CHAPTER FOUR

 

Once I regained the use of my voice, I asked, "Is Riley here? In Who's There?"

Maria sounded confused. "What? No. Not that I'm aware of."

"I thought I saw him in the theatre. I can't be sure. His hair was shorter. But I could swear it was him. Unfortunately, I lost him."

I heard the clicking of computer keys. "No, he's still out of the country."

She couldn't tell me where he was, and I was fine with that. I'd gotten her in trouble with her superiors more than once before.

"Okay. Thanks for the heads-up. Any idea who they'll send?"

"No. I'll text you from my personal cell when I know," Maria said quietly before hanging up.

She was so amazing. I didn't warrant that kind of loyalty. Maria Gomez had helped me take my Girl Scout troop to Washington, DC in the summer. That alone qualified her for canonization for the next five lifetimes.

So here's what I knew. Someone had told my life story to someone in Hollywood, and they'd made a movie out of it. I looked at the poster. Both Philby and Martini were sitting on it, looking at me meaningfully.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered as I gave them each a little plate of tuna. "I can't figure out how this happened."

The cats devoured the meat as if they'd hunted and killed it themselves, and looked to me for more, but I wasn't falling for it. I probably shouldn't have even given them that. Philby had a very sensitive stomach and could, at any time…

The cat belched loudly before barfing on the poster-spy's face.

"I know what you mean," I said as I got a roll of paper towels out and cleaned it up. "I feel the same way."

The clock on the stove told me it was too late to call Rex. That was okay because I had no idea what I'd say to him. Telling him would be a violation of the confidentiality clause I'd signed when I'd retired. On the other hand, half the country had just seen part of, if not all of the movie, so we were sort of in a gray area.

I picked up my cell and called Riley. He was the only person I could safely talk to.

"This is Riley. Leave a message."

I should've seen that coming. He was working. Bothering him was not a good idea. What was up with his doppelganger at the movie theatre? Maybe Riley knew about the movie—I looked at the poster—Spy Diary. It literally was a diary…mine. If I'd been allowed to keep a diary that is.

It could have been that he was here to find out if I had leaked classified information. But why would I do that? Riley knew I wouldn't. I was a consummate professional. I'd never betray the Agency. Never. Plus, I didn't want some "cleaner" to show up on my doorstep with a pair of pliers and duct tape to remind me how confidentiality clauses worked. And yes, there is a guy who does that. His name is Rueben.

Not knowing what else to do, I hung the poster on the fridge. I had to displace some Girl Scout Council info to do so. Staring at the papers, I realized I'd totally forgotten about a troop meeting in the morning. We were going to discuss some upcoming camp fund-raiser. Kelly had invited someone from the Council to join us.

It had better not be Juliette Dowd. That low-level bimbo hated me just because she and Rex had dated once. No, Kelly was my best friend. She'd make sure it was someone else. The rest of the staff was awesome. Amazing really. First-rate professionals who made me wonder why they'd hired an angry woman like Juliette.

With a yawn, I stretched and decided to hit the hay. Sleeping when I might be under surveillance didn't terrify me nearly as much as not being totally ready for a troop meeting. When it came to my girls, the CIA looked like declawed, narcoleptic kittens.

 

*   *   *

 

"Mrs. Wrath!" The four Kaitlyns slammed into me with a group hug. I had four girls named Kaitlyn in my troop. And they each spelled their names differently. And they all had brown hair and M as the initial for their last name. I never could tell them apart. It was an impossible task, like teaching a chicken to read.

"Hey, guys!" I croaked as I was crushed between them.

I had to put aside my worries that the CIA would barge in and drag me off at any moment. Well, that and I'd surveilled the school three times before the meeting.

"Okay, ladies!" Kelly held up her right hand in the Scout sign for silence.

The Kaitlyns found their seats with the other girls. It always worked. I had no idea why.

"This is Mrs. Conrad." She pointed to a smiling, thirtysomething woman in a green sweater and scarf covered in the Scout logo. "She's going to talk about the camp fund-raiser."

The lady handed out flyers and said, "We're going to have a mud run at Camp Singing Bird this year! It'll be an obstacle course, and teams will be competing with each other to win the grand prize."

Lauren's hand shot up into the air. "What's the grand prize?"

Mrs. Conrad smiled. I liked her immediately. I liked all of the Council staff really. Except for Juliette, but there wasn't anything I could do about that. The rest of them were wonderful, warm, funny women. Adults, I got. Kids, I was still learning about.

"The grand prize is a weekend camping trip to Camp North Star!"

Oohs and aahs filled the air. Camp North Star was a big deal. Located close to the Mississippi River, that camp had more than most, with indoor/outdoor pools, a high-ropes course, climbing walls, zip lines, a lazy river to tube on, a mud pit with mudslide, and horses. Everyone knew about Camp North Star. And groups of all kinds wanted to go there for camping or team building…stuff like that.

My troop of third-grade girls would do anything to camp at North Star, and I'd planned to take them next summer…if I could. It was hard to get in and usually booked one year out. But winning this competition seemed like an easy way to make it happen.

"Well," Betty said matter-of-factly, "we're going to win."

Mrs. Conrad nodded. "It wouldn't surprise me at all if you did!"

I liked how she didn't patronize the girls. She took their interests seriously. That was nice. Maybe I should try that.

"Review the information and have your leaders fill out the necessary forms. I will see you in a few weeks!"

Kelly walked the Scout official out to the parking lot, and I studied the form. The contest would take place in late September. Not bad. The weather would be nice—in the 70s at least.

"Mrs. Wrath?" Hannah (one of two in my troop) asked. No matter how many times I told the girls I wasn't married, they still insisted on calling me Mrs. "You will fill out the forms, won't you?"

My jaw dropped. "When have I ever let you down?"

The girls looked at each other a little too long for my comfort.

"Of course we're going!" I insisted. "And you're right, Betty—we're going to win."

I left out the part where I might be at CIA HQ in Langley, where I'd face the equivalent of a court-martial for treason. My stomach knotted up at the thought of it.

Kelly rejoined us and got the girls involved in a craft activity making autumn leaves out of construction paper. School had just started, and the girls appeared to be happy. Of course they were. Elementary school rocked. How could you not be happy coloring with crayons and having two recesses a day?

"I don't know if I can make it." Kelly frowned at the flyer. "I'm supposed to take Finn to see my parents in Omaha. It's a family reunion." Finn was her baby daughter. Named after me, or my real name, that is. Finnoughla. I loved that little girl, but now she was infringing on my shot at Camp North Star.

"What? You're joking. Tell me you're joking."

She shook her head. "I'll help you get ready, and I'll find someone to replace me on the day of the mud run. But I really can't go."

"You can't go, Mrs. Albers?" Lauren asked in horror.

Apparently, the girls had heard. This was not unusual as they had the hearing of bionic bats. Sometimes I swear they heard things from two buildings away. And on one occasion, I was pretty sure they'd bugged my house.

"I'm sorry," Kelly said sadly. "But we have family members flying in from Seattle and Florida. They've already gotten their tickets. I can't change all that."

Lauren and Betty started a huddle that included all twelve girls in attendance. We watched them for a few moments until they seemed to agree on something. One of the Kaitlyns stood up.

"Okay. We want Dr. Body to go with us."

The other girls nodded. I was a bit less than thrilled. But the girls had visited the morgue once and were completely in the woman's thrall.

"She ran cross-country and track in college," Hannah Number One added. "And she looks like a jock."

Looks like a jock? The woman stole two of my cats! I thought about telling the girls that Dr. Body was too pretty to go on a mud run, but was interrupted.

"That's a great idea!" Kelly agreed. She pulled out her cell and called.

"Shouldn't we talk about this?" I said quietly. "Maybe there's someone else better?"

My best friend shot me a look that told me to shut up, albeit politely. Kelly didn't put up with any crap from me, which was one of the reasons I loved her. With the exception of this very moment, that is.

"Soo Jin?" Kelly smiled. She always smiled when she talked to the coroner. Did she smile when she talked to me on the phone? Mental note: plant hidden cameras in Kelly's house. I should keep an eye on my goddaughter anyway.

I watched helplessly as she talked to the doctor. I really needed to get over my anger toward her. Dr. Body was a nice person. Even I disgruntledly liked her. Maybe I could do this and show Kelly that I was an adult and a worthy godmother to Finn.

"She's in!" Kelly put her cell away, and the girls cheered enthusiastically before going back to making paper leaves.

"We should've talked about this first," I grumbled.

"Why?" Kelly asked before walking over to the tables to supervise.

"Because there are two of us? Because we're co-leaders?" I retorted as I followed her over.

Ava, Inez, and Caterina, who were usually quiet, were fighting each other with glue sticks.

"Whoa!" I bent down to the table and retrieved the weapons. "What's going on here?"

Ava sighed. "Inez said that Dr. Body will beat you in the mud run. Caterina and I think she's wrong."

I wanted to take a moment and revel in their faith. Maybe even high-five the girls. But that would be the wrong reaction. I think.

"We will all have to work together as a team. Everyone on the team will score points that, added together, will give us our team score." At least, I thought that was how it would work.

"We need to start training," Betty shouted from the next table, which was a bit much since she was right next to me.

"Good idea!" Hannah Number One said. Hannah Number Two agreed. "Can we go out there next weekend and practice?"

I shrugged. It seemed like a good idea. Get the drop on the other troops. But maybe it wasn't fair to do that? As a spy, I would've started setting it up already. But as a leader, I was pretty sure it wasn't sportsmanlike.

Kelly—ever the adult—intervened. "No, we can't do that. But maybe we can train to work together as a team."

"I know!" Caterina jumped up. "We can play laser tag!"

A chorus of enthusiastic cries filled the air.

"At that place by the mall!" Inez said. "I love it there!"

"What's laser tag?" I asked.

Shrill screams buzzed in our ears. The girls all started shouting over each other in an attempt to explain to me what laser tag is.

"So you shoot people?" I asked with probably more enthusiasm than necessary.

"With lasers." Betty nodded. "Everyone wears a vest with things on them that tell you if you've been hit."

"And it's dark in the room," Lauren added. "But we need a team to practice against."

One of the Kaitlyns raised her hand. "We could play against my brother's Boy Scout troop. I'd love to kick Brian's butt."

The girls decided that this was the plan before Kelly or I could even respond.

"Boy Scouts, eh?" I smiled. "I love it! How soon can it be arranged?"

Kaitlyn shrugged. "Mom will be here soon. I'll ask her. Dad's their leader."

The matter was settled, and the girls went back to their crafts.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Kelly whispered. "I think it sends the wrong message to the girls with all that shooting."

I ignored her because I was pulling up information about laser tag on my cell. After reading about it online, I only loved the idea more.

"The girls have decided." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but…" Kelly started to say.

I pointed at her. "You said you wanted the girls to start taking more initiative in planning events."

Kelly once again tried to speak, but I stopped her.

"You said that. And you also said the girls needed to bond more. This is perfect."

"I don't know," Kelly muttered as the first of the moms arrived to pick up their girls.

We waited with the Kaitlyn with the brother named Brian until her mother showed up. I was still on high alert that the Agency could show up out of the blue, but I had a laser tag game to plan, and that trumped all other fears.

Ashley (all of the Kaitlyns' moms were named Ashley—something I believe they did on purpose to cause confusion) agreed that this was a good idea and said she'd set it up for the next day. Kelly started to protest that she had a prior commitment, but Ashley said the boys were getting together in the afternoon anyway, so we might as well get it over with. She left, and the girls were all gone.

Kelly didn't say anything as she started putting the craft supplies away. I decided to try a different subject.

"So…have you heard from Riley?"

Kelly loved my former boss so much that he was the godfather to my being godmother. If he was in town, she'd probably know about it.

"No. Isn't he on a mission or something?" she said as she handed me a box of glue sticks.

"He's supposed to be. But I could swear I saw him at the movies last night."

Kelly stared at me. "You went to the movies? Since when do you go out? Did you go with Rex? Why didn't you ask me?"

"You always want to see those romance movies." I shuddered.

"Yeah, but I'd go see anything at this point." Kelly bit her lip.

"What are you talking about?"

She shrugged. "I need to get out of the house more. Robert needs to do more with the baby. I'm going a little stir-crazy."

I hadn't thought of that. I guess I assumed that new parents wanted to spend every moment hanging on every breath their baby breathed.

"Everything is fine." My best friend waved me off. "Tell me why you think you saw Riley."

I filled her in on the dead pizza guy and my trip to the theatre. I left out the bit about the movie being a dead ringer for my life. I still wasn't sure exactly how classified that was.

She shook her head. "I can't see Riley cutting his hair. Ever. And if he was in town, he'd call. Right?"

"I guess so…"

"So don't worry about it." She picked up her bag and two boxes. "I've got to get home to Finn. I'll let Soo Jin know about the laser tag competition tomorrow and reschedule my meeting at work. I'll pick you up at two. Okay?"

I nodded and followed her out. We both lived on the same block as the elementary school, and I usually walked over. But Kelly had all those boxes, so she had driven. We stashed the stuff in the trunk of her car, and I waved as she drove off.

Whether I liked it or not, Dr. Body and I were going to be partners. I'd have to suspend my irrational dislike for her and move on. And right then I needed to see that laser tag range. They might not let us onto the mud run course at camp, but that wouldn't stop me from surveilling the location of the game the next day.

 

*   *   *

 

"Ma'am." The teenager who ran the laser tag arena squeaked as he talked, his Adam's apple bobbing. A large plastic nametag said Trent. "There's no one playing right now. I can't let you into the room unless you are playing."

I handed him a twenty. "There, now I'm paying. Which means I want to play."

"But you're alone," the kid protested. "How can you play against yourself?"

I thought about this for a moment. "I'll play you."

"Me?" He was a skinny kid with shoulder-length hair and braces. "I'm working!"

"Do you take breaks?" I asked as I pulled another twenty dollar bill out and waved it at him.

He looked around. It was quiet. The arena was part of a huge entertainment complex, and most people were in the bowling alley. This whole complex was definitely more than Who's There needed.

"I can put a sign on the door," he said slowly, the wheels turning inside his head. "Closed for maintenance. My boss never comes round on the weekends."

I held up another twenty. "I don't care how you justify it. I just want to see how it works."

Trent shrugged. "Okay." He put a sign up and then opened the door.

We walked into a room that had row upon row of what looked to be vests and belts with holsters. Trent put on a vest and strapped on his laser gun. He then helped me into mine and showed me how to use it.

According to Trent, the room was set up to mirror a little bombed-out village. There were walls with windows, fake rock formations, doors, etc. You had to shoot someone point-blank in the chest to score a hit. I was a little disappointed that that was all. I expected the victim to get shocked with electricity or something.

"Every ten minutes, you have to go to the wall on your side of the room and put your gun in a hole that's lit up. That recharges it. The game ends when a team scores fifty points. The lights will come on when that happens, ending the game."

That sounded reasonable. Trent went through a weapons check with me and opened the door.

"I'll go to the far side since you haven't been here before." Gone was the squeaky, nervous voice, and in its place was a steady, calm demeanor.

I decided I'd try to go easy on him. After all, I had real field experience. This kid wouldn't know what had hit him. I intended to win and was pretty sure it would take only a few minutes for me to hit fifty.

I couldn't have been more wrong. The minute we were plunged into a dim darkness, Trent turned from a nervous wreck into Liam Neeson. Various things glowed in the dark to give you some light. Every time I turned around, I saw the little gleam of red from his pistol. My vest went off so many times that I worried that I might actually explode. At one point I actually hoped the CIA would barge in and drag me away.

It felt like I was constantly recharging my gun. At least the charging port was a safe place where he couldn't get me. As far as I knew, I hadn't hit him even once. There had to be something wrong with my gun.

This kid was like an invisible spider monkey. Every time I thought I knew where he was, he surprised me and shot me before summoning his invisibility superpowers and vanishing into thin air. The lights came on after ten minutes. Trent had smoked me. I didn't know what had hit me.

"Not bad," Trent said as he collected our gear and hung it up on the wall. "I guess it's a good thing you're not a cop or a spy or something." His high-pitched laughter caused his Adam's apple to bob in a frenzy.

"Well," I said grudgingly, "I was just trying to get the lay of the land before tomorrow. We're going up against a Boy Scout team."

Trent's eyes grew wide. "Not Brian Miller's team! He's got the highest score of anyone here, even me!"

"I'm sure he's not that good." My heart sank. It had to be Kaitlyn's brother. How many Brian M's were Boy Scouts?

Trent whistled. "Well, good luck. I'm sorry I won't be here tomorrow to watch."

I tried not to smile. At least I wouldn't have this stupid kid gloating over us.

Wait… "Watch?"

He nodded. "We have cameras in there so that we can watch to make sure no one gets too rough."

"Do they record?" The last thing I needed was for this to get out.

"No. Maybe someday." Trent led me through the door and removed the sign.

Our game was over, and so was our conversation, as he became a nervous teen all over again. I grumbled all the way out to the car. On the way home I decided to spend the rest of the day googling laser tag cheats.

If Brian the Boy Scout was as good as Trent seemed to think he was, we were totally screwed.