24, medical assistant
Josil is a soft-spoken and extremely thoughtful young man, pausing frequently as we spoke. We met twice over two visits to Port-au-Prince, at the General Hospital and later at the Ti Kay clinic near the airport.
I didn’t get far in school after my mom died. I can write my name and read a little. I can’t do anything in an office, but I would be able to do other things. There are some guys here working for Dr. Coffee—I could do some of the things that they do. They help the patients eat or take medications, because some of them don’t want to. I see Dr. Coffee talking to them all the time. Me, I try to understand. I talk to them, too, when they don’t take their pills. We don’t pay for the pills. People are trying to help us out. If Dr. Coffee wasn’t here with those pills, they wouldn’t know where to find or how much to pay for the pills. Some people throw them away. I tell Dr. Coffee, and she tries to sweet-talk them into taking the pills.
I became sick after the earthquake. Before the earthquake, I used to have my own little business. My little business was to sell Pap Padap. They’re quick recharge cards for cell phones. I was on the wharf of Jérémie.2 It was sometime after 4 p.m. After I bought some Pap Padap to sell, I was on my way downtown, and I had a feeling not to go. I listened to my gut and didn’t go. So I came back and sold the Pap Padap in another area. I was talking with my little cousin while helping her make water packs to sell when I felt the earth shake. I started running—the earth was shaking as I was running. It felt like I was running backward. It stopped after a while. I went back home to get my shoes, because I ran barefoot. It wasn’t until I was running to my aunt’s house that I noticed that it was worse than I thought. I saw people injured. I saw houses on the ground and people dead on the street.
When I first started getting sick, I went to a hospital in Carre-four. I was suffering from TB. It was after my medical tests that they told me that my case was too much for them, and that I had to be transferred to General Hospital. That day the hospital transferred me to General Hospital, I didn’t even know what was going on because I was unconscious. When Dr. Coffee saw me, she rushed to me and gave me some oxygen. I was given a bed and didn’t really feel like myself until after a few days on medication. I started walking again. That’s when I asked the doctor to let me go home.
When my family came, they signed my release form, and I spent about two to three weeks home. At home, sometimes I would skip some pills if I couldn’t find anything to eat. Because of that, I relapsed. I came back here, and Dr. Coffee took me in and started treating me again. She paid to have food made for us. When I’m here, I eat better and take my medications on time. You know, when I’m home, I have to do everything myself, and since I’m sick and out of a job, it’s a little hard.
I spent a year doing the back-and-forth: I come for a while, I’ll feel better and go home. Then, I don’t eat well, don’t take the drugs properly, I relapse and come back here. I never stopped taking the medications, I just didn’t take them how I was supposed to. You have to take them properly before the test can show that you’re treated.
The doctor was giving me a bunch of drugs, but no one told me what I was suffering from. So I asked her about it. She asked me, would I be surprised if she told me what I was suffering from? I said no. She leaned and whispered to my ear that I had “the virus.” I asked her what it was. I didn’t know back then. She told me AIDS.
I thought I was about to die. I thought there wasn’t any treatment for it, that there weren’t any pills available. I didn’t know that it could be treated, not until they explained everything to me. I know other people who also have the virus. Some people here. I don’t think they know I have it too, though. I’ve seen people who look really healthy. My only problem is that I’m weak. I can’t run. When I try to run, I feel heavy.
I think the doctor said it can’t be treated. Meaning that you’ll always have it. You can’t have sex without a condom or be careless about your body anymore.
Okay. That doesn’t mean it’s not treatable. It means that you won’t completely heal from it. You can’t erase it from your system.
You can treat it?
Yes. You’re on treatment now. Right?
Yes.
Do you know the name of your pill?
I usually take a big pill. It’s called Big White.
No, that’s not its real name. You call it that. What’s the name? Do you know it?
Wait a sec. I know it. Let me remember. ARV!
Right! What is ARV?
I usually take it at night around 7 or 8 p.m.
Okay, but what is it?
It’s medication. It works against the virus.
Great! This is the treatment!
Okay. Yes.
You are on treatment. If you follow it, you’ll be fine. You need to be careful like you said when having sex.
My girlfriend and I haven’t had sex since 2008. She knows about the TB only. Only I know that I have the virus. Let me tell you why I didn’t tell anyone. I don’t want to tell people and they humiliate me for it. You understand? I don’t know their heart. We have a son together. It’s not like I have a headache and can take a pill to make it go away.