Before I started figuring out how we were going to do this, I had to know what Emily and the other girls were up to. They just kept giggling. Then again, maybe I didn't want to know.
"At the lake. On the paddleboards. This heat is almost over," Soo Jin said.
We crowded around the tablet. This was something we weren't sure about. Technically the girls were too young to use the paddleboards. Allie had assured Soo Jin that this was okay because there'd been a drought this summer and the lake was only about three feet deep. Also, they had a literal battalion of lifeguards in kayaks waiting to assist.
The three remaining teams were on the beach—each team had four girls on paddleboards (this was because the camp only had sixteen of the boards that looked very similar to surfboards). They held long paddles that they used to propel them across the water. It was really close. Probably because the girls were all the same size.
"Have you done that before?" I asked Soo Jin.
She shook her head. "I used to surf though."
Of course she had.
"How hard could these be?"
I squinted at the screen. "I wonder why they didn't use their adults for this part."
Soo Jin shrugged. "They're probably trying to be fair. They know it's better for the girls to compete against other girls like them."
"They only have kids. Our two other teams are older than our girls," I grumbled. "I think you and I should be on the boards for sure."
"I can do it." Lauren raised her hand. "I've done it before when camping in Wisconsin."
"Good," I said. "We need one more. Has anyone else ever done this before?"
Only one raised her hand. It was the Kaitlyn whose brother was Brian Miller.
"It's only right that she does it," one of the Hannahs said.
Betty agreed. "It's her destiny."
"Great," I said. "You two watch this leg of the course."
Lauren and Kaitlyn crowded around the tablet with Soo Jin. I took the opportunity to draw the rest of the course in the dirt. Isn't that always what they did in the movies? Anyway, it looked cool.
"Done!" Soo Jin announced.
"How did it go?"
"Pretty much like you'd think. The next teams are lined up at the beginning."
"Alright, girls, from my estimation we have about twenty minutes to come up with a brilliant plan of attack. Ready?"
We spent just under twenty minutes going over ideas for the course. It helped that the girls had seen the first heat. Soo Jin continued to monitor the second heat. Was the plan perfect? Not really. But it was totally doable. I could live with totally doable.
"We'd better go take our places," Dr. Body said.
She handed the tablet to Inez, and that was when I remembered that those three were up to something. Not that I minded. If it was something that would help us, I was all for that. But just in case, I pulled them aside.
"What are you going to do?" I asked.
Emily giggled. "Don't worry. It'll be fine."
I looked at the three girls, hoping to read their minds. It didn't work.
"You can't cheat," I said only half-heartedly. "Mrs. Albers said no cheating."
I figured that since I'd reminded them, I was no longer culpable. Maybe I was better off not knowing. Then later I could claim innocence.
The other teams were ready to go when we got there. The volleyball team was huddled together, chanting something about being number one. The Boy Scouts said nothing. It looked like they were trying to focus on their mental game. That didn't bode well.
The ski-masked team just stood there, staring at us. Now I was worried. This team wanted to be next to us. Now we were their main focus.
"Okay!" Allie stepped onto the course in front of us. In the distance I could see the first few teams coming back, covered in dried mud.
"Remember this is just for fun." She made sure to look knowingly at the other three teams. "Let's have a good time out there! It's all about helping Girl Scouts! The teams' entrance fees go to fixing up this camp." She stepped back quickly.
I turned to my team. "Okay, remember the plan. Dr. Body goes first, and I bring up the rear until we get to the canoes. Look to her for cues. We can totally do this. I know we can."
Alright, so it wasn't Henry V. It was more like Wrath 2.0.
"Ready!" the girls cheered.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted some movement near the volleyball team. Was I seeing things? It looked like Caterina was walking right up to them.
"Good luck!" Caterina grinned—her two front teeth missing. "I hope I grow up to be as cool as you guys are!"
This hard-core team that I imagined ate kittens went totally gooey as they crowded around the little girl, cooing. It was a good idea—Caterina was adorable. And while this was going on, I saw Emily and Inez sneak to the mud just in front of the team and dump something into it.
I looked away. These girls were so cute that it would be impossible to get mad at them. And if I had no idea what was going on, I had plausible deniability.
"Let's line up!" Allie announced as she put a whistle to her lips.
All four teams walked up to the line and trained their eyes on Allie. My heart started pounding. This wasn't a fun activity. It was war. For a moment my thoughts flipped back to Riley and his problems, but I forced myself to focus.
The whistle shrieked, and Soo Jin and the Kaitlyns darted forward with the rest of the girls hot on their heels. I stayed back, and I was glad I had. The boys were off, about even with Soo Jin. They weren't falling for her gorgeousness anymore. The Ski Masks were struggling their way through the mud. They weren't prepared for this at all.
Then I saw the volleyball players. I noticed them because they were still at the starting line and screaming in horror. In the mud beneath them were dozens of spiders of all sizes. It took all I had not to look for my trio of terror who were, no doubt, behind this.
"Come on!" Soo Jin called, and I remembered I was supposed to be on my way.
The coroner was on the other side of the ropes with three girls already. She didn't have a spot of mud on her. I wondered if she was so light that she just walked over the top of the mud like that elf in Lord of the Rings.
Lunging forward, my foot immediately stuck in the mud. I used all my strength to pull it out and ran as fast as I could in an attempt to avoid sinking. It was a struggle, but I finally made it just as my last girl and the last Boy Scout swung across on their ropes.
I jumped for the rope and threw myself across to the other side, pausing only for a second to look back. More than half of the Ski Masks were on the other side. The mud was really weighing them down.
The volleyball players were sitting back behind the line, crying. I wondered how Emily knew they were afraid of spiders. I gave a silent thanks that my girls weren't.
One team was out. Only two more to go. I wondered what was next for our little trio of terrorists.
I caught up with the girls at the snowshoes. The boys were in the lead, and Brian was screaming insults at his sister, who was carefully making her way across the beam. I strapped myself in and waited my turn. Only two of the Ski Masks had their shoes on. The others were lost to the mud. I'd be willing to bet none of them had ever done this before either.
As I stood there, it felt like the back of my neck was on fire. I turned to see two men in the ski mask group staring at me. I toyed with letting them know there was no point being sore losers, but then it was my turn to walk across the beam.
It wasn't as easy as it looked. And by that I mean it never looked easy. The girls were light, so they just passed over the beam with no problem. Soo Jin had probably levitated over it. But I was having a little trouble.
Have you ever walked across a balance beam with snowshoes? I've been chased through some bizarre situations before. One time I got away from two bad guys chasing me on foot by stealing a skateboard and grabbing on to the back of a moving pickup truck in Tashkent, Uzbekistan (and I will never ever tell my troop about that).
However, this was something different. The plastic shoes were slippery on the polished wood. There was no way to gain traction. I planted myself on one end of the beam, facing the boys, and started moving sideways. Letting my girls down was not an option.
Behind me I could hear one of the men on the Ski Mask team swearing. At least I wasn't the only one. I was flailing like a non-swimmer in deep water. It took every ounce of concentration to keep control. The other team must have been in trouble too because I felt an arm swipe my back side.
"Hey!" I shouted without daring to look behind me.
Whoever had bumped me said nothing.
There was no time to do anything about it. I'd almost fallen off the beam several times. Somehow, after what felt like hours, I stepped off on the other side. There was no time to even feel relief. My whole team had already trekked over the hill and were at the canoes.
I took the hill in seconds. This part was at least easy. Well, easier. I arrived at the canoes just as the boys started dragging theirs. Lauren and Betty were behind the canoes, and the other girls sat inside. I took up my position next to Soo Jin, whose team was also ready, hoisted the tow rope over my shoulder, and started pulling.
"Go!" Inez shouted.
Caterina and Emily were missing, but it was nice to have a cheerleader. We managed to close the gap between us and the boys, and we all finished together. Where were the Ski Masks? I looked around to find they weren't in the race anymore, which was fine with me.
Whatever Emily and the other two were doing was insanely effective. I'd have to come up with a special badge just for them. Would the Council allow me to do that?
Two teams were left, and each had five people already scaling the wall. It wasn't a proper climbing wall with handholds and footholds. It was just slatted boards. Soo Jin was at the top cheering on the Kaitlyns, who were right behind her. Once Dr. Body disappeared, Lauren and Betty jumped on and began climbing. The Hannahs were right behind them.
"You're gonna lose!" I heard Brian jeer at his sister on the wall.
She ignored him and kept climbing. Good girl.
I was bringing up the rear, behind the last Boy Scout. Behind me there were two men in ski masks. I guessed they were still in the race. Where was the rest of the team? I thought about the part coming up—the run through the woods to the lake. The boys were in the lead and would almost certainly best us in a footrace. In addition, there wouldn't be enough watchers along the trail to make sure Brian didn't do something to his sister.
I moved faster, clearing the top and climbing over. By the time I got to the ground, all of the boys and one of the Hannahs were out of sight. Looking back up at the wall, I didn't see the masked men. I guessed they just couldn't handle it.
Sprinting toward the path, I decided my main focus was to make sure the boys didn't mess with my girls. It would be hard to know if Soo Jin was watching out for the girls. I'd like to think she would, but if she was neck and neck with the boys, she'd keep her speed going.
Dammit. I must've been way behind because I couldn't see anyone ahead—even Hannah was gone. Granted, the course was twisty, but I had a bit of catching up to do. That's when I heard shouting ahead and poured on the speed.
I wasn't a great runner. I could sprint well, and that had come in handy many times in the field. This run was at least half a mile. I was proud of the fact that I wasn't seeing any girls. They were holding their own.
The shouting grew stronger, and I pushed myself. It wasn't pretty. I was covered in mud and sweat and had the breath control of a beached walrus with emphysema, but if my kids were in trouble…
I rounded a bend and saw the two Hannahs engaged in some sort of shoving match with boys twice their size.
"Hey!" was all I could think to say as I saw red.
The boys saw me and scattered. One of the Hannahs gave me a thumbs-up sign, and both girls took off after their tormentors. So that was how it was going to be. The boys had chosen this point in the race to try to slow down our team.
I was gaining on the group now, and by that I meant I was looking at the backs of seven kids, three of them mine. My legs and lungs screamed in protest as I pushed on to catch up.
"Mrs. Wrath!" Betty was struggling too. "The boys tried to force us off the trail!"
"I saw that," I said. Well, I panted. "Have they tried anything else?"
The girl nodded. "Yeah, but I knocked one of them into the sticker bushes."
Good girl.
The Hannahs passed us without appearing to be out of breath at all. Betty and I moved aside for them. The lake wasn't far now. I just hoped I'd have the strength to paddle across the lake.
With a burst of energy, Betty broke away and ran ahead, and in a few seconds, I was alone.
A grunting noise came from behind me, and I turned to see the two guys in masks from earlier. One of them had a branch he was holding like a club. The other had a large rock in his right hand.
Uh-oh.
This wasn't part of the race. These guys were after me. I turned off the path and ran straight into the woods. If I was wrong, these two would just run past me.
I wasn't wrong. In fact the rock sailed past my head, nicking my right ear. I didn't stop. At least one of them wasn't armed anymore. I was forced to slow down because, without a trail, I was running over downed trees, roots, and other hazards. After a few seconds, I spotted a completely smooth tree ahead. All the bark had been stripped off. It was less than a foot in diameter. Perfect.
I reached the tree and wrapped both arms around the trunk. Spinning around it, my feet connected with both men. They went down. I grabbed the club and brandished it. Both men held their arms up defensively but didn't move.
"Get out of here," I growled.
They said nothing. I didn't have time for this. The guys didn't try to get up so I took off, racing off toward the trail before he hit the ground.
I don't know why, but I was pretty sure they wouldn't follow me back to the trail, and no one else from their team had shown up. It was possible that they knew they weren't going to win so had tried a desperate act in an attempt to keep my team from winning by taking me out. The rules stated that even though only four people could paddleboard across the lake, all ten members had to be at the beach before they could do so. If the Coat group had managed to knock me out, the boys would have won.
Something buzzed my head, but I wasn't going to let a bee or mosquito slow me down. Finally the lake came into view. I stumbled up to the rest of my team just in time to see the boys stepping onto their boards. At this point my run took its toll. Was I going to be able to paddle more than two feet?
"Come on!" Soo Jin shouted as she ran onto a board, the graceful movement effectively launching it into the lake.
Looking back, she froze for a moment. "You're bleeding!"
I waved her and the girls off. "It's nothing. Go!"
Lauren and one of the Kaitlyns followed suit, and I raced to climb onto my board. I think I should be totally honest here—I didn't look as good as Soo Jin had. As the board moved into the water, I wobbled. To my great relief, I didn't fall. I almost did, like seventy times in one minute, but once I got my bearings, I started to paddle.
You try moving yourself through the water while standing with an oar about as long as you are. Being an adult on a board is good for one thing—strength to pull yourself along but it's bad in that your height and weight work against you.
Behind us I heard Betty, the rest of the Kaitlyns, and the Hannahs cheering us on. It gave me a rush of energy and motivated me to push harder.
Lauren and Kaitlyn had caught up to the boys and were about to pass them when I noticed Brian Miller's paddle connecting with his sister's board. There was no way I could get there in time to stop him. Soo Jin was level with the girls and tried to move in between them, but Brian wasn't having any of that.
"Brian!" A girl's voice reverberated across the lake.
We all turned to see a cute teenage girl standing onshore. She was a slender brunette with killer legs and a smile you could see from the middle of the lake. Standing next to her was Inez, obviously holding her phone and recording everything.
The poor boy's jaw dropped, and he stopped paddling. Kaitlyn took advantage of her brother's stupor to zoom past him. Soo Jin waited for the two girls to pass her before she dipped her oar back into the water and followed them. She wasn't going to allow that to happen again.
The three other boys called out to Brian, but he was lost to them. He'd managed to close his mouth and smile at the girl. She seemed to approve and started waving furiously at him. Brian responded by vigorously waving back. Caterina and Emily appeared on the other side of Inez.
"Brian!" one of his teammates screamed as I caught up with the boy.
"We're gonna lose, you idiot!" another boy screamed.
The girl on the shore started jumping up and down, waving both arms wildly. Brian jumped too in response. As his feet reconnected with the board, he realized his mistake as he wobbled and fell into the lake.
I passed him before he could get back on his board.
"Your paddle!" one of the boys cried out. "Grab it!"
I didn't look back. I just kept going. Within minutes, all four members of my team stepped onto the shore on the other side of the lake.
"You won!" Allie appeared amidst four smiling judges. She was driving a Gator tractor and motioned for us to get inside.
"We won our heat!" Soo Jin smiled broadly as she stepped into the vehicle.
Allie shook her head. "No, you won the whole event! You had the best time of all the teams!"
Lauren and Kaitlyn nodded confidently—as if they knew this was going to happen all along. Soo Jin and I just grinned like idiots. If you'd have asked me at the start of the day if I was going to win, I'd have said we had a fifty-fifty chance.
It took about five minutes for the Gator to take us back to the start of the race, and another ten for the rest of the team to hike back to us. Most of the teams were there, except for the three we had competed against.
The trophy ceremony was nice and short, and as she accepted the prize, Betty shouted, "Veni, vidi, vici!"
Inez, Emily, and Caterina appeared—all three with big grins on their faces. In a way, they'd competed too. I pulled Emily aside.
"Spiders?" I asked.
She produced an empty plastic water bottle. "That was easy. We scooped 'em up in the rafters of the lodge."
I wasn't sure I liked the sound of the girls running around, ten feet above the floor, collecting spiders, but I let it go.
"How did you know it would work?"
"When we checked in, a couple of the volleyball players went nuts over a daddy longlegs. I called my uncle at the high school. He's the gym teacher. Told me the whole team is terrified of spiders."
"And the girl at the lake?"
"Caterina's sister's best friend. Kaitlyn said Brian had the hots for her, but she didn't even know who he was. Caterina called, and she agreed to come down to help."
My girls! I was so proud of them! Sure…it might possibly maybe be considered cheating…but that's just splitting hairs.
"And the Coats for Cats people?"
Emily looked confused.
"The weirdos in the ski masks," I explained. "What did you do to them?"
The girl shrugged. "We didn't do anything to them. They just quit after the wall, so we figured we were okay."
I watched as Emily rejoined the team, who were now singing "Le Marseillaise." It's the French national anthem. If you aren't familiar, the lyrics include blood-soaked fields and cutting the throats of the enemies' sons and women. At least they were singing it in French.
Allie appeared beside me with a strange look on her face. "Is this yours?"
She held out a small, military-grade dagger with a black blade and olive green handle.
I shook my head. "No. Why?"
"Because it was thrown at you by those nonprofit people. We saw it on the video and found it embedded in a tree on the trail."
I touched the now dried blood on my ear. "Where are they?"
She shrugged. "No idea. They just sort of disappeared right after that. I googled Coats for Cats—it doesn't exist."
Of course it didn't. "Can I keep this?" I asked.
"I don't want it." Allie seemed glad to be rid of the dagger and hurried off.
I examined the knife. The handle was pretty big. The bottom of the grip moved. I pulled it off to find a small matchbook tucked inside. It was from Joie de Poulet, a new restaurant in Des Moines. Now that was interesting.
Because this wasn't just a mud run. Unbeknownst to me, it had been a run for my life.