Faye finally departed the Great Hall with reluctance. The hour had grown too late to keep her sisters and mother at the dais after such a long journey.
After all, they would speak again on the morrow.
But it was still so hard to leave. For the first time since she had arrived in the Highlands, she felt a sense of completeness. Having them appear was like a dream, a mirage of happiness she feared might disappear if she let it go for even a moment.
“’Twas good to meet yer family,” Ewan said as they made their way up to their chambers.
“I think ye even won Kinsey over in the end.” She smiled at him, though the action felt forced.
Exhaustion pressed in on her as if her energy had been fed by her family, and now without them, she was nothing but a husk once more.
In the past evenings, Ewan had always brought her to his chamber without passing by her door. Tonight, however, he hesitated in front of her chamber. “If ye’d rather be alone tonight…”
She shook her head. Of all nights, she did not want to be alone on this one. Except this time, the strange hollowness ringing out within her could not be burned away by desire. She didn’t want Ewan in the way a woman wanted a lover, but in the way that a wife needed her husband. She longed for his arms around her, cradling her to his powerful body and shielding her from everything hurting in her heart.
They entered his chamber together, but neither reached for the other, not like they’d done previously when an insatiable lust had spurred their actions.
Instead, Ewan watched her with tenderness. “Was it difficult to see them again?”
Tears immediately filled Faye’s eyes. She’d spent the night controlling them, wrangling her feelings with the force it would take to contain lightning.
Ewan said nothing. He simply opened his arms, and she ran to him, collapsing against him as the tears came. His head bowed over her, enveloping her in his warmth, his strength and the wonderful spicy scent of him.
“I know ye’ve missed them,” he said gently.
She nodded against his chest.
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “This isna fair to ye.”
She leaned back to look at him better. “What do ye mean?”
“For ye to stay here.”
An indiscernible emotion flickered in her chest. “’Twas my decision to make.”
“One ye were pressed into in order to keep yer family safe.” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. The gesture was affectionate, as though trying to soften an impending blow.
“Just as ye wed me to keep yer people safe,” she replied slowly, warily. “We are both protecting those we love.”
He shook his head, and a muscle flexed against the sharp edge of his jaw. “It was worse for ye, being taken from yer home.” The firelight caught in his eyes and revealed a troubling flash in the hazel depths.
He gently took her hand in his and pulled back her sleeve to reveal the red bands around her wrists where her shackle wounds had recently healed. “Ye dinna talk about it, but I know what ye went through was terrible.”
She turned her face away so he couldn’t see her expression as she recalled exactly how bad it had been. Aye, she didn’t talk about it. She hadn’t even wanted to think about it. Not when the memories were even more painful than the abuse.
“I thought I could make it better, that I could protect ye. But seeing ye tonight…” His voice caught and drew her attention back to him.
“Faye, ye were happy.” He ran a finger down her cheek in a delicate caress. “Truly happy. And ye’ve no’ been that way once since ye’ve been here. I’ll no’ commit ye to a life of misery.”
“I haven’t been miserable,” she protested.
“But nor have ye been happy.”
His statement plunged into her heart like a dagger. The impact carried so much pain, she almost gasped.
“I cannot leave,” she whispered. “If my grandda found out…”
“He won’t,” Ewan said so vehemently, she almost believed him.
“He would,” she replied. “If I left and never came back, he would know.”
Ewan went silent suddenly, and the impact of her own words hit Faye liked a punch.
If I left and never came back.
If she never saw him again. A fresh fission of pain ripped inside of her and warred with the ache of being away from her family. The sensation was new and unexpected.
And it had everything to do with the thought of losing Ewan.
She didn’t want to think of what the new tendril of emotion meant to her. Not when doing so might pry open her heart more than it had already been.
“Ye need a son,” she whispered.
He swallowed. “No’ at the expense of keeping ye here like a prisoner. I care for ye too much to have ye sacrifice everything for me.”
She studied him for a long, quiet moment. His expression confirmed the sincerity of his words, though she needed no proof. Somewhere along the way, she had begun to trust him. She knew how urgently he needed a son, another barrier between the chieftainship and Cruim.
And he was willing to give up that prospect for her happiness.
“I can’t.” She shook her head. “I can’t do this. It isn’t possible. I couldn’t deprive ye of a son. Not when the safety of the clan is at stake.”
His jaw clenched. “Ye could come back for visits as ye used to when ye were a bairn. Eventually, we would have a son and ensure Ross knew ye were here so he wouldna question our marriage.”
“Ewan…” She searched for words but found none when she couldn’t even sort through the clutter of her own thoughts. What he offered was more generous than any man in his position would.
It was a chance for her to return home. To be happy. And at great cost to himself.
“Dinna answer now,” he added quickly. “Think about it.”
She nodded, unable to tear her gaze from her husband. How could such a large man who appeared cut from stone have such tenderness in his heart? He was not only good to his people; he was good to her, putting her happiness before his own needs.
He drew her toward him and curled his strong arms around her once more, wrapping her in comfort she lost herself in. Yet it only made the agony in her chest twist tighter. This time, however, she understood the reason.
The wall she’d built around her heart, erected by a lifetime of pain and betrayal, had finally begun to crack.
Ewan wasn’t certain when to expect an answer from Faye. He hadn’t given her a date to reply, not when he wanted her to think it through and come to her own decision. Still, he could not clear it from his mind, alternating between fear at the certainty of losing her and hope that she would stay. In the end, he was proud of himself for having the courage to do what was right for her to ensure her happiness.
She was correct that he needed an heir, especially with Cruim having married Mistress Blair. The union did not sit well with him and continued to rankle him. He’d learned long ago not to ignore the feeling in his gut, and this one sat there like a boulder.
He reviewed the contract in front of him once more, the one that would deed Berwick to Ross. Only this time, Ewan had a plan.
A gentle knock sounded at the door.
He bade his guest enter and stood as Cait stepped in. “Thank ye for coming.” He bowed to her.
“Ye need no’ put on airs for me.” She waved her hand at him dismissively.
He indicated she have a seat while he came around his desk. “Ross claims to want a bit of land we own between the English and Scottish border. Do ye know why?”
She glanced down at the parchment, and her eyes flicked over the agreement, then rolled heavenward. “Ach, he’d be still after Berwick.” She sighed. “’Twas Ross land several ages ago but was taken from them by the English. ’Twas a sore spot for years that they were so soundly defeated, and they resolved to get it back. Except the English had fortified it so well, it wasna possible. Until Lady Isolde.”
“Lady Isolde?” Ewan sank into his chair.
“Aye, the land was part of her dowry,” Cait said. “But rather than wed a member of the Ross clan as she was supposed to, the Chieftain of the Sutherland clan swept her off her feet, killed the Ross clansman she was meant to wed and took the land for himself.” She shrugged. “It happened far before my time, but we’ve been fighting since, and my da has wanted the land back for as long as I can remember. As every chieftain before him has.”
Bits of the tale was familiar to Ewan from his own boyhood. But then, it had been Ragnall who would have been told the full details in his training to become chieftain.
Ewan framed his hand over the document and tapped it with his fingertips. “I dinna want to give this land to Ross. I’d prefer to deed it to yer eldest son, Drake.”
“It will anger Ross.” Cait’s brows furrowed, and a small line appeared on the skin between them, the same as Faye when she was in deep concentration.
“But it willna breach the marriage contract I signed with Ross the night I wed Faye.”
Cait’s mouth curled up at the edges. “Nay, it willna.”
“Then, it will be done.” Ewan pulled the stones from the corners and let the parchment roll up. But he hesitated to send Cait on her way.
He cleared his throat. “I want ye to know, I dinna have any part in forcing Faye to marry me.”
“I know.” Cait cast him a sympathetic look. “I spoke with her this morn while we were breaking our fast.” She leaned forward in her seat and put a slender hand on his forearm. “Faye told me how ye tried to help her. Thank ye for that.”
Ewan simply nodded in acknowledgement. After all, his efforts hadn’t been helpful.
Cait released him and drew her arm back. “Why did she agree to her grandda’s wishes?”
“I take it she dinna tell ye?” Ewan secured the rolled parchment with a string and placed it into the drawer at his side.
Cait shook her head. “Nay. And she’s no’ ever been one to desire marriage, so ye understand my confusion.”
Ewan remembered how Faye had stood proudly at his side when they met her family as if she were a woman who had wanted to wed rather than a captive forced into marriage. No doubt, she did not want her sisters to know she had done so to save them. “If she wishes to tell ye, she will,” he replied.
She smiled. “Aye, I’m sure.”
The fire crackling in the hearth filled the gap of silence while Ewan warred with indecision on whether to tell Cait about the option he’d presented to Faye. Her mother would most likely ensure Faye genuinely considered the choice. Regardless of what Faye decided, he wanted to ensure it was one she had thought through.
He tapped a finger on the glossy surface of his desk. “Did she mention anything else to ye this morn?”
Cait lifted her chin. “Do ye mean how ye have given her the option to come home with us and return once a year to ye?”
Ewan tensed, unsure if he was relieved Faye had shared the information with her mother, or fearful. “Aye. She’s no’ happy here. I dinna realize how much until I saw her with all of ye.”
Cait glanced at her lap. “Faye doesna share her thoughts readily.” She spoke slowly, as though considering her words before speaking. “I dinna know if ye remember her as a lass, but she wasna always this way. When my husband died, it was difficult for us all. But when our neighbors turned on us, that was what hurt Faye the most. It wasna her da’s death that changed her; it was the people’s betrayal.”
Ewan settled back in his chair. It made sense how she had tried to keep him at arm’s length, how she was so slow to share parts of herself. How she turned to lust and pleasure rather than conversations about who she was and what she wanted.
Cait got to her feet. “If ye asked if I knew about yer proposal to Faye in the hope I would sway her decision, I’ll tell ye ’tis a waste of time. The lass is too stubborn to be moved whatever way she doesn’t want to go.”
Ewan quickly stood as well, and Cait regarded him affectionately. “But if I had a choice myself, I would want her to stay here,” she said.
“Ye would?”
“She has happiness at Castleton, but it’s precarious,” Cait replied. “Here, I believe she can have happiness, security and love. She’s lucky to have a man such as ye in her life.” She inclined her head and swept from the solar, quietly closing the door behind her.
Ewan lowered himself to his chair and studied the closed door as Cait’s words played through his mind, warring once more with the indecision of what Faye would choose. And how it would impact both their lives.
Only time would tell.