“Can we take this thing off now, please?” Olivia stumbled a little as Molly led her by the elbow.
“No, you’re wearing a blindfold for a reason. This is a surprise.”
“I don’t like surprises,” Olivia said, being guided up a couple of steps. She heard people talking as they walked by them.
“It’s your birthday, so get over it,” Molly said.
“This is all your idea, isn’t it?” Olivia asked.
“Yep.”
“Should’ve known. Now I’m really scared.” It was Saturday afternoon, her thirty-third birthday, and by all accounts, a beautiful, beautiful day. But it wasn’t as beautiful as it could’ve been. She tried not to think about how she’d spent every waking moment the last couple of weeks clutching her phone and checking it for a text or a message or a missed call. But there had been nothing. She really hadn’t thought she could ever feel any more devastated than she had the night she’d said good-bye to Eve in the parking lot at the gym. She’d been wrong. Devastation, it seemed, could be intensified, multiplied, and stacked upon. To what end? She didn’t know. She was terrified that it would continue to build upon itself and last for all eternity, keeping her in a heartbroken hell she wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even the devil himself.
Molly stopped them and brought her focus back to reality. “I’m gonna get the door.”
Olivia heard and felt a whoosh of air as a door was opened.
She grinned right away as they stepped inside. “I know where we are.”
Molly led her on. “Just keep walking.”
“We’re at Fajitas. I would know that smell anywhere.”
“Keep walking, smarty-pants.” Molly tugged her along, and Olivia knew they were now past the hostess stand and fully inside the restaurant. The air was cooler and smoky with the scent of fire grilled onions and peppers, steak, chicken, and shrimp, and freshly made tortillas. It was her favorite place to eat, and sadly, she hadn’t been there in years. She was touched, though, that Molly remembered how much she loved it.
They headed up more steps and then stilled. She could feel Molly bobbing up and down next to her. “Okay, you can take off your blindfold.”
Smiling, Olivia removed the blindfold, which was one of Aaron’s very few dress ties, and took in first her brother, who sat at the end of the table, and then the two people sitting on the bench side facing her. She laughed, short and sharp, and then went silent in both total confusion and shock. Aaron stood and grabbed on to her as if he knew her world was tilting. Molly continued to bounce with excitement.
“Surprise!” Molly said, extending her hand outward toward their guests.
Aaron spoke into her ear. “I know you weren’t expecting this, but for Molly’s sake, please try to hold it together.” He squeezed her arm. “You can do this.”
Olivia nodded and tried her best to recover quickly with a smile, but everything around her had morphed into a blur.
“Happy birthday!” Molly said, now tugging on her arm. “Are you surprised?”
Her sweet face was so full of joy and an eagerness to make sure she was happy.
“Yeah, I’m, uh, definitely surprised.”
Aaron returned to his seat, but he was watching her carefully, like he was worried she might actually fall over.
“Awesome!” Molly quickly pulled out a chair. “You sit here. Across from Eve. And I’ll sit here and, Dad, you stay over there next to Jake.”
Olivia eased into her seat cautiously, convinced the whole world would just disappear beneath her and she’d be falling and flailing into a never-ending abyss. She gripped the table and used it as an anchor, seeking some sort of stability. She couldn’t bring herself to look at either Jake or Eve. They both had the ability to see right into her soul without her having to say a word. And she didn’t want to be seen like that at that moment. She wouldn’t be able to handle it.
She didn’t dare sip her water for fear that everyone would see the glass tremble. As for any other thinking or reasoning or planning, she was hopeless. She had no idea what was happening, how it was happening, or what she was going to do about it. She just knew that Eve, who she had only managed a fleeting glance at, was sitting right there across from her, looking like the drop-dead gorgeous blonde that she was in a dark green halter top and deep red lipstick. She was so impossibly gorgeous and so incredibly close, Olivia wondered how she was able to even keep breathing in and out like a normal person. Or how she was even conscious at all. Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe this was a dream.
Could it be?
Slowly, she moved her gaze across the tabletop and up to Eve’s face. She was sitting with her elbows on the table, hands clasped under her chin. She was looking at Molly and smiling in the way that adults do when they don’t want a child to know that they are really worried about other things. Olivia allowed herself the great pleasure of a long stare, tracing the contours of her face, the line of her jaw, the fullness of her lips. The sweet bliss of studying her relaxed her a little too much, though, and Eve, as if she’d felt her eyes lightly grazing her skin, shifted her gaze and caught Olivia looking. She studied Olivia in return and appeared anxious but sincerely concerned, with the polite interested look she’d given Molly, gone. The change was subtle, so subtle the others probably hadn’t noticed. But Olivia had and it was more than evident that the other thing she was worried about, the one she was trying to hide from Molly, was her.
“Happy birthday,” she said, the usual confidence in her words absent. “Molly invited me.”
“Oh.” That explained, not only her presence, but her obvious anxiousness about it as well. She had come out of obligation, probably uneasy about having to tell Molly no. Olivia glanced away from her, hurt by the realization and upset at herself for feeling that way.
“Aaron invited me,” Jake said, also with a rather guarded smile. His all-knowing eyes held hers, silently letting her know he was aware of the awkward situation but that she had his support regardless. He gave her a wink and sipped his water, and she was so grateful for him at that moment, she wanted to hug him so hard his bones would break. If only she could. If only he could voice his support out loud, to reassure her, to tell her to hang on. But he couldn’t. He just sat looking at her in his purple V-neck T-shirt and his perfectly styled hair. Olivia couldn’t help but notice how much he and Eve looked alike with their blond locks, golden tans, and carefully chosen outfits. They were an exceedingly beautiful pair with extremely big hearts, and they both had an inner access to her that no one else ever had. By all accords, it should’ve been a really happy moment, with her heart full and carefree and her world dancing and bright. But it wasn’t. They were obviously just as uneasy as she was. Jake because he knew all about her last encounter with Eve. And Eve because of the way that last encounter had turned out. Still, she wondered, how did things get this way? How did they end up like this? How did they end up here, staring at each other uncomfortably across a table at a birthday dinner?
“We had to get in your phone,” Aaron said. “But I swear I only looked at your contacts.”
“Thankfully,” Molly said, crossing her arms proudly, “I remembered your password.”
“When did you—oh, right.” She’d given it to Molly one day when they were out shopping. She’d needed her grocery list on her phone. So, she’d given Molly her password while she kept shopping, putting items in the cart. Molly read the list aloud and then returned the phone to her purse quickly. She hadn’t had time to look at anything else, and Olivia never worried that Molly might remember the password. She looked at Aaron, hoping he hadn’t seen all the texts and photos she’d saved from Eve. She just hadn’t been able to delete them.
Besides, she didn’t think she could ever just erase Eve. Not her words or her photos. Not any part of her for that matter.
“I wanted you to have the best birthday ever,” Molly said. “With the people who love you the most.”
Olivia kissed her temple. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“Are you happy?”
“Yes. I’m happy.”
Molly furrowed her brow. “You’re smiling but you look sad.”
Olivia wrapped her arm around Molly and reassured her. “I’m not sad, silly. Just surprised is all. This is all very unexpected.”
“But in a good way, right?”
“Right.”
Molly only knew what she’d been told and what she’d seen. She knew that Eve was a very good friend and that they cared about each other very much. And she’d seen them together that night at the house, laughing and joking together as they’d watched the movie and talked and munched on microwave popcorn. Molly had seen and no doubt felt the love they had for each other, even if she didn’t quite sense or understand just how deep that love went. She had obviously enjoyed being with them because she’d asked to see Eve for the following two weekends, confused as to why Olivia wouldn’t even try to invite her over. Olivia had just told her that Eve was very busy with work. She hadn’t known what else to do.
Their waiter arrived and Olivia hoped that Molly would move on to another topic and that she’d somehow be able to get through the afternoon. He took their order and brought their drinks, and everyone chatted except for Olivia, who sat quietly watching. Jake, it seemed, would be no problem. He talked with Aaron, and when he did look at her, it was to smile or wink. He knew she was devastated and confused about what to do with Eve. So, he’d done what he always did. He gave her the best advice he had, encouraging her to go talk to her, because he was pretty sure that Eve had just panicked in seeing Kenny. He said it would’ve freaked any lesbian out to suddenly be faced with a girlfriend’s ex-husband or boyfriend, especially if he acted like they were somehow still connected or together. And in addition to that, Eve was the only woman Olivia had ever been with, so Eve might have always worried, subconsciously or not, that there was a chance Olivia might, at some point, want to go back to men. The whole thing, according to Jake, was like a lesbian’s worst nightmare.
She stirred her iced tea with her straw, quietly observing while Eve was listening to Molly. She was paying close attention to her and seemed to be enjoying herself. Eve was very good with her, and she obviously cared about her. It almost made Olivia tear up as she watched them interact. Molly would be heartbroken if she never saw Eve again. Olivia understood that feeling all too well, and she prayed against all odds that things didn’t turn out like that. She prayed that somehow, someway, Eve would be in their lives for a long time to come.
“I hope we aren’t too late to join the fun,” a male voice said from Aaron’s end of the table.
Everyone turned and Olivia felt her chin drop. Her mother and father stood next to Aaron, holding a wrapped gift.