finger, using it like currency, and the way you sometimes smile like you know more than you’re letting on, and the way you’re looking at me now.” Shifting his weight out from under me, he propped his head on a hand, facing me down.
I was lying on a wing, which couldn’t be comfortable for him, yet he didn’t seem to notice.
“Yes, to my fucking soul,” he snarled. “It was supposed to be in that jar, where Lilith put it when she killed the phantom. She has a collection of them. It’s not in that jar because I stole it and set it free. My soul is right where it belongs, and you can’t tell anyone because if the demons know I’m like this, they’ll… It’ll be… difficult.”
I’d known, hadn’t I? Just like Kensey had said. I’d sensed it but ignored it because Rafe having his soul back would mean my feelings were real. Feelings that wouldn’t help either of us.
“Lilith’s butterflies are… souls?” I asked, focusing on that instead of how my heart thumped too hard, and how my body throbbed, and how I wanted to hook a leg around his, roll him onto his back, and kiss every inch I could find—because Raphael was back, and I’d missed him like I’d miss a piece of my soul.
He reached for my face but stopped himself and curled his fingers back into a fist. “They aren’t real butterflies, but abstract versions, representations of souls she’s caught. They belong to people who dared to forfeit on a deal, or just anyone she doesn’t much like.”
She had so many butterflies trapped in her jars. I’d thought them beautiful and fragile, and now I knew why. “Gods. Why did she retrieve yours when she’d seemed so determined you lose it?”
“Control. Of me. It’s… She’s always wanted my soul in one of her jars. She used my feelings for you to trick us.” He stroked a finger down my jaw, the touch feeding a direct line of lust to where I wanted him inside, until he flicked my nose, which was much less erotic and not nearly as welcome. “We can’t do this,” he said. “Because I don’t trust myself not to hurt you in all the ways I can. And I care enough about you to stop this before it really starts. How’s that for honesty?”
“I care too.” Admitting it didn’t hurt as much as I’d thought it would, but admitting it made me realize the sexual feast propped on his side was out of bounds.
“I wasn’t gone when you tried to drag me back after the phantom attacked, just far away, and I heard you, felt you try to drag me off those tracks and onto the platform. You were fierce and unrelenting, like always.”
“But it wasn’t enough.”
“You shine so brightly in the dark,” he whispered.
His words settled, and I had no wish to speak and move on from this moment.
His fingers locked with mine. “I lost my soul, but not my memories. And I remembered the fight in you and how passionate you were to see me whole again. I could not feel those things for myself, but your will to have my soul returned never left. I stole the jar for you. Then I went to the platform—the same as I’d done all the nights you were gone—and I let the butterfly go, because it seemed like something you would do. Moments later, you returned, a literal shining beacon in the night.”
His face seemed pained. I traced the lines around his beautiful eyes, smoothing out all the hurt.
I think I love this demon.
My fingers came to rest on his lips. He smiled beneath them. A real smile, because he was my Rafe again.
“You hid the jar so Lilith wouldn’t discover you were whole again… because she set you up to fail, didn’t she?”
“Lilith is… complicated. She’s convinced I’m her tool, her means for getting what she wants. Long ago, I was cursed into her service, made her knight against my will. She’s used me ever since.” His eyes dropped. He swallowed and looked up again. “Used in all the ways, Lynher.”
The times he’d come to me, broken and sore. The marks around his wrists, marks he’d refused to explain.
“Then I found a lost little human one night on the station platform,” he said. “She was stupid and reckless and constantly tempting death in the way humans do, but as she grew older, she grew into a marvelous creature, and when I stole away to see her, she told me stories of magical wizards and silly human things that made no sense, but in those precious fleeting moments with her, I felt free again.”
“Gods, Rafe…” I wrapped my arm around him, holding fast, and rested my head against his chest, under his chin. “You should have told me.”
“The more you know, the more vulnerable you become,” his voice rumbled. “Now you’re not even protected by the station. It’s too dangerous. Some demons watch you and the station with envious eyes.”
“I am protected.” I turned over the arm I’d thrown over him, showing my mark. “It still works outside the station, for me. I don’t know why, but I’m not completely helpless.”
He snorted, and after a few moments of silence, with only his heart thumping, he said, “And I really, really want us to fuck in all the ways.” He lifted my forefinger to his mouth and slid it between his wet, warm lips, sucking gently. His magic bloomed, trying to sink into my skin and make me pliable. I groaned and hooked a leg around his thigh, wanting nothing more than to climb on top and explore all the promises his delicious body made.
He withdrew my finger and curled my hand in his, holding it against his heart. “But it’s not possible, not safely, and I won’t risk it.” Because demons, especially incubi, had sex with humans to feed on them. The act was commonly fatal in the hands of less experienced demons. I’d been harboring the secret hope that Rafe was different, but it was a foolish hope from a foolish girl who had once dreamed she could live happily ever after with a fantasy that didn’t exist.
“I’d die smiling.” He didn’t laugh. “If we can’t ever… be together like that, why did you make that deal to have me for a day and night?”
“It was never about sex,” he replied. “Despite everything you’d been through—surviving the overseer, the bloodfarm—you wouldn’t have rested. The Dark Ones sense weakness, and you reeked of it when you returned from the bloodfarm. I had to protect you.”
So he’d made a deal, making me think it was all carnal, to ensure my safety.
I didn’t deserve this demon. I’d treated him like any other Dark One to be thrown under a train in my pursuit of righteousness, and all this time, he’d been looking out for me and dealing with Lilith’s machinations. I’d dismissed him, ignored him, and pushed him away for years, but he’d always been there, in the shadows. He’d been my knight long before I’d accidentally made it so.
I sat up on the bed and stared at the locked door. “Gods, I’m so sorry.”
“What for?”
Did demons have mates? He should find one because I was an ignorant, selfish bitch. It had been the same with Etienne. As soon as I’d learned what he was, I’d used him to get my way, put a knife to his throat, and threatened him, even though I knew he’d been a victim too. It was wrong. I was wrong. Jack had called me out. He’d seen the truth. He’d told me who I was, and I hadn’t listened. I hadn’t listened to anything he’d said because I hadn’t wanted to hear it.
Gods and spices, I was a horrible person.
“Lyn?” he asked.
I smiled at the pet name, or tried to, and climbed from the bed as Rafe reached for me, staying beyond his fingertips. “I’m getting my station back.”
Putting distance between us helped draw a line under all the things we’d said. The truth was out. He was my friend, and I loved him, and that would have to be enough.
“Do you have any idea how to do that?”
I chose to ignore the regret clinging to him. He already knew how I wanted him. There was no use in dwelling on the impossible.
“No, unfortunately. But you can help. Will you?”
“Of course, darling,” he purred and climbed to his feet, clothes and hair deliciously ruffled. “I can’t deny you, even if I wanted to.”
“Is that how this works?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll fix that soon, and you’ll have your freedom, Raphael. You have my word.”
His smile was shallow, as though he’d heard the same a thousand times before. How long had he been someone else’s knight but never his own?
“There is something you should know, and I suspect you won’t like it, but it could help our current predicament.”
“I’m listening.”
“There is someone who can control vampires and these ghouls that have plagued the station. Your overseer, Jack? He isn’t dead.”
“But I…” My pulse beat in my throat. If he wasn’t dead, why had I seen his ghost in the station corridors? “He’s alive?”
“Alive is a stretch, but he’s not dead. Yet.”
I winced, remembering how Jack had saved me from the summoning circle that had swallowed him and his VG; he’d helped me survive a dozen other ways since the bloodfarm. None of that made him good. Saving me didn’t balance out the hundreds of thousands of people he’d killed. He deserved to be in Hell. But saving the station would save more lives, and he had respected it. Once.
He would need to be controlled—caged, almost. I couldn’t trust him. But I could use him.
But it was wrong, wasn’t it? Hadn’t I just realized how using Rafe and Etienne had been cruel? But Rafe hadn’t killed countless people. He hadn’t aided the vampire queen and managed bloodfarms. And Etienne was as much a victim as those who came through my station in need of help.
Jack was no victim. He wasn’t good. But I could use him to do good. And that surely made controlling him right?