Eve sat in her Tahoe with the music low and her windows down. It was early evening and the neighborhood was quiet, lit up here and there by streetlights flickering to life. Olivia’s house was across the street with light burning at the door and glowing behind the blinds. Eve wondered if Olivia was sitting down for her evening meal or curled up with a book or maybe, just maybe, thinking about her.
It seemed all Eve could do was think about Olivia. What was she doing? Was she okay? Was she sad? Devastated? Lost? Had they done the right thing in ending it? Could they ever fix things? Did Olivia even want to?
She didn’t know the answers to any of those questions, but she had still been determined to come here. Whatever Karen had done and said to her on that mountain, it had opened up the floodgates and she’d been drowning in emotion ever since. She was facing things she’d never wanted to, feeling things that stabbed her in the gut, sharing things she’d never told a soul.
There was only one person who she hadn’t said anything to. The most important person of all. Would she offer a hand and pull her out of her drowning sea of emotion? Or would she leave her for the fishes? Regardless, she had to do it, she had to try. It didn’t matter how scared she was, she owed it to Olivia to do this.
Eve eased up her windows, removed her key, and slid from the SUV. She locked it with the remote as she jogged across the street to Olivia’s front walk. She stood there for a moment to gather herself, opening and closing her fists, trying to breathe deeply, until eventually, she hurried to the front door. She rang the bell right away, before she could turn and high tail it out of there. She tried shoving her hands in the pockets of her jeans, but it felt awkward. Instead, she fingered through her hair and pressed her lips together, hoping she still looked okay, and then feeling foolish because she was unable to come up with a reason why she wouldn’t still look the same as she had half an hour ago at her own house. After all, she’d only obsessed over her appearance, changing outfits five times and retouching her makeup a few times more than that. She finally settled on a pair of designer jeans and a tan sleeveless sweater that Karen said looked nice on her.
Eve heard the door unlock, and she held her breath as it was slowly pulled open. A young girl smiled at her and spoke.
“Hi.”
“Is—Olivia here?”
“Yep. Hang on a sec.” She closed the door a little and called out, “Auntie Liv, someone is here to see you.” Her face popped back into the doorway. “She’s coming.”
“Oh, okay.” She noticed how much she looked like Olivia. “Are you—Molly?” Olivia had spoken of her niece often, always commenting on how well she thought the two of them would get along. But sadly, they’d never gotten to meet.
The door opened more, and Olivia gasped when she saw her. Eve backpedaled some, upset that she had caused such a strong reaction.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company,” she said. “I didn’t mean to—I shouldn’t have come.” She started to walk away, but Olivia stopped her.
“Eve, wait.” She stepped outside in her bare feet, flannel night pants, and a tight, threadbare tank top.
Eve had to force herself not to stare at the now well-defined muscles of her arms and shoulders, as well as the perfect swell of her breasts stretching the fabric of the tank top. She looked better than ever, putting even the photos Eve had of her on her phone to shame. No camera could truly capture Olivia.
“What is it that you needed?” Olivia asked softly, crossing her arms over her chest, as if she suddenly realized that her shirt was less than adequate.
It was a natural response for one to have when they felt exposed, especially in being outside their home, but even so, Eve felt a sting of rejection, like she no longer had the key to the most spectacular of castles. She now had to wait at the gate and there was no guarantee she’d ever get back in, much less be given a key.
“I was hoping we could talk.”
Olivia searched her face with the beautiful gray eyes Eve had missed and been dreaming of. Though they weren’t currently full of lust or passion or…love, Eve was so grateful just in seeing them and she found herself captivated all over again. So much so, that she almost missed the way Olivia was trying to read her. Like she didn’t want Eve to notice she was doing so.
“Oh?”
And then a slight pink tinted her cheeks as that seeking gaze quickly swept her up and down and then paused to linger on her mouth before returning once again to look into her eyes. It had happened in a millisecond, but Eve had seen it all and she knew what it meant.
Oh, holy fuck.
She still feels it.
She still wants me.
Can she see how badly I still want her?
Eve took a step toward her, almost reached out to cup her jaw and take her with a long, deep kiss, but she stopped, wrestling with restraint.
“I have some things I need to say.” She tried to concentrate as best she could, but her presence alone was having a significant impact on her. “Things I need to say. I was hoping you’d be willing to listen.”
Olivia looked away as her face was overcome with what appeared to be heartfelt emotion.
Oh, my dear sweet Olivia.
It had always been difficult for her to hide her feelings with her, though she’d tried so hard sometimes. That part of her was still very much the same.
“I don’t know,” she surprised Eve in saying. “That may not be such a good thing right now.”
This part, however, was new. Eve wasn’t sure how to respond.
She didn’t have to.
“I know how we both feel, Eve. So, unless something drastic has changed, wanting each other physically just isn’t enough, no matter how intense it is.”
“What if I told you something has changed?”
“I’m not sure I’d believe you.”
“Why not?”
She rubbed her temple. “I’d wonder if this change came to be just so we could fall into each other’s arms, only to do all of this over again and arrive at the same ending. I miss you so much it literally hurts. And I know you miss me, or you wouldn’t be here. But we can’t do this again. We can’t. It would be like building your dream home without a foundation. It would never stand.”
She was so strong now, so firm in her beliefs and opinions. She knew what she wanted, and she wasn’t going to settle. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. And Eve didn’t know if she wanted to smile or cry. She didn’t know whether to tell her the truth or just let her go.
She only knew that she wanted for her happiness. And she’d do anything to make that happen. Even if it meant walking away.
“You’re right. It wouldn’t,” Eve said. They were silent for a moment as Eve searched for words. But everything she came up with wasn’t enough, and Olivia deserved to have it all. She was put on this earth to have it all. She was someone who was unmistakably made to love. “I don’t want to cause you any more grief or any more pain. So I’m going to go. But I want you to know one last thing. I want you to know that this change that I speak of, it didn’t come about because we ended things and I realized I missed our physicality. It was always there. I just refused to accept it.”
She turned her head and wiped at a tear. Crying was something she did now. Not very often and never in front of anyone other than Karen. But she was doing it. She still hated the way it made her feel though. It did not ever, in any way, feel good. She saw Olivia come toward her out of the corner of her eye, and she knew she’d better go or she’d never be able to.
She just had one last thing to say and she looked directly at her, needing to do it right.
“I’m sorry I was such a coward. I’m sorry I kept pushing you away.”
Olivia blinked quickly as tears formed. When she spoke, it seemed to be a struggle.
“You aren’t the only one who was a coward,” she said. “God, I still am. I still have things to face.” She laughed. “Why you put up with me when I was too afraid to even be around you is something I’ve never understood.” She shook her head. “I was so God damned afraid of who I might really be because of the way you made me feel. But you hung in there. And you were kind and understanding and patient. Why did you do all that when it would’ve been so much easier for you to just walk away?”
Eve closed her eyes, searching for strength now. The words that would answer this question, she had. Because the answer to this question hadn’t been hard to find.
“I thought you were worth the risk,” she said. “Even though I had no idea what would happen or where it would lead, you moved me so profoundly there was no way I could walk away.”
Olivia smiled softly. “And God knows you love your risks.”
“That I do.” She smiled back at her. “You were the best one by far, Olivia. And so worth it. My God, you were so worth it. You still are.”
The door opened and Molly hurried out to wrap her arms around Olivia. She grinned up at her.
“Popcorn’s ready.”
“Oh, good. I’ll be right in, okay?”
“Huh-uh,” Molly said. She looked at Eve. “I think your friend should come too.”
“Oh, honey, I don’t think—”
“You haven’t even asked her. And you’re already being rude by not even inviting her in.” She took Eve’s hand. “Come on. We’re going to watch What About Bob? Have you seen it?”
“I have seen it,” Eve said, being urged along after her. She looked to Olivia unsure what to do, but Olivia only shrugged as if she, too, were helpless.
“Isn’t it hilarious? Auntie Liv has never seen it.”
Eve stopped just outside the door and aimed her question at Olivia.
“Is this—okay?”
She laughed and walked up to place a gentle hand on the small of her back.
“You don’t know my niece,” she said. “Even if this wasn’t okay, Molly would make it so that it was. She’s very strong headed.”
“I wonder who she gets that from?”
Olivia narrowed her eyes. “Get inside before I change my mind.”
Molly tugged again and Eve stumbled along after her, once again back into Olivia’s home. She’d moved the furniture around and the whole place smelled of freshly popped popcorn. Eve still felt at home there. She wished she’d made Olivia feel the same way in hers. Not doing so, she knew, would be something she’d always and forever regret.