I NEED INSPIRATION to clean my house. Who doesn’t, right? So I look at a picture of my grandmother on my mother’s side, Grandma Rowland. She’d always tell me to sweep my front porch on Sunday, because this shows respect for the neighborhood and demonstrates that you take care of your home and yourself. Come housework day, I smile at Grandma Rowland, crank up some fun, fast-paced music, and open my doors and windows. Before long, I’m cleaning my house like a madwoman.
You could say that Grandma Rowland was one of my first mentors, because she was wise and I learned from her. She was a strong, caring woman who filled my life with inspiration and hope, and her lessons continue to influence me today. She taught me to work hard and do my best.
While I was working in Iraq, Jim, one of the marines, took me under his wing. He not only became my personal trainer free of charge but also turned into a great mentor. Weighing about 95 pounds at the time, I took one look at some barbells and said, “Do you think I can lift those?” He replied, “I know you can.”
Jim taught me how to eat right and train hard. He taught me discipline and emphasized the importance of rest. Because I needed to build muscle and put on size, we trained intensely. I started seeing major results, and so did everyone around me. And guess what? My life began to mend as I developed both inner and physical strength. This powerful combination helped me stop my destructive habits.
A mentor is like that—someone who helps you get more from life in a positive, action-oriented way by stressing what you can do rather than what you can’t. A mentor can play any number of roles—coach, motivator, cheerleader, and consultant—guiding you from where you are to where you want to be. Do you want to start a new career? Do better on your job? Build wealth? Improve your health and fitness? Reduce stress? Get a mentor!
People who use mentors are more successful than those without mentors, and that’s substantiated by academic research. People who have mentors get more promotions, make more money, and have more career and job satisfaction.
Why is this? As I see it, there are three reasons. Mentors:
• Expand your awareness: A mentor can sense cracks in your knowledge, fill in the gaps, help you FIFO, and show you new ways to look at the world.
• Teach you new skills. A mentor can introduce you to new ways to do things or help you increase your capabilities.
• Show you the tools. A mentor may know a lot more about management, leadership, goal setting, personal finance, relationship success, fitness, spirituality, and other aspects of life than you do. Mentors have the tools, have mastered their use, and can show you how to apply them.
So how in the world do you go about finding a mentor?
REVIEW YOUR GOALS. I suggest going back to your goals and revisiting them. Then ask yourself, “What skills do I need to develop in order to reach my goals? What do I struggle with and what would I like to do better?”
DO A MENTOR SEARCH. Then start looking for a mentor who has those skills, through formal mentoring programs at your place of employment, at your gym, or online through an e-mentoring service. Tell everyone you can that you’re looking to connect with a mentor, and get some referrals. Use social networking tools, such as LinkedIn, to help.
FIND AN INFLUENTIAL MENTOR. Make sure potential mentors hold a place of power in their industries—such as a really successful personal trainer, businessperson, entrepreneur, or leader. You want to find someone whose success you’d like to emulate. This will ensure that he or she has the skill and experience to really help you. Worth mentioning, too, is that you can cultivate mentors for different aspects of life—for example, a mentor for fitness and a mentor for business. A mentor does not have to be full service!
ASK FOR HELP. Once you’ve identified what you want from a mentor, the next step is approaching someone and asking for his or her time. Don’t be shy. Most people are flattered to be asked to be a mentor. In reality, we all like to be asked for advice. They may say no or refer you to someone else, and that’s okay. You will have learned something even from how well your approach worked.
DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP. Make it clear that you won’t be ultra-demanding, with a zillion questions, phone calls, texts, and emails—and that you’ll be accountable for following through on your mentor’s advice and suggestions. Bottom line: Be respectful of your mentor’s time. As a mentee, think of things you can do for your mentor, too, such as providing constructive feedback, being grateful and showing it, and recommending your mentor to others in order to help push his or her business forward. If your relationship runs its course, let your mentor know how much you appreciated having him or her in your life.
BE A GOOD STUDENT. When you find good mentors, be a good listener and act on their advice and suggestions. I think the best mentors lead by example to help you accomplish your goals, think bigger, and even take on greater goals that you once thought were unreachable. Mentors are not there to solve your problems; it’s up to you using their advice and wisdom to help you make informed decisions. All mentor-mentee relationships are different, but in general, mentors are there to hold you accountable, push you to do your very best, and inspire you toward being who you want to be.
Someday you may become a mentor yourself. Think of all the positive points and qualities of your best mentors. A great listener? A person who took time to learn about you and goals? Accessibility? Guidance offered in a positive, productive manner? Your mentors’ best qualities are the ones you’ll want to emulate.
For Today
TODAY’S QUOTE
I’ve had mentors who were kind of the troubadour singer-songwriters, like Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn, Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, and Neil Young, and that’s just what I’ve always liked—people who would talk real honestly about their lives and their circumstances.
—JEWEL
TODAY’S AFFIRMATION
TODAY’S CHALLENGE
First, identify potential mentors. List the people you know or could get access to who would make good mentors.
What qualities or experience do they have that might make them a good mentor for you?
Which ones are most likely to support and encourage you?
Approach one of the people on your list and ask him or her to mentor you. Again, be sure to define the relationship: Why are you looking for a mentor? What are your goals and how can a mentor help? How will you communicate with each other? How often? What sort of information, guidance, and resources will you need? Assure your potential mentor that you won’t be a nuisance, but are really committed to a good mentor-mentee relationship.
Second, prepare for your first meeting with your mentor.
Here are some questions to ask your mentor and get the ball rolling:
What do you wish you knew at my stage of life?
If you could do it all again, what would you do differently?
What have been your most rewarding accomplishments?
What could I be doing better?
What would you do if you were in my situation, at my stage of life, and with my goals?
When did you realize you were on the right path for yourself?
Today’s Mental Goal:
Today’s Personal Goal:
Today’s Spiritual Goal:
MY BADASS REFLECTIONS FOR TODAY
What are you most grateful for today?
Mentally: ______________________________
Physically: ______________________________
Spiritually: ______________________________
What was the biggest success for you today?
Mentally: ______________________________
Physically: ______________________________
Spiritually: ______________________________
What was the biggest challenge for you today? How did you overcome it?
Mentally: ______________________________
Physically: ______________________________
Spiritually: ______________________________
What can you do tomorrow to make it a better day?
Mentally: ______________________________
Physically: ______________________________
Spiritually: ______________________________
CHECKLIST
I completed my habit change challenges.
I made healthy choices today for my mind, body, and spirit.
I’ve expressed my gratitude for today and all it brings, good and bad.
I’ve prepared for tomorrow and all the unknowns it might bring.