Lavil: Life, Love, and Death in Port-au-Prince

JOHNNY

30, L.G.B.T. rights activist at Kouraj

Johnny is a gay rights activist from Jacmel in southern Haiti. This often takes the form of keeping safe houses for gay men and women who are physically threatened or ostracized in their home communities. Openly gay, Johnny was assaulted on the street. Gay rights advocacy in Haiti includes living openly. Johnny has taken this much further and is speaking out, becoming publicly visible, and trying to educate people about gay rights.¹

I was born gay. I was born at Tabarre, then my mother moved to Jacmel when I was six months old.² I moved back to Port-au-Prince when I was twenty to study. After some university studies in Port-au-Prince I went to the Dominican Republic for a modeling contest and won a scholarship to continue my study in Puerto Rico. I stayed there for four years and seven months. I returned to Jacmel in 2010.

I do the same things that Charlot does at Kouraj and we work together. Right now, I have a lot of people staying at my house. I can’t provide for all of them, but I’m trying. Since I am a bit more educated than others, I try to take responsibility for them. People threw them away when they came out of the closet. Some people may think I am doing this for money. I am not; I’m a professional. I have a job. I am an economist. Any embassy or bank would be glad to hire me. Other people in the M community don’t have that luck. I’m now very well known. Charlot is already well accepted, even in the international community. Any country would be glad to invite him over. I’m not at that point yet. They need to know that no matter what they do, I am and will be a masisi. Yes masisi is an insult, but to me it’s not. I don’t take it as such. To me it’s a compliment. I thank anyone who calls me “masisi.” They won’t repeat it because it doesn’t affect me. And they’re telling the truth. That’s who I am.

Growing up we were Baptists. Oh, it was really hard. It was hard everywhere—school, church, home. I couldn’t sit with the kids in school or at church. On the buses, people used to make fun of me. I couldn’t sit with the kids or be on the stage because I was effeminate. They used to kill us in Jacmel, but not anymore. They accept me now. Even people who were rude to me, I tried to talk to them and explain who I was. In Jacmel, they think that gays are outsiders. God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because of them. They also think gays are usually rich. What they don’t get, before being gay, I’m human, and I tell them that. Every time someone would make a comment about it, I would tell them that they got on my nerves. That’s how I feel comfortable in my skin. I have to make feminine gestures, otherwise I’m not okay. I always tell my fellow gays, they need to treat everyone with respect. They need to understand that not everyone accepts them. When they finally understand that, life will be easier for them.

You know, home is where the heart is. When I returned to Jacmel in 2010, there was some uproar and they were attacking gays. One day I was walking with a friend. Some people were standing there and started making derogatory comments about my friend. They attacked me and asked me to deny that I was gay. When I refused, they hit me in the head with a bottle. Charlot and my lawyers came to help me, but we didn’t have enough proof to convict the attackers. However, the story gave some of us strength. When I was studying in Puerto Rico, it was very different. Men were kissing on the streets. I was surprised. I couldn’t believe it. I was thinking about all the ways the L.G.B.T. community back home could enjoy that same freedom.

When I decided to fight for my rights, I became stronger. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I decided that it was time to organize ourselves and teach the community about who we are. It’s been four years since then. I was twenty-six years old. I was really afraid to walk the streets before. Before the incident I was not that outgoing, but now I am. They can attack me anytime at my house. I don’t really care. I told them that if they’re throwing rocks at me, I can do the same—I have both my hands too! They can kill me if they want. One time they were surprised to see me fight back. When the police came, people were asking me how did I fight, where did I find that masculinity in me. Can you believe it?

I don’t need asylum. My family live here and in the U.S. My mother and brother live in Queens in New York. I’ve never been in the U.S. I want to visit my mother, but I also want to stay in my country to fight. My mother was trying to sponsor me for a visa, I said no. I am not done yet. If I abandon those people, they’ll have nowhere to go. I want to stay in my country. I want to work for the M community.

My mother accepts me for who I am. She sees me like her son, not like someone who’s gay. My father and brothers are against it, until now. I want to succeed my life and show them that I made it. At the beginning, it wasn’t easy for my mother, but when she realized that’s how I was born, she told me that she loved me like I was. But the rest of my family, no. My mother suffered for me a lot. It has been two long years since I saw her last. I told her that I have to see her before another two years. I have to touch her, then I will be fine for another two years.