“Gute mariye!”
Joshua’s mamm called out the greeting. Deborah rushed to hug her grossmammi. Wiping her hand on a towel, Rebekah smiled at Wanda Stoltzfus. The older woman’s casted arm was wrapped in a black sling, but her eyes twinkled as she handed a basket topped with a blue cloth to her granddaughter.
During the two weeks since the wedding, the kinder had often visited the house down the road where Wanda lived with her six unmarried sons and younger daughter. Rebekah and Joshua and Sammy had been invited along with the rest of the family to dinner one night last week, but a bad storm had kept them at home. At church services on Sunday, Rebekah had appreciated her mother-in-law introducing her again to people she’d met at the wedding. She hoped she’d match names and faces better when the next church Sunday came around.
The past fourteen days had been a whirlwind. The lives of Joshua’s family and her own had fallen into a pattern with meals and work and family time in the evening, but Rebekah avoided spending time on the porch—or anywhere else—alone with her husband. If he’d noticed, he hadn’t said anything. Perhaps he was relieved she expected no more from him.
“Wanda, why are you waiting for an invitation?” Rebekah asked, glad a visitor gave her the excuse to think of something other than her peculiar marriage. “Come in, come in.”
Putting her arm around her granddaughter, Wanda walked in. Her expression softened when her gaze alighted on Sammy.
“How is our big boy?” she asked.
Sammy clutched Rebekah’s skirt. She scooped him up and settled him on her hip. He pressed his face against her shoulder.
Wanda winked at Rebekah before she said, “I hope you don’t hide too long, my boy. Chocolate chip cookies are best when they’re warm.”
He didn’t look up, but shifted so he could watch what the others did. The cookies smelled wunderbaar, and she guessed he was wavering between his shyness and his yearning for a treat.
“Deborah, will you unpack the basket?” Rebekah asked, earning a wide grin from the little girl. “Wanda, would you like to sit down?”
“Ja. This cast feels like it weighs more every day.” She sat at the table and grimaced as she readjusted her arm. “I thank God I broke my left arm, though I had no idea how much I did with that hand until I couldn’t use it.”
“I discovered that when I broke my finger.” She fought to keep her smile from wavering as the brutality of her past poked out to darken the day. “I appreciate you coming for a visit.”
“I wanted to give you time to become accustomed to your new home.” She looked around. “I’d say you are settling in well and making this a home again.”
Deborah piped up, “She’s teaching me to make lots of yummy things, Grossmammi.”
“So I hear from your brothers.” She winked at Rebekah. “Maybe I’ll even share the recipe for my chocolate chip cookies with her.”
“And me?” asked the little girl.
“Of course.” She wagged a finger at the kind. “As long as you listen to me and don’t try to make up your own recipes as you used to.”
“Daed always did that.”
“And how did it turn out?”
When Deborah burst into giggles, Rebekah laughed, too. “Let me heat some water, and we’ll have tea. Deborah, would you mind getting the tea down?”
The little girl pulled a chair beside the cupboard and climbed up to take out a box of teabags.
As she turned to put on the kettle, Rebekah almost stumbled. She tightened her hold on Sammy.
“Give him to me,” Wanda urged.
She doubted he would go to Wanda. “I don’t want him to bump your injured arm.”
“He won’t.”
“He’s shy.”
“So I see, but, Sammy, I know you want one of my chocolate chip cookies.”
Her son astonished her when, after a quick glance at Wanda, he stretched out his arms to her. Hoping her face didn’t reveal her surprise, Rebekah placed him on the older woman’s lap. Wanda pointed to the plate on the table beside her.
“I’ve never met a boy who didn’t like chocolate chip cookies.” Wanda smiled when Sammy reached past her to take a cookie. “What a gut boy you are! Only taking one.”
“More?” he asked.
“Why don’t you try this one?” the older woman asked. “Tell me if you like Grossmammi Wanda’s cookies.”
“Grossmammi Wanda,” he repeated as he stared at the cast. “Boo-boo?”
“Ja, but it is getting better.”
“Give kiss to make better?”
“Aren’t you a sweet little boy?” She nodded and tapped her cheek. “Why don’t you kiss me right here?”
Rebekah was surprised when Sammy did. After serving tea to her mother-in-law, Rebekah gave the kinder glasses of milk. She sat and joined the easy conversation about the end of the school year, two new babies in the district and Deborah’s friend Mandy, who seemed to be a favorite of Wanda’s, too, because the little girl was often at the house. Nothing strayed too close to the unusual circumstances of Rebekah’s marriage. Like her son, Rebekah grew comfortable with the kind older woman.
As soon as he’d finished his first cookie, Sammy had another and downed his milk with a gulp. He nodded when Rebekah asked him if he wanted more, then he looked across the table.
“Debbie!” He pointed with his cookie. “Milk, too?”
“Ja.” Deborah grinned. “Danki, Sammy.”
Rebekah refilled both glasses. “It sounds as if you’ve got a new name.”
“He has trouble saying my whole name. So now we’re Sammy and Debbie.”
Wanda nodded. “That sounds perfect for a sister and brother.”
“I have lots of brothers now.” The little girl leaned on the table. “Rebekah, please have a girl.”
Though she secretly harbored the same hope, Rebekah replied, “We shall be blessed with the boppli God has chosen for us.” Even at her darkest times while she had been pregnant with Sammy, she hadn’t doubted God was sending her a boppli to help ease her heart.
Before anyone could reply, the back door opened, and Joshua walked in. He smiled as he hung his straw hat on the peg by the door.
Her heart quivered, missing a beat when his gaze met hers. A warmth she’d never felt before swirled within her like a welcome breeze on a hot day. His light blue shirt bore the stains from his work at the buggy shop, and more grease was ingrained across his hands, emphasizing his roughened skin. She had always considered him a gut-looking man, but as his eyes crinkled with his broadening smile, she could not keep from thinking that he was now her gut-looking husband.
But he wasn’t. Theirs wasn’t a true marriage. It was an arrangement to ensure Sammy and his kinder were taken care of. Her head knew that, but not her heart that continued to pound against her breastbone.
“I didn’t realize you were here, Mamm,” Joshua said after greeting them.
“Your sister is cleaning the house, and she made it clear I was in the way.” She smiled to take any sting from her words. “She’s so worried I’ll slip and break something else.”
“Because you try to do everything as you did before you broke your arm.” He reached across the table and snagged a pair of cookies.
“One,” Sammy scolded. “Only one.”
Rebekah’s heart faltered again, but for a very different reason. Lloyd never tolerated his son telling him what to do. How would Joshua react to being scolded by a toddler? She clenched her hands. If he raised his hand to strike Sammy, she would protect her son.
But Joshua chuckled. “You’re right, Sammy. One cookie at a time. But Grossmammi’s cookies are gut, aren’t they?”
Sammy smiled and nodded. When he picked up his glass that was coated with crumbs, he offered it to Joshua.
After taking it, Joshua pretended to drink before saying, “Danki, Sammy. Just what I needed.”
Her son’s smile glowed. Rebekah looked from him to her husband. Was Sammy sensing, as he had with Wanda, that he had nothing to fear from Joshua?
“What are you doing home in the middle of the day?” Wanda asked. “Come to see your pretty new wife?”
“Ja, and my pretty daughter.” He winked at Deborah, who giggled. “I told Levi I’d stop by on my way back from dropping off a repaired buggy. He’s riding in with me so he can help Daniel at his shop.”
“How is Daniel doing with him?” his mamm asked.
“Well. Having someone to teach has given my little brother a purpose.”
“He is a gut, hardworking boy, but he’s avoiding decisions he should make about joining the church and finding a wife.” Wanda sighed. “I shouldn’t feel hochmut that four of my kinder so far have made the decision to be Amish.”
“It isn’t pride, Mamm.” Joshua patted her right shoulder carefully. “You want what is best for each of us.”
“True.” Wanda smiled again. “And it sounds as if Daniel teaching Levi is gut for both of them.”
“Levi is eager to learn. I wish I could say the same about his brother.” He glanced at the two kinder. “Deborah, will you take Sammy outside and wash the cookie crumbs off his hands and face?”
“Ja,” she replied, though her expression said she’d prefer to stay.
As soon as the kinder had closed the door after them, Joshua sighed. “I could use some advice, Mamm. Timothy is growing less and less interested in learning about buggies.”
Rebekah went to get a dishrag to scrub off the cookie crumbles that would grow as hard as concrete if left on the table. She listened as Joshua and Wanda discussed Timothy’s reluctance to do anything at the shop. Not even building wheels, a task he used to look forward to, engaged his attention now.
She should say nothing. Timothy wasn’t her son, and, other than being enthusiastic about the food she put on the table, he hadn’t said much to her. She seldom saw him other than at breakfast and dinner. He was with Joshua during the day, and he always seemed to be somewhere else once the evening meal was over. He came in for Joshua’s nightly reading from the Bible or Martyrs Mirror, but vanished again after their prayers.
“I don’t know what else I can tell you,” Wanda said with a sigh. “You’ve tried everything I would have.”
“Having every day be one long debate about what I need him to do is getting old very fast.” Joshua ran his fingers through his beard and looked at Rebekah. “Do you have any ideas?”
“Timothy does his share of chores here, doesn’t he?” she asked, choosing her words carefully. Joshua might not like what she was about to say, but he’d asked her opinion.
“Ja.”
“Without complaint?”
“Usually.” His brows lowered with bafflement. “What does that have to do with his attitude at the buggy shop?”
“Maybe Timothy doesn’t show any interest in your work because it isn’t the work he wants to do.”
Joshua stared as if she’d suggested he flap his arms and fly around the yard. “I plan to hand the business over to him when I am ready to retire.”
“It’s your plan. Not his.” She met his gaze steadily.
Wanda stood and patted Rebekah’s arm. “Now I’m even more glad you’re a part of our family. You have put your finger on the crux of the problem.” She looked at her son. “Have you asked Timothy if he wants to take over the shop?”
“No.” He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I assumed because he used to be curious about what I was doing that he wanted to learn the work himself.”
“He was a kind,” his mamm said with a gentle smile. “As his daed, you were what he wanted to be when he grew up. Now he is nearly a man, and he sees the world and himself differently.” She made a shooing motion with her fingers. “You need to talk with your son, and it’s not going to get easier by putting it off.”
“True.” Joshua’s tone was so dreary his mamm laughed. When he began to chuckle along with her, Rebekah joined in.
She’d forgotten how wunderbaar shared laughter could be. She hoped she wouldn’t have to forget again.
* * *
The rumble of a powerful engine surprised Rebekah. Turning from where she was folding the quilts she had aired, she stared at the bright red car slowing to a stop not far from the house. She grabbed Sammy’s hand when he took a step toward it.
“Go! See!” he shouted.
She was about to reply when Timothy ran around the house and toward the car. She hadn’t realized he was home yet.
The driver’s window rolled down, and Timothy leaned forward to fold his arms on the open sill. She heard him laugh and wondered if it was the first time she’d ever heard him do so.
After dropping the quilt in the laundry basket, she began to cross the yard to where the teen was now squatting so his face was even with whoever was inside the car. She absently pushed loose wisps back under her kapp, because she wasn’t sure who was behind the wheel.
Deborah skipped down the front porch steps. She’d been beating dust out of rag rugs. She waited for Rebekah and walked with her toward the vehicle.
Rebekah’s eyes widened when she realized the driver was an Englisch girl, one close to Timothy’s age. The girl’s black hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Unlike many Englisch teenagers, she wasn’t wearing layers of makeup. She didn’t need any because her lightly tanned cheeks were a healthy pink. She wore a simple and modest black blouse.
“I’m Alexis Granger,” said the girl. “Hey, Tim, move back so I can see your new mom.” She laughed, and Timothy did, too. Leaning her elbow on the car’s open window, she said, “You must be Joshua’s new wife.”
Startled by the Englisch girl’s effusiveness, Rebekah smiled. “Ja, I am Rebekah.” She looked at Sammy who was eyeing the girl and the car with the same interest Timothy was. “And this is my son Samuel.”
“A big name for a cute, little boy.”
“We call him Sammy.”
The pretty brunette chuckled. “Much better. Hi, Sammy.”
He gave her a shy grin but didn’t say anything.
“He’s a real cutie,” Alexis said before holding out a stack of envelopes. “These were delivered to our mailbox by mistake, and Mom asked me to drop them off over here on my way to work.”
“Where do you work?” Rebekah asked to be polite.
“At one of the diners in Bird-in-Hand where the tourists come to try Amish-style food.” She hooked a thumb in Timothy’s direction. “He thinks I got the job because my boss was impressed my neighbors are plain, but it was because I was willing to work on weekends.” She rolled her eyes. “Saving for college, y’know. Anything I can pick up for you while I’m in town?”
“Danki, but we’re fine.”
“Okay. See ya, Tim!” She backed the car out onto the road. Small stones spurted from under the back tires.
Rebekah half turned to protect Sammy. Even though the tiny stones didn’t come near them, a dust cloud billowed over them.
The glow that had brightened Timothy’s face while Alexis was there faded. Without a word, he walked back to the house. As he did, he tucked his fingers into one side of his suspenders and tugged at them on each step, clearly deep in thought.
“Don’t mind him,” Deborah said, warning Rebekah she’d stared too long. “He’s like that when Alexis stops by.”
“She comes often?”
“Ja, but not as much as she used to. She’s always got something going on at school or at work. Timothy misses having her around. He thinks she’s hot.”
Shocked, Rebekah began, “Deborah—”
“Will you call me Debbie as Sammy does?” the little girl asked with a grin.
“We’ll talk about your name in a minute. You shouldn’t make such comments about Alexis. It isn’t nice.”
The girl frowned. “Timothy said it was a compliment.”
“I’m sure he did, but your brother hasn’t learned yet that what’s inside a person is more important than the outside.”
“But Daedi said you’re pretty when he told us he was going to marry you.”
Rebekah ignored the delight that sprang through her, but it wasn’t easy. “He and I have known each other for years. He didn’t marry me for what I look like.” She put her hands on her distended belly. “Certainly not now!”
That brought a laugh from the little girl, and Rebekah changed the subject to the chores they had left to do before Joshua and Levi got home.
As Deborah turned to head back to the front porch, she asked, “Will you call me Debbie?”
“As long as your daed agrees. He’ll want you to have a gut reason.”
The little girl considered her words for a long minute, then said, “I want to be called Debbie so Sammy feels part of our family.”
Unbidden tears filled Rebekah’s eyes. What a wunderbaar heart Debbie had been blessed with! As she assured Debbie she would speak with Joshua about the nickname after dinner, she had to keep blinking to keep those tears from falling. She hugged the kind.
Dearest God, danki for bringing this little girl into my life. Sweet Debbie was making Sammy a part of her family, and Rebekah, too. For the first time in longer than she could remember, Rebekah felt the burden she carried on her shoulders every day lift. It was an amazing feeling she wanted to experience again and again. Was it finally possible?
* * *
Joshua heard the screen door open after supper, but he kept reading the newspaper’s sports section. The last light of the day was beginning to fade, and he wanted to finish the article on the new pitcher who had signed with the Phillies. He’d been following the Philadelphia baseball team since he wasn’t much older than Sammy. His sons were baseball fans, too, and he’d expected Timothy or Levi to come out and ask for an update before now.
When a question wasn’t fired in his direction, he looked up. His eyes widened when he saw Rebekah standing there.
Alone.
The last time she’d spent any time with him without one of the kinder nearby was the first evening when they’d tried to work out aspects of their marriage. How guilty he’d felt afterward! Though he knew his life was now entwined with Rebekah’s, his heart belonged to Tildie. He wanted to be a gut husband, but how could he when he needed to hold on to his love for the first woman he had exchanged vows with?
My brother, do you take our sister to be your wife until such hour as when death parts you? Do you believe this is the Lord’s will, and your prayers and faith have brought you to each other?
The words Reuben had asked him at the wedding ceremony rang through his head. They were identical to the vows he had taken with Tildie. Why hadn’t anyone told him how he was supposed to act once death parted him from Tildie? The Ordnung outlined many other parts of their lives. Why not that?
Renewed guilt rushed through him when he saw Rebekah regarding him with uncertainty. She must be enduring the same feeling of being lost without Lloyd, though she never gave any sign. Perhaps she was trying to spare him.
“I’m sorry if I’ve disturbed your reading,” she said. “The kinder are practicing their parts for the end-of-the-school-year program next week. Sammy is their rapt audience.”
He chuckled. “The end-of-the-school-year program is important to them. It’s hard to think how few more Levi will be in. At least there will be others with Deborah and Sammy.”
“I thought you should know Deborah wants to be called Debbie now.”
“Why?”
Her soft blue eyes glistened as she told him how his daughter longed to help Sammy feel more at home with his new family. Were those tears, or was it a trick of the light?
His own voice was a bit rough when he said, “Debor—Debbie has always been thoughtful. I wish I could say the same for her older brother.”
“May I talk to you about Timothy?”
He lowered the newspaper to his lap and lifted off his reading glasses. “Has he been giving you trouble?”
“No,” she said as she sat in the rocker. “He treats me politely.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He didn’t add he’d worried his older son would take out his frustrations with his daed on Rebekah. He was jolted when he realized that unlike his younger siblings, Timothy had perceived the distance between the newlyweds.
Was it obvious to everyone?
He didn’t have a chance to answer the unanswerable because Rebekah said, “But I have noticed something about Timothy that concerns me.”
“What?” He silenced his sigh. After trying to motivate his son to do something other than mope around the buggy shop, he didn’t want to deal with Timothy again tonight.
Instantly he chided himself. A parent’s job didn’t end when the workday did. Because he was worried about his failure to reconnect with the boy who once dogged his footsteps was no reason to give up. His son was trying to find his place in the world, as every teenager did.
“Have you noticed,” Rebekah asked, drawing his attention back to her, “how Timothy stops whatever he’s doing whenever Alexis Granger and her snazzy car goes by?”
“Snazzy?”
“It’s a word, right?”
He smiled. “It is, and it’s the perfect description for the car. I know Brad wishes he’d gotten a less powerful one. Letting a new driver like Alexis get behind the wheel is like giving Sammy the reins to our family buggy.”
“I’m not as worried about the car as I am about Timothy’s interest in it...and the girl who drives it.”
“They’ve been friends since they were little more than babies.”
“But they aren’t babies any longer.” She sighed. “I don’t want to cause trouble, Joshua, but Timothy lit up like a falling star when she was here, and I noticed him watching her go the whole way up the Grangers’ driveway tonight. As soon as supper was over, he was gone.”
“Saturday nights are for him to be with his friends.”
“I realize that, but Alexis fascinates him. If you want my opinion...”
“I do.”
She met his eyes evenly. “He’d like more than a friendship with her.”
Joshua folded his glasses and put them on the windowsill by his chair. He did the same with the newspaper as he considered her words. Maybe he had been turning too blind an eye toward his oldest’s friendship with the neighbor girl. He didn’t want to do anything to cause his son to retreat further from the family. To confront Timothy about the matter could create more problems.
When Rebekah didn’t say more, he was grateful. She wasn’t going to nag him about his son as his older sister Ruth did. Ruth’s kinder didn’t seem to have a rebellious bone in their bodies, so she couldn’t understand what it was like to have a son like Timothy. But he’d think about what Rebekah had said.
“Danki for caring enough for my son to be worried about him,” he said, reaching out to put his hand on hers.
She moved her fingers so smoothly he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t seen her flinch away too many times. As she came to her feet, unable to hide that she wanted to put more space between them, she said, “I’m not Timothy’s mamm, but I care about him.”
Do you care about me, too? The question went unasked, and it would remain unasked, because he realized how much he wanted the answer to be ja and how much he feared it would be no.