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Dior had been spending so much time with Brian that Breeze barely saw her anymore, but C came over to keep her company while she watched Nya.
“Where you thinkin’ about goin’ for college?” he asked as they sat on her porch one afternoon.
“I don’t know. I mean what’s the point? People get degrees and can’t even find a job to use ‘em at. And who gon’ keep Nya while I’m off to college?” she asked.
“College don’t work out for everybody, but if it’s somethin’ you interested in you should go for it.”
“I ain’t really interested in nothin’ in particular.”
She shrugged, realizing that she didn’t sound very ambitious.
“So, when you lay in bed at night and think about your future, what do you see?” he asked.
Breeze stared across the street as she thought about whether she should tell him the truth or not. C was cool as hell and she didn’t feel that he judged her, but she still wasn’t completely comfortable with telling him her hopes and dreams. Sometimes they sounded silly to her.
“Well.” She sighed. “I guess I don’t really want a job. The way my mama is never around makes me want to maybe own a daycare and be there for kids when their parents can’t be. And then if I have kids I can contribute to my household and spend time with my own kids at the same time.”
That wasn’t really Breeze’s dream, but she knew that it was the kind of bullshit that C wanted to hear. If she never saw another child again that would be fine by her.
“That’s cool. You could go to school for that,” he told her.
“Yeah. I don’t know though. Where am I gon’ get the money to open my own business?”
“I don’t know, but people get business loans all the time. I say go to school and figure it out as you go. Things usually work themselves out.”
“Not around here,” she said as she shook her head.
She knew that owning a high end boutique was her dream, but she also knew that it was more likely that she would end up a hustler’s wifey, and that would be fine by her.
“I think you should believe in yourself and do what makes you happy.”
“Yeah. I guess I’ll look into Chicago State. I could go there and still live at home to help out with Nya.”
She was ready to talk about something else now.
“Do that. I might move up here and go wit’ you.”
“Shut up.”
“What? I was thinkin’ about movin’ up here wit’ my aunt,” he said seriously.
“Why? You could probably go anywhere, if you as smart as Brian. Why not go to a real university?” she asked.
“I been comin’ out here every year since I was twelve and I love this city.”
Breeze just nodded as she thought about C moving to Chicago. Against all odds she really did like him and she liked spending time with him. With a guy like C in her life she felt that she could accomplish anything. He made her feel like there was more to life than cars, clothes and sex. Maybe she did want a man to love and support her.
She’d always told Dior her hopes and dreams, but having C actually listen to her made her feel different. She’d never felt that anyone, besides Dior, really cared about her. She knew that her mother loved her, even though she had a funny way of showing it, but she wasn’t sure that Lauren really cared about her. Plus, with working two jobs to financially support her daughters, Lauren was never really there for them emotionally.
Having someone that asked her a question and actually seemed interested in hearing the answer made Breeze feel special. It made her feel like she was a somebody in a world full of nobodies.