3 

ESP

I WALKED TO THE BLACK AND WHITE STABLE, inhaling the scent of clean hay, horses, and sweet grain. Charm’s stall was exactly where I needed to be to calm down. Plus, not seeing him for a week was unacceptable!

I hurried past rows of box stalls, ducked around horses in crossties, and sidestepped muck carts.

When I got to Charm’s stall, I peered over the door. He was snoozing in the back, one chestnut leg cocked and his head down.

“Hi, gorgeous,” I said, my voice soft so I didn’t startle him.

Immediately, he lifted his head and turned his ears toward the sound of my voice. I unlatched the stall door and stepped into the sawdust.

When Charm and I reached each other I threw my arms around his neck. I hugged him hard, feeling him lean into me as if he was hugging me back. His coat was spotless and it gleamed like copper. Mike—my favorite groom—had taken perfect care of Charm just like I’d known he would.

I released Charm’s neck and stroked his blaze. Kissing his cheek, I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, just happy to be with my horse. Charm looked toward the door and our connectedness, through what I swore was ESP, told me what he was thinking.

“So sorry,” I said. “But we’re not going for a ride right now. I missed you so much that I wanted to see you. You’re also the best listener and I’m about to go do something in a little while that’s kind of scary.”

Charm’s attention left the door, and he looked back at me. I leaned against the stall wall in the back so I could see the door in case anyone approached. The last thing I needed was for someone to overhear my conversation with my horse. Charm turned toward me and nuzzled my ribs, making me laugh.

“Thanks,” I said, stroking his neck before grabbing his black leather halter. “I missed you too.”

Charm blinked, with what I was sure was understanding, and pointed his ears at me—like he was telling me to talk.

“It’s a looong story,” I said. “But over break, Heather hacked into my e-mail account and wrote to Jacob as if she were me.”

Charm put back an ear—he still had mixed feelings about Heather.

“At first, I freaked out. I thought I was going to pour a Diet Coke on her or something. I stayed up all night thinking about what she’d done. But even though what she did was wrong—she did what I didn’t have the guts to do—go after what I want.”

I swallowed.

“I want to be with Jacob,” I whispered. “I know I said I was swearing off boys. And I am! I think. But I have these feelings for Jacob, and I wish there were some way we could be together. I know we can’t because it would kill Callie even though they’re broken up. I just wish there was some way.”

Charm huffed a warm breath into my hand.

“What should I do?” I asked him. “Do I tell Jacob everything I told you? Or do I lie about it and tell him Heather sent the e-mails and I don’t agree with anything she said?”

Charm looked at me with beautiful brown eyes and I knew the answer to my question.

“I better go,” I said. “I love you so much. You’re my number one guy. See you tomorrow. You’ll definitely get your ride.”

Charm blinked and if he could smile, I knew he would have.

I kissed his black and pink muzzle, then left the stall. I was ready to face Jacob. It was time to talk.

I walked down the sidewalk, taking a right to the courtyard. That part of the campus was empty since everyone was probably unpacking or catching up with friends after break. I passed the stone benches and walked over the cobblestones.

And there he was. Waiting for me.

Jacob turned, his hands shoved deep in the pocket of his crimson hoodie. I almost couldn’t believe that I was staring at him in person after spending most of break imagining him and thinking about what he was doing. His light brown hair and green eyes made it difficult to talk. I semistumbled toward him and stopped, just feet away.

“Hi,” I said, my voice so quiet I barely heard it.

“Hey,” Jacob said, giving me an easy smile. He gestured toward a bench. “Want to sit?”

“Sure.”

We sat at opposite ends of a bench. I turned to face him, and he looked into my eyes.

“There’s no easy way to say this,” I said. “So I just have to.”

Jacob’s lips parted and he looked as if he was trying to prepare himself. As if he was readying himself for me to tell him that I’d thought about it, but wasn’t ready to be his girlfriend.

“It’s not what you think,” I said, immediately wanting to stop the hurt look on his face. “But it is a little complicated.”

Jacob looked at me, waiting.

I paused. “I didn’t write any of the e-mails. Heather hacked into my e-mail account and told you my phone was broken until the weekend. She was the one writing you.”

Jacob’s head dropped. “Oh my God,” he said. “Heather was e-mailing me? I thought it was you the whole time! I had no idea. I feel like such an idiot.”

“Wait, please don’t,” I said. “I was furious when I found out what she’d done. I mean, we’ve sort of become friends and then when I found out … I wanted to break her laptop!”

Jacob’s face was pink with embarrassment. “Every e-mail was from Heather. Every. One.” He sighed.

“You don’t understand,” I said. I had to say it now or I never would. “Heather … told you everything I couldn’t.”

Jacob looked at me—his green eyes flickering back and forth over my face. “What do you mean?”

“Every e-mail she sent was something I wanted to say to you, but was afraid. I was scared of the drama and what would happen if we started dating. But there’s not one thing in those e-mails that I don’t feel or mean.”

The tinge of pink faded from Jacob’s face. He looked at me—his head tilted. “Everything? Even about you wanting to talk about our options about … being together?”

“Yes.” My voice was a whisper.

Jacob seemed to relax and tense at the same time. He drew a leg under him and looked at me, his gaze intense.

“Before you say anything else, I need to tell you something,” he said. “If there’s one thing I regret about the entire situation between Callie, you, and me, it’s that I let you take the blame for what I did at your party. If I’d done the right thing, I would have told Callie the truth.” Jacob dropped his head. “I said nothing and let you lose your best friend. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling guilty about that.”

“You only did it because I asked you to,” I said. “I saw your face that night—you wanted to stand up and tell the truth. But you respected what I wanted enough not to say anything.”

Jacob sighed. “I hated every second of you standing there and lying for me.”

Instinctively, I scooted closer to him on the bench. “I couldn’t let her or anyone else think awful things about you. I care about you, Jacob, and it was easier for me to have everyone hate me than to have them be mad at you.”

Jacob’s eyes stayed on mine. “Do you know how amazing you are?”

I blushed. “Yeah, so amazing that I’m here and wanting to talk about …” I let my sentence trail off.

Jacob didn’t press me to finish my sentence—he just waited.

“I want to talk about the possibility of us trying again. And after all I put you through—after I kept saying no, I would understand if you didn’t want to.”

Jacob reached over and slipped his hand into mine. “You have no idea how long I’ve been hoping you’d say that.”

I smiled—and felt the same way I had when I’d first looked at him—those clichéd butterflies, the sweaty palms, and a heartbeat I couldn’t calm.

“We never had a chance,” he said. “Too many things went wrong so early.”

“I know. But I don’t know how to do this! I want this—I really do. I just don’t know how I’d handle Callie and everyone looking at us and hating us. This sounds so selfish, but I want to work out things with us and have a drama-free semester.”

Jacob placed his hand on top of mine. “We’re going to figure it out and I promise you’ll have a drama-free semester.”

“How?”

He looked down, then back at me. “We’ll talk more this week. I know we can do this. And to start things right, on Friday, after the stress of the first week is over, I’m telling Callie the truth. She has to know what happened at your birthday party.”

“Jacob, no. No, no, no,” I said, my voice rising. “You can’t tell her the truth—I don’t want you to. We’ll come up with another way—something—to handle this.”

He shook his head. “I have to, Sasha. I’ve been making this huge mistake the whole time, and I’ve got to make things right. You’ll have a chance at getting your best friend back.”

He got up, his eyes never leaving me. “I want to prove to you that I care about you as much as I’ve been saying I do. And this is the best way to do that—I’m going to show you.”

And with that, he gave me a soft smile. It left me staring after him as he left the courtyard.