“So, no on the fire department means you’re going to allow me to help you, right?” Eve asked.
Olivia nodded, knowing without a doubt that her previous rejection had affected her. She felt really bad, but she’d thought she was doing the right thing.
Eve brought her to a stand. She wrapped her arm around her waist and pulled her close. Olivia tried her best not to notice the merging of their bodies or the way the cherry blossom smell of her seemed to come alive in the moisture of her skin, causing Olivia to wonder if she used scented lotion rather than perfume.
“Drape your arm over my shoulders.”
Olivia did and her moist skin once again caught her attention. It was warm and silky along her shoulders beneath Olivia’s arm.
“Okay, just like before.” Eve took hold of Olivia’s hand dangling from her shoulder. “Lean into me and use me for support. Use me as your leg.”
“Okay.”
“You ready?”
“Yes.”
They began to move.
“Good. Nice and slow.”
They left the rock for the trail. The pain was sharp when it came, but soon, she was grateful because it seemed to come just as her body began to thrum in response to Eve’s proximity. So back and forth, the feelings went, one on top of another. One second, a sudden rush of rising desire and then another, a sudden dousing of sharp pain.
“Lucky for us the walk down isn’t as steep on the back side,” Eve said when they finally began to descend. “We should still be good even though you’re hurt worse this time.” She smiled at her. “You got this, Olivia. You can do it.”
She spoke like that off and on, upbeat and positive, praising and encouraging her. She never allowed fear or doubt to take root in her mind. She consistently cut both down with the mighty sword of her optimism, and Olivia was just as captivated as ever. She began to realize just how special the woman next to her was.
Eve was nice.
Really, truly nice.
Eve had been kind and caring before. But this went beyond a stranger doing a single good deed to help another.
This was deeper.
This was Eve’s core.
“Thank you,” Olivia said.
Eve kept her eyes focused on their footing. “You don’t need to thank me, Olivia. I’m only doing what anyone else would do.”
“No, not for this. I mean, not just for this.”
“For what, then?”
“For not yelling at me and calling me an idiot even though I deserve it.”
“No one deserves to get hurt, Olivia. And I did lecture you a little about the running as you may recall.”
“Yes, but you weren’t mean about it. I didn’t expect that.”
“What good would yelling at you do? Other than make you feel shitty? You’re very much aware that you made a mistake, and a mistake is all it is. God knows I’ve made plenty so what would give me the right to lay into you for doing the same?”
Olivia had never heard someone speak from such an understanding viewpoint. It was empathetic, thoughtful, considerate. Not in any way angry or blaming or judgmental. It sounded nothing like what she’d heard growing up or what she’d heard from her ex-husband. She found it sad considering how religious her family and community were. Everyone should think this way and forgive this way. That was what love and acceptance were all about. Right?
They continued to descend, slow and steady, both concentrating on the trail while seemingly lost in their own thoughts. Olivia enjoyed being near her, despite the crazy chaos of pain and attraction both fighting it out inside her. But eventually, she knew their time together would have to end. They were almost to the base of the mountain. Sadness loomed, and Olivia spoke, wanting to stop it in its tracks.
“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Eve.”
She laughed. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
Olivia thought about all the uncontrollable feelings Eve evoked and how, even though they scared her, they seemed to be drawing her in, no matter how hard she tried to avoid it.
“Mm, a good thing.”
“You hesitated,” she teased her.
“Oh, I did not.”
“Did so. You aren’t truly convinced your meeting me is a good thing, are you?” She grinned.
Oh, my good God, she is so beautiful.
“Well, I don’t know everything about you, do I? So how can I be totally sure?” She was teasing her right back, and it felt good to be light-hearted.
“Well, maybe you’ll just have to get to know me then.”
Olivia started to respond with more playful banter, but she quickly closed her mouth as the meaning of the comment settled in.
Eve’s grin faded at her silence.
It hurt Olivia to see that. She wished she could tell her that she wanted, more than anything, to get to know her. Now more so than ever. But she couldn’t tell her that. Because if she did, then she’d have to explain why doing so wouldn’t be a good idea.
Eve, however, didn’t seem to sense her plight. She was too caught up in her own.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean anything by that.”
Olivia was a little speechless. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“I feel like I do. I think I may have offended you somehow.”
“I’m not offended.”
“Then, what are you?”
They reached the bottom of the mountain and headed toward their vehicles.
“I don’t know.”
How could she put words to such turmoil?
“A little bewildered, I guess. Like I said, I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“If you really think meeting me was a good thing, then why do I sometimes get the sense that you don’t like me?”
“I do like you,” Olivia blurted. “Very much.”
“But?”
I keep thinking about kissing you. And it’s scaring me so badly it’s killing me.
Kissing. Killing.
Can I really be equating the two?
Oh, my God, I am.
The fear of what kissing Eve would do to her was what was truly terrifying her. Because if she did kiss her and faced the attraction she felt, and she…liked it, her entire life would be upended. Her life, as she knew it, would change or end.
“I don’t know. It’s all so confusing.” She had no way of explaining herself without exposing her feelings. And Eve was wonderful, with an inner beauty that somehow rivaled her outer beauty. She was oh-so-tempting, and Olivia wanted so badly to confess everything to her. To just let it out and hope for the compassion and acceptance Eve had shown her thus far.
“What is?”
Olivia laughed, trying to hide her nervousness. “Me. I mean, my feelings—no, I mean—”
“Your feelings?”
They stopped at the Prius. Eve gently removed Olivia’s arm from her shoulders and faced her. Olivia immediately fell into her eyes as they completely enveloped her. She was looking at her with such sincerity and acceptance, it made Olivia feel like she could float away.
“My feelings…I don’t—I can’t—I don’t know how to explain them.”
“Oh,” she said softly. “I think I know what you mean.” She reached up and, with a touch so delicate Olivia wasn’t sure she’d actually felt it, stroked her cheek.
Olivia burned fiercely beneath her fingers.
She knows. She has to. She’s touching me like…oh my God, like a lover would.
“You do?”
“You’re scared. And uncertain. I absolutely understand that.”
I am beyond terrified. You’re right about that. But you don’t know how much I want you. So, you couldn’t possibly understand everything.
“Then can you help me?” She wasn’t really serious with her request, more overcome with nerves and a need to break the tension than anything. She kept rambling, feeling a need to explain her foolishness. “Because I can’t totally comprehend what’s happening. I have no idea what to do.”
“I can empathize with you in more ways than you know. Trust me on that. And as far as not knowing what to do, you don’t have to do anything.” She smiled. “But if you choose to, just look inside yourself.”
She hadn’t expected Eve to respond to her silly, half-hearted plea for help so thoughtfully. She wasn’t sure what to say and her nerves continued to grind on her. “Great. I have no clue how to go about that.” It was true, even if it did sound absurd. She’d always been taught to rely on her faith. That that alone would see her through and show her the way.
“Just try to relax and allow yourself to really feel these feelings you’re having. Learn how they are a part of what make you you. You’d be amazed at what all you can discover when you look inward. I’m not saying you’ll find all the answers you’re looking for right away, but I know you’ll find some. The rest, if you keep your mind and heart open, will come eventually.”
“You sound so wise and insightful. I wish I could put you in my pocket and take you with me.”
Eve made her feel like who she was was okay, even with all the madness running amok inside her. Even though she didn’t know what Olivia felt for her.
Olivia didn’t want to let her go. She was like a life-saving buoy in a wild, turbulent sea.
“I’ll help you any way I can, Olivia. All you have to do is ask.”
I want to. Oh, dear God, how I want to.
Olivia wished she could somehow solidify that moment into something tangible. That way she could pick it up and hold it and re-experience it whenever she wanted. She never wanted to forget the warmth of Eve’s fingers on her face, the thoughtfulness of her words, and most of all, the way she was looking into her eyes and caressing her soul.
“Thank you,” she said yet again. There simply weren’t any other words.
Eve lowered her hand. “You’re welcome.”
Another car pulled in, breaking the intensity.
“Will you be okay?” Eve asked. “I know it’s your left ankle, but still it might be difficult to drive.”
“I think I’ll be all right.”
My ankle, maybe. Me? No way. Not anytime soon.
“Will you go to the doctor?” She raised an eyebrow, letting her know that she thought she probably should.
“Yes.”
They both waved as the two people from the newly parked car walked by and greeted them.
“You have my number, yes?”
“I do.”
“Glad to hear it wasn’t immediately tossed into a bin.” She grinned.
“Yeah, well, I thought about tossing it, but it seems you’re not that easy to get rid of.”
“Oh, really?” She clutched her chest. “I’m not sure if I was just insulted or complimented. I think I better go before you say anything more.”
She backed away with a smile. “Elevate and ice that ankle.”
“I will.”
“And for God’s sake, no more mountains for a while, okay?”
Olivia laughed and waved good-bye. She watched as Eve climbed into her dark red SUV and drove away. Then Olivia hobbled in behind the wheel of her Toyota, closed the door, started the engine, and stared straight ahead.
Had all of that really just happened?
She couldn’t believe it.
A little over a year ago, she’d wanted, more than anything, to change her life. And boy, was she getting what she wanted. As she drove from the parking lot she thought about that old familiar saying.
Be careful what you wish for.
Because it just might happen in ways you never dared dream.