Charlotte, Duchess of Buccleuch, to Lady Margaret

Montagu House, London, 14 November 1867

Dearest Margaret,

I am at a loss to know how to respond to your last letter, which set my emotions in turmoil. A situation from which I am not yet recovered, I hasten to add.

Naturally I was aware of the settlement the duke was offering you, though I was not privy to the precise terms, nor did he consult me regarding them. I hoped his acceding to your wish to be independent indicated a softening in his attitude towards you, and was encouraged enough to raise the possibility of my visiting you at Powerscourt. The duke made it very clear that there is no prospect of this. Against my better judgement I attempted to persuade him to change his mind. Not only did my appeal fall on stony ground, I fear it aroused his suspicions, for he challenged me on the subject of our correspondence. I could not tell a blatant lie.

The duke was outraged and ordered me to cease all contact forthwith. My dear daughter, though it breaks my heart to write this, for the foreseeable future I must ask you to confine your correspondence to your eldest sister. Victoria will give me your news, and will relay back my own. You have fought too hard for your independence for me to risk it being withdrawn. I pray you understand, and pray, too, that this is a temporary situation though how it is to be resolved, Lord knows.

Margaret, your decision to make a new home in America fills me with terror and admiration in equal measure. That you signally fail to explain your reasons makes me smile. Your heart has always been your true guide, and you have finally recognised this. For that I commend you, but why, oh why must your instincts compel you to embrace danger? Your letter is full of optimism, when you have every reason to feel trepidation. You confess to fear, but at the same time you dismiss it. I cannot decide whether this is brave or foolish.

If something happened to you while you are so far away, beyond reach

As your mother, I must always live in fear for your safety

The travelling companion proposed by Lady Julia will, I trust, afford you some protection and provide good counsel. I do hope that you will take pleasure in each other’s company, too, and become friends as well as companions.

It is ironic that our estrangement has brought us to a mutual understanding, as Mother and Daughter, through our letters, do you not agree? Your father will never understand you, but I do. Therefore, no matter my own reservations about your decision, my fear for your well-being, and my fervent desire to hold you and to keep you safe, what I must do, what you need most from me, is to let you go with my blessing and very best wishes. A mother’s love is enduring, and it is strong. It knows no boundaries and can stretch as easily across the Atlantic as the Irish Sea. Your courage will be tested, Margaret. There will be times when you feel quite alone, when you will be forced to make difficult decisions; and no doubt there will be occasions when your judgement, and your resolve, falter. At those points, remember that you have my love, that I hold you in my heart, and that I am with you in spirit.

I have but one request to make of you, and do so only after much painful soul searching. Your father has specified that your allowance will be discontinued in the event of your being the cause of fresh scandal. You have assured me, and I don’t doubt you believe it, that there is no reason to fear that occurring. Your intentions are always pure, but the outcome of your actions at times— You do understand, my dear, what I am saying? For your own sake, but for mine, too, I beg you to have a care not to rock this precariously balanced boat.

I have said more than enough. I confess I have never written a letter such as this. No-one who knows me would believe me capable of such an emotional missive, but I assure you it comes from the heart, and every sentiment expressed is deeply felt.

You are in my prayers every night.

With much love,

Mama

P.S. I enclose a copy of a book, The Englishwoman in America, written by a Miss Isabella Bird, which you may find enlightening. When I discovered that Miss Bird’s travels were funded by her father, I could not resist purchasing it, though I fear you will find it more moralising than informative.