On the day the farm was to be auctioned, the kinder pleaded to attend with Joshua. Rebekah agreed because she had always enjoyed auctions. She warned them that, other than Timothy, none of them must join the crowd that was bidding unless they were with Joshua or one of their grossmammis. Buyers would be annoyed if they were distracted by kinder running about.
Grossmammi Wanda handed covered dishes to the kinder in the family buggy. Now that her cast was off, she seemed to be trying to make up for lost time. Each kind, including Sammy, was given a plate or a pot to watch over. Wanda had insisted on bringing food, even though the members of Rebekah’s old district would be offering food for sale. It was a fund-raiser for a husband and wife in the district who each needed surgery.
When Joshua stepped up into the buggy, he said to his mamm, “We’ll see you at the auction later.”
“We’ll be there as soon as Esther finishes frosting the cupcakes she’s making.” After offering a wave, Wanda climbed into her own buggy, turned it and drove down the driveway.
“I get tired trying to keep up with her,” Joshua said, shaking his head. “She has more energy than a dozen people.”
“True.” She looked from Wanda’s buggy to the one holding her family.
Sammy was giggling and trying to peek into the plastic bowl on his lap. Debbie steadied it and whispered in his ear. That set him to chortling even more. Beside them, Levi was squirming as he always did when he was excited. Timothy sat in the front with his daed, trying to wear an expression of world-weary boredom, though she suspected he was as eager to go to the auction as his siblings were.
They were going away for the day, and she’d be alone in the house. Sadie had gone home for the weekend, leaving food for their meals in the refrigerator. Mending waited, as always, but she didn’t want to spend the day doing that or trying to work in the garden. Bending over was getting harder every day.
She wanted to spend the day with her family.
Instantly she made up her mind. “Joshua, can you wait a minute while I get my bonnet and shoes?” She smiled. “It may take more than a minute for me to find my feet and get my shoes tied, but not so long that we’ll be late for the auction.”
“You want to go, too?” Joshua asked.
She understood his surprise. She’d been adamant about not being there. Joshua believed it would make her sad because of memories of Lloyd. In a way, he was right, but her sorrow focused on how her dreams for a life with Lloyd had faded away into a desperate struggle to survive and protect Sammy from his daed.
When Joshua had asked her about adopting Sammy and the boppli, he hadn’t had any idea how difficult it had been not to shout out ja immediately. Once the kinder had the Stoltzfus name, they could grow up without anyone watching for Lloyd’s weaknesses. Best of all, she wouldn’t have to disillusion Joshua about his friend. The secret of Lloyd’s abuse could truly and completely be buried along with him.
She needed to find the right time to tell him that she wanted him to be the kinder’s legal daed. A time when they were alone so the kinder didn’t hear, and a time long enough after he first asked so he wouldn’t ask the questions she didn’t want to answer.
“Ja,” she said. “I’ve changed my mind. Women do that, you know.”
“So I’ve heard. More than once.” He motioned for Timothy to move to the back with his siblings. Joshua walked with her to the house, offering to help her with her shoes, and gave her the tender smile that made her heart do jumping jacks. “I’m glad you’re coming with us.”
“Me, too.” In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this happy. She held that close to her heart, intending to savor it through the whole day.
* * *
The sale was going well. The farm that had been quiet for so long had come alive as if a county fair had set up its midway between the house and the barns. A crowd of nearly a hundred people stood beside the recently painted barn that shone in the bright sunlight. More mingled and chatted among the buggies, wagons and cars parked in the yard and down the farm lane and out on the road. The auctioneer was making the bidders laugh with his antics as he tried to cajole a few more dollars out of them for each item.
Smoke from grills brought by the members of Rebekah’s old district was laced with delicious scents of meat, peppers and onions. Rows of baked goods awaited buyers with a sweet tooth. Cans of soda and iced tea were encased in galvanized buckets of quickly melting ice.
Joshua stood to the side and watched the enthusiastic bidding for a plow that looked as if it had hardly been used. The work his brother had done to fix the buildings was going to pay dividends, he was certain, because he’d heard several groups of men discussing the value of the acreage and buildings. Their numbers were higher than his estimates. His work to arrange the machinery to its best advantage was helping each piece sell for more than he’d dared to hope. The gut Lord had brought generous hearts to the auction today.
He smiled as his favorite verse filled his head: This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
The gut Lord had also brought several young Amish men who were eager to set up their own farms. He recognized a few from Paradise Springs and guessed the others were from the surrounding area. Most of them worked at jobs beyond their families’ farmsteads, and they longed to return to the life beloved by most plain men: husbanding God’s beautiful creation. By day’s end, he hoped one of them would be the new owner of Lloyd’s farm, because there were a handful of Englischers talking about bidding on it, as well, and it was always disappointing when gut farmland was subdivided for another neighborhood. But, either way, the farm should sell well.
Lloyd’s legacy to his wife and son and unborn kind.
Joshua scanned the crowd, which was intent on what the auctioneer was listing as the next lot. Where was Rebekah? He saw Levi and Debbie playing volleyball with others their age. Timothy had worked with other teens to set up a makeshift baseball diamond where abandoned hubcaps, salvaged along the road, served as bases. Home plate was simply an area scratched out in the dirt.
When the house’s front door opened, Rebekah emerged with a pitcher of some fruity drink and paper cups. She went with care down the steps, and he held his breath until her feet were securely on the ground. For her to fall now could turn the boppli and make the delivery much more difficult and dangerous.
“Now there’s a man who’s in love with his wife,” teased Ezra. His brother nudged him with an elbow and chuckled. “Can’t keep his eyes off her.”
Joshua didn’t want to admit that his younger brother was right. “Don’t you have better things to do than lurk around spying on me?”
“Nope.” He rested his shoulder against a nearby fence post. “I’ve been looking for a seeder, but that one went for more than I thought it was worth. Gut for Rebekah, not so gut for me. That was what I was mainly looking for, so I need to find something to do while Mamm enjoys time with our neighbors.”
“And Leah Beiler is here.” He eyed his brother with a grin. “Are you two going to be the first to publish your marriage this fall?”
“You know better than to ask that.” He chuckled. “And that’s a clumsy way of trying to divert me from noticing how you’re mooning over your pretty Rebekah.”
Joshua changed the subject to the work Daniel had done on the farm. That seemed to distract his brother, or perhaps Ezra was so enthralled with anything to do with agriculture that he was eager to talk about it anytime. Giving his brother half of his attention, Joshua continued to watch Rebekah.
Like his mamm, she was unwilling to sit while others worked. She must not overdo when she had to think of her own health and the boppli’s.
Ezra’s laugh intruded on his thoughts. Slapping him on the arm, his brother said, “Go ahead and moon, big brother. I’ll talk to you later if you can think of anything other than your wife.” He walked away still laughing.
Joshua considered retorting, not wanting to let his brother get the last word, but what could he say? Ezra was right.
He strode across the field in the opposite direction, away from the crowd and the noise. He needed some quiet to think. He paused by the farm pond where the only noise was the chirping birds and the breeze in the reeds along the water.
Why was he trying to deny the truth? Rebekah was always in his thoughts. When he considered staying another hour at the shop to finish work, he imagined her waiting at home with his meal ready and worrying that he hadn’t arrived home at his usual time. He remembered how delicate her touch had been and how she’d fretted about causing him more pain when she cleaned his cuts in the wake of the exploding root beer. Even when his kinder came to mind, Rebekah was there, smiling, encouraging them, scolding when necessary, loving them with an open and joyous heart.
Exactly as he longed for her to love him.
Exactly as I love her.
That thought sent a deluge through him, washing away the last remnants of his resolve never to fall in love and put his heart in danger again. Whether he turned his back on her love or tried to win it, he couldn’t guarantee that he was avoiding heartbreak. But he was if he ignored the truth.
He’d fallen in love with his sweet wife, the woman he’d promised to cherish. Overwhelmed by the gift of love that God had brought twice into his life, he dropped to his knees and bowed his head as he thanked his Heavenly Father.
To that prayer he added, “Give us your blessing, too, Tildie. I know now that if I’d gone first, I would have wanted you to find someone to bring you and the kinder love and happiness. Please want the same for me.”
A sense of peace settled upon him as he stopped fighting himself. He almost chuckled at the thought. An Amish man was supposed to play no part in any sort of war, but he’d been fighting one within himself...a futile one, because the resolution was what he’d known all along. God came into their lives and hearts through love.
He needed to remember that.
* * *
The raised voice echoed oddly through the empty house. Joshua frowned. What was going on? His mamm had told him that Rebekah had gone inside to get out of the hot sun. He’d expected to hear the muffled sound of the auctioneer’s voice, but he heard shouts.
He strode into the living room. The room silenced, and he looked from Rebekah who was backed into a corner, one arm protectively around Sammy and the other draping her stomach, to two men he recognized as Lloyd’s brothers, Aden Ray and Milo. The latter stood too close to her, clearly trying to intimidate her. Both men stepped back and let Rebekah and Sammy rush to his side.
He urged her to take the kind and leave, but wasn’t surprised when she shook her head. She didn’t want to abandon him to deal with the two Burkholders. He took her hand and drew her closer, feeling her fingers tremble against his palm. Beside her, Sammy clung to her skirt.
“What is this?” Joshua asked in the calmest voice he could.
“Family business.” Aden Ray glowered. “As Lloyd’s brothers, we’ve got a right to a share of the profits from this farm.”
“Rebekah has been generous with you already. She gave your family permission to take whatever you wanted out of the house. You did. However, the equipment and farm belong to Lloyd’s son.”
“Which means it goes into your pockets. How convenient for you! Marry the widow and collect the fruits of our brother’s labors.”
“I would have married her myself if I wasn’t already married.” Milo, Lloyd’s older brother, sneered. “She’s not bad to look at when she’s not blown up like a balloon.”
He stared at the man’s crude, greedy smile, not dignifying the stupid comment with an answer. Tugging on Rebekah’s hand and calling to Sammy, he turned on his heel to walk away.
They walked out the door. As they reached the bottom step on the front porch, his arm was seized, shocking him. He hadn’t expected another Amish man to lay a hand on him in anger.
“Rebekah,” he said as he drew his arm away from Milo Burkholder, “Mamm would like your opinion about which cakes to auction off first.” That wasn’t true, but he didn’t want her to suffer any more of her brothers-in-law’s comments. “Why don’t you and Sammy find her now so they can be sold while the crowd is still large?”
She backed away, frustration and fear in her eyes that were as wide and dismayed as her son’s. But anger, too, because her face had reddened, making her freckles vanish. He was astonished how much he missed them. As strong as she was in facing every challenge, the freckles softened her expressions while reminding him how gentle she was at heart. He gave her a wink, and her lips quivered before she turned and crossed the yard toward the refreshment area.
“Gut,” Milo growled. “Now with her gone we can talk man-to-man.”
“We don’t have anything to talk about. Englisch law and our own traditions are clear on this. The widow and her kinder inherit her husband’s estate. As I said, she has been very generous and offered your family everything in the house.”
“It’s not enough!”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, but I believe it is.”
Aden Ray’s hands curled into fists. As his voice rose in anger, his fists did, too. “We don’t care what you believe! We want our share!”
Joshua couldn’t believe that Lloyd’s brother would actually try to strike him until the younger man swung at him. Fortunately the blow went wide. Moving out of range, he said, “We can ask our bishops to decide.”
“I can make that decision on my own, and we want our share.” He jabbed out with his other fist.
Again Joshua jumped away and bumped into someone. A glance over his shoulder shocked him. Timothy and several of his own brothers stood behind him. Nobody spoke, but Aden Ray lowered his fists.
This time when Joshua walked away along with his son and brothers, he wasn’t stopped. He heard the Burkholders stamp in the opposite direction. Thanking his brothers, who nodded in response before they returned to the auction, he kept walking with Timothy until he had strode past most of the bidders who were so focused on the sale that, praise God, they hadn’t noticed his unexpected encounter with Lloyd’s brothers.
“Are you okay, Daed?” asked Timothy as soon as they stopped.
“I will be. This policy of always turning the other cheek is easier some days than others.”
His son chuckled. “I know.”
“Go and enjoy your game.” As his son started to leave, Joshua called his name. He walked to Timothy and gave him a quick hug. He knew his son wouldn’t allow more than that when his friends were watching. “Danki, son.”
“Anytime, Daed.”
“I hope not.”
They laughed, and Joshua went to find Rebekah. He didn’t intend to let the Burkholders—or anyone else—bully her again.
* * *
It was almost, Rebekah thought, like the night of their wedding day. The kinder were slumbering in the back of the buggy, including, this time, Timothy, who’d had as much fun as the younger ones at the auction. Their clothes were dotted with mustard and spots of ice cream, and she was astonished none of them had sickened from the amount of food they’d eaten.
Beside her, Joshua watched the road beyond Benny’s nose. “I was glad to see the farm stay with an Amish farmer.”
She smiled, recalling how one of the young women had been as giddy as a toddler with a new toy when one of the Tice boys was the highest bidder. “I hope the house and farm have many happy times for its new family.”
“God willing, it will.” He glanced at her as he said, “I didn’t expect you’d want to stay for the sale of the farm equipment.”
“Why?”
“Tildie and my sisters only watched when the lots were household items. I assumed women weren’t interested in manure spreaders and plows.” He grinned, his teeth shining in the streetlight they drove under. “You don’t have to remind me that not all women are alike. Esther often tells me that.”
“No, all women aren’t alike, just as all men aren’t.” She relaxed against the seat and discovered his arm stretched along it. When his fingers curved down around her shoulder, she let him draw her closer.
All men were not alike, and she was more grateful for that truth than words could say.
His thoughts must have been the same because he said, “I didn’t realize the Burkholders had such tempers.”
“They do, and it doesn’t take much for them to lose it.” She didn’t add more.
“I never saw Lloyd lose his temper.”
“I know.” This was the perfect opening to explain about what happened when Lloyd did fly into a rage, but she held her tongue.
Fortunately, his family had left. They discovered they couldn’t gain sympathy from the crowd after word spread about how they’d stripped the house of almost everything, which was why there were no household goods for sale. She was glad to see them go.
Forgive me, Father, for not being able to forgive them for their avarice. I try to remind myself that they are a gut lesson about the importance of being generous to others. She smiled to herself, hoping God would understand her prayer was facetious. She wished the Burkholders could find the peace and happiness within themselves.
It was too nice a night to discuss Lloyd and his troublesome brothers. “Timothy seems very interested in that red-haired Yutzy girl. He was hanging on her every word when he talked to her after the ball game.”
“Like daed, like son.” He chuckled. “We find redheads catch our eyes.”
She chuckled, then put her fingers to her lips, not wanting the sound to rouse the kinder. She glanced back to see Sammy curled up between Levi and Timothy, who had his arm protectively around the little boy.
“Thank you for a wunderbaar day,” she whispered. “I can’t remember when I’ve had so much fun.”
“How about the time we went for a canoe ride on the pond and ended up tipping the canoe over?”
She held her breath as she did each time he mentioned a memory that contained Tildie and Lloyd. She had to choose her words with care. This time it wasn’t so difficult because she had fond memories of that day, too. “Because you were being silly.” She smiled. “It was a gut thing that we could get the mud out of our best dresses.”
“Ja. I heard about that for a long time. Lloyd must have, too.”
“That was a long time ago,” she replied, not wanting to admit that she never would have dared to scold Lloyd. The next time he was drunk, he would have made her regret her words. “Joshua, I’ve been thinking about your adopting Sammy and the new boppli after it’s born.”
“And?” Anticipation filled his voice. “What’s your answer?” He halted her from answering by saying, “Before you tell me, let me say what I should have the night I asked you. Even before your son called me Daedi for the first time, he’d found his way into my heart. I love to hear his laughter and watch him try to keep up with the older boys. I’ve dried his tears when he has fallen and scraped his knee, and I’ve taught him the best way I know to catch a frog down at the pond. Rebekah, even though he wasn’t born as my son, in my heart it feels like he’s always been my son.”
She stretched to put a finger to his lips as she whispered, “I know. Don’t you think I’ve seen how you two have grown together like two branches grafted onto the same tree?”
“So what’s your answer?”
“Ja, I would like you to adopt my kinder.”
He turned to look at her, his face visible in the light from the lantern on her side of the buggy. But its faint beam wasn’t necessary. His smile was so broad and so bright that it seemed to glow with his happiness.
“That is wunderbaar,” he said.
“How do we do this? I’m sure there’s a lot of paperwork, but I don’t know where to start.”
“We’ll start by asking Beth Ann.”
“Why?”
His eyes twinkled like a pair of the stars glistening overhead. “Didn’t you know? She has an adopted daughter.”
“I didn’t realize that.” She thought back to the drawings that hung in Beth Ann’s examination room. They obviously had been done by a kind because the bright colors had been created with crayons. “I’ll ask her at my next appointment.”
“When’s that?”
“On Tuesday. If you have any questions, I’ll be glad to ask her.”
“I’ll ask her myself. At this point, I don’t think you should be driving into the village on your own.”
She heard an undercurrent of anger lingering beneath his words. It halted her automatic response that she could handle matters on her own. When she thanked him, his arm drew her closer. It would be so easy to imagine them riding in a courting buggy he’d built himself, except Levi was softly snoring in the back. She shut out that sound and leaned her head against Joshua’s strong shoulder.
His breath sifted through her bonnet and kapp as he said, “We’ll keep Sammy’s memories of Lloyd alive by telling him about his daed.”
“We don’t need to worry about that now.” Or ever, she longed to add, but if she did, then she’d have to reveal how little Joshua comprehended of the man he’d called his friend.
“Danki, Rebekah, for agreeing. I should have said that before.”
“There is no reason to thank me. It is what’s for the best for the kinder.” She didn’t add that it was the best choice for her, as well.
God, am I being selfish? I don’t want Sammy to suffer any longer for the sins of his daed. Sammy deserves to be happy and secure. And so do I.
That last thought startled her. For so long she had listened to Lloyd telling her how worthless she was. Only her determination to remain strong for her son and her faith that God would never stop loving her as Lloyd had, had kept her from believing his cruel words.
Not tonight. She wasn’t going to let the memory of Lloyd intrude tonight when she sat beside Joshua while they followed the moonlight along the otherwise deserted road. The steady clip-clop from the horse provided a rhythmic undertone to the chirps of the peepers. Lightning bugs twinkled like earthbound stars, creating flashes of light in the darkness.
It seemed too soon when they entered their driveway and came to a stop by the dark house. Beyond the trees lights glowed in the Grangers’ house, but in the buggy they were enveloped in soft shadows.
“Rebekah?”
At Joshua’s whisper, she looked at him. His lips brushed hers, tentative and giving her a chance to pull back. She didn’t want to. His lips were warm and tasted of the fudge some of the women had been selling at the auction. Or were his lips always so sweet? She pushed that silly thought from her mind as she put her arms around his shoulders and kissed him back.
He slanted her closer to him, holding her tenderly. He kissed her cheeks, her eyelids, her nose before finding her lips again. Her fingers sifted up through his hair, discovering it was just as soft as she’d imagined. But she’d never imagined how wunderbaar his kisses would be while they lit the dark corners of her heart, banishing the fear and the contempt. Joy danced through her and she melted against him.
At the sound of the kinder stirring in the back, he lifted his mouth from hers. She curved her fingers along his face, savoring the variety of textures. She had so many things to say, but not when the youngsters were listening.
She couldn’t wait until she had a chance to tell Joshua of the state of her heart and how she had come to trust him as she hadn’t thought she ever could trust any man again.